Issues With Libido

Lately I’ve had very little, if any, sex drive. My new girl (who was my best friend for years now) is beautiful. A 9.5, if we wanna play that game. Not me saying it - just people who see her pictures. Amazing. I love her. Not a lack of attraction.

Regardless, I have trouble getting it up. I’m 21, which makes it worse. Now I think there are a slew of reasons. I’m going to list the possible causes, as I think this whole thing is multifactoral:

1) Depression. The past 3 years of my life have been hell. Loss of a father, a home, 2 best friends (overdose and suicide), moving a lot, full-time school and 30 hours a week of work, and insecurity in general with things. I know depression fucks with your sex drive.

2) Insecurity: Ties into the above, but it’s more on the border of performance anxiety. I’ve never had trouble pleasing girls I’ve been with in the past, but sometimes I just worry about the size of my unit. Now, I know that’s not everything, but it means something to me, and when I know a girl has been with a guy with a rep of being “huge,” it kills me, my ego, and apparently my libido.

3) Ephedrine. For awhile I took EC (ephedrine/caffeine) as a stack for multiple reasons (training, diet, general enjoyment). That’s the past few months now (maybe 4-6), and during that time, it was a dry spell. I could get hard and masturbate, no issue here, but I found out the ephedrine can cause a loss of libido, which could explain why I was able to watch porn and get hard and jerkoff, but not really just spot a cute girl and get a wild erection like I used to.

4) Porn. I, for the past months, became so into porn, my routine of popping on something, anything kinky, rough, a bit out of the ordinary, and getting off VERY quick, that’s it. No foreplay, nothing but my hand, etc. Lame, but that’s how it’s been. I haven’t had much interest in anyone, and I’m not one for one night stands. Since there was no relationship, I wanted no ass. Maybe I wanted no ass because my libido was dead then too, not honestly sure. Chicken or egg thing, kind of.

5) Testosterone Levels. I got this checked months ago. I had 436 ng/dl or so. I know that’s in the normal range, but on the low-moderate end of things. Naturally, you can have close to 1k ng/dl, so I feel pretty “blah” about this, although my doctor said it was nothing to worry about. I’m not sure.

6) Training. I haven’t lifted weights in at least a month or two steadily. I started maybe a month back, for a week, and then stopped. I haven’t trained consistent, and well, for AWHILE now. Maybe since I started taking EC stacks, around then. Either way, I know lifting has an effect on your testosterone levels, so maybe this would help. I workout and am in good shape, that’s not the issue, just no real resistance training.

7) DXM. This is the psychadelic in cough syrup. I don’t need to be lectured on it, so please no one do this. I always loved this drug, since I was in highschool. I’ve taken it for years when I have no responsibilities (school and work all done? then to me it’s like having a few drinks), and it hasn’t been an issue, but I know that when I’m ON IT, I can NOT get hard. Even if I watch the most gruesome, nasty porn, I do NOT get turned on. Mentally, maybe, but physically my body just doesn’t react. Not sure if it’s a nerve thing not signalling properly or WHAT. Recently, before classes started again this Fall (last week), I took a HUGE trip with some friends to cap off the summer. I’ve done big ones before, never was an issue, but maybe that, along with some of the other stuff above, has caused this problem.

8) Stress. Because of so many things in my life now, obviously stress may be an issue.

I think that’s all. I know it’s a lot, but I’m really trying to fix this. I want to please this girl. I can’t even express how much she means to me, and she’s wild. I used to love being rough and wild too, but lately I just feel so “blah” about my ability to not get it up, that it’s cratering my life.

Please help with advice. Thank you all.

Wow, man. All I can say is good luck, persevere and I think you know at least in some of these issues you can do something. I’m thinking about quitting porn myself, completely. Not sure if I can do that. But I noticed something… Any thing that has control over your life (porn, drugs.. basically bad addictions) is your “god”. And it’s weak, unmanly to let these things control you instead of just the opposite. And then you feel bad about it (->stress, if little) because it beat you again.. It’s such a cycle… And you have to ask yourself what is more important to you - drugs, porn and other bad habits that kill your libido… or better health and ability to please a girl.

I seem to have the same problem. When I masturbate I have no problem getting it up, or when I watch porn, but when I am with a girl and I know that she wants to have sex I cannot get it up, it remains flaccid. Please advise me what can I do, I don’t have a happy life anymore, I am getting depressed, it is simply killing me and it’s taking away the joy of life. Every time I try to have sex I just think it won’t get up and it doesn’t. I am breaking up with girls that I love and love me back because of this problem, I keep embarrassing myself and hope of a cure that can give me a happy life. Please give me some advices I am very depressed. Thank you

Dextromethorphan - Wikipedia

Pharmokinetically in the wiki article it claims to perhaps something to do with:
NMDA receptor antagonist - Wikipedia
http://en.wikip … igma-1_receptor
Sigma receptor - Wikipedia
Nicotinic acetylcholine receptor - Wikipedia
Serotonergic - Wikipedia
Dopamine reuptake inhibitor - Wikipedia
NADPH oxidase - Wikipedia

Never really heard of it before, but it has so much stuff going on in various subsystems, where to even start with it?

It’s old school Twat.

Since you have a lot on your plate, better start with which you can do something about, for instance porn and depression (and of course the factors affecting depression). Maybe make a matrix of factors versus how severely they affect you and how easily you can deal with them. A factor with high relevance and easy to deal with would be the first to deal with.

Start taking things off of your plate, first the porn, second the drugs. It should all come back to you naturally.

I hope it does, but what if it doesn’t come back naturally? I’m so afraid I damaged something permanently. Maybe that worrying is also causing the ED, though. I’m mentally sabotaging myself, and stressing about it so it makes it worse. Probably a bit of a circular situation here.

Is there anything OTC I can take that wouldn’t really have side effects? Or anything else I can start trying to do? Everyone says kegels, but I never see them improving quality of erections much. I know I’m doing them right, too. Stopping the flow of urine, making it jump, etc.

One thing I noticed is when I masturbate, the issue isn’t not getting hard at all, I just don’t have a high quality erection anymore. It’s always a bit soft/spongy, and pliable. Doesn’t get like a fucking brick like it used to. What could cause this, particularly?

Should I try pumping to restore it a bit? I know that’s been recommended before.

I really need to see a urologist.

Okay, thanks for the 411. I’ll be back, I need to steal a few bottles of laughing gas and stumble around my yard again.

See if you can find some pre-1970 Nyquil to go along with that.

I had this same problem not long ago, it was caused by anxiety for me, and the problem just made it self worse. The best way to fix it is to just try to believe that you are fine and have confidence, then it will make it self better and better in the same way that it made it self worse. It sounds like you just need to relax and try to get rid of the negative things in your life. It could take some time, but you should try not to worry about it. That’s the trick though.

Yes, I’m definitely trying. I tried clamping recently, by the way, and tightened a little too far. It didn’t hurt at all, but I noticed after 3 minutes or so it got kinda cold, but then I stopped and it was fine. I doubt that short of a session, that wasn’t TOO intense, could have damaged anything permanently. Either way, I won’t be doing that many clicks with a cable clamp again.

Also, I notice I’m not jumping as much when I do my kegels flaccid. I’m trying now, and looking, and it usually would shift a good deal. Now it barely is. Maybe the muscle is fatigued, or maybe I have some other issue there.

:( I hate this.

Go down your list and eliminate the most likely culprit first, then move on to the next one. Give yourself a pat on the back for each item you remove from the list.

Try l-tyrosine.

Hey Alma!

I think I can understand how you feel. It is very like that for me too.

I will not go into details, but I think that the number 1 factor in your problems is the depression.
See, A few years ago my best friend died. Nothing hurts as much as the loss of a loved one. And if I understood correctly, you lost 2 friends and your father. That is tough.
When my friend died, I think that a year passed with me having low sex drive; and I think that is perfectly normal.

So just hang in there. It will get better, I promise that.

What you can do in the meantime is maybe lay off the drugs a bit. I am a recreational drug user myself, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. But what I do know is that when I recreate a lot, I get cranky, I get depressed for no reason; not that it’s anything new.

I hope my advice helped. You take it easy now, friend, and just try to be patient and let your natural healing end. It’s not something you can rush.