The wife thinks PE is having a negative affect on our sex lives

I usually don’t post long stories but here it goes. It all started during a family vacation in beautiful Cabo San Lucas Mexico. The first night we got there kind a late so of course there was no action in bed. The second night we had great sex (she orgasmed in 5 minutes) and then we watched a two hour movie however after the movie I was ready for round two. She wasn’t in the mood but decided to give in anyway. About 10 minutes into it she ask “did you come already are you still hard? It doesn’t feel hard anymore, you had to go a second time after I told you I wasn’t in the mood.” So I have known that our days of having multiple sessions in one day have been long over since we have three kids however I figured we are on vacation in this beautiful place overlooking the beach where you can hear the ocean just outside of our bedroom window maybe we can pull it off. Fast forward to our third night, we cuddled until the kids fell asleep in the other room and I start the foreplay massages while my dick was already rock hard (as always, more on EQ later). She rolls over and asked “are you horny AGAIN?” I just rolled over and went to sleep and decided I would not approach her for sex the remaining 3 nights of the vacation. You know the old wait for her to initiate strategy. I was frustrated at this point. Two night pass and she just enjoys all the romantic festivities that I have provided but come nightime she just falls asleep. So on the last night (after 3 nights no action) she falls asleep but this time I wake her up and ask “whats up with you lately? We haven’t been intimate in 3 days. You stated before we left that this is the first vacation in which your menstrual cycle would not get in the way”. She basically goes on to say that the sex was great the first night until I had to go for a round two. And that ever since I started PE my dick has changed. She thinks pumping is to blame. She also said it could be that her vagina is looser after having 3 kids (the last was in 2011). Guys my EQ has been excellent for as long as I can remember and she is tight on the entrance but I guess loose inside. She used to orgasm from penetration 90% of the time and clitoral the other 10% but the last six months something has changed and believe me I have only had sex after pumping maybe 5 times in the last year. That would be the only times when I could understand her that feeling like I was soft. As a matter of fact I reached down and squeezed it to check that night when she asked if I was hard and it was at least an 8 erection (only an 8 because its round 2). She thinks either she needs surgery or I need viagra. Thats when I told her that I have used viagra even though I didn’t need it. She started to go on and on about how all my decisions affect her vagina and how I need to discuss these things with her first. You see I told her about PE around the 6 month mark when I started pumping. The first time we had sex right after a pump she commented how I was hitting all her spots and also said wow, go ahead and pump all you want. Guys I am not an avid pumper. Two sessions a week was the norm until a few months ago. And I haven’t pumped for weeks now so definitely not affecting my EQ. More info: Our 5 year old daughter has been sleeping between us for the past 6 months and when kids are in the room she usually can’t orgasm. She also says her clit has changed and is higher and says it feels like I don’t know where it is anymore when I rub it or go down on her. She used to get her orgasm first and then keep asking me am I close yet because I have been known to go for a long time before cumming, now she just says get yours don’t worry about me. In all she says it may be that I don’t show my love and that I don’t care about her emotional side. She says I don’t listen to her and that I don’t know her because Im to into sports, reality TV, and everyone else’s well being except for hers. So she says all that and then another day she mentions that she may need vaginal rejuvenation surgery so I reminded her of Kegels and bought her sone benwa balls to work it out, for her not me. This is all strange to me because we had a great sex life for years after kids and 90% of the time she still feels snug. There is more but what do you guys think is the issue from what I have told you so far?

Ι would like to say that changes in a woman’s sexual mood are pretty common.

I would also like to say that severe changes in a woman’s sexual mood and behavior are suspicious.

I am just gonna say it straight. I think either she is having an affair or depression starts knocking on her door. That’s why she is not interested in having sex with you frequently.

That’s my opinion.

Cant make any assumptions but sometimes the reason given isnt actually the reason.

Remember foreplay starts with the dishes, vacuuming and keeping the house clean. High foreplay can be seen with making sure you help with the kids.

When you’re providing oral sex, make sure you reacquaint yourselves with her clitoris. She may notice the loss of vagina elasticity more than you do. If that’s the case, let her own that part. Women never want to be told they’re not snug.

It may be time to revisit the PE conversation. Reassure her you are doing itnto keep healthy and be the best lover for her you can be. Ask her questions and really listen to her responses.

My ex wife was almost exactly the same. Come to find out years later the cause was that she thought I was cheating due to long hours at work. She never once mentioned it to me while we were together. Long story short, most women I have known very rarely are completely open about what’s troubling them. Best thing you can probably do is show her unconditional love and see where it goes from there. Don’t get in a hurry expecting results, just like our exercises it will take some time to see a noticeable difference. This is just my personal experience, I wish you the best as I know how difficult this can be.

I know it was early and you were stressed, but can you please remember to use paragraphs to make your message easier to read.

What does this mean?

There can be many dynamics. He needs to ensure he’s taking care of her clitoris. Sometimes after having kids, sex is only with the lights off. My suggestion was to make sure he finds it every time they are intimate.

Finding a clitoris is easy. Finding her heart and emotions is likely a moving target.

Here’s my 0.02 cents.

Something is wrong, something has changed and it’s evident. Not only that, but she doesn’t want to address the issue and is using your PE as a scapegoat to avoid it. If us guys here try and breakdown your problems with your wife we will simply be shooting in the dark.

Women are complicated, we, not so much. We don’t want sex, we need It! This is the reason why we have to ejaculate so frequently. But there lies the difference, a woman in general likes sex but they need affection. That’s why a woman can be with the most hung man that she’s ever been with and he blows her back out on the regular, but she still leaves him. Her emotional, affectionate clitoris isn’t being stimulated.

Here is my suggestion. Take her out, just you and her and talk with her. Don’t ask her what’s wrong or what you’re gonna fix. Just make it clear that something is different but you’re here and you’re in it for the long run. You’re her man and that you love her no matter what! Establish the point that you are going to put your best foot forward in order to make her feel special, desired, and cared for and really mean it. That no matter what she’s feeling, that you are here for her! Affirm and solidify your new standard and make sure she understands. Don’t try to have a counseling, let’s break down all our problems and issues in one night kinda of evening.

Now this is the part where it’s going to take some selfless actions on your part. Cut out things that maybe a distraction from showing her love and making her feel special. You may have to just jelq for awhile! This time of selflessness will be all about her. This is a two fold benefit. For one, once she realizes you are striving for her, she’ll open up and you will see the heart of the problem and or two, she won’t open up and you will realize that it isn’t you or just her at all. That it’s some outside source. It is only natural for one to want to reciprocate love once they are feeling loved. I would also suggest some counseling as well.

I agree 100% foreplay starts long before we get in bed. You need to remember women for the most part are different creatures sexually. Also keep mind women go in peaks and valleys sexually and most of the time they’re somewhere in between. It sounds like your pretty open with her, you’ve told her about PE, so tell her NICELY what you’ve noticed lately. I’ve tried the whole I’ll wait for her to want it. All that got me was pissed off and frustrated. Lay out your cards on the table and ask her to tell you what’s up. And I definitely don’t agree with Bill nothing you said here leads me to think she’s cheating. I think it’s more of a you needing to show her more and add to that her being in a possible valley.

Also very very sound advice

Been in the same boat with my wife for a few years, now. Kids have a big impact on it, oh, and to anyone who suggests she is having an affair, SHUT THE HELL UP!

Seriously, that’s a horrible thing to say to someone.

Anyway, my wife and I used to have regular sex, but after kid #3, she just sort of stopped wanting sex. I kept pestering her and dug a hole with her, but about a year ago I started backing off and trying different things.

I tried dating her again. I set up a date night for us, started buying flowers, leaving notes and all that, even put balloons and a card in her car a couple of times, did goofy stuff to let her know I love her, but no dice. I mean no fucking dice, not even a kiss. I learned that lesson with the first wife, that when she checks out, that’s it, there’s nothing you can do but watch, but I tried anyway because I kinda like this one.

So after that didn’t work, I backed off, started giving her a lot of room but still trying to show her some affection. Again, no dice.

So about January, I told her she needed to do something about this, and do it now. I said, Go check yourself at the doc.

So she checked herself at the doc. Actually, she cancelled the first appointment because she tacked on a pap-smear during her cycle, more or less sabotaged her appointment, and had to reschedule it a month later. Anyway, she finally went, and I told her I knew how hard it was for her to do this, but it really meant a lot that she’s taking it seriously.

Doc said all’s well, get some counseling. Wife told the doc she didn’t feel much like kissing me or hugging me, even said, My husband tried to implement an eight hug per day rule for us, but I don’t have eight hugs.

Doc said (she’s a female, recently divorced), Oh yes you do! You’d better get into counseling, and once a month for a date night is not enough.

So we hit up a counselor about a month ago. No changes yet, other than it’s opening up a dialogue between her and me. I had tried talking about it with her, but she’d just say, I don’t want to talk about it, go take care of it however you want.

I’ll tell you right now, this muthafucker is ready for some escorts. The counselor asked how often we have sex, and I said, I want to hear what she says, and pointed at my wife.

She had no idea. That’s what I figured. She just doesn’t care about it or think it’s important, and I said, Last year we had sex about five times. We had sex back in February of this year, and last week. So twice so far this year.

Describe sex, the counselor said.

I said, Shirt on, hurry up and finish.

Wife said, Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Anyway, it goes on and on, but the point is that you need to open a safe dialogue with your wife, and it’ll probably require a counselor to help. It worked pretty well for me to send her to her OBGYN first, and have her make the counselor recommendation. I don’t think she realizes how important our marriage is in our life, and she doesn’t realize how important sex is in our marriage.

I told her the other day that a happy, passionate marriage is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our children. That’s all I want.

And some pussy once or twice a week.

- Saul

PS, this is my second marriage. The first went the same way, sexless followed by counseling, and the next step was I need space, then some push-pull, then a full pullaway and gone. I’m hoping for better results this time. If not, this will be the last woman I stay with this long. After the first rejection, done, gone, delete the number and moving along.

Not to discount the serious nature of your issue, but how do you have time to work on penis enlargement with three kids?

Ours are 8, 5, and 15 months, and my wife and I both work full time. Some days we don’t even hug, let alone have sex.

My wife has had minor body issues since our first child. Either she puts up a good front, or knows that I love her no matter what, which I do, and I tell her every day. Whatever body image thoughts she had doesn’t seem to bother her outwardly as much anymore. Truthfully, her stomach is slightly soft, but it’s not horrifying or off-putting at all. I love her and she knows it. I have “Dad-bod” and she has never said anything to me about being soft around the middle, or been mad at me if I occasionally lose erections during sex, etc. What it sounds like with your wife is that maybe she’s self-conscious about her elasticity, and hasn’t figured out the right way to convey it to you, or maybe even ask your out right, honest opinion. As men we have to be careful with how we answer questions LOL, but even though sometimes the truth can hurt, it’s better to put it out there than to go on not being honest.

If there is concern that she feels unloved, or that enough time is not devoted to her, there’s really easy ways to fix that: first, do things before she asks you to do them. Second, visible cleaning or when she comes home she can see that the floors have been mopped or vacuumed, or the kids are already bathed and in their pajamas, that goes along way. My wife has even told me in the past, even just seeing me interacting with the kids is a huge turn-on for her, witnessing me being an amazing Dad.

Do the small things. If she’s in the shower, put her towel in the dryer and hand it to her nice and warm as soon as she gets out. She will take notice of that. If she likes tea or coffee or whatever, fix her some and bring it to her unannounced. Even if she’s not thirsty, she’ll notice that you’re paying attention to her.

My wife is especially impressed when she comes home from her hour and a half commute and notices that the kids have eaten, homework is done, and cleaning is either in progress or has already taken place. That’s when she tells our oldest kids to watch our youngest for twenty minutes, so “Mommy and Daddy can talk while Mommy showers,” and then my wife will thank me for making things less stressful when she gets home via deep throat blowie, aka Shower Head.

Accomplishing all these tasks isn’t easy, but for the health of relationships and marriages, in the end it’s absolutely worth it.
Nobody wants to mop or fold towels or clean toilets, but these things have to be done. If you do them instead of your wife, she’ll notice and appreciate it. Take the kids out for ice cream and then run some errands for an hour or two, giving your wife some peace and quiet. When you come back and she’s refreshed, guess who reaps rewards: you :-)

Hopefully this can give you some ideas, or at least remind you of things that you know make your wife happy. I’m not suggesting you need to be the resident houseboy, but picking up here in there gets you mileage. Best of luck!

Great advice guys. I have opened this dialogue between us. I think Titliest was smack on about helping out around the house being a form of foreplay. I can easily fond out if she is cheating but I will give her the benefit of a doubt before I even look into that.

I also failed to mention that she went on the pill about a year ago because I wouldn’t get a vasectomy so it may have an affect on her sex drive and mood changes.

Sorry, I used to follow this but it was late and I haven’t posted here lately. Thanks for the reminder.