Jungle's Formal Introduction

Mr. Happy,

Your most recent post was duly noted and appreciated. However, I think with the “full story” here, I will step out of the way here in order for you to take the stage and impart your wisdom on him.

She said she only cheated 1 time. Beast I feel you my G but it’s a hard. I do not know.she texted me she loves me it’s just hard with the love and the hate.

There’s a lot going on here, Jungle112.

I’ll take it bit by bit.

I want to point out that I asked for pros and cons and you gave me 90% cons. That says something. You are unhappy.

That alone justifies moving on, no questions asked.

Even given this stuff, I think some of your problems here are of your own creation. So I’ll offer my ideas for your consideration for your future relationships.

In your adult life you are going to meet women who are sexually experienced. It is unrealistic for you to demand they sever all ties with their ex-s (or remove them all from their facebook pages). That’s just jealousy and it will get in your way of forming a strong bond with anyone. You must think on this and confront the guy in the mirror.

You think dating is tough now, see how far that shit gets you later in life. People have connections, and those connections are part of who they are; it’s none of your business and you can’t control it, so don’t bother.

Let me be clear, she’s guilty of some bad behavior too, but that part’s nothing you can control. The sooner you get clear on that the happier you’ll be in future relationships.

Now, I’m not saying that means that you shouldn’t have limits on what you want from them, and inappropriate contact is a whole other story. You need to be able to trust, and having clear-cut boundaries is very important.

However, your boundaries, at the outset, seem a bit on the narrow side. No worries, it’s not unusual. You remind me of me when I was young. Therefore, I’d say this relationship is for you to learn about yourself mostly.

Let’s take the example of the best friend, of whom she at first said nothing happened, then admitted a kiss, then some touching… all these stages of admission had to do with you. What you’d think of her. Because she knew you’d be upset. The other side of this is: she told you. So on some level she may well have wanted to be honest up front, but knew she was dealing with “a lion.” In a way you may have set her up to lie to you.

I’m not saying what she did was right, let me be clear, but she may have felt caught between a rock and a hard place.

Think about this: she lied so you wouldn’t leave her. That means she wanted you. Which brings us to this:

Things people say out of anger are not always true. Often they are not.

I’d say that’s definitely true here; she said that stuff because she was upset and angry and knew it would hurt.

Your English fell apart in the last sentence, so I don’t really know what you mean.

But the first sentence is clear enough. Ask yourself this: Why?

Why do you love her? What do you mean by that? You pissed and moaned about what hurt you and made you angry.

So what’s so good about her? There must be something.

In a general sense, there’s nothing wrong with her acknowledging that another person is attractive. Everyday we walk by people, strangers maybe even friends and we think, “Hmmm… I wonder what that would be like.”

Welcome to the human race.

With regard to the cheating, I would assume it was true if she went the distance to cheat with him. Obviously she thought he was attractive on some level. It would be pretty weird if she didn’t think he was attractive. Am I wrong?

What bothers me about her part of this is that it’s pretty insensitive, given the effect cheating has had on you. Now I don’t know how you got this part from her. Was it after the fight? Or during? That makes a difference. During means it’s just more of the same: button pushing.

If it was after, like I said: insensitive and a bit selfish. It’s a strike against her, but there’s a silver lining: she obviously feels like she can trust you. That’s important to consider.

Hmm…

then she said her type changes

That’s the most true thing she said, in that circumstance. I’ll tell you why, she’s really testing the waters of her sexuality, and compatibility, not to mention her sexual power and influence, and what she wants out of life. All normal things for a young person to be going through.

I would wager she doesn’t know what she wants.

I would also say that you should leave her.

But for a different reason than my colleagues here might suggest: it’s because you appear to need a different level of commitment than she is capable of giving right now.

You don’t want to be her back-up boyfriend, a safe haven she can rely on as she tests the waters. That won’t be good for your head.

So that’s my take so far.

How is she with you these days? Anything good to report? Or do you feel like trust is completely broken?

I’m taken back because.well yes.severe the bond. They are no longer your friend.the line has been crossed. No coming back from that. The stuff with her best friend she told the kiss when we were friends. Sexual experience is different then being a sleez. You cannot tell me that any amount of sexual experience or anything justifies letting those dudes get what they want and me getting poop’d on. Gotta head to class will post more later thank you all very much for input so far.

Am I being insecure or do I have the “right” to feel this way? The good.she listens most of the time, helped me stop doing most of the dumb stuff I used to do. She made a few drawings and such for me.but I feel I could get all that and more with out the sleez from another chick. You do not disrespect someone you love. I’m kinda un happy bout the sex toy raffle here at school because I feel like I’m being replaced.

These days there is still hate for her. I still do not trust her. She starts these little arguments and such.More when I get back.

My man stop this madness and just stop talking to the girl, shes bringing you down more then shes giving you love, shes fucking other dudes and rubbing it in your face and the way you describe her I can almost gaurantee that it has been more then once. You got a 8x6 homie, put it to good use instead of using it on some unappreciating ass skeet (sorry but the way she treats you she is) that thinks its small. You need to dump her and just NEVER talk to her again so the feelings of wanting to be together dont come back, be a man stand up for yourself and let the chick go, you will find another girl gauranteed. Dont get back with her after you break up either, the best advice I can give you is you really need to move on, hit the strip club man itll boost your ego and help you forget, make sure your wasted too if your 21.

If I were you, I would make a well thought out action plan to implement slowly over the course of the next 4 weeks that will convert this girl from girlfriend to easy booty call. She’s a prime candidate. The other guys she’s dated recognize that. And they aren’t freakin out over YOU. So why should you freak out over THEM? If you can’t beat em, join em. Meanwhile, you just might find the right girl for you in the process.

Ever wonder why a playa gets lots of booty? It’s cause he gets lots of booty. You’ve got to build your client list.

Ah, to be 20 again.

(I’m not trying to make it worse—-if it is love, ignore me)

Nothing wrong with pre-gaming it Beast!

Poop’d?

You are not wholly understanding my point. If she’s having a relationship with you, then she (or anyone) needs to be clear about what she’s doing and what her commitments are.

If you expect an ex to completely disappear from her life because she’s now with you, yes, that’s insecurity. It’s possible to break up with someone and remain friends. If you ask anyone to give up a friend just because of you, you’re asking a lot - too much, in fact.

If the ex (or ex’s) in question is flirting and hoping for another shot in the sack with her, you have a legitimate beef.

The divide has to do with her behavior and her demonstrated respect (or disrespect) of you.

You start to talk about the good and then go right back into what sucks. You notice that?

You’re pissed off at her.

Nonsense. That’s just girls having girl fun.

Nothing to do with you. If things were good between you, you could use it on her and it would only add to your sex-life.

Women rarely buy toys to replace anyone.

Get out now.

On this same note; have the “talk”. You know, “let’s be friends with benefits”. It’s not anger, frustration, neediness or desperation. It is simply, “I think it’s time that I play the field”. (kind of like she is right now)
That puts you in a position of power in this thing. If she crys and begs, stick it to her and stick to your guns. If she says “fine”, and walks out, you’ve cleared up a lot of grief in your life pretty quickly.

Remember, as Happy was saying, in so many words, young people do young people stuff. Everyone is learning about life, love, relationships etc. Start having fun man. You’ll probably get more tail than you think.

I always found being pooped on the number one reason to get out of a relationship ;)

Mr. Happy.It’s confusing but yes I go to the bad because it’s outweighs the good. I think that ex’s cannot be friends.they can be neutral till they want something. Time and time again it is proven. I will ask her to drop a friend it’s not a lot if you love someone especially if you guys were involved then it shouldn’t be anything to drop them. I do not want to be disrespectful and dog her out (booty call) and young people stuff is an excuse I think.

As far as the sex toy thing I feel threatened no clue as to why maybe because I feel we don’t fuck enough and this will just make it less.

Jungle,

I’m not necessarily suggesting to “get back at her”. I am suggesting to get rid of her. She is occupying minds of your mind’s time and effort I bet. There are so many out there man. Trust me. (it’s true)

I will take your word for it. Some how I feel this is some how my fault which from what I understand is. Am I being irrational with my expectations?

Look, it takes two to make a relationship work, ok? A girl doesn’t cheat when, or because she’s happy. (not necessarily with you, but herself) Are you a part of the relationship? Yes. Unless you have been verbally or physically abusive to her during the relationship, this is not your fault. (everyone argues, by the way, so that usually doesn’t count for being verbally abusive)

Quit blaming yourself for all of this. It appears to be a bad relationship, plain and simple.

Get on with it. Do you have a wedding date? Is she carrying your child? If the answer is “no”,..