How I cured my SEVERE premature ejaculation

To all of the guys out there who have suffered from premature ejaculation, this is for you. Let me start out by stating that I am not a very good writer and this post may be somewhat incoherent and unorganized. I have so many thoughts in my head about the subject that I will just try and get them out regardless of form.

Anyway… Let me begin by giving you a brief summary of my journey and I will later tell you about how I cured my premature ejaculation and all the techniques and tips I have developed along the way.

I lost my virginity when I was 17 and first realized this was a problem. I remember my girlfriend being on top and it being fine, but I ejaculated within seconds of me being on top. I figured it was probably just because it was my first time so I shrugged it off. Unfortunately my premature ejaculation didn’t get any better. I didn’t worry too much because I was so young I could ejaculate and keep having sex without stopping. Fast forward to my next (sort of) sexual partner. I was getting pretty hot and heavy with this chick and finally got her naked. I was only wearing my boxers, but when she started grinding on my crotch I blew my wad in my pants. It was pretty lame, but I guess I sort of shrugged it off. It was at this point that I started being really conscious of my premature ejaculation. My next few sexual experiences with different girls consisted of blowing it after a few strokes. I remember one time being with this super hot chick and ejaculating within 10 seconds, waiting twenty minutes for my second wind and then doing the exact same thing. This happened a few more girls over the next several years and I finally decided I needed to take care of the issue.

I found thunders place and began reading everything I could on the subject. I tried a kegel routine but that really only made the problem worse. Now instead of just blowing my wad in a few seconds I had a raging hard boner when I did it. I later found King G’s post about SSRIs and figured I would give it a try. I scored some pills online and gave it 4 weeks. I remember being able to masturbate much longer but not being nearly as hard. I finally had a chance to have sex while on SSRIs and they actually worked. I probably had sex for about 5-10 minutes before I blew it. I still had to take lots of breaks to keep my urge to ejaculate under control and my erections weren’t as hard but it worked. I had a little hope. I had sex a few more times like this, but still wasn’t fully happy with the experience. I felt like I had no real control and I was only able to last because of the drugs. I couldn’t truly enjoy the experience because I was worried about controlling my urge and my erections still weren’t that strong. I decided to move on and tackle the problem head on. I wanted to beat this thing from all angles and truly enjoy sex.

Without going over the details of how I did it (I will do that a bit later) I began to eventually improve. Sometimes I could go for 5 to 10 minutes on my own, but it was tough and I was worried the whole time. I still blew it in under a minute occasionally, but this was getting less and less common. I continued to improve. The average time I was able to last gradually increased, but I still didn’t have full control. My goal was always to be able to have nonstop passionate sex for at least 10 minutes. I realize that this isn’t that long for lots of people, but you have to understand that to me 10 minutes of nonstop sex seemed amazing.

Fast forward a few years. I am now in my mid twenties and have more or less full ejaculation control. I’m not a super porno style maniac or anything but I genuinely feel like a stud in bed. I can now have sex for basically any amount of time up to an hour and actually ENJOY it. Sex is a completely different experience for me now. I can now concentrate on pleasing my partner and actually enjoying the experience. Years ago I never had the thought “man this feels great!” when having sex, I was too busy thinking shit don’t blow it. Now I am able to appreciate the sensations I am experiencing and think about how awesome it is. I know 1000 percent that anybody can accomplish this too. It doesn’t matter how bad your premature ejaculation is, if you have a penis and working brain you can beat this. If I can do it, anybody can.

What follows is the path that I took to cure my premature ejaculation. All of my thoughts and opinions are based on my own personal process of trial and error. I suffered from premature ejaculation for years and worked damn hard to beat it. I tackled the problem from all angles because I believe that there are multiple causes to premature ejaculation. Please read this, but realize that all of it may not apply to you. Some of you might have different symptoms (I use this term lightly) and therefore might require a different approach. I think my techniques can help everybody but the order in which you apply them might be different.

Anyway, here we go… Let’s start from the beginning. Take a deep breath and fucking RELAX dude. I can’t stress this enough. Take another few deep breaths and relax. You have just started your journey to permanently curing your premature ejaculation. I believe that the causes of premature ejaculation can broken down into two categories; physical and psychological. I think for most guys with minor premature ejaculation the problem is most likely psychological. For those of us who have suffered from super severe premature ejaculation, I believe the causes are much more physical in nature.

I think anybody wishing to cure their premature ejaculation should start by edging. The benefits of edging are amazing. The real purpose of edging is to separate the sensations of physical stimulation from the need or urge to ejaculate. This might seem weird, but you should eventually be able to enjoy physical stimulation without it being linked to ejaculation. Although not necessary I believe it helps to take a break from actual sex while trying to develop ejaculation control. It is much easier to practice by yourself than with a partner and you don’t feel nearly as disappointed when you mess up by yourself. Start out by dropping all the porn, pictures, erotic literature, etc. We need to start from the beginning. Using porn and the like simply overwhelms your senses. You need to learn your body’s responses to physical stimulation without being overwhelmed by some dude pounding your dream girl in front of you. Your final goal with edging should be to masturbate for 30 minutes without ejaculating. Let me say again that this should be your final goal which could take months or longer. It took me years… Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and definitely don’t rush yourself. This will take time.

Anyway start out in a relaxed environment. If you live with your parents or wife and kids, I suggest waiting until you have as much privacy as possible. Take a few deep breaths and just try to relax. Start out slow and just masturbate until you feel the urge to ejaculate. Try and be aware of how your body is reacting to your strokes. Just be aware of what your body is doing, but don’t try and control it. Once you feel the urge to ejaculate just stop. Take some deep breaths and enjoy the awesome feelings your body is producing. Don’t continue until you no longer feel the urge to ejaculate. Repeat this a few times and end without ejaculating. Make sure to end the session WITHOUT ejaculating. This is very important. Your body needs to get used to stimulation without the need to ejaculate. You should be able to edge a few times a day for at least 2 or 3 days without ejaculating. Set goals depending n how severe you feel your premature ejaculation is. If you last 1 minute at first try making your sessions 5 minutes. If you can last 5 minutes at first try making your session last 10 or 15 minutes. As I said before your goal should just be to become more aware of your body and sensations. This alone will give you more ejaculation control.

What follows is a list of things I have learned about edging and how they affect the urge to ejaculate. Try and eventually add them in to your edging routine. One of the most important things about ejaculation control is minimizing tension in your body. When you edge try and become aware of the tension in your body and how it changes as you approach ejaculation. For example if you notice your stomach tensing up before you ejaculate, try and learn to control and minimize that tension which will help your ejaculation control. I recommend yoga and or a regular stretching routine. I know this might not sound logical, but I noticed an immediate effect on my ejaculation control once I began stretching regularly. There was much less tension in my core and stomach area which is very much related to ejaculation control. If you have any questions about which stretching either make a post or send me a PM and we can discuss.

Breath control is also directly related to ejaculation control. Your breaths should be deep and slow while edging and having sex. Think about it, when you get really excited your body naturally reacts by breathing shorter and faster. It seems natural to control your body’s excitement by controlling your breath. You will likely notice an immediate effect on your ejaculation control when you start using breath control.

Make sure to find your body’s trigger points. By trigger points I mean certain parts on your body that trigger you to tense up (and more than likely tense your PC muscle) and want to ejaculate. I had lots of these. I believe this is the hardest part of curing premature ejaculation because your body could have several trigger points which you need to learn to control. My biggest trigger point was on the underside of my penis right where the glands meat the shaft. This area was extremely sensitive and whenever I touched it I would immediately tense my PC muscle and want to ejaculate. My first big breakthrough was realizing that whenever I touched this part of my PC muscle would basically spasm much like it does before ejaculation. I think the point of addressing your trigger points is to minimize PC muscle spasms before the point of no return. I suggest finding your body’s trigger points and shutting them down systematically. For example I edge and focus on my glands trigger until I no longer felt the urge to ejaculate when it was stimulated. I did this by stimulating the glands until I felt my PC muscle spasm and then I would stop until I was in control. I would continue this process until I felt like I HAD to blow it then I would stop for the session. This took a good while to eliminate my glands trigger but it finally happened. I did this for all my trigger points until they no longer caused PC muscle spasms.

This next part is sort of funny and a little bit silly, but it helped a lot. I always noticed during my edging sessions that the closer I was to the point of no return the more I would clench my butt. I was literally a tight ass. Whenever I would fart (anytime, not just during edging) my butt would automatically clench like I was trying to stop myself from taking a dump. I later noticed the same clench when approaching ejaculation. I’m glad I finally realized this because it was a big step. I think my tight ass syndrome affected my ejaculation control because by involuntarily clenching my butt I would basically put pressure on my prostate. Anybody who has had anything up their butt can say that any stimulation of the prostate affects the urge to ejaculate. I went about fixing this trigger by trial and error. Basically I lubed up my finger and sort of roamed around in my butt until I felt comfortable with it the stimulation of my prostate didn’t make me want to ejaculate. It took a while but now my butt doesn’t clench up when I have sex or masturbate. It’s funny but I know it works because I no longer feel my butt clench up when I fart.

This section is more about psychology than anything else. I remember reading the book “The Joy of Living” and finding the section based on pain control. This is a sweet book that basically discusses the science of Buddhist philosophy. Although the section on pain control wasn’t intended to help ejaculation control it was definitely related. I tried finding the book so I could more accurately paraphrase the section, but I was unable to do so. What follows is the best that I can remember. When trying to deal with pain (which I basically took to mean physical sensation) you should concentrate on the pain itself. You should not try and think about making the pain go away, but simply concentrate on the sensation itself. For example if you are stung by a bee just think about the sensation instead of thinking wow I wish this would stop hurting. You will come to realize that the pain is simply a message your body is sending to you so that you can address the issue. Simply focusing on the pain is much better than trying to make it go away. As best I can remember, when you try to make a thought or sensation go away your mind basically associates the thought of making it go away with the negative sensation itself. When you just think about the sensation and what it is you are thinking about it in an objective way which doesn’t actually enforce any type of negative association. There is legit science behind this but I don’t have the book so I can’t really do much better than that. Try it for yourself. If you think about your wife or girlfriend being plowed by some stud and it bothers you try just thinking about the fact that this bothers you. Odds are it will sort of blow over. If, on the other hand you keep telling yourself to stop thinking about this dude plowing your girl you probably won’t be able to stop and it will keep bothering you. So how does this apply to premature ejaculation? Whenever I used to edge or have sex and would get the urge to ejaculate I would always try and make that urge go away. This is basically like telling yourself to stop thinking about your girl getting plowed. Instead you should be thinking about the urge itself and just what it is. Once I began to think “I feel like I want to ejaculate because my body likes what is happening”, the urge began to go away and I could enjoy the sensation itself. Remember you want to be enjoying yourself not constantly telling yourself not to feel good so you don’t ejaculate.

Gradually try and work all of this in with your edging routine until you develop some confidence. As I said before start without porn until you can control yourself. Once you feel comfortable I would suggest trying edging with some erotic literature. I think this is better than porn because you are using your mind and it is not as overwhelming as video porn. You can gradually move up to watching porn if you feel that is appropriate. The real goal is just to be able to edge for 30 minutes without ejaculating and feeling in control of your body and sensations.

This section is about kegels. I would recommend not worrying about this until you feel super comfortable with edging. I am a big believer in a moderate kegel routine, but I think it is pretty easy to overdo it. 15 minutes a day every other day (3 times a week or so) is just about perfect. I recommend starting out with 5 second squeezes and increasing your squeeze length by 5 every few minutes until you finish. I think my biggest breakthrough with kegels came when I realized you need to be sitting straight up to get a really good squeeze. Do not slouch your lower back as that will cause you to squeeze your butt more than your PC muscle. I realize that this section was pretty short so if you have any questions just let me know.

Once you get the hang of all of a lot of these techniques you will be well on your way to ejaculation control. Remember the goal here is to become aware of how your body responds to escalating stimulation. You should ENJOY this and not think about how not to enjoy it so you can make it last longer. This is counterproductive. By this point you should not feel the need to ejaculate every time you masturbate. One last tip for edging is to wipe the precum away as soon as it starts to build up. I haven’t been able to come up with a good reason for this, but I noticed it definitely prolongs your lasting time. Perhaps precum buildup triggers your body to orgasm and you just need to shut it off.

Now that you have your edging under control we need to be able to translate your new skills to sex. This is actually the easy part. Getting complete control over yourself through edging is the hard part. Breathing is key with sex. The more control you have over your breathing, the more effectively you will be able to control your ejaculation. I have come to discover that the first 1-3 minutes of sex are the most important (at least for me) in terms of ejaculation control. This is most likely a mental thing. If you feel like you are going to cum in the first 10 seconds, you very well may. If, however, you have your breathing under control, you are nice and relaxed, and you remember to enjoy yourself you should be able to make it through the 1-3 minute zone. It may seem counterintuitive, but it actually becomes exponentially easier to control your ejaculation after this time.

As far as positions go, remember that you should start in positions that give YOU the control. This is so you can control speed, rhythm, and power. I usually start in missionary with me on top for the first few minutes just to sort of get into the rhythm and gain some momentum. Once you start to feel confident in your session feel free to move around and experiment. Changing positions and speed is actually a good way to sort of cool off and not get overwhelmed. Remember it is ok to totally stop if you need to. If you feel like you are about to lose it just pull out, take some deep breaths, and enjoy yourself.

So this section will describe a pretty good technique that will really help when you first start. I’m sure some of you are well aware of this and can vouch for its effectiveness. The technique is basically a modified missionary position. Once you are fully inserted basically lay down on top of your partner. Relax and remember your breathing. Instead of thrusting all the way in and out, simply stay all the way in and grind on your partner’s pelvic bone. When done right this should be very enjoyable for both of you. I find that this allows you to minimize friction that would come from normal thrusting. Feel free to experiment and find how much grinding vs. thrusting works for you. This technique is especially effective during the first 1-3 minutes when you are both warming up. It will usually feel really good and give you some confidence/momentum for the session.

So that’s about it. There are still some random tid bits floating around in my head, but nothing is really clear enough to write. I will definitely add them to the thread when possible. Once again I really apologize for the lack of order and description in this thread. I wish I could express my thoughts more effectively, but I really can’t. Please feel free to PM me or post in the thread if you have any questions. If this helps even one person I will be genuinely happy. I suffered from extreme premature ejaculation for most of my life and beating it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Remember guys to relax and have fun. Hope this helps.

Editor’s note: So I basically just re-read this to check for errors and realized it is short and not nearly as descriptive as I wanted it to be. I mean this stuff took me YEARS of practice to develop and it takes like 5 minutes to read. I can’t really think of how to improve the actual post, but I really want to encourage you guys to reply or PM me with questions. I know how much premature ejaculation sucks. It made me feel really bad about myself for a long time. I can’t even really describe in words how much of a negative effect premature ejaculation had on me as a person. It actually hurts my heart to think about all the guys who suffer from premature ejaculation and don’t think they can beat it. I really feel like a happier better person now that I have beat it. So please ask if you have questions. I know I can help you beat this. It will change your life.

The post is too long and the paragraphs are to long.

You can write the most interesting post in the history of the internet and few will read it for want of paragraph breaks. I am going to insert some empty lines in between the paragraphs and see how it looks. Hopefully it will not need more than that as I am loath to break up actual paragraphs.

Back in a few minutes.

EDIT:

It is much better. Still bad enough that I won’t be reading it but probably enough better for a lot of you. I inserted double blank lines between blocks of text and only did so where it was obvious that the author intended a paragraph break. He has one paragraph that is page size, all on its lonesome. But breaking it into 6 smaller ones, which it needs, is a degree of editing that I feel would be wrong to undertake.

Guru5311, if you post an edited into smaller paragraphs version I will substitute it into the original post for you. Very good topic and I wish it was accessible to everyone. But plenty of guys, (old, headache, eye problems, small screen, etc.,) simply will not be able to read it as is. Your call.

For future reference: please no monster blocks of text. For example that monster paragraph should be, at a minimum, four separate blocks of text.

Hey thanks iamaru. Like I said before this was a little beyond my ability. Hopefully your changes will make it more readable. Thanks again!

EDIT: I thought about it a little bit and am still really glad I posted this. For guys like me who have it pretty bad they won’t mind reading through the BS. Thanks again.

It’s simple but it’s not easy (controlling premature ejaculation).

This is a very solid post, there haven’t been many good threads lately. Congrats, and I know exactly what you mean about the “butt clench” haha.

- Hope more people take the time to read this my friend.

Just read the whole post and I think it’s excellent. I can relate to it all. I can usually edge for about 30 minutes or longer without porn( although this changes depending on how aroused I am) but during sex I last about 1 minute. I think the ‘butt’ part is interesting. When I thrust I have come to understand that I cum faster than if I am just sitting still but also when I thrust my butt clenches so maybe these are related. Good post though, I will read it again and see what else I can learn from it.

Great post guru! iamaru helps you with editing; you help lots of guys that suffer from premature ejaculation; everybody benefits.

Great read. :)

Really glad you guys enjoyed the post! I will keep checking back in case there are questions.

Cruxx; if you have any specific questions or comments let me know!

This was a really great post. I suffered from severe premature ejaculation too. It resulted in the most humiliating moments of my life when I could not last more than a minute during sex to give my current girlfriend an orgasm. I’ve gained some control over it but I still try not to cum or think of non sex thoughts to keep from coming. Her favorite position is her on top and I either come within minutes or think non sex thoughts until I lose EQ. I’m best in missionary in terms of self control. I’m going to practice the things you talked about. Thanks again.

Hey dude if you have any specific questions or can give me some of your specific symptoms/bodily reactions I would love to try and help. Good luck!

Thanks for this. Have had problems for years but only seriously addressing them now at 24. Basically I believe I started watching porn too young (at 14) and this not only caused me to get used to coming asap and develop a habit of excessive masturbation, distorted my visions of girls and what is real.

It’s taken me years to acknowledge this and I definitely was in a comfort zone with regards to dealing with it.

The result, I don’t have hardly any control over my ejaculation, not like I would, but the biggest problem is I have gone floppy after a few occasions with my now ex girlfriend due to being to tense and ‘overpeaking’ - holding back orgasm and then not coming and then not being aroused any more/losing the erection. I have even used viagra (obtained through contacts) to prevent this embarrassing dilemma occurring on nights out.
It’s my biggest fear and I should get a load of pussy but this asides from obviously wanting a bigger dick (though not so much) is causing me serious issues and I sort of believe I stay hard and not come quick but know it’s going to take time

Would appreciate your views. Thanks for taking the time to write the post- I will try the edging and relaxing you have suggested and before I read it I have already banned myself from porn

Hey dude glad you read the post. I was basically in your exact situation. I never really worried too much about it, never really beat myself up about it. I think this is a good thing though because there is likely less deep seated psychological stuff you need to worry about. I would 100 percent start with the edging by yourself routine. Take a few sessions to figure out your body and notice how you react to things without being overwhelmed by porn or a real girl. Then post back here or PM me with what you are noticing and we can work from there. Let me know what you think.

Great post Guru! I am in the same situation that you used to be in. If I don’t control myself I usually come in about a minute. On top of that I have some ED problems and I often don’t get hard (luckily this has been getting much better recently.) I have been working on my problem in my ways including most of your suggestions and am lucky to have an understanding girlfriend of a few months.

The suggestions that I have never heard before is stimulating your prostate to get rid of the feeling of having to ejaculate. I believe this is also my biggest problem- since I starting kegeling a year or two ago, I get involuntary kegels that happen when I am aroused. They ALWAYS happen and I believe are a main cause to my premature ejaculation. I can easily edge for 30 minutes without ejaculating, but during sex, the spams come on and I last much shorter. They happen during masturbating too but obviously not as bad.

Can you go more in depth about how to do this exercise? I thought that stimulating the prostate is supposed to be enjoyable and lead to the feeling of ejaculation. How did you make this go away, and why would it go away? Thanks again Guru.

Hey Alex, I totally know the position you are in. I actually think the involuntary spasms are a result of thrusting. Like I described in the original post I always noticed that I would clench my but a lot and that I believed it stimulates the prostate. I think that you naturally sort of squeeze your butt when you are thrusting which does the same thing. The natural fix to this is to either stop clenching your butt during sex (I don’t know if this is physically possible) or to cut off the involuntary PC spasm that the clinch causes. Anyway I would recommend either using your finger or an object of roughly the same size and just sort of inspect your butt. I know it sounds weird and you will probably feel weird doing it, but it certainly helped me. Try to think about relaxing when you are doing it. Try massaging the prostate or any area that causes involuntary spasms. Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

I will try this, but just need some clarification. What am I trying to do while stimulating the prostate? Just continuous stimulation, or do I rub it and stop whenever I get a spasm? How long should I do it for, and how many days a week?