Crazy Tom's "Keep it short!" Jelqing 101 contest

Eight years ago, Tom Hubbard had a paid site and faced the challenge of serving up to a thousand visitors a day from one hundred forty something countries, using with very limited bandwidth. Since sending anonymous little Federal Reserve debt notes to some web host in Seattle required too much effort, he started reducing his description of penis-pulling. Alas, those early sites appear to have disappeared, so we are left to surmise how some furtive viewer in Papua New Guinea translated “If you pull it, it will grow” or something to that effect.

IF YOU ARE REALLY ATTENTIVE, you will notice that preceding paragraph has EXACTLY 101 words.

And I probably could have said what I needed to say with fewer, n’est-ce pas? So: I challenge you, lover of penis-pulling, to create a functional description of jelqing in 101 WORDS OR LESS. I don’t care how you do it: bullets, lists, and hey if you want to make diagrams that is cool because the lucky wiener (if there is one) will have his or her creation immortalized on a nationally-known web site.

There are no real rules other than the length limitation,* but if you insist that warming up must occur prior to any PE, you’ll probably be disqualified, since Tom has virtually NEVER warmed up. (Do I need to give back my inch-and-a-half? Or is that why I haven’t grown THREE inches?)

*in case you’re curious, KOG’s “Jelqing & Stretching 101” runs 1,852 words. We are looking here to reduce that verbiage by approximately 95%. Easy task? Maybe, maybe not. Who said this PE stuff was easy, eh?

In the spirit of Crazy Tom’s Penis Enlargment Haiku contest, I offer the following inspiration:

All you need to know about penis pulling, a brilliant Haiku by Tom Hubbard

I pulled mine. It grew.
Yours might do the same. Why not?
Only if you try.

OK? Got it? 101 words or less. Long in briefs good. Brief on page better. Get ready. Write!

- Lube up.

- Get a 3/4 erection.

- Make a tight ‘OK’ sign with one hand around the base of your knob.

- Take 3 seconds to pull the ‘OK’ sign down your shaft.

- Before you let go, begin the same process with the other hand.

- Don’t jelq with an erection, it’s dangerous.

Repeatedly run a ring formed by thumb and forefinger up the shaft from the base to near the glans. Ensure the ring has a smaller circumference than the penis and that each repetition creates an even internal pressure in the shaft that is much greater than that of a normal erection as it progresses. If it helps use two hands applying the second as the first reaches the glans, preventing, retaining some of the excess blood from the previous engorgement, use a kegel to supplement this effect.

Hows that Tom?

Hey, good so far. I realize, however, that I’m not the one to judge, since I already know how to do this. Hmmm. Any newbies want to comment?

Whit a 50% erection, form an OK sign with your fingers around the base of the penis and slide it (applying mild pressure) to the top using a lubricant. Begin with the other hand before finish the current move.

matti