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Penis permanetly damaged after 1 month of PE, Rubbery feeling

In addition, when I tried reverse kegels to relax the pelvic muscles it caused urinary incontinence for a while (dribble after peeing) so I stopped doing them. I also didn’t feel my erections when I had 90% numbness so I literally had to look down and see to know that I had an erection. My testosterone and other hormone levels were normal according to the andrologist. I also lost my shit and cried like a bitch a few times during the recovery process. I hope you recover soon!


Last edited by Oberyn Martell : 11-19-2018 at .

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
Yes, I experienced many of the same symptoms. I was unable to get proper erections for a long time. I also didn’t feel anything when I ejaculated until a week after the injury. Then I was able to get semi-erections with a very soft and small glans. My dick shaft temporarily gained 100% sensation and erection quality 1.5 months after the injury for a few days and then went to complete shit again with 0% pleasure ejaculations again for a week but my glans didn’t feel anything and was completely white for like 2 and a half months. Then color and sensation slowly returned.

Also, my flaccid dick started changing appearance after the injury. At first it was like jello, I could bend it in any direction. Then stiffness slowly returned. It is still weird, a bit longer and curved when flaccid but everything looks normal when it gets fully erect. For me it is the exact opposite when it comes to getting erections - it is now very easy to get them when lying and sitting down but much more difficult when standing up (possible with porn or other heavy stimulation). My pelvic floor is also messed up and spasms and hurts in certain positions. I also went to an andrologist like you who prescribed cialis to me. It helps me get and maintain erections better and makes me last longer in bed (delays orgasm).

I am extremely grateful that my beautiful and caring girlfriend has been patient and not left me because of this yet. My dick has not yet fully recovered but it is close. Still a little bit rubbery but the sensation of normal skin is slowly starting to take over. Orgasms feel pretty fucking good again. I hope it will recover within the next 70 days (6 months after injury). The injury occured on the 28th of July (110 days ago).

Thank you for sharing your experience it gives me hope, I feel the dick is kind of getting better but the pelvic floor is getting worse so I need to do something to fix it very soon.

I saw my girl today and I had many easy erections after 2 weeks of almost none, but we avoided penetration sex because I was afraid to do a mess with my penis again.
I also have a “burning” sensation inside my CS and my glans, the thing that I had before this stronger injury, I don’t know if it’s a nerve pain or there is maybe an infection. If it wasn’t for that pain I can easily have sex and let the rubbery penis take is own time to recover.

For sure there is the anxiety part that have a stronger role than I can even imagine and never thought it may be possible for me to have this kind of ED problems.

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
Thank you for sharing your experience it gives me hope, I feel the dick is kind of getting better but the pelvic floor is getting worse so I need to do something to fix it very soon.

I saw my girl today and I had many easy erections after 2 weeks of almost none, but we avoided penetration sex because I was afraid to do a mess with my penis again.
I also have a “burning” sensation inside my CS and my glans, the thing that I had before this stronger injury, I don’t know if it’s a nerve pain or there is maybe an infection. If it wasn’t for that pain I can easily have sex and let the rubbery penis take is own time to recover.

For sure there is the anxiety part that have a stronger role than I can even imagine and never thought it may be possible for me to have this kind of ED problems.

I also had some pain in my dick during the recovery process (slight burning sensation). It is a sign that the nerves are healing. I get what you mean by anxiety contributing to this and I also thought I would never have any ED problems like this. This fucked me up quite a bit and I stopped trying to have sex with my dick, mostly resorted to other means to please my gf. Part of it was that I couldn’t believe in my ability to maintain an erection which turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy and I was also worried that I would reset the recovery process again. Our stories seem to be very similar. This is one of the worst things that can happen to a man.

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
I also had some pain in my dick during the recovery process (slight burning sensation). It is a sign that the nerves are healing. I get what you mean by anxiety contributing to this and I also thought I would never have any ED problems like this. This fucked me up quite a bit and I stopped trying to have sex with my dick, mostly resorted to other means to please my gf. Part of it was that I couldn’t believe in my ability to maintain an erection which turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy and I was also worried that I would reset the recovery process again. Our stories seem to be very similar. This is one of the worst things that can happen to a man.

How did you injured? Did you felt soft glans too? Did you felt also burning in the CS (the below part of the shaft that reaches the glans) and the glans itself? Did you feel too the sensation that the dick is not anymore part of your body, like it’s detached?

I injured with rubber dick just by masturbation, the day after I felt it like this, but for sure it was only the breaking point, I have damaged my penis with PE, especially by stretching too hard even if I stopped for 3 weeks it was still recovering and the pelvic floor was over stressed.

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
How did you injured? Did you felt soft glans too? Did you felt also burning in the CS (the below part of the shaft that reaches the glans) and the glans itself? Did you feel too the sensation that the dick is not anymore part of your body, like it’s detached?

I injured with rubber dick just by masturbation, the day after I felt it like this, but for sure it was only the breaking point, I have damaged my penis with PE, especially by stretching too hard even if I stopped for 3 weeks it was still recovering and the pelvic floor was over stressed.

Hahaha, what the fuck. I also injured it with a prolonged masturbation session which was the result of me trying to train myself to last longer in bed). I kept trying not to cum for around 40 minutes straight (I achieved this partially by clenching my pelvic floor and partially by carefully controlling the tempo) and at some point it became very easy not to cum. I thought that this was a good thing so I idiotically kept edging until I felt almost nothing anymore. When I finally came, it felt like taking a piss. I guess we both caused extensive neurapraxia (damage to the nerve myelin sheath) with prolonged stimulation. I thought it was only possible to damage the nerves by using a death grip or something. Yes, I had a period when my glans was very soft like a deflated balloon even when my shaft was hard. And yes, I had slight burning pain under my shaft and in my glans after a period of electric shock like sensations. This is a typical symptom of nerve recovery.

I also mentioned before that at some point my dick was so numb that I did not understand that it was a part of my body. It felt like I had grabbed some other guy’s dick. It literally felt gay holding my own dick haha.

I guess the good news is that you should expect a similar recovery process then. Right now my glans gets nice and hard, I feel pleasure when I slide my finger under my shaft again, stroking it and orgasms also have almost full pleasure again, still a little bit rubbery but much better. I got nice and hard many times when I kissed my girlfriend today and even when I momentarily imagined fucking her later on. But I imagine that I might still have slight ED in certain positions, did not have the opportunity to try today even though my girl was horny as hell. :/

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
Hahaha, what the fuck. I also injured it with a prolonged masturbation session which was the result of me trying to train myself to last longer in bed). I kept trying not to cum for around 40 minutes straight (I achieved this partially by clenching my pelvic floor and partially by carefully controlling the tempo) and at some point it became very easy not to cum. I thought that this was a good thing so I idiotically kept edging until I felt almost nothing anymore. When I finally came, it felt like taking a piss. I guess we both caused extensive neurapraxia (damage to the nerve myelin sheath) with prolonged stimulation. I thought it was only possible to damage the nerves by using a death grip or something. Yes, I had a period when my glans was very soft like a deflated balloon even when my shaft was hard. And yes, I had slight burning pain under my shaft and in my glans after a period of electric shock like sensations. This is a typical symptom of nerve recovery.

I also mentioned before that at some point my dick was so numb that I did not understand that it was a part of my body. It felt like I had grabbed some other guy’s dick. It literally felt gay holding my own dick haha.

I guess the good news is that you should expect a similar recovery process then. Right now my glans gets nice and hard, I feel pleasure when I slide my finger under my shaft again, stroking it and orgasms also have almost full pleasure again, still a little bit rubbery but much better. I got nice and hard many times when I kissed my girlfriend today and even when I momentarily imagined fucking her later on. But I imagine that I might still have slight ED in certain positions, did not have the opportunity to try today even though my girl was horny as hell. :/

Ahah what a similar story :D luckily you’ve recovered so I’ll probably too :)

So, you have recovered just by waiting and nothing else? Any pelvic exercises or pills? Did you saw a doctor? Have you found any medical theory for this injury?

I saw my doctor and for my low T he gave me some supplements to take, and testosterone gel (I tried it yesterday bad feeling, too high pressure), and for the ache in the glans a cream for scar tissue recovery, I’ll Try this weekend the cream (don’t want to may have bad feeling at work like when I tried testosterone gel)

It’s some days that I start to feel tickling on my pubes, on balls, internal legs, ass.. It feels weird, did you have that too at a certain point?

Quick update;
I feel the dick “hard flaccid” more frequently now, not always though, and I feel less the fluid sensation in my pelvic floor so it may starting to recover more rapidly. It still feels extraneous but a bit less and I’m kind of getting used to it so I don’t mind too much anymore.
I’m still stressed and I still feel more tired than I used to but my metal energy is higher, no more high obsession with my ED or penis size complex that gave me total exhaustion in the past weeks and months.

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
Ahah what a similar story :D luckily you’ve recovered so I’ll probably too :)

So, you have recovered just by waiting and nothing else? Any pelvic exercises or pills? Did you saw a doctor? Have you found any medical theory for this injury?

I saw my doctor and for my low T he gave me some supplements to take, and testosterone gel (I tried it yesterday bad feeling, too high pressure), and for the ache in the glans a cream for scar tissue recovery, I’ll Try this weekend the cream (don’t want to may have bad feeling at work like when I tried testosterone gel)

It’s some days that I start to feel tickling on my pubes, on balls, internal legs, ass.. It feels weird, did you have that too at a certain point?

Quick update;
I feel the dick “hard flaccid” more frequently now, not always though, and I feel less the fluid sensation in my pelvic floor so it may starting to recover more rapidly. It still feels extraneous but a bit less and I’m kind of getting used to it so I don’t mind too much anymore.
I’m still stressed and I still feel more tired than I used to but my metal energy is higher, no more high obsession with my ED or penis size complex that gave me total exhaustion in the past weeks and months.

Hey, your body will do pretty much all of the work for you. I did take supplements like ginkgo biloba pills which have neuroprotective qualities and I also did the hot/cold treatment by pouring hot and cold water on my dick from the tap, alternating between the two. This kind of shocks the nerves and makes them more sensitive but I doubt that these things actually helped with healing. It was just nice and comforting to see how over time my dick started sensing these temperatures much better. My advice is to leave it alone as much as possible and keep it warm to keep the circulation sufficient. Have an erection every now and then to keep the tissue healthy. Occasional short and light masturbation sessions are OK, just be very gentle and careful. It goes without saying that you should not be giving it rough treatment that might damage the nerves again. They are much more fragile during the healing process.

In the later recovery stages I also had the hard flaccid phase where my dick was really hard but tiny and shriveled up. It went away on its own. For testosterone I recommend regular weightlifting (a few times a week). Been doing it for years, really helps with confidence too.

Not sure if I had a tickling feeling and as for the theory I assume that it is penile neurapraxia (damage to the myelin sheath that surrounds the nerve which helps insulate the impulse) in the dorsal nerve that runs along the shaft of the dick. Over time the body removes the damaged parts of the myelin sheath and remyelinates it, strengthening the impulse. It is the least serious form of nerve damage and always heals over time, unless you have a chronic illness that constantly damages your nerves (like multiple sclerosis or diabetes).


Last edited by Oberyn Martell : 11-22-2018 at .

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
Hey, your body will do pretty much all of the work for you. I did take supplements like ginkgo biloba pills which have neuroprotective qualities and I also did the hot/cold treatment by pouring hot and cold water on my dick from the tap, alternating between the two. This kind of shocks the nerves and makes them more sensitive but I doubt that these things actually helped with healing. It was just nice and comforting to see how over time my dick started sensing these temperatures much better. My advice is to leave it alone as much as possible and keep it warm to keep the circulation sufficient. Have an erection every now and then to keep the tissue healthy. Occasional short and light masturbation sessions are OK, just be very gentle and careful. It goes without saying that you should not be giving it rough treatment that might damage the nerves again. They are much more fragile during the healing process.

In the later recovery stages I also had the hard flaccid phase where my dick was really hard but tiny and shriveled up. It went away on its own. For testosterone I recommend regular weightlifting (a few times a week). Been doing it for years, really helps with confidence too.

Not sure if I had a tickling feeling and as for the theory I assume that it is penile neurapraxia (damage to the myelin sheath that surrounds the nerve which helps insulate the impulse) in the dorsal nerve that runs along the shaft of the dick. Over time the body removes the damaged parts of the myelin sheath and remyelinates it, strengthening the impulse. It is the least serious form of nerve damage and always heals over time, unless you have a chronic illness that constantly damages your nerves (like multiple sclerosis or diabetes).

Did you talk with your doctor about this? What did he told you?

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
Did you talk with your doctor about this? What did he told you?

Yes, he also thought it was nerve damage based on the symptoms (at first he thought it was psychological) and told me that it should heal with time.

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
Yes, he also thought it was nerve damage based on the symptoms (at first he thought it was psychological) and told me that it should heal with time.

When did you start to feel it again? For me It’s almost 2 months and I don’t see any improvements yet. It’s still flaccid and extraneous.. Orgasm are less powerful and the penis still feels weird.

Sometimes it gets “hard flaccid” it stays small and it gets hard and difficult to bend, like it should be when erected without erections.. I don’t know if it should be good to have this few times or it’s just a “normal” thing when you get this extended flaccid..

I’m kind of relaxed, trying to think to other things also because I just don’t feel I have it anymore, but I’m starting to think it probably will never heal, I don’t see any real sign of improvements and this make me sad. Which were your sign of improvements?

I know I also have low T, and this lower my desire but I’m not thinking this extended flaccid is a psychological problem, too weird to be it, right?

Probably I feel ok, I act ok with people and when I’m alone but in the deep I’m kind of really sad, there nothing I can do and nobody I could talk about this except on the internet

Hi bro my symptoms and you symptoms same my injury penis stretching ,first symptoms rubbery penis spongy flaccid bigger larger 8 months ago

My symptoms changed over time I have Hard flaccid 5 month ago after Large Flaccid penis I have LF>HF>LF

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
When did you start to feel it again? For me It’s almost 2 months and I don’t see any improvements yet. It’s still flaccid and extraneous.. Orgasm are less powerful and the penis still feels weird.

Sometimes it gets “hard flaccid” it stays small and it gets hard and difficult to bend, like it should be when erected without erections.. I don’t know if it should be good to have this few times or it’s just a “normal” thing when you get this extended flaccid..

I’m kind of relaxed, trying to think to other things also because I just don’t feel I have it anymore, but I’m starting to think it probably will never heal, I don’t see any real sign of improvements and this make me sad. Which were your sign of improvements?

I know I also have low T, and this lower my desire but I’m not thinking this extended flaccid is a psychological problem, too weird to be it, right?

Probably I feel ok, I act ok with people and when I’m alone but in the deep I’m kind of really sad, there nothing I can do and nobody I could talk about this except on the internet

Believe me, this has taken a lot of the enjoyment and motivation out of my life too. I have no idea how my girlfriend is still with me. The recovery is not a linear process at all as I stated. Sometimes it improves a bit and then gets much worse again. The progress is like a saw blade that has a slight upwards slope.

Right now my dick feels more rubbery again but some things have been preserved like increased touch sensation, erection quality/response speed and orgasm pleasure. Don’t worry about it being two months, 2 months into my injury my dick was in a really shit state, I could not feel anything when I masturbated and it was really difficult to get hard. Three months into my injury I started seeing some small signs that my dick was starting to get better, I was able to get erections and somewhat preserve them when I stood up (but not get them from scratch while standing up unless I brought myself close to orgasm already). My dick was also hard flaccid a lot in this stage. Now I am four months into my injury and I have definitely not fully healed yet. Hard flaccid still happens sometimes but usually when I masturbate several times in a row and my dick wants to be left alone. It usually goes away quickly now. I assume that improvements will gradually happen for many more months to come.

Try to take your mind off your dick as much as possible and focus on other things in your life. Your body is responsible for healing your dick, let your brain focus on something else. Also, try to limit your masturbation to like once every 4-5 days so you mess with the healing process as little as possible. I know it is really difficult and sometimes I lose my shit and try to test if it still works several times in a row. A man can do weird things when he thinks he has lost his manhood.

Hey, at least we can discuss this and share our experiences here. There are guys on these forums who had full recovery after 6, 7, 8, and even 15 months. Let’s not lose hope.

Originally Posted by Oberyn Martell
Believe me, this has taken a lot of the enjoyment and motivation out of my life too. I have no idea how my girlfriend is still with me. The recovery is not a linear process at all as I stated. Sometimes it improves a bit and then gets much worse again. The progress is like a saw blade that has a slight upwards slope.

Right now my dick feels more rubbery again but some things have been preserved like increased touch sensation, erection quality/response speed and orgasm pleasure. Don’t worry about it being two months, 2 months into my injury my dick was in a really shit state, I could not feel anything when I masturbated and it was really difficult to get hard. Three months into my injury I started seeing some small signs that my dick was starting to get better, I was able to get erections and somewhat preserve them when I stood up (but not get them from scratch while standing up unless I brought myself close to orgasm already). My dick was also hard flaccid a lot in this stage. Now I am four months into my injury and I have definitely not fully healed yet. Hard flaccid still happens sometimes but usually when I masturbate several times in a row and my dick wants to be left alone. It usually goes away quickly now. I assume that improvements will gradually happen for many more months to come.

Only 4 months? I remember you said 6 months last time, so you are into healing only by a month?

1. Btw now can you feel it in you pants or not? Can you feel you have it without touching it? I mean you have awareness that you have it, and only when you touch it you notice it’s rubbery, correct? Or no awareness but just an increase of sensibility?

2. Did you also have pain in the glans while having sex? I only tried once and it was horrible.. And now I’m just resting, no masturbation, I don’t even feel the need of it (low T side effect)

3. For what concern you healing process, which Ginkgo Bilbao pills did you take? I saw there are many and I don’t know which one I should take, (there are some that you can take once a day or twice a day).
I’m taking a supplement right now that may help for low T, indirectly probably, that is called Dham, but I want to start the other one too, maybe when I end this one.

4. How did you do the hot/cold shock? Like 1 minute cold one hot for ten minutes? I’d like to try it, with water when I touch it after it feels better, maybe it’s not, but it helps my mind to think I’m doing something good for it.

5. Did you say something to your girlfriend? I told her that my glans was hurting and I can have penetration sex for a while, but I can’t go on much longer, oral sex instead felt good, but I had lower sensitivity and glans felt different.

6. Did you do also pelvic floor exercises? Which one? How often?

7. How is the HF? For me it can stay like that for like 1 minute and than go back to rubbery.. Or it’s something that stays like that for hours and day? Usually when I go to toilet and then I stand up, it’s harder, something like half HF.

7. Does your glans get filled?

I conclude saying that I’m trying to move on, not letting my penis define my life, and hope to get better soon, at least reach a point in which I feel I’m decent and my penis is working, not at 100% but at least no pain and a bit more sensation back, I don’t know if I can have it back as before again but I hope I can have it back at least to enjoy it again and worry less.

Sorry for many questions but I’m trying to have it more clear, so that I can have a better picture of the situation and know what I would do and expect without worrying too much and keep looking on internet for other solutions (increasing anxiety)

Thanks again for your support

When you have these abnormal and negative things happening to your penis after an injury and they don’t go away for awhile, you are going to have some anxiety about it regardless of whatever else you read on the internet. It’ll go away once it becomes more clear how things will turn out. Depending on the outcome, you may or may not move into other stages of the grieving process.

Originally Posted by Bunnybug
Only 4 months? I remember you said 6 months last time, so you are into healing only by a month?

1. Btw now can you feel it in you pants or not? Can you feel you have it without touching it? I mean you have awareness that you have it, and only when you touch it you notice it’s rubbery, correct? Or no awareness but just an increase of sensibility?

2. Did you also have pain in the glans while having sex? I only tried once and it was horrible.. And now I’m just resting, no masturbation, I don’t even feel the need of it (low T side effect)

3. For what concern you healing process, which Ginkgo Bilbao pills did you take? I saw there are many and I don’t know which one I should take, (there are some that you can take once a day or twice a day).
I’m taking a supplement right now that may help for low T, indirectly probably, that is called Dham, but I want to start the other one too, maybe when I end this one.

4. How did you do the hot/cold shock? Like 1 minute cold one hot for ten minutes? I’d like to try it, with water when I touch it after it feels better, maybe it’s not, but it helps my mind to think I’m doing something good for it.

5. Did you say something to your girlfriend? I told her that my glans was hurting and I can have penetration sex for a while, but I can’t go on much longer, oral sex instead felt good, but I had lower sensitivity and glans felt different.

6. Did you do also pelvic floor exercises? Which one? How often?

7. How is the HF? For me it can stay like that for like 1 minute and than go back to rubbery.. Or it’s something that stays like that for hours and day? Usually when I go to toilet and then I stand up, it’s harder, something like half HF.

7. Does your glans get filled?

I conclude saying that I’m trying to move on, not letting my penis define my life, and hope to get better soon, at least reach a point in which I feel I’m decent and my penis is working, not at 100% but at least no pain and a bit more sensation back, I don’t know if I can have it back as before again but I hope I can have it back at least to enjoy it again and worry less.

Sorry for many questions but I’m trying to have it more clear, so that I can have a better picture of the situation and know what I would do and expect without worrying too much and keep looking on internet for other solutions (increasing anxiety)

Thanks again for your support

Hey. I said that I will hope to heal 6 months after the injury not that I have been injured for 6 months. My next goal would be a year I guess, good to stay hopeful. Right now it is only a bit over 4 months.

1. Yes I can finally feel it in my pants now, sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable so I move it around in my underpants like I used to. If something like a hair gets stuck under the foreskin I can feel the irritation again now. The lower part of the glans is the most sensitive like it used to be because it is covered by foreskin (I have a loose circumcision with around half of the foreskin left. Around half of the glans is uncovered). I now understand I have a dick without touching it. Also, I can now feel quite light touches with my tip like when it brushes against my bed sheet. During the earlier recovery stages I had to apply heavy pressure to feel anything at all. Of course the sensation is not 100% yet but it does not feel that abnormal anymore as if I am missing a dick or something.

2. I did have pain in my dick when I tried sex a couple of times. The last time it shriveled up after that and became hard flaccid for many hours. That happened around a month ago.

3. I took some Estonian ones, doubt that you have them. I took the ones that you take once daily. It should not really matter which ones you take.

4. Don’t put any time limit on it, remove your dick ASAP when it becomes uncomfortable. It was usually something like 10 sec cold, 15 sec hot, repeat some times. Bear in mind that you should touch the water with your hand first so you can properly analyze if the temperature is dangerous and whether it can burn you. I guess your dick cannot sense the temperature very well yet. In the beginning stages I could have burned my dick off without feeling much. Now it senses temperature pretty damn well and my dick gets painful if it gets too hot or cold.

5. I told her that I have nerve damage and hope to heal eventually. I am trying my best to pleasure her in other ways and occasionally have a little sex, until it goes limp or something. I haven’t had sex in a while now, maybe I could stay hard now. Haven’t tried yet. She is still interested in me as of now and we meet and chat often.

6. Kegels and pelvic floor stretches. Look up some videos like this one:

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7. Happens very rarely now and it is not as severe when it happens. Usually happens when I piss it off by masturbating and orgasming several times in a row and goes away soon (minutes to a few hours). I try to avoid doing that now. The default stiffness I have now is pretty normal. Sometimes a little bit stiffer or softer than I would like to.

7.1. Yes, everything fills up properly now like before. My shaft and glans inflate and deflate pretty evenly again. It is more difficult to stay hard for extended periods of time but the first sign of deflation now is the dick becoming less stiff and a little bit more bendy instead of the glans shrinking immediately.

Don’t browse the internet, trust me I did that a lot during the first months and when I read a story of somebody not recovering it made me a lot more anxious and depressed again every time. The internet cannot help us with this issue really. We have all the necessary knowledge. Not even an andrologist/urologist can help us (BUT a pelvic floor therapist can help you get your pelvic floor fixed). Either we will heal over time or not. Maybe in 20 years there will be some extremely advanced technology to isolate and repair nerve damage like this but it does not exist now. Our nerves are not physically severed, surgery can only try to stitch together detached nerves for more severe nerve injuries to recover some sensation.

Here is some hope for you. During this manic browsing of all the web pages of people who had the same injury I also found dozens of people who said they recovered 100% or almost 100%. The shortest recovery period I saw was like 9 days, the longest around 18 months. Many people went through the same shit as we did. They lost their girlfriends, became severely depressed, anxious and/or porn addicted. And still, many recovered miraculously and resumed their normal sex lives, got married, etc. I know for sure that if I recover I will be extremely grateful and value every pleasurable sexual experience infinitely more. If I don’t, I will have to find some other purpose in life, now matter how many times I cry and regret my mistakes. I still want to have children somehow. Might be very difficult to find somebody willing with my condition but oh well.

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