The GirthaBench:
I’ve been having a little bit of a problem swinging and twirling weights from my dick lately without incident. Several times now I’ve really had them swinging high and the hanger lost suction slinging lead across the room. Our cats have developed nervous conditions to the point they run hide under the bed now as soon as they see me putting on my hanger. Not to mention I get tired standing there for an hour at a time, and when I try to sit with the vacuum hanger on it tends to break the suction because I’m trying to use it without the pump at less pressure to prevent blisters. So I’ve been trying to come up with a solution.
I found this little wooden bench at a yard sale. I was just driving by and saw it setting there on some guy’s lawn. It called out to me so I bought it for five bucks and stuck it in my trunk. It’s about the length of a Bench Press bench but a little higher off the ground about three feet, made of nice soft pine. My original thought was it would be great for sex, but then another idea occurred to me.
After laying face down on it I made a chalk mark where my dick was and then cut a three inch hole in the center with a circular saw bit. I then lined the inside of the hole with pipe insulation gluing it in place with silicone caulking. Man, this thing works great. It fits neatly under my desk so I can put my feet up while reading the forum. Then when I’m ready to hang I can just pull it out from under the desk. I lay a 10 pound barbell weight on the floor just under the hole, put on my vacuum hanger and lay face down on the bench sticking my hanger-clad dick through the hole. I reach around the bench and attach the weight and hang in a S/O position while reclined. It is very comfy and the best part is I can swing the weight easily by reaching around the bench and pushing it with my hand. This is an excellent way to swing hang and do Helicopters while laying in a very relaxed face down position. Then you can sit straddle the bench and stick your dick down through the hole for S/D or even lean all the way back for BTC. I’m thinking, Hell, this may even surpass Capt. Hook’s legendary Hanging Chair.
There are only two problems with this new recumbent hanging bench. One: I can’t see my monitor when laying prone, and two, you feel kind of tethered and vulnerable if someone should walk in on you because you can’t get loose and up off of this thing too damned fast.
Mrz G. came in and caught me at it Helicoptering this morning. She was laughing her ass off, talking to Doc on her cell phone, telling her about my hot date last night. I think they were both yucking it up at my expense discussing my new/old high school flame fuck buddy. She said to Doc, “Lord, now he is building Things.” She then said to me and for Doc’s amusement, “What the hell have you gotten your dick stuck in now?
Feeling somewhat tethered and vulnerable I just yelled face down, “It’s just a fucking bench.” So I unhooked the weight and let it drop to the floor sending the cats running for shelter. I then pushed myself up to my feet. I said, “Don’t laugh. I’m going to patent this idea and sell it to Monty or Monkeybar. When you get off the phone come in here and I show you how it works.” I held her hands and helped her to gently have a seat straddle my new GirthaBench with the padded hole right in front of her pussy.
But as I approached her she said, “Not so fast. Take off that contraption first.” I was standing over her with my semi hard dick hermetically sealed inside the plastic hanger. It was kind of bobbing up and down like one of those little dog heads in the back of a car window. I said, “What, can’t you take me like this?”
She looked at my blue sheathed plastic capped erection and said, “Well, at least take that hook off the end of it.” I couldn’t figure a way to get the hook off, so I just wiggled out of my hanger and fucked her in the bench press position. “Afterwards I said to her, “I told you it was a ‘Fucking Bench.’ “
Best five bucks I ever spent.
2003: 6X5 2010: 7X7
No Nukes
Last edited by Big Girtha : 04-02-2006 at .
