My wife blames me for not making her cum

I would like to know if it’s me who has a problem or not.
My wife and I have very little sex because she has a tiny libido.
I have a high libido and I’m very frustrated about it.

However, when we make love I give it my all and it happens that she blames me for not being able to make her come properly, or that I sometimes finish too early.
Making her cum is really complicated because I have to take positions that are very hard to maintain.

When she blames me I feel like shit, I feel humiliated and I don’t understand how such a nice girl can end up being so hurtful.

At the beginning of our relationship everything was fine and the sex was great, but it’s getting worse and worse.
I want her less and less because I know that I will have to not fail, and that tires me.

Has this ever happened to you?
Is this normal with women?

I dont know what to do she seems to not understand at all when i talk to her about this.

Wow.

That’s something difficult to read, you shouldn’t be in that position. I’ve never been there, I can make my wife cum everytime, at least twice and up to five times in a session. I do it by rubbing her clitoris with my fingers.

Sometimes we want to be like porn stars, making girls cum ten times by only penetration, but these guys are an exception. Must of us wont last that much and aren’t that “talented”.

So, my advice would be to use more your fingers and mouth. Spend a lot of time in the previous. I actually never penetrate her without making her cum first just by rubbing clit.

Thank you for your answer, the fact is that I make her cum almost every time, but either it’s too early or I have to withdraw so as not to get her pregnant.

And she only cums once, once it’s good it’s over she doesn’t want anything more.

She is very selfish in bed, my pleasure I have the impression that she doesn’t care.

I feel contempt and it hurts me, because I tried to do the best

I see what you mean.

Yeah, same happens to me. Sometimes I wish I’d had less sensitivity as to endure more, that’s why I spend a lot in foreplay.

Other idea that I do is playing a challenge with her and see how many times she can cum and as I said before, it’s up to five cause she doesn’t like more. Her max would be two of three times.

I rub her to make her cum, then penetration in a position, when I feel I’m close to cum I stop and rub her til I make her cum again, then another position and repeat the pattern again. Up to three times with her.

Maybe if you put it as a challenge it could work.

the thing is that I don’t even want to make her cum anymore, she’s so unpleasant that I feel like I’m trying to please a girl who isn’t worth it

I’m sorry to hear about this. As you probably know, your problems don’t have anything to do with technique, positions, dick size, and all of that surface stuff.

I see words like: humilated, blame, hurtful, worse, etc. These indicate issues with your relationship. Do you talk to her about that (not just the sex)?

in fact I think it comes from her, I try to talk to her about it and I think she doesn’t understand that this is not appropriate behavior.

I ask myself how it works in a woman’s head for this kind of behavior to be normal with the person you love

We’ve been together for years and I’ve never seen this type of behavior, it happened to me but only with escorts

Very strange when it comes from your wife….

How old is she? Menopause can hit as early as 40.

She is 23

Sounds very upsetting. This is deep rooted in her. Unfortunately her problems now affect you and your quality of happiness. If you have anything left in you and you think she is worth the effort. Increase the romance have moments of touch cloths on with no interest in sex. Just tease both your senses. Don’t go for the goodies. A kiss on the neck from behind. A head scratch, random holding hands. Offer her your hand while driving palm up on the center console. This is a test if she is invested in the relationship. Some women go cold. They get spoiled and complacent and us men can get lazy in courting a non participating partner. 😒 it’s sad. Give it a try good luck.

First off I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. A healthy marriage can absolutely include some degree of sexual interest imbalance, but it never includes one partner being made to feel like a disappointment or that all the sexual pleasure responsibility lies with one and not both.

What it seems like from here is that the sexual issues could be the manifestation of some emotional confusion/immaturity on her part about what being an acceptable sexual partner in a marriage should be, which to me speaks to larger issues around self-esteem, sexual self-empowerment, a sense of mutuality with you and a drive to be the kind of lover that takes responsibility for both of your pleasure.

Many inner obstacles to being a compatible sexual partner can be present that have nothing to do with sex but reflect about her own emotional challenges and baggage, communication issues and confused expectations about what it means to be an equal partner (even with differing roles) in a marriage.

Plus it sounds like your frustration and hurt are probably starting to add to the dynamic, which will only increase over time if unaddressed.

Seems to me that one potential way to work with this is to see the sexual challenges as a prompt to work on what might be deeper issues in the marriage, ones that might manifest more and more outside of the bedroom.

It might make sense to seek a marriage counselor to try to work on resetting expectations, communicating desires and needs and working on whatever wounding preceded the sexual challenges, as well as the ones that have built up from them. Starting to work on the sexual challenges might lead to deeper unhealthy dynamics that are less apparent, so the effort might pay off in all kinds of ways that end up bringing you closer to each other in a more healthy, blanched, equally-partnered marriage.

Best of luck. I’m rooting for you.

I love reading how it’s always the guys fault, it isn’t! It seems when the woman has the issue it’s immediately projected to the male; you didn’t do this, you didn’t do that, you’re not making the entire effort while I lay here. Total b.s.!

So my wife before me had sex with 2 other men for 7 years, one made her cum once (the big O). ONLY ONCE!

When she got with me, she started cumming every 1/3 of times, the Big O. So what’s the deal?

Two things, age and thinking about this differently and from another angle.

Age: Starting in mid 20’s women are more able to cum than before, call it whatever you want but that’s a fact, women in general start cumming more mid to late 20’s with a big peak at 30. So think about her body changing, and that is totally cool.

What she wants, and what do you want?: I say this in many posts, each partner needs to tell the other what they want, even if uncomfortable or holding back because you don’t want to cause drama. If I were you, I WOULD BE ESTATIC that she is saying what she wants. Think that way! Be so happy that she is telling you this and not holding back.
Because now, it’s your turn, tell her what you want, tell her what outfits you like her wearing around the house, how many times you like sex, blow jobs, role playing, sexy panties, wigs, what ever it is, tell her. Now she knows if she wants to CUM she has to deliver, she is no princess here, she is your wife and must deliver satisfaction. In time, you will know how much time you need to go down on her before sex starts and you know aprox how long it takes you to cum.

My wife for 14 years, NEVER played with her pussy in sex. After we had our talk and she says she wants to cum more, she now plays with her pussy while I finger her, she rubs when I am penetrating half way. Things have changed in the bed room because she told me what she wants. But more importantly, she knows what I want, so when she wears tight shirts and shorts at home, I want her all the time. I tell her, this is not your moms house, this is our palace, and here you are a queen but a queen delivers.

I have many more examples of what wifey does now, so see my past posts.