Psychological ED Question

Hey everyone,

I haven’t been on here for a while so forgive me if it wasn’t appropriate to make a new thread. If the mods want to merge this with another thread that they feel fit, go right ahead.

Well basically so I’m 25, pretty build and in shape, very healthy and I have a horrible case of psychological ED. Basically the one time I had a chance to have sex when I was younger my penis just did not work. I know I was too nervous and adrenaline kills erections and your muscles need to be relaxed to get a hard on. So ever seen thing I’ve just been self loathing and removed myself from any situation where I could possibly suffer that humiliation again.

Thing is I get very horny a lot, can get hard from porn or merely seeing a woman’s ass in those yoga pants and sometimes have to release the poison 3 times a day. So my unit still works.. Technically. I also know what a lot of you would think or say from reading that.

That I need to stop masturbating and stop looking at porn. Well I’ve tried that and it’s not that I can’t stop looking at porn or can’t stop masturbating, that’s that when I do I can feel my T levels drop. After 3 or 4 days of me not masturbating and ejaculating it’s like my body gets used to me not masturbating and stops producing as much T as before. The result is I stop feeling horny all together and get more depressed. That’s not a solution to me.

So fast forward to yesterday, I was in a situation where I was getting head from a chick and guess what; my dick once again refused to work. It wouldn’t get erect for me now matter what I was thinking. I was trying to be confident and convince myself it’s going to get hard so there was no reason to stress (but it didn’t). Tried a little deep breathing to calm myself even though I don’t think I was overly excited. Long story short, same shit different scenario.

So yeah that’s the story of my pathetic existence and I’ve researched Viagra, Cialis and their generic counter parts for years (mostly with the help of this forum). I must say though because my penis still works fine technically when not under pressure, I’m a little worried what the side effects could be. Also it didn’t help that I looked at these two pages and read a lot of testimonials from people who took those medications. From what I was reading most of them were pretty negative and I guess that’s scared me away from even asking my doctor about trying it.

(Web sites I was talking about)

http://www.aska patient.com/vie … 368&name=CIALIS

http://www.aska patient.com/vie … 895&name=VIAGRA

So I guess this leads me to my last idea and probably possible option because I decide, this is just the way my sad little life is going to be until I die. That last option that I’m inquiring about is hypnosis. I know it’s a long shot but has anyone on this forum had any experience with hypnosis curing their psychological ED? I figured I’d ask here before going to ask someone who might be in that business and bullshit me and try to scam me. Sorry for the long post, it’s been a long day.

I had some experience with this when I was younger, but it just kind of went away. Have you tried talking about it openly with people you know, male and female? I think that would go some way to making it not such a big deal.

You’ve got to give the porn and masturbation “detox” more than just a few days. I had similar problems and once I made a real effort to cut out porn and masturbating to ejaculation, things god much, much better.

I talk to my best friends that I’ve known since kindergarten about it. They’re males of course; I’d be way too ashamed to talk to any females I know about this. The fact that my dick works perfectly when I’m alone or have morning wood or at the wrong times and is probably above average. But when it’s supposed to work just dies like a balloon with a hole in it, is ridiculous and I might not be giving women enough credit but I feel they won’t be that understanding. Well, they might to my face but later laugh about it.

Well, I was just saying that’s what happens after 3 or 4 days for me. I’ve gone without masturbating or watching porn for 2 months easily in the past. The problem is like I said, I think my body gets used to not having to produce as much testosterone when I stop masturbating so my T levels drop and I get tired all the time, stop feeling horny, feel physically weak and get depressed.

Usually one of the things that I do to lift my spirits is weight lifting and working out to release those endorphins. When I feel too weak as though I don’t have the energy to lift with my own muscles no matter what I fuel up with, I related that to my T levels dropping. I get the same symptoms when it’s the worst & most depressing part of winter and I’ll usually stop working out for a month or two completely purely because I don’t feel like it, lost my drive and can’t even utilize my muscles the way I was when I was really “feeling it”, if you know what I mean.

I also noticed my ejaculations get really weak when I don’t masturbate for some a length of time like 4 days to a week or more. Usually my ejaculations are pretty powerful like a mini stream. But when I stop masturbating, granted there is more thickness to the ejaculate but it just drips out if you know what I mean.

I’m not trying to say the porn and masturbating detox doesn’t work for most or some, I’m just saying these are my experiences and I feel they are unrelated with my psychological ED. It’s mostly due to me being nervous or over thinking and worrying if what happened last time will happen again, and that usually causes it. I’m an engineer by trade, I can’t just convince myself I’ll get an erection and not stress out like I read on some forums. I take past experiences and apply them to the future, that’s the only way I can think. So I don’t know if hypnosis would work to help me get over this or not because I’ve never tried any form of hypnosis. But I am curious about it.

You don’t have to watch porn to masturbate. It is fine to masturbate, it is healthy to do so. Just don’t jerk off three times a day.

What about trying to masturbate every other day? Take your time, focus on the sensations and your fantasies. No porno - just think about that woman in the yoga pants.

P.S. use a softer stroke and USE LUBE every time you jerk off. Will help you concentrate on your sensations.

Get off the porn, limit the masturbation, try to eliminate stress and anxiety, perform PE and be confident! I used to go limp when putting condoms on and switching positions. Over the years, I’ve become more confident. Getting off the porn is crucial, though. You need to re-sensitize your body (not just your brain) to natural stimulation. This will go a long way for you, trust me.

Alright I’ll try both suggestions. I still don’t know how to eliminate stress and anxiety though and become confident. Sounds easier said than done if you don’t mind me saying. At this point I don’t really have anything to be confident about in this facet of life and getting rid of anxiety.. It’s not something I can control. My brain will always go back to the past, I mean how can it not?

Read up on relaxation techniques, like deep breathing and meditation.

I’ve used some self hypnosis MP3 from this guy - very relaxing induction, followed by positive suggestions.

Don’t be put off by the ridiculous pricing. If you sign up for the mailing list, he sends "sale notices" very frequently with coupon codes, so the prices are more like 4 or 5 dollars a pop, sometimes less.

Gold Hypnosis MP3 Downloads | Hypnosis Downloads by Dr. Steve G. Jones, Ed.D., Clinical Hypnotherapist

You’ll see there is a reducing stress and anxiety one, a confidence one, even a PE one. etc etc.

As I said before, they start out with a very very relaxing induction to get you calmed down and stress free.

I’ve found them very helpful.

Hey Damnwork, give this a read. There are also links to other threads on the topic within this:

For young guys with erection problems - Scienceguy’s method

I wouldn’t exactly suggest this, but it seems that you’ve tried a few methods with no success. You seem to know how your own body works and what won’t work out (like cutting out porn and jerking off). If you attempted that and it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work for you.

In this case I WOULD take MrMort’s advice. Depending on your level of comfort. If you just hook up with random girls at a bar it may be more difficult, but if you have an understanding relationship or a girl you can easily communicate with I would give it a shot.

You’ve tried methods and you say you try to relax when its happening, but when you’re consciously making an effort to relax and not think about it…………you’re thinking about it and that’s the boner killer. Like I said depending who you’re hooking up with MAYBE you can touch on the subject, possibly while drinking or whatever to lighten the mood, but you have to be confident about it and not say things like I’m a loser or my pathetic existence or problem. Let them know your dick works wonderfully and you’re healthy, but you get nervous maybe around her because she’s so beautiful. Ya know something like that to stroke their ego too and they might even see it as a challenge and you’ll relax more knowing they’re not in for a surprise which will take your mind off of it and quite possibly………springgggg.

I had a similar issue with a new g/f a while back. I would get hard constantly and especially around her, but when it came to the first time fooling around and the first time having sex I guess she was a little intimidating and I would just lose the wood. She thought it may have been her, but didn’t make a big deal about it and obviously she noticed no matter how I tried to cover it up and switch things up and go down on her. So after I talked to her about it and say that’s so weird I don’t get it, I can’t look at you without getting hard. I told her that I’ve just liked her for so long and now that its happening I guess I was just thinking about making everything perfect. Once I finally got it off my chest, next time…..BOING. No problem what so ever and when I finally got over the hump it never was a thought again.

Of course this was with a girlfriend, so I don’t recommend this in every situation, but seems like it may be a viable option for you since you already know its 100% psychological. Take the psycho part out and add more logic brotha, you’ll be just fine. This too shall pass.

Excellent post, especially the stuff about the girlfriend.

It is basically an IMMERSION issue I think. The best sex is when we are in the moment. When we start observing ourselves and judging ourself is where it all falls apart for guys.

It reminded me of this “performance anxiety” section from Yataghan50's blog. I think this is really helpful:

Sexual Anxiety

<SNIP>

The next issue is performance anxiety. I always had issues with being ‘the best’. I’d rather avoid sex than be known as someone who was sexually incompetent. This was a vicious cycle, because going through a phase of sexual incompetence is a necessary step in becoming sexually confident. At 17, when I tried to have sex for the first time I didn’t actually lose my virginity - I was so nervous I didn’t erect. I was humiliated. I didn’t try again until I was 18.

At this point, I was so focused on pleasing the woman, and not letting myself down, my own pleasure became completely irrelevant. I didn’t have sex for pleasure, but for experience. Just so I didn’t feel like a chump. I found that the motions were enough to keep me erect, but never did I feel close to orgasm, never did I enter that state of mind. In fact, since I was so wrapped up in my own performance and had underlying anxiety, there was no way I could reach orgasm in a mutual sexual situation - even with my own hand.

Since learning to cum from the fleshlight, and subsequently with women I now go into sex with orgasm in mind…as any normal person would :) . I’m selfish. I don’t mind if I don’t conform to the unrealistic standards I set for myself. I just do whatever feels good. While I had a very strong ego before, and would worry about messing up, now I just aim for pleasure. Which leads on to the next point…

Lack of arousal. This is a tough one. During sex, the motion was enough, even thought it felt awkward, to keep me erect. The penis, however remained numb. This is where a change in attitude comes in. When I’m with a girl, I’m generally thinking about what feels good for me. I don’t mind if massaging her ass during making out may seem poor form. I don’t care if stroking my own penis may seem poor form. It gets me aroused, so I do it. You have to be selfish, simple as that….ad you have to try and get to that ‘false point of no return’

<SNIP>

[Sta-kool]
Thanks for the suggestion; I was really wondering if anyone had any experience with self hypnosis so I really appreciate your opinion. I know I can’t just not stress out or forget past, and I feel as though my brain needs to be rewired in a way. Obviously that’s not possibly but my mind did go straight to hypnosis. I was even considering seeing a professional since I’m in NYC. But I’ll start with the audio mp3s first. Nice to hear you had success with it, I can only hope for the same.

[Scienceguy106 & hung21]
Hey scienceguy106, I actually read that thread a little while ago, it was very interesting. I was thinking about Lavitra and I see you used Cialis to help you for those first encounters to take the pressure off. From what I’ve been reading Lavitra doesn’t seem to have crazy possible side effects like Viagra or Cialis so I’m leaning towards that.

I think the major difference between me and you two are that I’m afraid to get into a relationship now. I feel that it would impact me 100X worse to let down someone I actually cared for emotionally than some random chick.

Letting down friends and/or family has a far more devastating impact on me I think and that’s why I’ve been so detached and don’t even try to create a new relationship and don’t try to get to know women on that level.

I’m happy you guys found a system that works for you. I will take to heart things in all of your own experiences. Perhaps there’s a combination of techniques I can attempt from what I’ve read in this tread.

Agree with everyone else. Also, I personally wouldn’t be too worried about using erection drugs. You’ve got to get your confidence up, & cialis will definitely help. I’ve been taking it on and off recreationally since I was 19. Nearly 24 now. No side effects except for a bit of a runny nose, & very occasionally some muscle soreness. It’s good stuff. Next time you think you’re a chance for a sexual encounter pop some & see how you go.

Edit- Obviously start slow & see how you react since everyone is different. Also, I just remembered- after spending about 4 months off cialis, when I began taking it again, tghe first dose gave me pretty severe muscle aches. After that it was fine, just thought I should let you know.

Don’t be so hard on yourself with the worrying about letting people down. I think you are judging yourself more harshly than what your friends and family actually believe. This sounds to me very much like a self-confidence issue … you are quite hard on yourself by believing that you are going to let people down. That is such a negative way to view yourself. Instead think of the positive changes you can make, and think about the people that love you.

You mentioned something about seeing a professional - that could be a good way to help you attack this lack of self-confidence. It is very nice to get a different perspective sometime.

Here is the great thing about being in a relationship - One of the reasons for loosing an erection with a new girl is being uncomfortable or shy. Or maybe she is very beautiful, and you get overwhelmed by that. If you have been dating someone for a while and have become friends, then that uncomfortableness or shyness is much easier to let go of. The more comfortable the two of you are, the better the sex is.

I would suggest finding someone you like and start dating her. Take is slow, get to know each other, become friends. (NOTE: I am not talking about months and months here. You can build that comfort in a pretty short time if the two of you click).