Deep Heat Warm Up with Microwaves

I’ve recently been experimenting with deep tissue warm up. The idea came from hearing about telecom engineers who warm their hands in cold weather by passing them in front of the microwave transmitters that forward telecom signals from one tower to another. Because microwaves can penetrate tissue deeply, it seemed reasonable to assume that a full warm up could be completed within a few seconds and be much more effective that any standard warmup process.

A standard domestic microwave oven is useless for this method as the microwaves are of a much lower quality than the commercial grade telecoms equipment. In a standard microwave oven, the microwaves are heavy and have to be transmitted from top to bottom or sprayed over the food from the side. They eventually fall harmlessly through the bottom of the oven and then through the earth to the core where, because gravity is equally opposed, they stay. This is why you should never store fresh food under a microwave oven.

The microwaves used for telecom towers are light microwaves, they do not fall in the way that heavy microwaves do and so can be used as a directional beam. They are also much more capable of heating without cooking and this is important.

I live in the path between two telecom towers transmitting microwaves. The path is 84m metres above ground. I considered constructing a tower to that height to allow me a warm up and jelqing room placed just below the path of the beam. This would have allowed me to warm up using a bed on top of a cylinder from a variable height dental chair. I could have raised myself into the beam and then lowered myself after a few seconds. I built the room and variable height bed at ground level to test and it worked perfectly. However, building a tower to 84m capable of supporting my 9 foot square jelqing room would have required over an acre of land at the base (to be stable when using a wooden construction) and unfortunately my neighbours would not allow me to construct the needed supporting structure on their property.

The solution to this was fairly simple it turned out. A trebuchet is capable of incredible force and I needed only a short time in the path of the beam. I calculated that if I could pass my erect penis through the beam at the apex of the throw, I could sufficiently warm up. I have just completed a trebuchet capable of launching me to the required level and in an arc that will end in a soft mattress, ready to start jelqing. I’m about to do the first test. Wish me luck!

Good luck, but a MASER would be more efficient. A regular microwave could offset your drift correction angle and the coriolis force would slow your air speed and move you out of the beam.

Does masturbation hinder the efficiency of this warm up?

Good luck! newspaper heading ” Mad P.E genius teleports warm penis”

As I recover from the hysterical fit that has stripped me of my ability to behave with any seriousness, I find myself once again falling prey to the uncontrollable belly laugh that has disabled me from moment I finished reading this post! Bravo! Whether your intention or not; you have captured the desperation and obsessive determination that is us who have committed ourselves to creating a bigger unit.

In my time here at Thunder’s, I have learned many things about myself and other men with like goals of penile perfection. There truly is no length to which we will not go to obtain our vision of a perfect penis!

Some may say we are insane, some may say we are fools, but I say, were not the Wright brother labeled insane in their pursuits of flight? Was not Da Vinci deemed a fool by many in his day?

So let us fight on my fellow explorers of physical manipulation. Always ready to do what ever it takes, whether that be a solo flight through microwaved air space, or water skiing with our trusty Bib hanger as sole anchor point for the tow rope.

In the end, “Give me enlargement, or give me death”!

That was just too funny :D

Two days late and no mention of Goose Fat! :D

That’s some funny shit and serious motivation for any would be explorer of physical manipulation. May penis perfection come swiftly for you gunnagetthere. my new life moto “give me enlargement or give me death”

Umm . . . Has anyone heard from memento since his launch date???? He could be lying somewhere on his landing mattress, plumped up like a ballpark frank.

I thought I was crazy.

Never good when this happens. It takes us 6-9 months to decant and force-grow a new memento.

Sounds like some shit I would come up with.

He must have had a V-sprung mattress and forgot about the re-bound.

This sounds bad. Very bad. In a real, actual, paying job, I had a gig that used microwaves to heat, and partially destroy, the prostrate. Essentially, people with overactive prostrates would have three antenna and three temperature sensitive fiber optic probes delivered where you don’t want to imagine.

What is ugly is that the flesh’s principle means of shedding concentrated heat is via circulation. Since not all flesh has good blood supply, you can seriously hurt yourself. With microwaves. As it happens, the prostrate lacks good blood supply.

Just remember when taking a trebuchet ride that it is not the sudden acceleration you have to worry about.

It’s the sudden stop.