Amerikanisch,
Sorry to read of your wife’s not so positive reactions to your pumped cock.
When I first started pumping I was amazed at how fat I could get my cock. I was also curious to see how sex would go with my now very swollen penis. Like yours, my wife was also not so pleased with my cock having been overtaken by significant levels of edema. While she was receptive and willing, she let me know that she didn’t prefer my cock being so “puffy”.
Since that time I have learned to pump in a manner that provides me with maybe just a bit more than 5% expansion, as compared to the 20% I was trying to throw at her when I was just starting out. So I have learned to keep both pumping set durations and vacuum levels lower, such as 10-15 minute sets at 5 Hg with spikes up to 8 Hg that I will allow to drift down. Generally, staying in the 5 Hg or lower range is safest bet, which you probably know.
My current style of pumping has allowed me to gain the additional expansion during sex without my wife grabbing my cock and asking herself, “what doesn’t feel right here?” Instead I can tell she is enjoying the experience and while she might notice it seems a bit thicker from time to time, she’s not entirely thrown off her game by the distortion of “puffiness”.
The discoloration is a little more challenging to control. My wife knows and accepts that I PE, so I think she just lives with my war torn dick:-) . I have battle scars and discoloration from regular PE.
Our women might be similar in that they really have no need for us to increase our size, so they look at us like we are insane. I get roasted by her over PE regularly, fortunately it is in that flirty comedic way.
Long story short, are you throwing to much edema at her? Might changing the process get you to the sweet spot?
Just wanted to share my personal experience on this with you, maybe something in it might help here.
Big gains to us all brother!