Some advice from more experienced guys, please

I’m 20 and not at all experienced, lost my virginity just before turning 20 with the girl I’m with right now. We haven’t had much sex due to me not getting it up always, and I just don’t know. I get hard when we kiss and are intimate, sometimes I lose the erection fast, like once when I didn’t get it in on the first try.

I don’t want to compare with other guys but when do you get hard? Should I see this as a problem or just “my thing”? Do you get hard just from seeing a womans bike or do you need other things aswell? I’m asking because I don’t know if this is a problem. It has become kind of stigmatized between us, she’s insecure because she thinks that she doesn’t turn me on, and I’m scared shitless that that’s what she’ll think. Hm. I may come back with more questions, what I would really appreciate are some advices, and tips maybe. Man to man, or something.

And also, has someone here had “ED” and got past it? Give me a f-ing light at the end of the tunnel, please.

One thing that got me thinking was, a friend told me she had sex outside, during a party but away from the party. I just can see myself in a situation like this. Do you get hard just from the anticipation of sex? From clothes coming off?

Also, the guy would have been drunk which makes it harder. It just seems so impossible for me and I’m getting kind of bitter about it.

Here are some basic but not perfect indicators whether it is in your head or is physiological:

When you masturbate alone, do you get hard?

Are you ever aware of nocturnal erections/morning wood? (Keep in mind a whole lot of guys sleep through these and claim they never have them.)

It’s very common for guys who just became sexually active to get into trouble because they think too much. :)

If both these are “yes,” it is more likely that your brain is interfering than any kind of plumbing problem.

Right.

The penis needs the Parasympathetic Nervous System to be in play to get an erection, that is when you are relaxed.

Stress stimulates or activates the opposite side of the Nervous System, the Sympathetic Nervous System. This will kill an erection.

So to get hard, you have to be relaxed. When you get worried about getting hard, you are stimulating the Sympathetic System big time, and it would melt diamond hard wood in nothing flat.

The problem comes in when you have formed a pattern where you are worried you will get soft, so of course you do.

What can you do to break it? No porn or jerking off for a week before you go to shag your gal. Usually, you are so friggin horny, you forget about everything but getting some.

If that fails, I’m a big fan of Cialis. Work your way up to a full dose (you may get headaches if you start with the full dose, but slowly building up the dose can be helpful). Once you are taking a full dose, you will more likely be successful at sex. Once you start feeling confident, you begin to taper down the dose, while keeping your confidence up with successful sex. After a time, you will have reprogrammed your confidence and you can get off of it completely.

Don’t worry about this, its the worry itself that is jacking you up!

Just nerves, kicking in the Sympathetic system big time!

Like the famous quote,” the only thing we need to fear, is fear itself”. To paraphrase it for you, “the only thing you need to worry about, is worrying!”

Once you learn to relax, you will be fine.

I think another good exercise is to practice just enjoying being with her. Find someplace you don’t have to worry about other people disturbing you and just lay down with her. Then, forget having to “do” anything, and just do what you feel like doing. Forget about sex, just have fun. Kiss her, hold her, talk dirty to her, slowly get both of you out of your clothes, but have fun doing it.

If you just have fun with her, and take your mind off of “getting it up” it will come up all by itself. If you eventually put it inside her without worrying about “putting inside her” it will be fine.

The Cialis will be training wheels for this, because the usual nervousness will be mostly counter-acted by the Cialis, unless you just totally panic, then it won’t be enough.

I think its best if you sit down with your girl and tell her you found out what the problem is. Tell her when you get nervous, it kills an erection. Tell her that you really dig her, and you get so nervous about pleasing her that it kills your erection. Tell her, what you really need is to just have time to be with her and calm down and just have fun without any pressure on either of you to “do” anything, but just do what you feel like doing.

This will make her feel better, and as a result, YOU will feel better, and as a result, you won’t have any problems getting hard.

Trust me, a couple sessions like this and your confidence will begin to return. When you stop worrying about getting hard, you will get hard without a worry!

Yes and yes. I’ve somehow programmed my subconscious to feel for morning wood when I wake up, and I get it.

I’ll read this through a couple of more times, but really, thanks guys! I appreciate more than you know.

I feel you brother. I used to have the same problem more than a year ago… it went away COMPLETELY when I got used to my gf at the time and all the bad thoughts went away.

Unfortunately as soon as I tried to have sex with a new girl, the only thing I could think about was “I hope it doesn’t go soft”, or “did it go soft?”. Anyway, I don’t think there is any way to get rid of this fobia. You can get over it, though, with your current partner.

Miron: It is my belief, or hope, that this is something that Can be cured and gotten rid off.

I have no idea how to do this though, my life is pretty unorganized on many levels but things are clearing up.

Cialis is really expensive here and you have to get it prescribed from a doctor. Would Kamagra work as well?

What I would like is to have my brain totally re-programmed and these thoughts and insecurities forgotten…

I didn’t meant to be so harsh. I did get rid of it.. for a while at least.

I just learnt to relax with my partner (at the time) and didn’t get it for the whole time that relationship lasted.

Just that, in my case, it kept staying in the back of my mind… and whenever I had sex with someone for the first time, I kept thinking about my erection (as in “is it still there?”).

I sincerely hope you can get over it completely.

I understand completely, and I don’t think you sounded too harsh, but it is and it Has to be my firm belief that this is something I can get rid of, that’s all I meant.

All luck to you brother, it’s not cool but somewhat comforting to talk to someone who’s beenin the same boat. Not exactly something you bring up when you drink beer with your mates.

Just checking.. Do you start to go soft when you put the condom on? I used to have terrible sex when I used condoms, would have trouble keeping it up, and rarely ever cummed, my partner is the same, how about oral sex, do you start hard when she/he is going down on you?

Yes

Hopefully you can find non-drug ways of dealing with this.
Erectile Dysfunction (ED) Sites

If you do go with V or C web sites exist where you can get a years supply for less than what you would pay for a few weeks if you went through the doctor. No prescription and they do ship to Sweden

A huge thread where we keep each other up to date on where to by stuff like Viagra, Cialis, etc.
Closing down all the generic drug web sites/and finding open sites for generic drugs

The short version of where to buy can be found at webslave’s site.

Example of bulk pricing:
elitenetpharmacy.com

We haven’t used condoms.

No. It usually plays out lite this: We fool around with clothes on, I get hard. I get her clothes off and go down on her and when I’m finished and she’s about to return the favor I’m soft. I get discouraged.

Thanks Iamaru I’ll check those threads out.

I sure hope so too.