I went to an erotic asian massage parlor today w/handjob, but couldn't ejaculate

Today, I went to an asian erotic massage parlor in my neighborhood. I heard that they gave handjob/release after the massage. So, that is why I went there. It was $50 dollars for one hour. I was very nervous in the beginning. I even took some red wine before I left my house to calm myself, but it didn’t really work.

I got totally undressed except I left my boxer shorts on. She placed me face down on the mat. She massaged my entire back, legs, feet, arms, hands, scalp, and buttocks. It took about I would say 50 minutes for the whole massage. I felt great and relax throughout the entire time. Then she told me to turn around and motioned with her hands if I’d like a handjob. Then I said yes. So she proceeded to give me a handjob and I got fully erected. After a couple minutes I was really concentrating to ejaculate, so she wouldn’t have to jerk me off so much.

Unfortunately, I made the poor girl work TOO much. She kept looking at me, basically saying what the fuck is going on? (I read her mind) I think she was giving me a handjob for at least 10 minutes and I still couldn’t cum. Throughout the masturbation process, my penis kept getting soft>then erect>then soft>then erect. I kept trying to do kegels as much as I can, but it was completely dormant. So after 10-15 minutes, I pushed her hands away and I JERKED MYSELF OFF and I FINALLY cummed in less than 2 minutes. I don’t know why it took me so long for me to cum? The only way I ejaculated was when I closed my eyes and pictured lexington steele fucking this korean girl who was giving me handjob. I guess I’m the first guy she ever had who had to do self masturbation to achieve ejaculation. I feel totally depressed. She’s probably going to tell the other ladies she work with also.

After I got dressed she told me to give her a tip for the handjob. So I gave her $20, but she still wasn’t satisfied, she wanted more. I politely told her I couldn’t give any money because I didn’t have more to give. She told me she wanted more because I took a very long time to cum, and that her arms were extrememly sore from jerking with both hands for like 15 mintues. I felt bad for the girl. She told me other guys take less than 3 minutes to cum from a handjob. I felt like shit when she said that :( Why do these things always have to happen to me? I think it’s safe to say I have performance anxiety problems. Is there anyway to treat this? I’m only 25 years old, do I need medication or something? I tried horny goat weed, arginine, but they don’t work.

Would you cum much easier if you had a girl give you a handjob, rather than your own hand? Or is it the other way around for you? I guess it’s because I’m used to my own hand doing all the stroking. I know my own timing, rhythm, and where to place my hand. I’m also used to all the porn I watch every day. Do you think I’m normal or should I seek help?

Hmmm. Does it take you a long time to shoot during sex as well? Wish I had the same problem!

You certainly shouldn’t feel bad about the tip. $70 is one expensive hand job! ;)

I don’t think you need help at all man. In fact it is probably very healthy that you found the whole experience un-erotic and anxiety making.

Maybe she just doesn’t know how to do it, no matter what she told you :)

Yes, it takes me a very looong time for me to shoot. When I fuck my girlfriend, sometimes my penis gets soft and I have to restimulate it again over, and over again. There is nothing like my own right hand. It cannot be replaced, I’m too used to it. The only way I cum is if I masturbate myself. Do I have problems?

Even when you fuck without a rubber?

yes

Why are you concerned that you took longer than “average” to cum? If you are worried about your erection coming and going, that may be another matter. But I wouldn’t worry if “performance anxiety” for you means taking a bit longer to cum. Hey, women love that! You shouldn’t give a bleep about what the masseuse thinks, or about what she’ll tell her colleagues. She won’t tell her colleagues anything. The fact that you took 10 minutes of her time and then had to finish yourself off is of no significance to her. Think about how many guys she’s serviced who probably can’t get an erection at all. She just wanted more money, that’s all. Forget about her.

Performance anxiety is not at all uncommon in new or unusual sexual situations. Usually, a bit of familiarity settles things. I once dated a girl who didn’t want to have penetration sex for the first week or two. She kept talking the whole thing up and worrying about it. When it finally came to that point, I lost my erection. She said, “You see! Sex always complicates things.” This is the first time anything like that happened to me. I told her, “What do you expect, the way you’ve been carrying on about sex?” A couple hours later, everything was fine, and we had no problem after that. (At least, we had no sex-related problem; we had lots of other problems, which is why she’s an ex.)

From what you’ve said, I’d say the last thing you need is medication. What have your other, more routine sexual experiences been like?

I’d say it’s pretty normal. You don’t need medication (if this is your only problem). A large part of orgasm is a trained response. A lot of porn stars can’t even cum easily from someone else, they often have to finish off themselves, probably because they’ve trained themselves to only cum only under very specific circumstances.

You’re right about anxiety being an issue. This kind of thing happens to a lot of guys, probably most at one time of another.

If this is your only problem all you probably need is to cut back on porn for a week or two, don’t masturbate, and don’t be so anxious about it, it’s normal considering your habits. Then (although I personally have reservations about this kind of thing) you could try going back to parlor and now that you know what to expect you might be less anxious about the whole thing. Even go so far as to treat the “erotic” part of the massage as just a massage, not necessarily an orgasm. Enjoy it for what it is and don’t worry about the orgasm bit, if it happens in a reasonable amount of time, good, if not, it is normal, don’t worry about it! Just tell her you enjoyed it but that you are done (can even say you are saving it for someone else) and tip her the same as you would.

Well I can masturbate on my own perfectly, but when it comes to full intercourse I get stage fright all the time. My heart races and I think about getting my dick hard too much! I do like hundred of kegels during sex, but I can’t get aroused unless I masturbate on my own.

Guys, do you enjoy masturbating on your own better or do you prefer a girl giving you a handjob? Which will make you cum faster? For me, I like to masturbate on my own. I don’t know if this is normal.

Mike2002,

Okay, that’s different. Do you feel anxious when having sex, or does this just seem to be the way your dick performs? I ask because I’ve known some men who needed a hell of a lot of stimulation to cum, and this had nothing to do with performance anxiety for them.

Please don’t be offended; but do you ever think your sexual orientation might have something to do with it?

Edit: Sorry. That’s not very clear; I mean do you ever think you might be gay?

No, I’m not gay.

Ok. Just thought I’d put it out there.

Do you think it has to do with a lack of sensation. Did you experience this before PE? Do you use particularly aggressive techniques?

You seem to be replying to my messages just before I post them. You must have esp.

There are medications for anxiety and more specific forms of “social anxiety.” But they are hardcore. I wouldn’t go down that road until it’s your last alternative. Some form of cognitive therapy, or self-therapy, is probably where you want to begin. You are simply caught in a recursive, self-reinforcing cycle of thought and outcome. It’s very common. Everyone experiences it in some way or another.

The key is this: You know from your experiences masturbating that your equipment is working fine. You just need to break that negative cognitive feedback loop when you’re with a woman. When that happens, the positive experience will become self-reinforcing too. Explore and experiment. But you are fine and this can and will go away and you probably don’t need medicine right now

I think I have pretty good sensation on my glans. When I masturbate I do it very rapidly with full force. She did it quite fast, but didn’t have the same touch that I have. You know what I’m saying. Is it because I’m used to my own hand or what?