Coming Across Gay When Straight

Hi everyone! I’m 26 yo. I have a few problems.

1. I don’t have a problem scoring women to bang. But I can’t seem to convert any to a gf. They just want to bang me and go. I have gone on dating websites and I get hardly no replies. Therefore I end up on tinder or something as I don’t know how else to meet women. My friend says keep banging I’m lucky but honestly its a bit sad because everyone I know has a gf/bf/wife/husband etc and I have no one still. Then I’m told it will come in time / when I’m not looking etc but honestly I doubt it.

2. I am always told I’m handsome but I fear the ‘pretty boy looks’ may make people think I’m gay (nothing wrong with gay people, but I know I’m not). I don’t understand what to do to make myself look more straight.
a) I gym and swim and am fit overall. I’m not some bodybuilder steroid guy but I’m not small/lean either so my muscles are noticeable in a shirt for example. In the gym sure I sometimes see guys bodies and go ‘damn I need to work harder I want to look like that’ but never anything like ‘I want to bang him’.
b) I genuinely love eating pussy. Don’t care if I don’t bang her but eating her out and touching tits really *recally* is something I like. But when having sex I’m not exactly going to tell her ‘I love women’ because I don’t see how that is relevant… if I’m with her isn’t it obvious? Don’t think I need to ‘say I’m straight’ lol.
c) I checked with a random sample of people e.g. doctors, and I sound normal, speak normal, no lisp or anything for anyone to think I’m gay (some gay guys speak more like women and flick their arms, I do none of that).
d) I’ve tried growing my facial hair, but then I actually get more comments about being gay/bi lol, and so on.
e) I tried changing my clothes style also to dress more boring and manly but no luck there either. I usually just wear hoodie, jeans, trainers, nothing fancy. Also cut my hair pretty short, like army type, nothing fancy like gel or wax, literally just shower, bit hair dry so I don’t catch a cold, and I’m done. I won’t lie and say I don’t take care of myself and hygiene/how I look but I don’t see what is wrong with this.

3. If I really have to think why people think I’m gay this are the reasons:
a) If someone is nice to me, I’m very nice back. I don’t walk around as an a$$hole but if someone is to me I have no problem being one back :)
b) I groom myself, body hair and all, but I always have. Don’t exactly shave my legs or anything but trim almost everywhere and don’t see how this is a bad thing.
c) Laser hair removal for back and shoulders - mostly because I find it hard to groom there because I’m ‘big’ and its hard to reach there. Also several women I’ve been with seem to appreciate a smooth back and shoulder not some hairy beast. Even then, they would have no idea its laser hair removal, just that its smooth.
d) Not into sports or cars. But then I’m not into fashion or anything either. I like TV, movies, tech, PE :D , gym, swimming etc.
e) I have no dad and I’m the oldest/only guy in the family so maybe people think I’m weak or not manly enough because I have no male role model. But this is not my fault I have no dad. Sometimes it does scare me that if something happens to me / I have guy questions I have no one to ask but no ones life is perfect anyway and I managed ok so far.

Any advice for me please? Confused what to do.

Live your life and worry less about what people think of you. There are certain things you do learn from a father. That said, hanging with the guys you’ll automatically pic up some of their good and not so good traits.

Work at being comfortable in your own skin. The right girl will adore you just for who you are.

I get the same crap sometimes. More than sometimes actually, and since a few years I consider it a compliment, since gay people are overall more desireable and definitely more likeable to talk to. (ooh he’s so pretty and sweet but he only dates men…. Is what I hope they are saying behind my back). I go shopping (dude stuff) with my best friend, a medicine student too, and we get tagged as a couple almost everywhere. We accepted it a while ago. The advantage is that all the shop staff is extremely friendly to you. Especially the hot girls that work at coffee places :) What’s wrong with being an actual nice human being? And I have serious doubt that girls prefer a hairy unit over a smooth one. Same as I prefer shaven girls to bushwhacked ones (and I’m pretty sure you share that thought).

Do the same: consider it a compliment. You take care of yourself, your looks, and you seem a friendly and amicable dude. So please don’t change anything about that! There’s bound to be an awesome girl waiting for you who can see through that totally homosexual facade of yours (couldn’t resist, sorry) and sees you for what you are, and that’s a pussy-devouring dinosaur!

+1

What stuff have I missed learning because of no father please?
I am comfortable in my own skin. The gay comments just throw me off. Otherwise normally I am just me.

Hmm I never get tagged but I see your point. Although I have not been shopping with a male friend as I tend to just order online or go places alone tbh.
Not sure shop staff are friendly to me though - met some right pricks - and sometimes they find me intimidating (because I’m ‘bigger’ than the average UK guy, but again, so?, I train and I’m only still wearing medium sized clothes so not ‘that’ big).
100% agreed on shaven pussy. :D

It has just been so many years of ‘tindering’ (read: trying to get more than sex) and nothing is happening. No chick is ‘seeing through me’. Therefore I worry I’m doing something wrong. Why does no woman want me? I have a good job, live independently, not a wuss, nice face/body/etc (not to sound shallow just saying), nice guy not some drugged drunk a$$hole, yet nothing. There are guys needling themselves making 16 year old chicks have their 4th/5th kid. Life is weird.

Weird - on one hand I get this comment - on the other hand I’m told I look serious/intense yet I’m actually really funny and stuff in real life. People are weird…

There are just everyday lessons as you watch a good man being a man. The way he treats your mother. The way he interacts with you or his friends. I could go on and on.

I don’t even understand why chicks like me sometimes, but they always do. Maybe its because they know I don’t need them, and I don’t seek them that signals I’m really all that. Just take care of business man do what you gotta do. I agree with titleist about how they want a good man, or a “real man”.

Just be a man and don’t need anything from anyone so chicks can see how you offer them security.

Just be yourself. There are women looking for sex and one looking for a good man. If you take her home and sling it to her then she probably is just there for sex. I was with several of those. The one that does not want to just screw is the one you may want to apply more attention to.

Don’t fuck them too early.

Give them some time.

Perhaps you are all over them form the get go, treating them nicely and at your age, they don’t want a daddy. They have one. Be more, you know, rude.. but in a good way.

Seems like this whole gay thing has no basis, and is really only a problem in your own mind. You offer up a lot of reasons why you believe others may view you as being gay, but really no examples of actually being somehow ‘put down or told you are gay’ by anyone. You seem to assume that because you’re not getting a lot of interest on dating websites, then it must be because women see you as being gay. Could it instead be something as simple as your profile on the dating site is uninteresting? Most men are interested in just viewing women’s photos on those sites, whereas women put their heart and soul into their own profiles, and actually do read a man’s to decide if they’re interested in him. So maybe it’s as simple as getting some good advice in order to write a profile that grabs women’s attention.

Ain’t nothing wrong in looking good. I think society and te media have really messed things up with the way people view different gender.
Not to worry though, everything happens with time. You’ll meet the right lady.
Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.

Dinogoesrawr,

You write ‘I sound normal, speak normal, no lisp or anything for anyone to think I’m gay’. Does this mean that you think being gay is not ‘normal’?

‘Normal’ is defined as ‘conforming to a typical standard’. Standards would be far from typical if there were no gay people around. It’s as normal as ginger hair or left-handedness. Please think before you accuse gay people of being abnormal.

Be yourself. You have nothing to hide. It’s for people to take you as you are, not the other way ‘round. Be happy.

The “in” book on no male role model angst for men came out like a decade plus ago. Written by a marriage and family therapist whom is male, supposedly recounts his observations about a generation of men raised by single moms or boys who didn’t make waves to their mom and it translates over to later relationships with women. Robert Glover was the author and it is in every format now from kindle to audiobook to hardcover. The book was called No More Mr Nice Guy. As of today, it is roughly 84% 4 stars or better rated on Amazon. I suggest reading the reviews and seeing if anything speaks to you.

If you fuck them well and truly and are as nice and good to them as you say, the word will get around. Girls know that gay men do not usually or often fuck girls, or if they do, it’s not a good root.