Can't stay hard...

I know there are other threads like this, but I just needed to vent my frustrations…

I’ve only had sex a couple times (for so long I’ve been worried about my size, but now I have another issue to contend with) and I can never stay hard.
It’s ridiculous; I met this girl, and she’s perfect! But, we were making out for ages, then she starts giving me head, and my erection just sort of “gives up”.

Not only is it really embarrassing for me, she then starts getting worried, thinking I don’t find her attractive, which couldn’t be further from the truth!!
I hate it! I can deal with the embarrassment, but I absolutely can’t stand making her feel like she’s not attractive.

When I masturbate, I can get hard easily, and go for as long as I like, but when it comes to sex, it’s like everything just tenses up, and I can’t get a full erection to begin with…

In the end, I managed to get it in (she was pretty tight), managed to stay hard for a bit, but then gradually lost my erection…

So that’s my rant over, I’d appreciate any thoughts/ similar stories you might have to offer.

I’m going to change my name to floppy cock :/

If you have no issues with masturbation, you could have other things contributing to it along with negative mental stress.

How much porn do you watch? You can cut down on this and it does help.
How many times do you masturbate? Take a break and your sensitivity will increase.
Relax, close your eyes, and focus on the feeling.
Try not to stress out on it because it only seems to make it worse.

someotherguy, I think it is all mental. Stop thinking about it. Answer those questions Craven posted.

Mental stress will do that to you.

tnt,
I’m pretty certain it’s mental- it’s a bit of a self perpetuating cycle:
I get worried I’m going to disapoint her, which makes me stressed, which makes me end up disappointing her…

Craven,
I definitely watch too much porn, but after last night, I won’t be watching any for a while.

I usually masterbate 3-4 times per week, probably a bit less, as I don’t like to mix PE and masterbation. However I don’t think that sensitivity is the problem, if anything I’m on the sensitive side and don’t last as long as I’d like, it’s more like my BC muscle is involuntarily clamping down, preventing me from “relaxing into” a full erection.

I was trying to just relax, and enjoy it, but I could feel myself getting soft, and I’d already gone soft on her once before while she was giving me head, and that just made me frustrated, which can’t have helped in the slightest…

How on earth am I going to convince her I like her?? she kept saying I thought she was fat and ugly, which if I’m honest, nearly crushed me…

It sounds like you are fine but the porn has to go. The porn/masturbation wiring has to be undone, and it will with time, then these problems will likely go away.

Your Brain On Porn - This site will inform you what is going on.

Hey man.. I am in your corner dude! I have the perfect chick too but I couldn’t do the deed the first time.. Still havent but its coming and I know its gonna be great

You know I didnt day this in my thread but I did actually get a RAGING boner with her one time but I couldn’t stick it in at the time because I didnt have protection..

I was over her missionary with my unit out and it was barely tapping her vaginal lips.. And all we did was hold each other and that closeness and “acceptance” gave me a monster bone to the point she said I was hurting her as it poked her without going in..

So I think its just a mind thing dude. Your brain is amazing it will create a realty.. Visualize sex and pleasing her but also imagine your pleasure too and find other ways to get stimulation and be sexual.

Since my issue me and her have actually become more sexual because we talk more and communicate.. She tells me things that turn me on. For example, I’m AVG.. I’m thick but I’m not a mandingo lol.. But she has been with guys like that.. But she told me I have the perfect penis and she loves it.. How it tastes, how it feels and everything about it.. AND SHE HAD ME AT MY WORST.. So on the flip side its only upwards (no pun intended) from here.. You gotta think like that too.. If she cares and is there you can only get better from this point and grow a healthy sexual relationship.

Good luck Brother! I am here!

Thanks Jimsballs, I’ll have a look at that site.

success2012, thanks, I wish you all the best too! Sounds like you’ve got one hell of a Lady :)

The porn thing is going, I think I might have become a bit of a “death gripper” in recent months, which certainly hasn’t helped, and I’m so used to just wanking, sitting in front of my laptop, that getting a boner in other positions is awkward… I just don’t want to disappoint her, and make her doubt herself, when the problems entirely mine.

I think part of the problem might also be me being worried about cumming too quickly.

I just felt bad because she was really horny

Someotherguy, definitely need to go no porn and as little/light-grip masturbation as possible. You have gotten use to your hand being the thing that maintains your erection. You need to get where she will maintain it. Also for the anxiety, try visualizing you satisfying her and work on controlling your breathing so you relax.

For many guys because of being nervous or scared the first couple times with a girl you can have trouble keeping it up. For me the first few times I had sex with a girl I had trouble maintaining my erection, I even entered her rather soft. These problems when away once we had sex a few more times.

Some advice;

-Lay off porn as others have said. It numbs your pleasure response because your brain thinks it has an incredible abundance of pussy (porn has an infinite number of beautiful women).
-Lay off masturbation a bit. I say a bit because for myself if I wait too long (over 3 or 4 days) it can actually make it more difficult to keep it up. Try to have a good 24 hours between last ejaculation and a sexual encounter.
-Keep your heart above your cock, use gravity to your advantage. Make your babe kneel in front of you when she sucks your cock it can help keep you hard.
-Breathe slowly and don’t rush yourself take 20 minutes if need be.
-Tell your girl that you want to tell her how you like it as she goes down on you. Tell her in advance so she doesn’t think she is bad at it. For me I’m always saying slower, faster, harder, more gentle, lick/run your lips on the sides, run your tongue along the bottom, etc. She pretty much does all this herself but she also knows I’m not insulting her skill either.
-Have one or two drinks to ease your nerves and make you last longer. Not more cause that can give you whiskey dick (no boner).
-Take Viagra. Ask an old guy you know for it, tell your doctor you are nervous or order it online.

Hope this helps. Again its normal to have trouble from time to time I think. They only show the shots in porn where the guy is hard not the in between when he loses it, also many of them use caverject (an injectible viagra like drug).

Thanks everyone!

I’ve deleted all my porn (don’t know why I’d saved it anyway…). Thinking about it, my random erections are pretty rare these days, so I’ll just stick to PE for now, stretching seems to improve my EQ quite a bit.

I’m seeing her again today, so hopefully things work out a bit better than last time, but I know it could take a while…

Apologies for the bump…

Anyone know of anything I can say to reassure this girl?
She seems to think if I’m not hard ALL the time, I don’t like her… We had sex today, and it worked fine, but I was wondering how hard you lot get when making out with a girl?

I know I used to get rock hard, but now I get a semi for a bit, then that fades away…

I tend to be the same when making out with my girlfriend. I think its normal. My erection quality usually bounces between 5-10 during foreplay and 7-10 during sex. It almost always takes physical stimulation to keep it up for a long time for me. I’m 28 if you were wondering.

How old is the girl? She seems young otherwise she would know this stuff about men.

That’s good to know; we were making out the other day, and I would get hard for a bit, but most of the time I was completely soft…
Which is annoying because I’m horny.

She’s 22, and I’m 23.
I’m her 8th partner, she’s my 2nd…

I have had this a few times in the past. You can correct it try using visualization with no stimulation with your hand or anything. Only visualize your girl in anyway you chose no other women porno etc. It takes practice use anything to do with her. Her smell, smile, voice whatever turns you on but don’t touch yourself just get hard. Good luck

Hey everyone,

I’ve slept with this girl a few more times now, and everything seems to be working as should be :)

Only thing is I can’t cum from her sucking me before her mouth starts to hurt…

Still going to do my kegels though.

Thanks for all your advice.