Advices

Hello friends.
Let’s see if you could advise me with my situation.

I am 22 years old and I am a virgin, and not because of i don’t have any opportunities but because of complexes, every time I have an opportunity I discard it out of shame or we don’t get anywhere because I don’t take the step forward. Some friends have already come to think that I am gay.
My problem is about my penis size. I have measurements of 5’1-5’5 NBP and about 4’3-4’5 EG, this variation depends on my EQ erection. I have to say that my biggest complex is with the thickness, I feel that it is very thin.

I feel that all my friends have higher measurements, because of their comments about their measurements and because they are not ashamed at all. On top of that, if you watch porn videos, all you do is see a very huge penis, which makes the complex worse.
I feel like I’m below average and when I’m with a girl she will laugh at me because of my measurements.

This problem affected me in many aspects of my life and has had me in a small depression for a long time.
I don’t know how to move forward and one day be with a girl without fear.
What do you advise me, friends?
Thanks to all.

Welcome aboard, Foras!

I have good news and bad news for you.

The good news is, using the handy tool at calcsd.info, you’re just a tick more than average on length and an equal tick less than average in girth. As in, you have an absolutely average, normal penis.

The bad news is, your head is fucked up.

[sigh]

For the first, what your friends say is hardly something you should pin your mental health on.

For the second, pornography selects men who are large, women who are small, and advantageous camera angles to make the men look even larger.

For the third… that’s ‘fear of rejection’. And it’s based on the false presumption that you’re undersized. Do you want to know something interesting? There are guys here who are in the "horse cock" size range who agonize over their size just like you. So you’re not alone with your worries.

Telling you some variant of "get over it" is unlikely to be effective. However, you *can* make your penis larger. Would that be acceptable?

Spend a few hours familiarizing yourself with the site. Follow the directions on how to properly measure your penis. Start a logbook with that, or use the very nice personal statistics page that came with your login. Then follow the directions on the "newbie routine."

Hello Andy.
I know that maybe it’s just in my head but it’s so hard to change. There is something inside your head that even if you are average, always makes you think that you are not enough, it would be because of the comparisons. Well that’s how we human beings are, we will never be happy with what we have, no matter what you have.

I will think about the advice you give me and try to change that thinking, since it does not cause anything good, only bad things.
Thanks Andy, greetings.

There’s nothing wrong with being average. There are many men out there taller, stronger, smarter, and better-looking than you are, but you’re not being torn up in knots about that, are you?

It’s not easy to change the way you look at things. Sometimes, it’s not even possible. But if you were weak, you could lift weights. If you want a bigger dick, start the Newbie Routine. You’re not a helpless leaf carried down the river of life; this is one of the things you can change if you are willing to make the effort.

Or do nothing. There are four billion men in the world right now. You’re bigger than two billion of them.

Yes, it is true that there will always be people more than you and better in many aspects of life, but I suppose this is the one that gives me the greatest complex, and it is difficult to overcome it. In many moments of my daily life, these thoughts come to my head.
Since you go with the thought of all the people you know or the couples of girls you know, even if you don’t know it, they are going to be bigger than you.
I know that it is not easy to change the way I see things before i starting the exercises, because i don’t want to start with so much complex and despair and have too many expectations of results, because this maybe avoiding in frustration. If I don’t change my mind I will always have this thought that will make me sad and have a full life.

I don’t know why, it’s so hard for me to believe that there are two billion men below my measurements. It’s more that, I think that there are a little few that they have the same lenth and eg that I. This thoughts I believe that come out of porn or the measurements when you talk to your friends, it looks that anyone of them are lower 6’5 in erection.
I think that my head is fuck off, and that all these thoughts do not allow me to be happy and to be able to remove the shame of having any contact with girls, since I am still a virgin at 22 and not for lack of opportunities.
Thanks to all for the advises and sorry for so much text, but it is one of the few ways I find to vent and get rid of part of this anguish that I live with every day.

Don’t worry about long posts. If it helps, go for it. We don’t judge.

My advice, stop thinking about it, and go have some fun. Life is not long enough. Forget about everything else and all your friends. Go to a different town if you need to, meet someone and have the time of your life. Do it for you and have it out. You’ll find it is not a problem, I promise.

It’s more about you, than your penis. If you can turn them on enough to have sex without paying for it, you already have their mind. That’s 90% of it. Just have fun and be yourself.

-Stay safe

Start the exercises. When you see your first gains you’ll be much happier.

I have this starting measurement. To be honest, I never thought of my penis being small. I didn’t even think about it until porn. I actually thought it was big when I saw other guys having smaller packages than mine. I guess I have smaller friends. But that doesn’t matter. Fast forward, I am married with a good sex life. I focused on learning how to get better at sex. My brother in law has a bigger penis. His wife said he’s terrible in bed. He finishes too early and doesn’t care about her feelings. Sex, intimacy and penis size are not directly proportionate. You can have great sex but you still suck in relationship. You can have great relationship but suck in bed. You can suck at both. You can be a sex machine and always be average size. You can grow your penis and still feel worthless. The point I’m making, sex and relationship requires skill improvement. Nobody was handed a manual at being a man. Stop comparing and start taking action and take ownership. The first time I had sex, I blow my load too soon. I really tried to hold it, but I couldn’t. So I said sorry. She said it’s ok, can we try again? So we kept going. I was eager to please. We have sex for hours. We kept trying. I read sex materials. I edged. I watched a different kind of porn, or maybe I took a different attitude towards the materials. Im trying to learn and understand what makes me a better lover. I’m still a work in progress. I still chose bad porn sometimes and I don’t watch it as often anymore. Your 22, you have so much potential to be good and ready for the world. It’s ok to make mistakes. But learn from it. Conquer your fears. Let me just say one thing. Sex is a practical aspect. Maybe your a virgin because your a Christian. I get it. I do. But you’re not going to be good at it on your first try. Nobody cooks eggs right in their first try. But don’t get discouraged. She’ll tell you what to do. Ask her what feels right. You can experiment and she’ll tell you if its good or if it hurts or whatever. She could be inexperienced too. Sex is a two way street. I’m not saying you force her to have sex with you right now. I’m just saying, its ok if it sucked. If it didn’t, you can still get better at it. Don’t feel pressured from your asshole friends. Some of them could be posers. I make a lot of sex talk back in College just to make me feel good about myself.

If I could offer one piece of advice for every young guy out there it is this:

If you wait until you feel 100% confident to engage in life you’ll miss most of what life has to offer. So just get out there as a work in progress, because the work-in-progress phase should never end. It’s the journey, not the destination.

Don’t wait until you finally get in shape. Don’t wait until you get that high paying job, or great apartment, or fancy car. And definitely don’t wait until you’ve done enough PE to finally feel like you have a big enough penis.

Get out there. Meet girls, enjoy flirting, enjoy dating, have some sex and see what happens. Sometimes it will be great and sometimes it will be awkward. All of it is wonderful if you start with feeling ok about yourself.

It’s ok to be insecure, just don’t let it stop you, and remember most people feel insecure so don’t invent a story that you’re the only one. Don’t ask or expect someone else to help you feel ok about yourself, but work on truly liking who you are and I promise this will lead to being magnetic. And then, as if by magic, people’s responses to you will help you recognize that you are actually pretty awesome. It’s a wonderful paradox and a positive feedback loop. But you have to get the loop started by knowing you are ok just as you are.

Have fun while you attend to all the self-improvement. In the end the whole point is to live your life in all the richness of experience. Of course you will win some and lose some. Of course your feelings will get hurt and perhaps your heart will be broken at some point. That’s part of it all. It’s nothing to be scared of.

Just get out there and trust that you are ok as you are, even while you are engaging in self-improvement and enjoy the ride.

Did anybody tell you you are good at this…coach? Where you been all my life? Sorry, sound desperate…ahem, where where you when I’m feeling down about myself, bro?! Thanks man!

Thank you friends for your warm words, they are a great start to get out of this darkness in which I find myself sunk.

I want this more than nothing un the world. I want to change my mentality, lose the fear of losing my virginity in case I get any negative comments from a girl about my attributes.
I am aware that it could be worse, but I don’t know why (I imagine it happens to all of us) I always focus on my negative attributes. I am healthy, I am a fairly physically attractive boy (said by people close to me) and I have good friends. But the issue of size is something that takes a lot away from my confidence and positive thoughts, I know this complex seems silly. But no matter how hard I try, it is very difficult to overcome, I would like to be able to get it out of my head easily and lead a full life without complexes.

Because living with this thought is super hard, because I should be a happy person (because I can’t complain in the other aspects of my life, I’m doing well) but this detail, this small detail, doesn’t let me live in peace.
I try also to don’t comparate myself with anyone, but is so hard. Everytime I see porn i am become very sad because I think that people have been lucky, but I have not been.

Maybe It’s a think that It change with the age, because I am very young. I think that maybe if I would have born with a good size, an average size ( let’s gona say a penis of 6-6’5x5) I never have this thoughts, but it could not be, the life is hard sometimes.

I’m going to start a change of mentality, and your advice is a great start.
I apologize again for so much text, but it is every paragraph that I write and write that torments me, it is a small relief for me.

I think the same. tenacious you are very good at advising and lifting people’s spirits. I don’t know if you’re a psychologist, because you’d be pretty good at it

I see that you start with the same size that me in both departments. You had any complaints about your size with your sexual partners un your life?

I didn’t. I avoided casual hookups, except for one time but I don’t ask opinions about my dick. I just ask if the sex was good. My wife told me sex with me was better than her prior lovers and that was before I even got better in bed. She told me my dick look amazing. She nicknamed me soldier. My wife was not promiscuous but she dated black dudes but that’s a stereotype.

I’m not into slutty girls but I’m not trying to downplay or exaggerate. I personally like my dick, even when I was 10 years old. Im doing PE because Im shorter than my wife, she’s fucking tall, really. So if I have a longer dick, imagine my face being closer to her face than my face on her boobs, nothing wrong with that but you get the idea. I’m perfect candidate to be a PE success story. Short guy with big dick, like Jordi. Sure there are a lot of short guys here but they already have big dicks and they want to be bigger. And even if I don’t reach Jordi, what I’d like to prove is that I reach my potential. I’d be happy with a 6+, even a 7. I mean I’m happy already but I’d be happier if I’m bigger. If I can make some money (in legal way) why would I stop with living pay check to paycheck? Right?

I’m not a therapist or psychologist. I’m just a middle-aged guy who is old enough to know that the stuff that used to twist me up in knots as a younger man was all in my head. It was a mind prison and the door was open the whole time. I just had to decide to walk through it.

There is a concept in cognitive behavioral therapy that avoiding anxiety-producing situations actually increases our anxiety and avoidance over time. The imagined worst-case scenario gets darker and more real in our minds. There are many techniques to start to soften this response and all of them involve acknowledging the feelings (so you don’t use bravado and pretend you aren’t feeling anxious) but you reframe the thinking patterns from worst-case scenarios to more and more positive scenarios, you challenge your worried assumptions with reality’s actual response being much more positive (the world’s feedback is almost never as bad as you imagined), and you challenge your insecurities by engaging in the very activity that your anxiety has made you avoid.

Bit by bit the big scary monster you’ve created in your head becomes smaller and smaller. Until you see it for what it actually is: just a thought in your mind that has no actual power.

Of course, you might spend some intimate time with a lady and she might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. But there is an opportunity there, as well. You realize that whatever she has said, or how she has responded that hurts your feelings is just her opinion and not an unchanging truth about you. If your opinion is that you are fine as you are (or you can learn/evolve to be a better partner) then it is just her opinion versus yours. People are incompatible for all kinds of reasons. Why should her opinion on an incompatibility mean something consequential about you?

You might consider looking into cognitive behavioral therapy to begin to unwind some of the anxiety that is keeping you from being your full self and enjoying the life you want to live. Another useful approach is mindfulness meditation, as it trains us to recognize thoughts and feelings as simply thoughts and feelings by watching them arise and pass away but avoiding identifying with them as "who we are." It can be incredibly beneficial.

I promise that once you’re on the other side of this anxiety you’ll wonder in amazement about how you could have cared about it at all.

In the meantime, yes, do PE. I hope you eventually end up with the penis size you fantasize about. And don’t do it because there is something wrong with you. Do it because you are on a lifelong journey of becoming a better and better version of you.

But please, please don’t wait to begin your romantic life until you get the penis of your dreams, because even you have a big penis you will still need a lot of practice to be good at using your penis and pleasing a woman sexually, whatever your size. So get out there and start practicing!