My Premature Ejaculation

Ok, a little bit of my history. I’m 26, and have been having sex since I was 16. First few times, were typical, too much bumpin and grinding (I’m talking a couple hours here, hey, we were teenagers), and quick to ejaculate (not that quick, but quick enough).

After the bumping and grinding stopped, I had no problems with lasting. I wouldn’t say I was a grand champ, but I lasted long enough not to worry about premature ejaculation. I had steady girlfriends till I was about 20, always had someone to have sex with, and no problems.

Well I broke up with my girlfriend right around 20, and didn’t date again till about a year and a half later. I had a couple blowjobs from some hoodrats, but nothing of significance. As you can tell, I masturbated quite frequently during this time. I always masturbated, but just more so now that I didn’t date. I discovered a little trick during this time, that if I squeezed my ass while jacking off, I could speed up the process and get close to ejaculation faster. As jacking off wasn’t something I liked to enlengthen, I did it quite often. Unbeknownst to me, this was the PC/BC muscle, and it would now ruin my staying power.

So about a year and a half after I broke up with my long time girlfriend, we ran into each other and got back together. She initiated sex with me, and it was great, but not long after I entered her, I felt ready to cum. She was fine with it, and I did the stop/start method, pretending I had to rest. I figured it was just the excitement of getting back with her, so I didn’t really pay it no mind. But as time went on, I noticed I couldn’t ever last that long. It didn’t bother her though, because she doesn’t like long sex, she gets UTI really easy, so the faster the better sometimes.

This is getting long so I’ll cut it short. My premature ejaculation problem never went away, sometimes I’ll have good days, sometimes 30 seconds. Again it was not a problem with her, but we recently broke up. Since I will probably be back on the market, this is a dire situation and needs to be remedied. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out the problem, I thought it might be my sensitivity, but that was never before. Today I discovered something.

I was watching some porn, and getting myself hard so that I coudl take a picture and also measure myself with my newly acquired ruler. Since my goal was not to actually ejaculate, but to get myself hard, I was kinda stroking slowly and watching porn. Then I noticed, everytime my stroke hit the glands, I could see tugback. Every single time. Then I tried to stroke without doing a kegel, but nope, it was almost automatic. I was kegeling every single time my glans was stimulated, no matter what I tried.

I think this is the cause of my premature ejaculation. Unless everyone kegels each time they stroke while having sex or masturbating, it is my downfall. I did it so much earlier that now it is automatic. Even when consciously trying not to kegel, I kegel. I remmeber reading over at Dr. Lin’s actionlove (horrible, horrible site, like a fucking maze) that kegels were bad for staying power. Maybe it’s bad when in my situation, that your body automatically kegels during glans stimulation. Probably explains my extra sensitivity there too.

Sorry for such a long post, but … is there a way to reverse this? Shit it’s been going on for years, and I don’t think I can reverse it anyway, unless someone knows how.

The interesting thing is that I used to be really quick on the trigger but now I can last much longer (although still not to what I would personally consider ideal lengths of time), and my increased indurance is due largely to doing kegals while masturbating or having sex. I usually just hold the kegal for quite a while.. every so often I take a rest. I used to come so fast it was pathetic. Once I learned about the kegal muscle, I could last a hell of a lot longer.

So, long story short, I don’t know what to tell you since the exact opposite phenomenon occurred for me.

However,

I can speculate a bit and offer some advice:

1. maybe you’re too stressed now. It’s possibly even a "vicious cycle" where you get more stressed because you worry about not being able to last longer, which in turn makes the problem worse.

2. maybe you are too anxious. You’ve trained yourself to ejaculate quickly, which basically implies anxiety to ejaculate while masturbating (I think that’s a problem a lot of guys have growing up… they want to get it over with right away, especially so they don’t get caught). So somehow you need to "unlearn" that anxiety.

3. Maybe see a psychiatrist. I take prozac now as part of an ADD treatment, but it basically gives you staying power by reducing anxiety. I love it. I have, however, had times when I couldn’t get off at all, which seemed impossible to me coming from the quick-trigger side of the fence. The long-term plan for you, assuming a psychiatrist agreed that you could use some prozac, would be to "learn" not to be anxious and eventually get off the prozac. It’s difficult for most people to take it to the level of seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist though, so I definitely understand if you consider this something you can’t do.

other than that, perhaps try a book called "How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild)" … it has some techniques that teach you staying power. I was basically too impatient (read: ADD) to go through all the exercises, but I think there is something to it. Here’s the link: http://www.amaz on.com/exec/obi … 9634989-5861701

I don’t think that book is 100% realistic in that it claims that anyone can learn to have orgasms without ejaculating, but I do think there is something to the methods on learning about your orgasm and what builds up to it, etc.

Hope something I wrote helps….

Thanks for the reply.

About the anxiousness, I don’t know if I could call it that. I was with the girl for over 4 years, all anxiousness between us disappeared. I mean, she even lived with me. I knew that my performance would not make a difference with her. If I could last 3-5 minutes, she was fine with that. But I only lasted 30 seconds sometimes. To put it bluntly, she wouldn’t have said a damn thing if I didn’t last long, so I wasn’t self-conscious about that, I just wanted to last longer for myself. Again, it never really bothered me till now, now that I will probably start sleeping around again. In fact, already met two different chicks I could probably bang, but I want to fix this first.

Was thinking about self-hypnosis. Got nothing to lose, but hypnosis sounds scary to me. Was checking out the https://www.wendi.com CD’s. Anybody try self-hypnosis? Is it scary? If I forget to lock the door, would someone walking in think I’m crazy or posessed?

deeznuts (still love the name!),

Have you tried abstaining from masturbation for a couple weeks? I know this may sound absurdly long, but I’ve done it, and it actually gets a lot easier after the first few days. If you think that the conditioned PC is a problem, this will be enough time to let your PC muscle atrophy to its pre-megamasturbation strength. The only disappointment is that orgasm after two weeks off with no kegels or anything is very weak :) Once you start masturbating after your time off, work on edging and lasting as long as you can, being careful not to re-initiate that PC squeezing business.

Well, maybe you’ve tried all that. See this thread for great suggestions:

Methods to prolong sex?

The best, in my opinion, are learning to breathe deeply and slowly while distracting yourself, relaxing the PC (as you’re trying to do), jerking off a few hours before sex, and, per RWG’s suggestion, taking Viagra.

Oh, and I agree with Rocky that anxiety and expectation could play a role. SSRIs are great because they reduce anxiety and also have a direct effect on ejaculatory function (some guys experience inability to orgasm while on them).

deez,

I had the same problem as a young lad. Sometimes I could force myself to relax, take it slow, and last for a while. Other times, booze & drugs did the trick ;-) (not something I recommend heheh) Having a regular partner helps. I’ve had the problem off & on during my 15 years of marriage, often feeling that I didn’t last long enough for the wife.

But, overall I felt it was something that I control when I really tried, so when I began PE I didn’t think much about it helping this problem. But, after a few months, now it seems like I can always last as long as I want. In fact more often now it takes me longer to come than I’d wish for, heheh - I get tired & have to rest ;-) Besides the exercises themselves, (mainly stretches, squeezes and dry jelqs in my case) here’s a few things that I believe helped this condition:

Even though married, and with a wife who has a high sex drive, I used to masturbate frequently. After starting PE, I almost never masturbate anymore. The same feelings that would generate the urge to masturbate - whether thinking about my wife, or some fantasy chick etc. - now when I get aroused and have the privacy, I choose to do jelqs/squeezes etc. I will masturbate a little during this time, to keep up the erection, but never orgasm or ejaculate. Doing so, in effect is a form of “edging” where you masturbate close to orgasm but never go “over the edge.”

This wasn’t a concious decision on my part, it’s just that I was having to find time to squeeze in some PE during short bathroom breaks etc., and it’s difficult for me to summon an erection on demand for girth work etc., especially knowing I only have 5 minutes. So, when I get a natural boner I want to put it to the best use ;-)

Also, I’d read somewhere on forum about wearing boxers, so I switched from briefs. I do believe it helps a lot over time, to “de-sensitize” the penis a bit.

Hope this helps, if you search the forums I think RegularWhiteGuy had a bad case of this and had acupuncture treatment. Maybe he will comment on this thread.

Oh, one more thing that I tried way before learning about PE… quite often, afer I’d ejaculated and was still laying there, my wife would keep humping, even after my dick had shriveled up. She’d start just slowly, then really increase…usually causing me to slip out, but she’d keep humping harder! I always thought “how can she feel much when my dick is completely flacid?” So, what I did a few times, I did my best to hold back as long as I could - then I “faked” an orgasm. Then I’d just lay there, and let my erection sag. I’d let her start humping again, still acting like I was finished. Finally I’d start thrusting again, get my boner back and let her have it as hard as I could. By this time I usually didn’t last much longer, but it sure was fun!

wesb

Thanks for the suggestion guys, I’ll try these techniques and see what happens.

What does UTI mean?

Oh forget it, I just figured it out. Urinary tract infection. Duh.

Yeah you got it lol. Normally it happens when the girls “ahem” is infected somehow, like wiping forward instead of backward. But with her, it gets aggravated everytime we have prolonged sex. Kinda sucked, but what can you do?

“Kinda sucked, but what can you do?”

This is a long shot, but does she tend to put on non-cotton (e.g., nylon) panties after sex?? Those can promote UTI because of the lack of breathability. Also, do you happen to use condoms or a lube with spermicide? Nonoxynol 9 often causes UTI.

She doesn’t wear panties when she gets home. They come off. And no condoms either hehe, just rawback. Didn’t know nonoxydol 9 causes UTI. Gotta watch for that then.

deeznuts,

I too had the same problem with kegeling too often. I was never a quick cummer but I had read that you could train the PC to not respond to stimulation by kegeling the shit out of the thing I tried it and all it did for me was teach my dick to puke too quickly. (having been in a multi decade marriage, I had no anxiety issue either)

I think you can start to deal with the issue on two levels—

short term solution —

1) get some viagra or a product called Vahard (can be bought at Eckerds or Walgreens or from website.) The viagra will give you some staying power, start with low dose. The vahard will also give you staying power and has very very few side effects but does not work as quickly, needs a couple of hours. It will also increase the volume of cum. I don’t think you will be disappointed.

long term solution —

1) when masturbating, bring yourself to the “edge” and stop and do this as often as you can. DO NOT CUM. Keep masturbating, bring yourself to the edge and STOP, do this again and again for as long as you can hold off.
Use a timer or watch to keep track of your progress. This does work. You will see in a reasonable amount of time that you will be able to yank and yank and not cum for a long time.

2) keep up the jelqing AND don’t be afraid to stimulate the head a little, you need to be able to rub the head and not blow your load for a period of time. I am not saying to rub the head off but be able to jelq over it in a light jelqing session without the need to cum. After I started jelqing, I rarely masturbate, maybe once every couple of weeks. Although I do have sex at least 3 times a week.

For me I no longer take the Vahard or viagra for staying power. I haven’t taken viagra for many months. I used to be nervous that I couldn’t perform timely but that hasn’t been an issue for a while. Even last weekend I took my wife up to a beach and had sex twice WITHOUT the use of any drugs at all and I was just as hard the second time as the first. This may not sound like much to you young guys but when you are in your forties, encore performances are MUCH LESS frequent.

Good luck

678

Try this for a couple of weeks and I think you will be surprised at the results.

Cool, thanks! I’ll definitely check them out.

One thing I noticed, while whacking off the other day. I still notice myself kegeling automatically when stimulating the head, but if I start taking deep regular breaths, since I am preoccupied with breathing, I noticed less kegels, less sensitivity in the head, and a little bit more staying power. I’m going to work on that.

Deeznuts, maybe you should try some prolong gel.. I know durex has a maintain gel out there. There’s also condoms (Durex’s Performax and Trojan has one too) that make you last longer too.

Another tip i would have for you is take a nice long shit and also empty yourself of ALL urine. I always know i’m not gonna last for toffee when i’m still in need of a piss or a shit.

Sorry to be so crude :)

I tried those once, with my girl, to her mild objections (she really didn’t want me to last that long). All it did was make my dick cum, and sex was quite uninteresting. It did make me last longer, but a numb dick and an anticlimactic climax forced me to throw the bottle away. Luckily I got it for free.