20 years old, erection problems, suggestions? thx!

hey there

i am 20 years old and i have a problem of not being able to have erections when i need them.

i would approximate that i have been jerking off since i was 12 at least once a day, and in the past few years at least two times a day.

i am considered the porn king by my friends and that i am always horny as hell.

well i am still a virgin, last spring i went to my fraternity formal with a chick i met in english class, and we hit it off pretty well. On the last night we went at it after having a couple drinks and I could not really get it up. She wanted to fuck and I put on the condom and then the medium erection just died instantly and I was really embarresed so I ate her out and then I tried having her stroke my flacid penis but then i stopped and ran into the bathroom too embarresed. I stroked it and thought of all the hardcore porn I look at that probably desensitized me and caused this problem. I came out after 30 minutes and had my strong-like-bull 7” ready to go but she was already asleep. I was so pissed. We stopped talking after that and havent seen her since :(

So now is summer and i met a chick in my art class. We went out a couple times and she has come over a few times to chill out, we usually just watch movies. Well yesterday she came over and she was like standing in front of me and our legs were rubbing and my erection just sprang up and she saw it and we went at it. I took off her shirt, sucked her boobies, it was great. Then she went for my wang and she started sucking it. It was the first time Ive ever recieved a bj and for some reason I just shrank until I was completely flacid. I took my wang back in my hand and tried to get back my erection by stroking, but I don’t know why it just would not come back. I closed my eyes and started imagining my favorite porn and it slowly came back, I gave it back to her and told her to finish me off, and again she started sucking, it went back down. I was pretty embarresed. She asked me what I was imagining and I did not want to tell her, so I said something stupid like “having a great time with you” and she knew I was lying. I wanted to return the favor but sshe would not let me as she did not shave. (woohoo!)

So after a while of more kissing her my shorts went back on and my erection came back about 60%, she stroked me over my shorts a bit which got me to 75%, and then she said she had to go as she was late for work. Blue balls suuuuuck. It seems when clothes are on I am more prone to getting hard.

I told her I would take her out tomorrow night. I just don’t want this to repeat. I want to be able to show her my wang at 110% and then have a great cumshot on her breasts like i see in so many of my .mpeg collection.

I considered going to the Smoothie King down the road, I remember seeing a viagra-like pill product for sale, I would sneak one in my drink before we go back to my room after dinner and have a great night.

Any suggestions or recommendations for viagra-like pills? I really appreciate any help.

Truthfully I dont want to have to rely on any viagra-like pills but I just don’t want this to happen ever again.

You’ve just got to chill a little……you see when your clothes are on there is no problem because you know you’re ‘safe’ with them on, but once your cloths are off you feel like you have to perform to the standard of a well edited porn stud, which will pile mental strain on thus a lose of erection.
I also think you may have over done the porn and have become dependant on visual stimulation as opposed to a general state of arousal. When masturbating try to obtain a ‘natural’ erection and then maybe take short peeks at a pornographic image slightly out of eyeshot. This should get your brain doing some work and thus breaking the dependant connection of porn and wood. Start a light kegel routine and maybe a bit of exercise and you should never have problems like this in future.

Oh and if once you’ve given the lucky lady a portion of your 110% you pull out and spray you wad all over the unsuspecting ladies face, it could be the last shag you have for a while!!

Have fun :D

Decrease the masturbation to twice a week and quit looking at porn.

You have performance anxiety. Nothing wrong with the plumbing.

I don’t know if cutting back on masturbation will work. But you shouldn’t masturbate some days before you might get action.

I know how frustrating it can be, you have a girl you like giving you a blowjob and it’s not turning you on. What might help is make her look at you while performing the bj, let her use her hand(s) too and tell her what to do and let her know what feels good. If you’re getting less aroused start stroking her and imagine how she will look naked or think of having sex with her but don’t think of porn!

Most important is you shouldn’t think about loosing your erection but just try to enjoy the blowjob, if you don’t come or loose the erection you should at least have had a good time.

slzball, I agree its performance anxiety… I’ve had the same thing. I also was (and still am) a big porn fan.. I think this affects the way we get turned on and off… i lose my erection pretty easily and I think it has a lot to do with just being used to the constant visual stimulation of porn and masturbation… real world sex is very different. I can tell you from experience that when you meet a girl and eventually develop trust alot of your anxiety will go away… I would suggest a gradual build up to actual sex, even discussing the issue with the girl so that she’s not feaked out. If you trust her and you know she’s gonna understand it wuill make things alot easier. In my long term relationships it has been an non-issue so dont be too worried.

As for random encounters I do use Viagra, it has helped me alot in spontaneous situations, yes you dont want to get hooked but a
really small dose helps. I would not get a viagra like pill unless your referring to a generic version of viagra. But this is your call, your young I would try some alternatives before hitting the blue pills. Good luck!

bim

Hey guys,

Thank you all very much for the input, i will try to learn and grow from it.

I’ll post an update some time in the near future.

I’m very grateful that this forum exists. Keep up the good work.

Sounds to me like all your problem is nerves.

Work on your confidence and just relax.

Don’t worry about being the star of the show mate. Porn is not real life. Real life sex is not as pretty or dramatic as porn movies make it out to be. Don’t think of porn when with this girl - instead look at her and consider how lucky you are to be with this beautiful girl. Then enjoy the ride :)

As for your first experience, it was quite possibly a combination of performance anxiety, and the slight numbness that occurs from a few drinks.

I just have a few comments to make

Viagra isnt going to solve you problem at all, temporarily yes it will give you an erection but it wont solve your problem.What happens when you havnt got the viagra,are you planning on using it every time.Your only 20 dude, Viagra is for old men a twenty year old should have strong erections.I think your pluming is fine and it is anxiety related so viagra is not the answer.Viagra can become addictive and later things will get worse because you depend on it to acheive an erection.Its not required so just forget it before you make a habit of it.

Why the hell are you thinking of porn when you have a women in front of you sucking your dick for christ sake, just relax and enjoy the moment dont worry about loosing the erection or you will.

If your jacking off twice a day cut it back to once a day and then to 2-3 times a week.Masturbation is normal and healthy and lets face it everyone does it some more than others, but, masturbation and pornography can become addictive and can be a problem when doen in excess,what is excess, i dont know but i personally think if your jacking off 2 or more times a day every day over a long period is too much, get a job or something.Im not saying it is a problem in your case but there are support groups and help you can get for this if sex be that intercourse or masturbation became a problem to the point that it causes problems and runs your life just like a drug does(well maybe not to that extent).Masturbation is the act of making yourself feel good just like drugs do, this means there is something missing in your life or your running away from something.

Your problem could be a simple answer, its your first time, next time it may not happen.You say you got an erection then you lost it then got it, that means its all mental so just relax enjoy the moment and think of her not the friggen porn.

Do your kegals cut back on the jerken, forget the viagra, relax and more importantly you should have a good relationship and friendship with your partner that way your dick will stay hard.And like formeandmywife said dont cum on her face and remember shes not a porn star so dont treat her like one, porn is not reality its acting, its a fantasy so treat her like women not a slut i dont care if she a prostitute or a stripper or a slut or whatever.

Think about it man, you don’t have erectile dysfunction. You’ve been beating the bishop twice a day for years. Having ED would have stopped that from happening.

I know it’s been said a lot already, but you have performance anxiety. I thought it might help if I said something, because I’ve dealt with this before, and I’m close to your age, 23. Here’s what I’d suggest.

1.) Quit basting the turkey so much. This was one of my biggest problems. I would look at various things on the Internet, and have various fantasies, but the real problem is that I became too accustomed to my speed, grip, pacing, etc, something that no woman is going to be able to duplicate perfectly. But if you do it too much, then your speed, pacing, etc. is what you’re going to need. So cut that down, as much as you possibly can.

2.) Calm down. This is so much easier said than done, but I’ll bet that things aren’t so bad when there’s kissing, or even upper body stuff, but as soon as the action goes below the waist, you probably feel your heart rate speed up, as if you’ve been drinking Jolt Cola all night. Am I on target with this? Anyway, once you start worrying about it too much, you’re just starting down the path, worrying that it will happen again, and when it happens again, the whole thing snowballs on you. Pretty soon, you might go through what I did for awhile, which was almost starting to dread opportunities for sex, out of fear of failure.

PA can be a bitch, but it’s curable without pills. If you’re not dating this girl, consider not having sex with her. Emotional feelings for a girl can help, feelings you might get from dating them for awhile. If you do that, explain to her after awhile that you have anxiety issues. Women, despite how much we fear them laughing (mass media sucks sometimes) are pretty understanding about this sort of thing.

3.) Lubricants specifically designed for sex are a godsend. That stuff feels good, and will make sex feel even better. Try Astroglide or KY Warming Liquid, or something like that. Start with handjobs at first to get used to it, if you need to.

4.) I hate condoms too. The sight of one causes me to shrink faster than jumping into an Alaskan Lake. A lot of men have this problem. While I think condoms are a good thing to use, I do not. I have dated women on the pill. If your girl, or interest, isn’t on the pill, you might want to suggest it. If you really want to score points, do what I did, and offer to pay for half of the prescription. Then not only are you caring about her (which you should be anyway if you’re having sex) but you’re being a sweetheart as well, which could lead to more sex.

5.) Forget that whole cumshot thing. Remember, you just shot your wad and are probably in a pretty euphoric state. She could be pissed, and your balls are easily within squeezing reach. And women have nails. Sharp nails. If there’s anything worse than a woman scorned, it’s probably a woman who you just painted to look like Michael Jackson without asking first.

Good luck.

P

Hahahaha, you guys are awesome.

Yeah, I’ve realized that the issue is performance anxiety, I’ve been chewing my nails all weekend just thinking about being with her again. I have cut down on the masturbating.

In the past few days I have had 2 opportunities to see her, last night I had to go home to see my Grandmother, and today after I did not show up for class she called, I had overslept, I told her she did not want to see me today as I am a mess and need to get organized.

About the anxiety, a friend of mine from out of town left behind a sample box of Paxil controlled release tablets, four 25mg tablets remain. I’ve been thinking about taking one and testing it out. I realize they are prescription but I just want to see what I would be like without my anxiety for once.

In preperation I have gone out and bought a 3 pack of Trojan-enz lubricated and I also have 2 bottles of astroglide (its awesome!!!).

Thanks again.

I agree….casting your pearls, without permission, upon her face might invite a terrible retribution. I knew some asshole who used to love blowing ass in a girl’s face right after he nutted in her mouth. He thought it was the funniest thing since Henny Youngman. Needless to say, this would incense the gals & they would never blow him again. Well, I used to warn him about it, telling him about a scrotal assault or, worse, those 32 sharp calcium shards that were still around his weewee.

Of course, he did it one time too many, to the wrong gal. As a reaction, she savagely punched him in the balls. From what I understand, he went into shock, his bp dropped, he choked on his vomit & almost died. She panicked & called an ambulance. She apparently lied about what happened & he never pressed charges.

Doesn’t fart in girls’ faces anymore either.

Not much to add. But it is really essential to get your porn soaked brain a bit sober. It’s a different program which should be running your system when having sex. Instead of stepping back from this other real life person looking at you and causing nervousity you will - to the contrary - do another step towards her. You will need to trust this person and to open up, to feel comfortable WITH her and to be able to receive and to give pleasure…

About the paxil.

I don’t think I’d do it without a doctor giving the go-ahead. You could find yourself with your ED cured but not able to have an orgasm (frustrating - I have been there). Relax, communicate, this is playtime not showtime.

Listen to luvdadus. The class of anti-depressants which includes Paxil and several others also causes negative sexual fallout - libido loss, and ED.