Do I have anorgasmia?

Ah, I posted about this back in May, and believe me it’s been 3 months. Before I feared it was my girlfriend at fault (we are first-timers), but she has gotten into it.

Now all of you imagine having sex 40+ times (500miles apart during this summer), and never having orgasmed once. Horrific yes? It’s my sad reality and I’m being crushed by it. It’s getting harder and harder to keep moral when there is no solution in sight.

I’ve been to 2 urologists, one specializing in sexual dysfunction. They’ve somehow ruled out nerve damage (although I barely feel intercourse or anything down there), and prescribed me yohimbine. The irony is that that Long’s Drugs has stopped carrying yohimbine and I’m trying to contact the urologist to find a place that does.

Of course, when he prescribed me yohimbine, it was a long-shot. Apparently I fall into a very rare category of men and an even rarer one for young men. The other treatment he suggested was to use a vibrator and enter when I’m about to climax. I’d rather not use a toy, but I may go buy one.

I’m still afraid it’s something physical because I barely feel anything when she gives me head (maybe mild suction) and barely feel anything while I’m inside her.

I really don’t know what to do. Ha, I know how women feel. My girlfriend orgasms easily with my hands (vaginally too!) and might have 5 or 6 during a session, but I cannot come once. Sometimes I go soft from the lack of sensation. That’s usually when I start using my hands or mouth and feeling her come gets me hard again, but usually for only a short time. This has been incredibly disappointing and incredibly, unimaginably frustrating.

I guess I’m just looking for a little support. It’s getting to the point where I feel that strong urge to fuck someone less and less. I don’t want to kill my sex drive before I’ve had any sex life.

Anyone else experience this? And if so, is there any end in sight?

I’m thinking there must be more to this because the last strong orgasm I’ve had was September 2004 (when I was still 18). That actually shook me. But now any orgasm I’ve had has been piddling, and I find masturbation unsatisfactory. I’ve read up on technique and realized that I used an atypical one when I was younger. Some urologists believe that atypical masturbation can lead to anorgasmia (the inability to orgasm).

I’ve tried different techniques and it seems like I’ve never been able to orgasm from glans stimulation. This must have something to do with it. I’ve also quit porn (I don’t need porn to orgasm).

What to do? It’s depressing me and killing my sex drive. The doctor’s aren’t helping. My plan of action is to try the prescription yohimbine and/or buy a vibrator. I’m already losing hope.

First you need to check out this link:

HealthyStrokes.com

Are you on any antidepressants? Any other medications? Do you smoke or drink a lot of caffeine? Sounds like low dopamine to me, if it’s not TMS. You can fix that by taking pharmaceutical-grade fish oil—try taking enough to get 800 mg of DHA per day. Don’t take high-dose fish oil if you are on blood-thinning medication like Coumadin or aspirin therapy, take lots of OTC pain relievers, are scheduled for surgery, or are allergic to seafood.

Healthy male, 19yo, no smoking, no caffeine (no soda or coffee ever), no antidepressants (although this is depressing me).

Low dopamine? I haven’t seen that linked to the problem.

I’ve read up on l-arginine, yohimbe, and low testosterone (not it). I read a little bit about TMS, anorgasmia, and retarded ejaculation.

Still need to read up on l-histadine, sex hormone binding globulin (getting desparate to find connections), and now dopamine.

Ah crap what if it’s TMS?! I learned when I was younger only thrusting against the bed with a lot of pressure could make me orgasm. And now the only way I can orgasm face up is to squeeze the base pretty hard and stretch the skin downwards. Could this stem from a lack of sensitivity to begin with?

The doctors had measured sensitivity using plastic things that applied different pressure. Is there another way to check sensitivity? I’d imagine rubbing sensitivity is different than just feeling applied pressure.

What is atypical masturbation?

There are a few indicatory self-tests for depression, to see which way the wind is blowing so to speak. Take one to rule out an underlying mild but constant depression (sometimes called as melancholic personality). The Omega3 fish oil supplements are linked to wellbeing for all possible parts of anatomy and even psyche (it is believed by some to date back to the time when we moved into the delta lands of eastern Africa and started eating fish as main staple diet). Might be beneficial and cannot hurt. Comes in capsules or as oil, capsules are twice as expensive as the oil, but the oil tastes … fishy.

My second suggestion is of to check out the course that PEst has taken with hypnotherapy and others have taken with acupuncture - albeit to prevent premature ejaculation, but I’d still try. Evidence is anecdotal (i.e. a lot of people have used these alternatives with good results for a variety of conditions but there are few double blind research studies that I know of). My own experience with acupuncture for other problems lends me faith in the idea.

My third suggestion - if I were a freudian psychotherapist of course - would be to probe childhood memories with the help of a professional. If nerve damage is ruled out, then a traumatic childhood experience - for instance a scolding mother who told you not to touch yourself down there as a baby - is to blame. This is an alternative to hypnotherapy I suppose.

Fourth suggestion is a bit more worrisome - maybe you have to learn to live with it? But still, women get out more of sex (good sex, that is) than men, so in the total balance it would be worse if it were the other way around. I don’t mean to sound discouraging, but giving to a woman you love is a worthwhile endeavour.

Adun,

This is a difficult one, if only because I know so little about such a condition. I would investigate the TMS possibility further, especially since, as you say, you developed the habit of masturbating prone.

Are you able to get firm erections? I cannot see any reason to believe that you are that much less sensitive than the average male; it makes a lot more sense to me to conclude that you’ve conditioned yourself to need considerable pressure to achieve an orgasm.

I would go to other doctors; you are going to need more than one opinion on this one. See if you can locate a doctor who has successfully treated other men with this condition. You might also want to visit a sex therapist, as the above masturbation web site suggests. Acupuncture. Anything. It may be trivial, but it’s all I really have to offer: Don’t leave any stone unturned. I really believe in the saying, “Seek and ye shall find!” You are young; you will beat this. It may not happen tomorrow; I don’t know. But don’t ever give up searching for a solution.

What I want to know is why the doctor would prescribe something like yohimbe - a non approved suppliment / drug with well
documented health risk - instead of viagra. Are you having trouble not getting hard because of the lack of sensitivity or just not being able to ejaculate because of the lack of sensitivity? If that’s the case, heck just try doing her anally. At least if it doesn’t help you will have had some fun.

LOL- that’s a conversation I’d like to hear.

Viagra has quite a bit of anecdotal evidence that it slows down orgasm. That’s part of the reason it failed in clinical trials with women—women don’t care about having rock hard clits, they just want to come faster. I suspect that might have been the doctor’s reason.

I came to this website to learn, and yet here I am jumping in with advice right away like the smarty-pants I am. There’s fish oil and then there’s fish oil. Quality varies widely and also potency, try to get a capsule with at least EPA + DHA >500. To show I know my stuff, here’s a thread (I’m also tantralady). Although come to think of it, it requires registration to see that thread. Might be instructive though, to read how fish oil has helped some men.

Also, if it’s TMS, according to that website the success rate for curing TMS and going on to being able to have regular satisfying sex with incredible orgasms is very very high. So that’s good news.

Not to go off-topic entirely, but here is an in-house thread about fish oil:

Benefits of Fish Oil

Exactly. And in addition, like I said, I’m pretty sure it helps with sexual function, especially taken at high doses. Don’t take high doses of cod liver oil, and it’s easier on the digestion and better for you to take the ultra-refined stuff. I think there are about five brands out there that are ultra-refined. Personally I’m taking 3400 mg of EPA and 2600 mg of DHA a day—I am practically growing gills. You would have to take a ridiculous amount of flax to get the same effect because the conversion rate is so low.

I agree with the fish oil and acupuncture, totally. Hypnotherapy is expensive, but even if it doesn’t help you ejaculate - it will keep you focused and stop you from getting so depressed.

I am willing to help you every step of the way, so don’t lose hope - keep posting often, let me know how it is going. Explain in more detail if you can - you get fully hard right? If so, then I believe that is the first step, if you can get hard then you should be able to get yourself ejaculating, in theory.

As I say, post frequently and don’t give up. Try masturbating with some EVO vein oil, you will find info on one of the threads here. I had the best orgasm of my life from using this, no joke!

Among male sexual issues, anorgasmia is one of the most difficult to treat for many reasons: ejaculatory response is ruled simultaneously by several centers and chemical reactions. Further, there are forms of anorgasmia which are purely psychological; one’s brain can prevent ejaculation no matter what is going on if there is a pre-set of mental prohibitions for whatever reasons [stark fear of a pregnancy; the relationship with the partner has put up Stop signs; you get the idea]. With anorgasmia it is often difficult to sort out whether the problem is physical or psychological, or both.

adun has said that his urologist has ruled out nerve damage; how his doctor came to that conclusion, I do not know. What you probably need to sort out, adun, is why, in the absence of nerve damage you get little feeling from sex.

Meanwhile, here is a piece which I found interesting a week or two ago. The article is five years old (that’s old in medical terms) but the connection between Reboxetine and anorgasmia might well be worth following up. Maybe your urologist is adventurous and intrigued enough to do the homework for you and have you give it a try.

Fish oil, hypnotism, and accupuncture all have their places in various treatment modalities, but I would tend to pooh pooh them in your case, unless there were a wonderful placebo effect happening. I do suggest you ask your very good girlfriend to be patient with you until you figure this out and it sounds like she will, this not causing her a problem herself except for wanting you to get off, too.

Whatever your means of masturbating earlier on, find a new one. Masturbation habits (the ways we do it, not doing it) do sometimes program us for how we react to sex with a partner.

I think the first attack should be to follow the approach at the healthystrokes website. They have a support forum too. They get lots of young men with exactly his symptoms and have a very high success rate of treating it, with their specific approach.

What is TMS?

Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome which is a fancy name for bedhumping. Although some men do it on the floor or on other furniture. A large number of guys who exclusively masturbate that way are completely unable to orgasm during sex, and eventually as they age have problems staying hard during sex. That healthystrokes website is similar to this one, in that basically the guys there have developed a very effective way of fixing the problems associated with TMS, even though most experts don’t even agree it exists. They have a very high success rate, especially among younger men. I belong to the support group and occasionally post there (because I use a very similar technique to teach women who have grown vibrator-dependent to learn how to have their first clitoral orgasms during sex—either oral or manual).

Post a link zane.