Baring my soul here

If your issue is rooted in anxiety, surely some successful experiences under your belt will do more help than anything.

I’m not usually one for drugs, but in your case, I agree that some chemical assurance that you’ll be hard (viagra, coal is, etc.) will help you get over the initial anxiety and worries.

After you become more comfortable, you won’t need the chemical help.

I also agree with a good upper body workout regimen. Muscle building can help increase testosterone, which can only help, both with erections, as well as with overall confidence and positive mindset.

Anecdotally, Viagra gives you wood even if you change your mind after taking the pill. Cialis just makes it easier to get wood with a little stimulation.

How it works for a specific individual will vary.

Thanks for the input Richard. I agree with your suggestions and comments.

Hmmmm, I was leaning towards Cialis because it didn’t have some of the bad possible side effects that Viagra does, like vision, dizziness and nausea. But, because of the financial cost of the surrogate sessions I’m taking, I need to know that whatever I take will give me a full and prolonged erection on the next session (July 5th). I’ll be discussing it with my doctor this week and getting a prescription for one or the other. And I’m also going to ask him about Yohimbine Hcl.

Update: Well, I had another 3 hour session with the surrogate today. It was a productive session, even though I was unable to achieve a full erection. The sessions start with kissing on the couch, then petting, then to the bedroom where I undress her and move into heavier petting on the bed. She has been teaching me everything I need to know on a date to progress from talking to good sex. She has me practice this scenario at the beginning of each session, and she critiques me and adds more skills/techniques as needed. It’s getting more natural for me and I really do appreciate this training. I hadn’t even thought about this. I just wanted to know how to have sex (stupid me).

I was able to get about 80-90% hard. I just can’t transition to a “boner”. Trying missionary causes me to lose the erection so this time she did a position where she lies on the edge of the bed with her feet against a strategically placed dresser. I found it easy to enter her from this position and was able to practice some thrusting but my erection did not improve. Then she rolled over on her stomach on the edge of the bed with her feet on the floor and told me to enter her from that position. For some reason that was more stimulating to me. I felt stronger sensations against my glans. I was able to practice thrusting for about 10 minutes. No luck with missionary or doggie. As time went by it became more difficult to get any erection at all. So we worked on me learning how to manually stimulate her with my fingers. I liked that a lot. I find myself really getting turned on by that woman’s body. For some reason I get more pleasure caressing her body than I get from her stimulating me. I could just play with her body the entire three hours. I really like this “real body” stuff vs porn! :-)
Tomorrow I will make an appointment with my doctor and get a prescription for Viagra or Cialis. I have three sessions left. To learn all the positions and how to thrust I must have a full erection so I’m going to use the medication. I can wean myself off of it later.

Don’t get totally fixated on your erection level. The whole point of the thing is to enjoy yourself and enjoy the female body you have the privilege to be playing with. If you had a blast, and so did she (speaking in general, not the surrogate specifically), it really doesn’t matter that you were 90% erect rather than 100%.

By fixating on your erection, you only exacerbate your performance anxiety.

Your erection level isn’t proportional to your or your partner’s enjoyment level.

Richard, I agree with your comments but I need a full erection to make progress learning thrusting in the missionary position. I’m having no luck in missionary because it’s more difficult physically and logistically. Every time I try that position I lose my erection. And that’s probably the most common position, right?

Have you considered a tension band, more commonly known as a cock ring or c ring?

I’ve thought about that but haven’t mentioned it to the surrogate. I’ll get her thoughts on that.

That might be the simplest solution.

Sorry to be so blunt, but:

What is there to learn?

You thrust…. Back and forth. The detailed bio-mechanics of the missionary position are trivial.

And every woman is going to enjoy slightly different vaginal stimulation (and some don’t really enjoy penetration all that much and can’t orgasm from it).

In my humble opinion, you’re fixating on the minutiae when you should be looking at the big picture.
As a virgin, I don’t blame you. When I was a virgin I was also really fixated on the mechanics and my lack of experience with the mechanics.

The reality is that you figure that stuff out, ideally through open 2 way communication based on mutual respect and compersion.

oh wow I didn’t know about the prescription kind, that’s awesome! Maybe a safer way to go :)

I suggest that you test it for masturbation and determine if it works for you. Getting the correct size is important. It can be either too loose or too tight. Too loose and it doesnt help, and too tight can be painful and reduce the P in V time as the pain can force you to stop to remove the c ring.

That’s my anxiety kicking in. It’s why I was a 65 year old virgin. I stress out about things. I over think things. I make myself a nervous wreck sometimes. I’ve actually calmed down quite a bit in the last ten years but finally having sex with a woman is causing quite a bit of anxiety. I wish I could settle completely down. The surrogate is good at what she does and I have settled down a lot with her. With a Viagra erection next Monday I will finally be able to do some thrusting in the missionary position. I haven’t had enough of an erection to do any good in that position up to this point…… and it’s stressing me out. ;-)

I have an appointment with my doctor on 7/6 to discuss Yohimbine and Viagra/Cialis. I’ll submit a post on what I find out about prescription Yohimbine.