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Having erectile dysfunction at 27???!


Having erectile dysfunction at 27???!

Dear Thunder’s Place’s community,

I don’t know what’s going on with my penis ? I was always aware that my penis is below average (5.5 before PE), and I felt inferior because of that. It started when I was 17 and I had my first sexual encounter. And it stuck in my head what a girl told me, she asked me how old I was, and when I said I was 17 she said it will grow :( . That really killed my confidence and since then almost 10 years went by. I had around 10 sexual partners, and 2 serious girlfriends. And I always had the same problem.

I can get hard, and have a nice erection while masturbating or watching porn. But when I’m with a new sexual partner my dick goes soft and if I get it hard the erection goes away really quickly. It’s been the case for the last 4 girls I’ve been with. I’m starting to think I might be gay or something :( .

The same thing happened tonight. I was getting it on with this nice chick and my dick was hard while we were making out. Then it goes soft :( . I went down on her while jerking off and it went hard again, but by the time i tried fucking her it went soft again :( . I don’t know what to do? I try to be relaxed. I do my kegels. But every time I meet a new chick same thing happens. I’m sick of it.

If you have/had similar dysfunction or maybe you can help me out please write your input. Thank you all in advance.

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." -Bruce Lee

It’s just a confidence issue. You have to get the idea that you’re small, or too small out of your head. Really, 5.5 ain’t big, but it certainly isn’t “small”. I guess putting this worry out of your head is easier said than done. Good luck to you. I don’t think there’s an easy answer or fix. The fact is, your penis is average, and the fact it gets hard all the time except when it’s time to fuck means you don’t have ED, just a psychological hang up. Not that a hang-up isn’t just as hard to overcome. Most women won’t care, if they like you enough to get naked with you, it means they like you, quite a bit really. She is not going to mock you about your penis size, she just wants you. Inside her. So just put the anxiety out of your head and have some fun with anyone who chooses to share themselves in that way with you. Now get out there and bang someone!

Not normal to have ED at 27.

Anyway, your problem is psychological since you can easily get hard by yourself. So focus on fixing that part. Dont try to relax, be relaxed. Two different things. It mostly happens when you try too hard, enjoy yourself first, and the girl will follow.

thx guys :(

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." -Bruce Lee

Maybe you watch to much porn.

The problem is not necessarily psychological. Go see a urologist. You say you can get hard by yourself, but if you stop touching it, how long will it stay hard? You might have a venous leak. I am 26 and just had venous ligation surgery. Seriously, no harm in getting a doppler test done.

I need to write this up as a thread and pin it somewhere, it comes up frequently.

The Physiology of an Erection.

Your Nervous System is divided into two parts, Sympathetic and Parasympathetic. Sympathetic is also call the “Fight or Flight” part. Its what kicks in during stress to help you survive. It evolved millions of years ago, to help animals react to danger. If for example a Cave Man is in his cave, and a Saber Tooth tiger comes strolling in, looking for a nice Cave man snack, the Cave man sees it and the Sympathetic System kicks in full throttle. The adrenaline in released in massive quantities, blood vessels contract, heart rate and respiratory rates sky rocket, basically preparing the Cave man to either fight for his life, run for his life or some combination of those.

After he survives the incident and feels safe again, the Parasympathetic kicks in and lowers heart rate and respiration, dilates blood vessels to lower blood pressure, relaxation sets in, blood flow opens back up to organs etc, and the body begins to recover and repair.

Skip forward a couple million years and the same Sympathetic and Parasympathetic are in humans, but now primarily result is stress and disease. Your boss yells at you, and the Sympathetic kicks in with all the same reactions, but now you don’t have the massive physical exertion needed to deal with the Saber Tooth, you just have to sit there and take it. This is what results in a lot of modern stress produced illnesses.

Now, lets take Joe Blow for example. He feels like his dick is too small and females will react negatively to it when he “whips it out” this “fear” will stimulate his Sympathetic System like his life is in danger. Same increase of heart rate, respiration, adrenaline etc. However, the problem lies in the fact that the penis is TOTALLY dependent on the PARASYMPATHETIC system for an erection!

So, you are afraid you won’t get hard, which stimulates the Sympathetic, which causes your erection to start to fade, which REALLY stimulates your Sympathetic, which REALLY kills your erection, and so on.

This is what is referred to as PSYCHOGENIC Impotence, or all caused by your mind and the panic. So the good news is there is nothing wrong with you. This is also part of the issue called, “Performance Anxiety”, because you worry you will go soft, you do.

So whats the answer? Anything that gets you to not worry about it, of course that is easier said than done.

I suggest a few tactics;

1) is reading this and understanding it. Once you understand the mechanism, its the beginning to reverse it. At least you can quit worrying that something is “really wrong” with you, its not.

2) is to begin to reverse this behavioral-cognitive loop that you have set up. For that a couple strategies come to mind. Learn EFT or Tapping, its simple, easy to do and effective to drain out the negative energy you have build up in your circuitry.

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This is just the basics, there are tons of free videos. You can learn it in a few minutes and begin to get some good results right away. More complex emotions require more skills but you can do tons of good with it for yourself. I like to have you raise your greatest fears, AND FEEL IT AS STRONGLY AS YOU CAN, if you can make your skin sweat and stomach knot (like its actually happening) its best! Make a note on a 1-10 scale how strong the fear is, and then keeping the FEAR AS HIGH AS YOU CAN, tap through the points, VERBALIZING your WORST FEARS as you tap.

For example, (as you start tapping) “I can NEVER have sex with a girl, because MY PENIS DOESN’T WORK! (keep tapping) I will never have a RELATIONSHIP because I CANT STAY HARD”, etc. Just bring up as much of the fear as possible and vocalize your WORST FEARS as you tap.

After you cycle through the first time, try and bring you fears up again, and again rate it 1-10. You will probably find its already reduced 50%. So, continue like this until its down to 0%. In the process other related fears might crop up, like “women don’t find me attractive anyway”…thats fine, tap them all down to 0%.

ONCE you can no longer find any fear related to the problem, NOW you can TAP IN positive affirmations (but only after all the negative is out). You can say, while tapping, “you know, my dick actually can get big and hard, and there isn’t any reason why I can’t give this girl one heck of a shagging” etc. I like to state it like, “why couldn’t I …fill in the positive statement.

Work with this and you will find it will do a huge amount to erase this negative programing loop you have set up.

3) Realizing that its worry that does you in, don’t take fucking so serious, like a murder trial. Learn to slow down and enjoy the girl. Get naked at a fun pace, enjoy kissing her, smelling her, rubbing and teasing her, licking her etc. The more you just forget about “performing” and just enjoy the sensations and smells, the quicker you will find you are rock hard. The when you get hard, don’t think “QUICK, FUCK HER WHILE ITS HARD” because that will just produce anxiety, right? Let yourself just kinda “fall” into fucking, without really mentally setting a goal or a start point, understand. Kinda like screwing when your half asleep, your LUST moves you into it, not your mind.

4) I think taking something like Cialis or Viagra in the beginning to help bridge you from fear to confidence can be a big help. It will take a semi erection and turn it into a full erection. As you gain confidence and break the negative thought patterns, you taper down the dose until you don’t need it anymore.

So, there you go, the Sparkyx prescription to reversing Performance Anxiety.

Good luck!

Sparkyx, fantastic post.

Sparkyx says it all. It should be an article or sticky indeed.

Sparkyx’s post is good, but I still say there is no harm in a doppler test. In fact, hearing a doc tell you that you don’t have a physical problem might actually help get over any psychological issue.

Originally Posted by baywatch
Sparkyx, fantastic post.


Audio, I had this same issue once but I was only 22! I met this girl and we stayed up all night. The next day, we went to have sex and I couldn’t get a boner. It was obviously because the lack of sleep but that’s all it took to mess up my head. For the next few weeks, we tried to have sex many times and I couldn’t get hard. I was freaking out fearing I was now impotent.

She ended up sleeping over one night and we tried to have sex. No luck, so I gave up and we both fell asleep. The next morning, to my amazement, I awoke to my girlfriend sliding up and down and my raging boner! My head was removed from the equation because I was asleep and everything functioned how it was supposed to.

Just relax and try not to dwell on this too much. You will be fine!

I now wish there was a way to add a “favorite” tag to a post. Thanks sparkyx.

Start (Oct 2010) NBPEL: 5, BPEL: 5.875 inches, BASE GIRTH: 5.25 inches, MID GIRTH: 5

(November 2013) NBPEL: 5.875, BPEL: 6.625 inches, BASE GIRTH: 5.625 inches, MID GIRTH: 5

Goal NBPEL(7-7.5)xMEG(5.5-6) (journal)

Originally Posted by Doctor Hose
Sparkyx says it all. It should be an article or sticky indeed.

Thanks guys! The great thing about being a Moderator is I CAN do that, so I did. I have written this up a few times, so finally I wised up and copied and pasted it into the Sexual Health section and pinned it. So we can refer people there if needed now.

Psychogenic Impotence or Performance Anxiety

Last edited by sparkyx : 08-27-2011 at .

Originally Posted by goldenbear

Sparkyx’s post is good, but I still say there is no harm in a doppler test. In fact, hearing a doc tell you that you don’t have a physical problem might actually help get over any psychological issue.

Normally I would agree, but if it functions fine when not with a girl, thats VERY strong proof that there is no physical problem.

Originally Posted by AvgGuyUSA

I now wish there was a way to add a “favorite” tag to a post. Thanks sparkyx.

The is. At the top of every page towards the right is “THREAD TOOLS”, click it and the drop down with have, “add to favorites”, click on it and it will save for you. However, I copied this and pinned it in the “Mens Sexual Health” section, so it will be easy to find.

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