HELP! I can't get it up with my girlfriend...

Hello guys, I’m having a serious problem. I am a 19 year old male, fairly healthy, BP is normal and I don’t smoke anymore. I’ve also cut down a LOT on drinking, maybe once or twice a month. I do not partake in any drug use, and I eat pretty healthy. I know it is not a physical problem because I can get it up when I am alone. Sometimes I will get hard when we are kissing or doing other things, but it will just go right back down. Other times, I will stay hard until she touches my package, then it will shrink back down. She’s tried a lot of things, but it seems like it just doesn’t want to get up. Is there any way I could get over this? I love my girlfriend, and I’d hate for this to get in the way of our relationship. Thanks guys

Is this a new girlfriend? It’s fairly common for anxiety to get in the way until you get get more comfortable with her.

Yes, we’ve been going out for about a month and a half. I feel like I’m fairly comfortable with her, however. Is this a common problem for people?

It is. I’ve had the same thing happen myself when I first started sleeping with a new girl. The good news is as soon as you’re able to perform once or twice, it should go away.

Psychogenic Impotence or Performance Anxiety

I got over it by popping a Viagra the first few times (after some failed attempts), but it’s probably best to see if you can do without it. I even weaned myself off of it, just to make sure I knew it wasn’t just the drug doing it for me.

How frequent are you morning erections? How strong? Ever have any trouble getting an erection alone?

Maybe have her give you oral. If that doesn’t get you back up not sure what will. Maybe close your eyes when you’re with her and pretend you’re with someone else.

Are you intimidated by this girl? Is she severly hot? Are you self conscious (just guessing since you’re here on this forum)

I second the oral. Make sure you are clean and good smelling. Tell her you just need a little help to get started.

I think it is fully normal. I dated a chick for a while that I had a lot of anxiety over. I think I put her on a pedestal a bit so it made it hard for me to be confident with her. In short, I thought she was out of my league despite the fact I already had her. My particular problem was actually with oral. Contrary to the suggestions above, if you can’t get it up for sex, you will most likely have a hard time getting it for oral. For me, I was always a bit concerned about my size (thus thunders). If you have anxiety over a girl, seeing her examining your stuff that closely, might make it worse. All that being said, with all the experience I have under my belt now I can tell you this. Your problem won’t be solved by doing something different in the bed. Your problem will be solved by doing something in mirror. Find that thing inside you that gives you swagger and channel it when you are in bed.

Yeah, she’s tried oral on me, and it didn’t really go up. Today it seemed like it was harder than before, but it didn’t go up all the way. I have no problem getting erections alone. She’s gorgeous, and I feel like she’s out of my league. Is it just anxiety, mainly? I’m not really anxious because she’s gorgeous, I’m anxious because I can’t get it up. The first time we tried was the day after I drank very heavily, which most likely inhibited my ability to achieve erection. After that, it was all downhill…

Are you a virgin?

Do you watch a lot of porn?

Have you masturbated around her?

Do you feel sex would complicate the relationship?

Are you worried about STDs or pregnancy?

How much fore play do you practice?

Are you over your last girlfriend?

How would having sex make a difference to her?

Do you eat before trying to have sex?

How often do you PE or masturbate

Aaron - importantly, think about how much porn you watch. Most guys on this site are here because they saw lots of big dicks in porn. It’s fucking poisoned our minds. I find that the less I look at porn, the better my wood when I’m with a girl.

Also, others will disagree with me on this, but I say don’t be afraid of taking half a cialis pill a few times to help get over the anxiety hump.

Another thing - do what I learned to do after about 10 years being in your shoes - spend the night with your girlfriend, then try having sex when you wake up the next morning. A night of sleep will clear out all the boner-killing adrenaline in your system, and the morning wood should be good.

And finally, I know you will absolutely make it through this and that your girlfriend will understand and then forget it ever happened once things work out. Once you make it over the anxiety hump, you’ll be in good shape. If you feel like doing a search, I’ve fucking written BOOKS on this topic all over the place on thunders, but the above is a summary.

Hi Aaron. I think that you don’t need to worry, it’s perfectly normal and it’s called performance anxiety.
Now, if I had to bet, I would say that you probably over anticipate things. What I mean by that is that when you plan to meet her, you think about whether your dick will get hard. When you make out with her, you think about whether it is getting hard at that moment…so then you think "ok, it’s getting hard, great", and then it goes soft. It happens because of all the pressure that you put on yourself….I mean, it can become like a witch hunt for an erection if you let it go far.

But like I said, it’s completely normal. I felt once upon a time like that myself. So the good news is that you can change it.

Here are a couple of threads I recommend you give a good read:

Young Guys - SiZE ANXIETY is DUMB

Psychological ED Question

Psychogenic Impotence or Performance Anxiety

I think you will see things clearer after you read advice from more experienced guys.

One more thing - I know you don’t want to do it, but have you tried talking to the girl. I mean, you don’t have to say you have trouble getting it up, you can just say that you really really like her, she is very hot and that makes you a bit nervous. If she is at least reasonably intelligent, she will have understanding.

But make sure you read the threads I linked, believe it will make a big difference!

Great point about adrenaline!

Your body will flood with adrenaline right after physical exercise, alcohol, or stress, and it takes around 6-8 hours (at most) to get an erection, especially when caffeine is involved. You can get an erection despite this but it will be very week and lose girth. So your bet option is to sleep it off and edge a little in the morning after a shower.

scienceguy106- I have tried in the morning, but it was more like 3-4 hours after I slept. I’ve tried a lot of things. We’ve talked about it and she just said, “It’s okay, take your time. I don’t mind”

Chicken- You’re 100% spot on, that’s what happens! The instant my dick even crosses my mind, the thing goes soft. I will read up on those links that you’ve given me, thanks.

Thanks for all the support guys, it means a lot that there’s a community of people that are here to help.

Everyone went through that at least once . Its all in your mind , pop Viagra or Cialis the first time and after you are able to perform that one time you gonna do it over and over without it .

It happen to me on a three some cause of drinking but once I woke up in the morning I rocked out with my cock out lol .

Be grateful that is not a physical problem and another thing is don’t rush in to it when you with her take your time and tell her to do things that turn you on .