AndyJ's Body Enhancement Thread

"May you live in interesting times." ??? [grin]

Though unexpected, things were such that it was a convenient time to have it done; no yard work needs to be done since the grass signed off for winter.

The hospital actually had a "Patient Transport" department who sent guys to wheel me around the various departments. The main hospital is over a century old and is probably 90% additions now, so it’s a maze inside. One of the PT guys said it took him weeks to learn where everything was.

OR was on the other side of the campus, and we went through a long series of double doors. Apparently they’re keyed to RFID or Bluetooth since they opened automatically each time we went through one. I made a comment about the opening scene of Monty Python’s "Meaning of Life", but the PT guy had never heard of the movie, and I’m fairly sure he didn’t know who Monty Python was, either. Kids today…

The other interesting thing was the hospital was quiet inside; no blaring PA system yammering "Code Blue, Room 2214, Stat… Nice Try, Guys." I’m pretty sure they’ve moved to cellphones for all the stuff they used to do on the PA.

No explanation. Where are their parents?

We spent some time visiting a grandson at a local hospital recently, now that you mention the quiet part, I’d guess the same, either cell or small radios.

Well that’s great you got that square. Once recovered you’ll be way better off.

I hope so. Right now it feels like a horse kicked me in the stomach.

The doc who did the surgery said he usually does it as an outpatient procedure, door to door in an hour and a half. No pain meds for recovery; take an over-the-counter pain reliever if needed. Amazingly, though I get shooting pains getting on and off the bed, I have no discomfort to speak of.

Temperature was normal when I went to ER Wednesday night; 96-97F, which is normal for me, anyway.

Got back from the hospital Friday evening, exactly three days ago, with a temp of 98.6, which is high. Over the next three days it has gone as high as 99.9, coupled with a scratchy throat, sinus congestion, and slight vertigo.

I thought it was a "hospital cold" at first, but it hasn’t gone away after three days. I hope it’s not an abdominal infection.

I have to admit my recent stay in the hospital was about as nice and efficient as I could have asked for.

As I was being out-processed I was told to make an appointment with the surgeon in two weeks to have the bandages and drainage tube removed. The name, address, and phone number were printed in the information packet they gave me.

Mrs. Andy called to make the appointment, and was told it would be mid-January before an appointment was available.

Dafuq? Six more weeks of spit baths and managing the drain bag? Then she got a call from the surgeon’s office - they didn’t have a record of me, so I was probably a patient of the *other* gastro surgeon WITH THE SAME NAME. They helpfully provided his office number.

[sigh] "No matter where you go, AndyLand is just a step away."

Duplicate Doc (or, more likely, one of his nurses) will remove the bandages and drain bag day after tomorrow, at least.

Saw the surgeon for the 2-week follow-up visit today. It turned out his office is in the same suite my endocrinologist was in last year, so it wasn’t hard to find.

He was astonished and upset that I still had the surgical bandages on, and the drain bag. He said they should have come off within a few days, and that leaving them on could cause infection, which would be particularly nasty if it got in where the mesh is.

I told him nobody had mentioned that to me. Fortunately I had grabbed the folder of paperwork the hospital gave me as I was headed to the appointment. He looked through it and said, "nothing I wrote for your discharge orders is in here." He was pretty upset about it. "Welcome to AndyLand!"

Anyway, he pulled out all the staples, removed the drain tube, and said I could shower now. There was no visible sign of infection, and my temperature has been normal for the last week, after I got over the "hospital flu" I brought home.

"Welcome to AndyLand!"

Hmmmm feels like I’m living there too. Few look around the corner or go the extra mile.

Mrs. Andy called me on the phone. From the next room. She was saying something about her ATM card, then said "I’m gonna sneeze… it went out before I lit it… I gotta go!" and hung up.

I’m not going to ask. Some days, there’s simply no communication to be had.

EQ went in the toilet the day I opened the hernia. Zero, even with manipulation. Mostly turtled as well. During the next week probably 30 or 35 people saw it that way, but in the greater scheme of things, I didn’t care.

Oddly, my balls compensated by hanging low enough to require occasional "comfort adjustment."

EQ improved shortly after getting back home. I thought about taking a decon break - well, longer than the week I lost to start with - but the clamps were within reach, and I’ve been averaging three 10-minute sessions per day. The clamps used to be quite uncomfortable, but they’re no problem now.

Due to the fat pad I get one on as close to the pubic bone as possible. Then I can slide another one between it and the pubic bone, clamping the "cone" area that makes it hard to put a clamp there directly.

Pumping and jelquing are probably okay now, but I want to make sure the holes from the staples and drain tube are scabbed over good before I do anything. I got spooked when the doc started talking about infections.

Yesterday the doc put a new temporary bandage on after taking the two-week-old one off. The skin had healed up around the drain tube and staples, and there was a little blood and seepage after he took those out. He said I could take a shower in the evening, just don’t spray water directly at it.

I decided to wait a full day just to make sure everything was closed up. After doing a badly-needed beard trim, I took the bandage off. There’s a 30mm or so incision angling down and to the left of my belly button, but everything looks normal. The spot where the tube went in had seeped a bit, but it looked like it was closed up okay.

I washed my hair twice, and scrubbed everywhere else. Fortunately I’d been able to keep my nether bits clean in the shower without getting the bandages wet; gravity worked in my favor there. But it’s really nice to be clean.

I’d had the hernia so long the area looks funny being flat. Not that I saw it much; the the last twelve years or so I’ve worn a wide Ace bandage or an abdominal binder with a pad to keep my guts pushed in. I wound up putting the binder back on when I got out of the shower; it felt really strange without it.

Once nice thing is that I’ll be able to wear pants with a belt again. I couldn’t manage a wallet, phone, and a pocket knife without my pants falling down. Suspenders suck, by the way. My little original-model Leatherman tool is quite small, but it was just too much weight for reliable pants-staying-in-place.

Resumed pumping today. It feels very nice. Also got four 10-minute clamp sessions in, about average for the last week.

The doc said he put a patch in about the size of my hand. The crazy thing is, my stomach is visibly smaller; even completely slacking all the muscles, it doesn’t stick out past my chest any more. On the other hand, the abdominal fat roll looks huge. [sigh] *BUT*, inexplicably, I’ve lost another half inch or so of fat pad. I haven’t done any measuring for a while, so it might have predated the surgery.

I liked the doc, and have talked with Mrs. Andy about going back next fall to have the two inguineal hernias looked at, and perhaps dealt with. They’re small and only occasionally a bother, but as I continue lifting that might not remain true, and better to get them fixed while I’m otherwise healthy, I think.

Took Mrs. Andy in for outpatient surgery this morning. It was supposed to take 45 minutes to an hour. It took most of the day, of course.

Of course.

One day you won’t have to leave your home to be seen immediately by the AI doctor.

Mrs. Andy had a "lumpectomy" on her left breast a few years ago. They took a fair amount of tissue out; enough to visibly change the shape of her breast. This time a biopsy on her right breast came back as cancer. They took about a 13mm chunk out, a few lymph nodes, and some surrounding tissue "just to be sure." Fine with me.

The surgeon came out after the surgery and told here (in the tone you’d use to tell a small child her puppy had just died) that "there might be a small scar." I think she was disconcerted when Mrs. Andy started laughing. I guess she didn’t notice that Mrs. Andy has a couple of feet of scars from various surgeries. She looks like I put her together from a kit.