I thought I would talk a little bit about the history of my anxiety and panic attacks. I have always experienced minor social anxiety since I was young, but it was never disabling me. As a teen, I used to smoke lots of marijuana and also experimented with alcohol. This helped me cope with the social anxiety at the time. At 18 years old, I started to experiment with Ecstasy (MDMA). The stuff was like a miracle drug for me because it just turned me into a social butterfly. After I started partying once in a while, I noticed that I started to get general anxiety and also I would get paranoid when smoking pot. The general anxiety I was able to treat with exercise and healthy eating, and the previous minor social anxiety I would treat by drinking alcohol before facing social situations. As my party career continued, I realised the MDMA was really contributing to the anxiety in my life. I pretty much cut down to partying only a couple of time a year.
All was fine and dandy until my ex girlfriend and I, decided that while we are young (22) we should pay a visit to the infamous party island, Ibiza. During this trip we drank excessively and did lots of MDMA. This pretty much set of my first panic attack ever. I thought that I was loosing my mind, it was very frightening. Later, I realised that it was a panic attack. This was two summers ago, and since then I have completely stopped doing E. That year I had pretty severe anxiety and panic attacks but I was not ready to get professional help. My panic attacks would mostly happen in lectures at school. After running away from class a few times, I learned to cope with them. I also learned to go out and party with my friends without the help of anything, not even alcohol. Then I got back into drinking again, which was ok because I was drinking to enjoy myself and not to curb my anxiety.
All was going pretty good, until my anxiety started coming back this summer. There could be several causes for it. One, I had an MDMA session in May, first time in 2 years. Two, I rode a motorcycle all summer 1 hour each way to work (in rush hour traffic through the downtown core of a major Canadian city), this could have fried my nerves a little bit. Three, I had a motorcycle accident which might have also contributed to my anxiety in the form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The thing is that I got back on my bike after two weeks and had no problem to continue riding to work.
I am now finished school and working a full time job. I really don’t like this job because it is absolutely boring and not intellectually stimulating but I am sticking around because there is good opportunity to advance to a high paying sales role. Anyway, after having a panic attack at work, I decided that it was time to stop drinking. This was over two months ago. I do not really feel general anxiety, but I do get panic attacks which are not that severe. Since there is no more alcohol to make me calm in social environments I get very anxious before social gatherings, so anxious that I get physical symptoms.
I was dealing my always emerging panic attacks at work by breathing, music, and going for walks every break. This was definitely not an enjoyable couple of months as the entire time I was looking forward to the weekend to relax and not be stressed. Then last week I had another full blown panic attack at work which made me go home half way through my shift.
At this point, I decided that it is time to face the music and get some professional help for my anxiety issues so that I can function as a normal 24 year old and live life to the fullest without any stupid irrational fears. So as the doctor directed me, I had my last 50 mg of Zoloft on Monday night. Skipped yesterday and I am planning to start the Cipralex tomorrow morning. Here is the thing though, for the 5 days that I was using Zoloft, I felt terrible general anxiety. Last night and today, I am feeling great. Damn it feels good to be normal, but tomorrow I will still stick with the treatment that was prescribed to me.