Anal tear, rhoids, cancer?

I love you tube, you made me feel better, lol. :) )

Rundown,

Like several others here I have had all sorts of things stuck up my bum over the years, as I suffered from pains and diarrhoea. Eventually I found out it was an allergy to milk.

Usually they give you a barium meal dose for an X-ray. BE SURE to take a dose of epson salts or something to keep it liquid otherwise as happened to me when they forgot to tell me that. So make sure (ASK) them to give you something. It sets like concrete and you really have to strain to get it out, which is the last thing you want. So don’t forget to sit on the bog as soon afterwards that you can.

Anyway I hope it is something easily dealt with.

Good luck

Petit

Will they not tell me that I have to take something to keep it liquid? surely they would If they knew that my ass bleeds?

Surely a cancer would make me bleed lots each time and never bleed less… I went just now and went without straining AT ALL and only firing one lump instead of lots, and there was VERY minimal blood.

You guys have been so great, sorry for being soppy, lol.

Petit that was so :eek: . You are one smart ass :uhuh: , but I mean that in the best possible sense :kisskiss:

Nearly there rundown, I hope and I am confident, that everything will be fine and you won’t have that constant stress gnawing away at you. Stress is not good! :noreally:

They usually have a bathroom set up just for barium shits after they conduct there horrendous experiments on your ass. Do not worry about it though is it is not indicated for your condition. By the way, the sexy nurses are all around as you are firing white cloud bursts of barium farts out your ass at 1000 Hz. Avoid the barium enema at all costs, unless you are dying.

Rofl

rundown,

They should tell you and probably should give you whatever is necessary to make sure you take the right thing for your condition.

It was just that the Hospital in Manchester forgot. Hence my warning.

I’ve mentioned this before somewhere, But instead of straining, try just ‘panting’. That is huff your stomach up and down giving out short breaths. This works in the same way as straining but quick gentle pushes instead of one almight go.

Also stops you biting the woodwork whilst straining!

Petit.

I’ve just had a hospital phone up and cancel a hearing test appointment for today, for some digital things. It’s taken a year to get the appointment. So I am very miffed.

Cancel an appointment? Is this socialized medicine stuff that bad really? If someone stuck a screwdriver in your ear, they would find a way to remove it and give you a test here pronto. Of course pray that you have insurance or big money.

How does this appointment thing work over there? Over hear you go through the phone book looking up your speciality and just call and go in. Now if you have some shitty insurance (HMO) you go to your general doctor who tries to fix it first then calls a specialist if it is beyond his means. You get a referral to an associate of his that takes your insurance. Specialists seem to have a long wait of several days. Regular doctors are like come on in and dance around the cash register.

Someone once told me that sometimes socialized medicine becomes health rationing. I don’t know if that is to be believed or not but it sounds like it is a pain in the balls, a different pain in the balls.

How does it work? I am curious.

Hey Twat.

Our system is called ‘The NHS (National Health Service).

It’s pretty much the same over here. You go to your local doctor (general practicioner. GP) They’ll try and fix it with advice, perscription or whatever. If they think it’s neccessary, they’ll refer you to a specialist. They have to priorotise because of waiting lists ect., so in some cases you can wait for months for an appointment.

However, if you have an emergency (screwdriver stuck in your ear etc.) you can roll on down to your local hospital, and they have to fix it for you free of charge. In fact if you’re in any type of real trouble, they will keep you as long as is necessary or until they feel it is safe for you to go home.

Quite a lot of people have private insurance as well. This means if you have to wait a long time to see a specialist as an NHS patient, you tell them you want to be seen privately, and then it will usually only take a few days at most.

I think the NHS is a great thing. It can be really shit sometimes, but you can at least rest easy that if you’re sick, and broke, you will not be left to rot.

okies, I just been to the doctors and I feel no relief, the lady said that it’s pressure related and avoided the topic thoroughly. I explained that its mainly red fresh blood but occasionally dark and it happens everytime, and she just said it was pressure and that all the pains I get are just anxiety. Fair enough - I am very anxious… But this maybe shrouding a real threat. I am not happy or relieved.

Today though, I had lots of fibre last night and this morning and I had no blood in my stools cos it came out REALLY easily with no second push at all. If it was cancer, It would bleed everytime, right?

P.s. Dont stray from my ass :p

Socialised medicine. Here’s how it worked for my parents in the UK.

They pay taxes to the government and the government provides “free treatment”. At present a sum equivalent to roughly £1500 ($2500) for every adult is spent each year by the National Health Service. So in present day money terms over the last 40 years my parents have contributed to the NHS £120,000 ($180,000).

Over the years my parents were lucky and needed no treatment apart from a very occasional visit to the doctor which if they had to pay would only have cost a few hundred pounds.

Three years ago my mother needed a hip replacement. The NHS treatment waiting time for the op was two years. They don’t care about your suffering or quality of life. The older you get they probably hope you die and save them the trouble of treating you. Luckily my parents could afford to pay £7000($11000) for a private operation and she had the operation done when she needed it.

Will the government refund them some of the £120,000 they took to provide “free” health care?

If the government took your taxes and promised to provide a “free” car with the money you would end up waiting three years, paying a fortune and getting a badly designed, badly built piece of shit. Why do people think health care is any different?

Rundown

She’s probably right. You’re probably straining in the wrong way when you take a shit. The fibre thing is good too. I spent a month up in Edinburgh recently and I know how you lot eat up there (bacon, sausage, link sausage, black pudding…not to mention deep fried pizza, haggis, steak, whole deepfried black puddings and deep fried chocolate bars!!)

However, if you are still worried, go and get a second opinion from another GP. Or just pop down to the emergency room if you spot a lot of blood. You might have to wait awhile, but they’ll see you.

Did she check out your arse properly? I’m sure she would have seen if there was anything suspicious.

One more thing. I can do this because I only weigh about 10 and a half stone; I crouch on the toilet, instead of sitting on it. I know, I know, it sounds funny, but it is the more natural position to shit from and it means you hardly have to push at all to pinch a loaf.

Damn, you are narcisistic. All about your ass, eh? You, you, you, must be your favorite topic. Fine, I will honor your request. What form of fiber are you taking? Did she give you any anti-crazy script to help you along? That will really put you at ease and that is what you really want isn’t?

If you are taking a fiber supplement such as Metamucil, be careful with it. Don’t brew it up too thick. If it is too thick and you rush it down you can choke on it. So just follow the directions and all will be well.

It basically congeles it into this mass which grabs whatever is loose in your pipes and becomes one with it. Hence you get a more pliable super hanky shooting out your butt. Now large amounts of fiber takes some time to get used to, if you were starved of it before. It might feel weird after you drank it and get a really full feeling that you are not used to. But that goes away real quick.

If you eat foods high in fiber you should be fine with perhaps just one drink a day of the metamucil like stuff(if at all). Some people have a real dislike of the taste and you can now get it in flavors like orange. I like that flavor and put it in with orange juice or WAWA brand Orange Drink and it is tasty.

Your ass is your friend and he puts up with a lot of your shit. So treat him well and give him no problems. I am very proud that we got you to the doctor, took some courage on your part. Congrats Spock, I and the rest of the Federation are proud of you.

The chance of you having cancer is so slim it isn’t even worth occupying your mind at all. Just keep a watchful eye on Mister Hanky everytime you go and see if you see any blood. It takes a while for your ass to heal up, so don’t go insane if you see a wee bit every now and again for the first two weeks. Don’t sweat it.

Any questions just ask.

PS: Was the doctor hot?

Try and use really nice toilet paper or maybe even baby wipes to cut down on the soreness factor too. This might really help it out. Try and think positive and be healthy and all this crap can get behind you for once.

[OffTopic]
The NHS was a fantastic idea when medical care consisted of clean sheets, penicillin and a hot towel to mop your brow. These days people demand nose jobs for their mental well being. They train doctors and nurses who out of sheer desperation at the state of things, leave and take their skills to the private companies. Chances are if you go private you might get the same surgeon as if you went the NHS route, depending on what days he attends practise.

My mother has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I asked what day they would operate and the date set was over a month later! Even then she has the ring up on that morning to make sure they have room for her.

When I joined my company I was offered BUPA as part of the package. I refused it on the grounds that I believed everyone should have the same level of care independant of financial means, and that we should support the NHS rather than the skills drain. Over recent years due to seeing several friends and relatives getting short changed by the system, I’m now having a severe moral crisis about it.
[/OffTopic]

Rundown,
Blood in stools means only that. The link to cancer is something you made up to fill in a gap in the picture of what’s going on. It’s one of the most improbable answers you could have chosen. If I were a betting man I’d say that some time ago you had a particularly agressive dump that scratched the lining of the bowels, which has been irritated over and over without getting the opportunity to heal up, possibly forming some scar tissue.

What Petitfaun says makes a lot of sense to me. Being gentle and doing things to encourage soft stools for a few weeks is likely all that is needed to get things healing. If you doubt the competence of the people who assessed you then maybe you could ask for a second opinion, stating that they’re underestimating the gravity this situation is having on your general well being. I’ve read what others say about the blood being bright or dark, but personally I don’t think you can read too much from that. I’d say that’s more an indication of whether it scratched as you were taking a dump, or if it happened hours before with normal bowel movement.

“Did she check out your arse properly? I’m sure she would have seen if there was anything suspicious.”

No, she didn’t even have a look, just jumped off topic as soon as she could, I reckon she was scared that my ass would turn her on too much if she had a look? lol.

And TT, No, she wasn’t hott at all, lol. Infact, she had scarily huge fingers so I am glad that she didn’t have a feel :) )