Man, I tried to have sex last night but I was limp

Im 19 years old and ive only had sex a few times, both of the times ive been limp. The first time id have to blame it on pe ( or me) because the night before i had done my exercises but i think i worked it too hard because the next day i could not get an erection at all. The same girl who i had sex with the first time had given me bj’s before so i was pretty sure that this wasnt a nervous thing. Well, last night i tried to have sex for the second time with a different girl , and well i could not get it up no matter what she did- she sucked on it, used her hands and was laying in front of me naked! However this time i am absolutely confused as to what caused it- i didnt have a condom on ( condoms are a big turn off) i havnt pe’d for ayt least a year and right before i was getting stimulated but when it came down to sex i just couldnt do it. The only reasons i can think of are- i was very nervous ( i had to sneak into her house and i hadnt done anything with her ebfore), this was at 2 in the morning and i usually go to bed at around 11 now so i was pretty tired, and i think i have a cold or the flu becuase latelly ive had a bad headache so im not sure if this contributed to it.Im not sure if this has happened to anyone here but it SUCKS, i hardly get laid and this was a chance to go all out ( she likes anal too). I was more embarassed than mad and i tried to play it off but im not sure if ill get a second chance with her. Well i dont want this shit to happen again so i thought id share with u guys and am curious as to what u have to say, thanks.

Forum Guidelines Please, please read them. The usage of chat speak is frowned upon greatly here, and we also appreciate the use of capital letters when using the word I.

As far as the problem you had, I can contribute it to two things, one, you were tired, two, you were nervous. These two items will kill an erection faster than you can say goodnite Gracie.

Oh, and one other thing, welcome to Thunders :)

Sunshine kid , I’m sorry if I offended you in anyway.I also forgot to mention I’m taking paxil for social anxiety and am concerned that this may also be bad for my erections.

Therein lies the problem. Paxil is a real libido murderer. Maybe an adjustment period is all you need?

Be careful about the mods, they’re real grammar nazis!

Those damn Doctors give out anti-depressants like they are freaking candy. Lad, get off the drugs man, everyone one I know that is on these type of drugs is more messed up from the drugs than they were prior.

I concur with Deadeye my boy; unless you’re problems are serious - and I don’t mean to belittle whatever problem you have, and I mean serious, like schizophrenia or hallucination, I would lose the drugs. I personally went through hell for about 2 years trying to get the magical drug that works for me. Never did.

There was a time when shyness was just considered a personality trait. Now it’s a pathology. Oh how I long for simpler times.

Very sorry to hear about this, LEM. Most guys do experience erectile problems at some point, for whatever reasons.

Although I understand your disappointment, you have pointed out several obvious contributors to your problem:

1. Nervous
2. Tired
3. Sick
4. SSRI (Paxil)

Being overly concerned about this incident will only add to #1 in future encounters, of course. I would take relief in the fact that there were many situational factors against you, and try to have confidence that next time things will work out.

If this continues to be a problem, however, you might be best off forgoing the random sex with a woman you aren’t too close to (which may always make you nervous, especially if you have social anxiety) and wait until you meet someone with whom you know you’ll have plenty of chances to overcome any problems. Personally, although I’ve never failed to eventually get an erection, I find it much more automatic with women I’ve had plenty of experience with. My first time with a girl, it typically requires direct stimulation for me to get it up.

Another thing: Did you go down on her? Taking the focus off of yourself in that way may really help you to achieve an erection. And there’s nothing more erotic than fingering her while tasting her pussy juices and seeing her quiver in excitement.

A final note: If you notice a consistent change in your sex drive or function from the Paxil, tell your doctor and see if you can switch to a different med. Sexual side effects are the number-one reason that people quit SSRIs.

Huffduck,

Shyness is still considered a “personality trait.” A generally sad demeanor could also be construed as a “personality trait.”

But when these problems are extreme to the point that they are debilitating, preventing people from leading a normal life — i.e., cases of social anxiety and depression, respectively — do you really think people are better off forgoing treatment? Of course no single treatment is going to work for everyone — whether it be a drug or a psychotherapy — but they certainly are worth a shot.

None of this is to say that SSRIs aren’t overprescribed. There are certainly cases in which they are used “cosmetically,” to treat individuals who do not have true depression or social anxiety or whatnot (likewise for Ritalin & ADHD). And for all we know, perhaps LEM fits into that category, but without further info, I’m going to assume he has a true case of debilitating social anxiety.

And besides, guys, we all know that PE is “cosmetic” for those of us (i.e., the vast majority of guys here) who don’t have abnormally small penises. Yet we’re willing to take the risk of side effects (i.e., injuries) and, indeed, the very real “risk” that no technique will work for us — there are some guys who have bounced around from exercise to exercise for years with no gains to show for it!

Hey guys,

Thanks for the help as it takes some of the stress off talking about what happened.

There seems to be alot of talk about the paxil in this discussion so I’ll adress that first. My case of social anxiety was very bad, ever since I experimented with lsd, mushrooms and a few other drugs ive completely changed. Going into public places scared me as I thought everyone was looking at me. Even going outside to take out the trash was hard on me. Getting a job was way outof the question, as was having a normal relationship with girls and friends. Paxil has been a life saver in this regard. At first though, the medicane made me sick, gave me chest pains and i couldnt get erect at all. After few weeks I was fine so I just ignored it. Besides the pros outweighed the cons by alot. Since taking paxil I have gotten three different jobs, two of which are at very public place and im fine.I actually didnt want to take any drugs at first because I was afraid they’d made me skinny and weak, so im not the type to take drugs just for fun.

Para, no I did not go down on her. The only thing I did was bang her with a dildo that she said and she seemed to like it alot.

Also waiting to have sex with a girl that means alot to me will probabaly never happen again. I understand that Im still young but having been in some bad relationships I pray that I’ll never fall in love again. I just dont want to be in that situation, as im scared of what id do if she cheated on me and all that.I promised myself never to fall ” in love” again. No thanks.

Guess the best I can do is wait till im not sick anymore, full rested and a little less nervous and try it again. This along with peing again, which seemed to help with erections, will have my weiner rock hard once again!

>>>I experimented with lsd, mushrooms and a few other drugs<<<
>>>im not the type to take drugs just for fun<<<

(:

LEM, I’m really happy to hear your success story with the Paxil. Congratulations on the jobs! Who knows, maybe you would have gotten better even without the drug, but it sure does help many individuals with the disorder you suffered.

>>> Also waiting to have sex with a girl that means alot to me will probabaly never happen again.<<<

I understand your feeling, and it may be best for you to take a long time off from “serious” romantic relationships. But what I was trying to say doesn’t require that you be in love — you’d probably do equally well with a consistent fuck-buddy. I just think it’s especially hard with a girl the first couple of times you try to hook up with her, especially if you don’t know her well. It’s possible to know someone well and get it on repeatedly without being intimate romantic partners.

Anyway, I think you’ll do a lot better at your next chance. Definitely give the cunnilingus a shot if you’re having problems (and even if you’re not!).

Not going to add anything to whats already been said but…

If she is worth anything she will understand and be willing to see you again. Also get to know the girl more so you feel really comfortable with her before doing anything sexually.

I’ve never read much or had any experience with SSRI’s but for me nervousness and anxiety ruined my first night with a girl. As did her rushing things with me, I should have just told her I wanted to wait a bit.

Your story rings very true to me. When I was sixteen I couldn’t get it up at all when this girl was giving me head—it was my first time doing anything sexual. Then after failing a few times more, one time it just happened and I never had a problem with her again and we had sex and did shit all the time. Then I met a new girl when I was 19 (last year), and I got hard and was okay for head, but as soon as I put it in her vag I lost it. That happened a few times too and now it’s not a problem. I’d say I wasnt really nervous at all, I just couldn’t do it. I think my tendency is to overthink stuff, and so when it finally started working I noticed that I had played a trick on my mind where I told myself “just cram it in the fucking hole.” I basically turned my head off, didn’t look at her face or think about anything but getting off and fucking the thing between her legs. Then after you’ve conquered your inability to fuck random girls, your body/mind won’t psych itself out anymore. That worked for me anyway—I don’t know how applicable it will be to you seeing as you’re on paxil, but it seems like if you can get erections, you should be able to get them with the ladies. May the force be with you.

My first time, I got the shakes and couldn’t stop trembling. Fortunately, I was with a very experienced and sweet older woman, who helped me to relax. It could have been a disaster if I had been with a less experienced or patient woman. As it turns out, we had a very pleasantly memorable time.

BTW, I am also on SSRIs. At first, they really slowed me down sexually, but I have sinced leared to adapt to them and currently function just fine.

Hey

EVERYONE has had a situation like this or will have at some point in yr(your) life, at 19 I can almost guarantee it was nerves.

I remember horrible nerves until I got a little more experience.

The prob(problem) is now you will be more anxious about it next time which is tough

Have a drink to lessen anxiety, just one or that can effect performance as well, keep the light really low, go down on her 1st(first) and try to forget yr(your) pecker, you’ll be fine

There is NOTHING wrong with you !

( As a hint, I would go read the guidelines just as soon as you can—-your loving grammar nazi)