Is It In Yet????

Thanks for your kind replies and advice guys and gals. I have been reading the replies but never had the heart to reply (or was it shame? Maybe a bit of both). Sorry about that.

I have recently decided that maybe I really should stop keeping my thoughts and feelings inside me and share them with a psychologist. Besides, he might be able to guide me in what I should do next. While over-analyzing has always been a problem for me, I think it has brought me a solution: to conquer the feeling of worthlessness (and I really should feel worthless) I have to improve myself. I need to become better than average at something. Be it my physical appearance or my speech or fitness or skills - anything. I need to stop being a jack-of-all-trades who can do anything but is worse at it than everybody I meet. Like playing guitar - I can play, I guess, but whenever I meet somebody who really can play (or actually had the luck of having a music teacher in school or a private one) I immediately feel inferior. But if I had a great set of abs or could play a didgeridoo like a pro I wouldn’t. So this is my plan - keep following my routines, add more weight exercises, start running again, work on my speech, visit a psychologist and get a skill that I could excel in.

Still, when it comes to meeting girls.. I’ve been reading ads on dating websites just for fun (or self-torture :/ ). It seems that most if not all have very steep minimal requirements, and those are physical ones, the ones that are deemed impossible to change, like height, endowment, handsomeness, you name it. And while I understand that and it is reasonable to have some physical preferences, it worries me how few women are actually interested in feelings or conversations or common interests :/ Maybe I should just focus on the physical side of me, become hott-hott-hott, develop the attitude of a bad boi and bring home a new slab of meat to bang every night like some of my old friends do. Then again, as I recently figured it out, sex with no feelings is less stimulating for me than masturbation and I would prefer a platonic relationship to relationship-less sex. But any way, I stopped paying attention to girls. I still am physically attracted (oh how many times I wish I looked in the eyes and not elsewhere, I just look way too needy) but since I stopped having conversations with them, I no longer get attached or like any girls emotionally. Maybe I have completely objectified them and think that they are all the same? Well, not all. But all have some minimal requirements for partners and I just don’t fit them - none of them. And then some people say that it is all personality and physical appearance does not matter, well, I suck personality-wise too. Maybe one day I will feel good and will be able to share that feeling with somebody. We’ll see how it works out in the end. Right now maybe I should just try to enjoy what I have and work on myself.

I’m rambling again ><
Sorry about sharing my thoughts too much. Maybe I should blog about this, keep a private “journal” (journals are manly! Girls have diaries!) and show them to a psychologist someday or just discuss them.

Thanks again for all the kind replies - you have been really helpful in calming me down and I think I finally got through the “anger stage”, I think I am finally accepting everything and accepting that I must do something about it.

Like playing guitar - I can play, I guess, but whenever I meet somebody who really can play (or actually had the luck of having a music teacher in school or a private one) I immediately feel inferior. But if I had a great set of abs or could play a didgeridoo like a pro I wouldn’t.

Thanks for your kind replies and advice guys and gals. I have been reading the replies but never had the heart to reply (or was it shame? Maybe a bit of both). Sorry about that.

I have recently decided that maybe I really should stop keeping my thoughts and feelings inside me and share them with a psychologist. Besides, he might be able to guide me in what I should do next. While over-analyzing has always been a problem for me, I think it has brought me a solution: to conquer the feeling of worthlessness (and I really should feel worthless) I have to improve myself. I need to become better than average at something. Be it my physical appearance or my speech or fitness or skills - anything. I need to stop being a jack-of-all-trades who can do anything but is worse at it than everybody I meet. Like playing guitar - I can play, I guess, but whenever I meet somebody who really can play (or actually had the luck of having a music teacher in school or a private one) I immediately feel inferior. But if I had a great set of abs or could play a didgeridoo like a pro I wouldn’t. So this is my plan - keep following my routines, add more weight exercises, start running again, work on my speech, visit a psychologist and get a skill that I could excel in.

Still, when it comes to meeting girls.. I’ve been reading ads on dating websites just for fun (or self-torture :/ ). It seems that most if not all have very steep minimal requirements, and those are physical ones, the ones that are deemed impossible to change, like height, endowment, handsomeness, you name it. And while I understand that and it is reasonable to have some physical preferences, it worries me how few women are actually interested in feelings or conversations or common interests :/ Maybe I should just focus on the physical side of me, become hott-hott-hott, develop the attitude of a bad boi and bring home a new slab of meat to bang every night like some of my old friends do. Then again, as I recently figured it out, sex with no feelings is less stimulating for me than masturbation and I would prefer a platonic relationship to relationship-less sex. But any way, I stopped paying attention to girls. I still am physically attracted (oh how many times I wish I looked in the eyes and not elsewhere, I just look way too needy) but since I stopped having conversations with them, I no longer get attached or like any girls emotionally. Maybe I have completely objectified them and think that they are all the same? Well, not all. But all have some minimal requirements for partners and I just don’t fit them - none of them. And then some people say that it is all personality and physical appearance does not matter, well, I suck personality-wise too. Maybe one day I will feel good and will be able to share that feeling with somebody. We’ll see how it works out in the end. Right now maybe I should just try to enjoy what I have and work on myself.

I’m rambling again ><
Sorry about sharing my thoughts too much. Maybe I should blog about this, keep a private “journal” (journals are manly! Girls have diaries!) and show them to a psychologist someday or just discuss them.

Thanks again for all the kind replies - you have been really helpful in calming me down and I think I finally got through the “anger stage”, I think I am finally accepting everything and accepting that I must do something about it.

It’s all about women claiming that their ex was bigger.

Just a regular standard story

I didn’t actually read your whole post, just the top part about your thoughts and stuff.

I have similar issues which I won’t go into which basically all come back to irrational thoughts… thinking there’s something wrong with me when there actually isn’t. I really really recommend you go see a psychologist. I see one regularly, and it really really helps just to talk to someone who understand how I think and why I think like I think… then explaining it and reassuring me that there’s nothing wrong with me. I really like my guy, hopefully there’s someone as good near you.

Do you tell him about all your dick issues? Thunder’s?

When I was in my twenties I envied so much when isaw big cock on porn films, as an asian an almost what I have seen the penis of my cousin is just the same size with me I thought, maybe americans because they are big and tall people they should have also big endowments, but I was wrong. One day while urinating in one of the movie house a guy next to me (he is a small guy than me) was also urinating, he had a hard on, and what I saw was his cock in my calculation it’s 7’.5” inches long and 5.5 in girth. I ask the guy how he got it he said just exercise your penis. From then on I look in all bookstore books in PE but found none. When I got my own personnal computer I search on, then stumbled on PEGYM site. Then thunder in which I am now hooked into.

He’s your therapist, nothing wrong with telling him all the craziest shit you can think of, I can almost guarantee he’s heard worse.

In college I had a teacher whom made each student go to the school shrink as part of our psychology class. So the day before I decided to fuck with the shrink. So I did some research and conjured up a few issues which really got the shrink interested. I fucked with the shrink so much that my psychology teacher had to tell me to stop fucking with him. So the second time I went to the shrink I had to tell him how it was all bullshit so he didn’t go overboard on the psycho babel.