Originally Posted by djrobins
It’s been three months. How are you and the wife now?
When I first saw this I said to myself, ‘three months wasted.’
Then I thought that I had ended a three month toxic contract job, so that was positive. Negative was that I was drinking too much in order to cope. Saw my Cardiologist who said the toxic job would have literally killed me as the stress and the drinking, so I am glad I pulled out.
As per normal wife drags me to the Dr, as I need to be fixed for drinking, and I get referred to a Psychiatrist. So I see her and go through the whole story thinking to myself how many times have I told this to different professionals. She says it is a global change that need to happen between all members of the family. She also says I need to address me first otherwise the family will just blame the alcohol. She also tells me I am invalidated, lonely, have low self worth and am trapped. All accurate. She then refers me to a Psychologist that she works with. So I tell the story again and she tells me she would like to see my wife and or wife and kids. If the kids come she said she will tone down on the sexual aspect of our relationship. Asked the wife to come and was told she was too busy. Fair enough to a point as she had to take her father to the Dr. Tried to reschedule to the following week and was told she would need to take the whole day off work to make it happen. Psychologist wanted to explain how all the behaviours of the family are effecting me.
Managed to get a week away with the family when lock downs were some what relaxed. Not bad but no intimacy.
Come back and good old Christmas day rolls around. I ran around getting ready all morning, didn’t eat and was probably dehydrated. Had a beer at lunch with family and it was 6+% and it hit me. Made it though lunch then later on I had a massive breakdown. The alcohol pushes the emotions to the surface and I was a mess. Ended up calling my mum and staying with her Christmas night and the following day. Confided in my mum that she was the only person I could confide in as the wife simply isn’t there.
I come home and two days later the wife and I start to talk. It starts to become an argument at which point I call it and say this is becoming an argument and I’m stopping. I try to leave and she is still arguing and grabs me. Funny how if I grabed her I would be the one charged, but she is a women so physically restraining me is fine. She then tells me I better to to stay with my mother. I’m still trying to get out of the room and she is still restraining me. I threaten to hit her, but don’t, and force the door open and get away from her. She then shouts, go on run to mommy! Then she completely breaks down in wailing tears. I think because of her mother’s distancing my wife has always done tasks to get her mothers approval. By the way, three psychologist believe I am right in this assumption. Found her a psychologist that deals with trauma and she told me in an other episode that there was nothing wrong with her, while she was crying at the time. That was probably a year ago. So I stay with her to make sure she is alright but by this time she is with the kids who are also telling me to go away. She keeps herself so busy all the time and there is nothing left, so she then breaks down. (She told me this morning she was going to plant some plants. Next thing I hear the mower start, but she can’t start it. So I’m expected to start it. Seriously this just happened while I am typing this! She has to keep herself busy 100% of the time and nothing left for me)
