Bigbear's Porn Detox Diary

74zoweee86 is right, slick. No need to beat yourself up. From the sound of things 6 days ain’t bad for you. Here is a link to a website I want you to check out:

Sacred Texts: Sexuality

On the left side you’ll see a list of categories. In the ‘S" you will see a category called "Sacred Sexuality". In that category you will find a book called "Male Continence" by John Humphrey Noyes and also "The Karezza Method" by J. William Lloyd. I know you are busy with school work but when you get a chance you should give these books a serious glance.

You are definitely in need of filling your mind with more wholesome material when you’re coming off porn. Porn is a very warped distorted fucked up kind of deal. And the sooner you can get away from it the better off you will be. You will probably slip and slide in the beginning and that’s to be expected. Do keep trying, however!! Porn is not stronger than you. It just appears to be right now. You need to put your attention somewhere else and I think these books will help you to do that. The way sex is portrayed in porn is base and unnatural and beneath you (and all the rest of us as well). I think if you read these books it will help with the masturbation. Instead of cutting yourself off so severely why not try setting a goal for 3 or 4 days or so and sticking to it for those days. And then if you feel like doing it then feel free for a day or so. But then immediately set another goal and stick to it for another 3/4 days and so on. It is very important however that you stick to the days you set. This type of discipline will help you greatly.

I just wrote and deleted my major league fucked up personal porn hell. It ruined my relationship with a great woman, who I met when she was doing porn. Needless to say it was a barrier that in the end was too much to overcome. Porn was certainly a toxic part of my life. When I went through the last few years in my mind, the rise and rise of harder and harder porn playing a part loomed large.

Porn is most certainly a very warped distorted fucked up kind of deal. I have never seen it more succinctly put. I feel that it is a significant cause of dissatisfaction within my life and I have removed it from my life. Only for a few days now, but I really do feel like a huge boulder has been taken off my shoulders. I appreciate that this is perhaps a more extreme case than most (though I would not doubt that there are many many more with more serious porn habits) and that others can cope with such a thing, but I can’t. So complete cold turkey for me. I have chose a job that means I have to travel abroad for the next month and am not logging onto the net for anything that I would not be totally honest owning up to… that includes this website… but not a porn site.

Now as for masturbation… it is a pleasurable experience. I refuse to not do it, but I will not do it with porn. Though my desire to do so has dropped without pornography. I have read a few things on this site and on the net in general that presents theories that marry with my own experiences that masturbation, and excessive masturbation in particular, are not good things. But with this I will wean myself to manageable levels. I will very much enjoy reading the books in the literature that marinderrick gave the links to.

Anyway, BigBear, keep it going. I have made huge barriers to viewing porn in the next few weeks. I know that people generally form new habits within several weeks if they positively enforce them. So beating yourself up over a relapse is no use, find something useful and/ or fun to do. Congratulate yourself on 6 days, and keep on trying. The next 6 days should be even easier. Use that pissed off attitude as proof that you are totally committed to this. I’ll stop now before this turns into a love in and I turn this into an episode of Oprah Winfrey.

BigBear - You are way too hard on yourself. Waking up in a puddle of jiz just tells me you are very very healthy. I could not live 12000 miles away from my wife, how long is that set to continue?

2) I am an expert on giving up things (this is not a brag), let me tell you a secret. When you “fall” after 6 days or 6 weeks or what ever, there is a tendency to think you have failed. Not so. You have simply had a gap of 6 days between porn.

So… don’t set your self up for failure. Use the Marky method!

My method is simple, it works well for any addictive substance.
Tell yourself, “I am going to increase the time between doing xxx” In your case xxx is porn, but it could have been cigarettes.

When I gave up weed and nicotine, I managed only a few days to start with. Eventually, I got to 4 years between smokes. Now you can blow smoke in my face, I just cough and smile :) . After initial “failures like you, I realised that setting a goal of total abstinence was just setting myself up for failure. So I said to myself, I am simply going to cut down and down, and if after several weeks, I give in - I’m going to enjoy it to the full, but carry on cutting down.

So with this method you can not fail, because there is no fail-criteria. And every day without xxx is a win.

I do not know why you also cut out wanking. Your wife may well be thinking that a little wanking will keep everything in tip top condition for her, for when she next has a chance to play with your dick. But sure, don’t do it in the middle of the night - get some sleep.

I hope you keep this thread going, it is an inspiration to all. Lets here it all, your days without, and your, ahem, stumbling.

Something to note:

Upon reflection over the way I’ve been over the past week, it may seem like I’m being thoroughly hard on myself. I guess the underlying reason for this is that I’ve never been truly addicted to anything in the past. I do, however, consider myself to be an extremist. It’s all or nothing with me. I find it very difficult finding a middle ground (which partly explains the mental side of my ongoing premature ejaculation…possibly).

So utlimately I dont know how to go about dealing with it.

You can see where the premise for my need for abstinence came from. Based upon the thinking that, if you want to be rid of something, simply take it away… I started associating so much negativity with what I was doing. My ever increasing sex drive. The need to ejaculate as much as possible. Premature Ejaculating becoming worse. Being apart from my gf. All these feelings and emotions somehow amalgamates together and manifests itself by means of me needing to ejaculate to feel good. It’s never enough though. As soon as I cum, within 2 minutes I’m ready to cum again!

So I figured instead of just chasing this “thing”, I’m not going to seek it at all. Let it come and find me.
I got so far (6 days) and I was hoping to make 7.

I’m never this hard on myself but, if we go to the root cause of it all, my premature ejaculation plays with my mind in obscene ways. I’ve gotten over the point of just sitting in my room and dwelling on it constantly. I’m way over that.
I live with it now, but I am actively trying to find ways to overcome it. Frustration at my own shortcomings is another reason for me to turn to porn. I’ve subconsiously used sex as a means for emotional stability but its not something thats physically possible at the moment. Porn is rife and so easy. I don’t need to worry about lasting long with porn.

I am desperate to fix my pe problem, so not being able to make my target is a disappointment. I guess I have been way too rigid in all this and I’ve learn’t the hardway.

Marinderrick,
you points about replacing porn with wholesome material does ring true! I can honestly say that If I wasn’t so hung up about pe, then I know that I would’nt even think about porn. I’m realising that about 99% of this addiction is all in my head. I’m just using porn as “comfort food” if that makes any sense?

I have been hiting the gym and getting into reading books again, so thanks for the website link. It couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time.

74zowee86,
Porn is indeed a distorted representation of sex. It’s hardly real. I don’t even watch “hollywood” porn anymore. I use the amateur stuff because thats what I can relate to. Although, since my pe problem, I have been drawn to watching couples have sex to see if there is anything I could learn from there to help me last longer. Then it got me. In much the same way that some guys get hooked on watching big dick porn through an inferiority complex, I find myself watching it because I am drawn to what pleasure the guy is giving his woman by just being able to make sex last for anything over 5 minutes. Something that I can’t do. A way to desribe my feelings here is that I’m in awe of these men. How do they do it? I’m not talking porn stars. These are real people having real sex. (I sound like an avatar for an amateur porn site!!)

It’s good that you have created barriers to keep yourself away from it. How do you think you’d fair being on your own with a computer all to yourself for the night?? Thats a test for us all!

Marky777,

Thanks for the support mate, your staggered approach to beating the problem is the route I think I need to go down. Same as what Marinderrick mentioned about setting smaller goals and having a “freeday” if needs be.

Me and the gf are in a long distance relationship… I’m in London, UK and she lives in Brisbane, Australia. We met whilst she was over here on a working visa back in 06’ and truly fell in love and have become inseperated ever since. She tried getting sponsored to stay on working over here but she had to leave when her visa was up.

We speak everyday via msn/webcam and texts and phone calls when we can. I won’t deny it is hard and it definately takes the two of us to make it work. She has to get up at 6am her time to speak to me! The poor girl. We have been long distance since Jun 07’ and its gonna be that way for a while.

You probably asking why I’m not over there already…

My problem is I’m in a band over here and we have just completed our first album which is due out very soon! It’s a case of weighing up the odds. I could happily walk away from it now and fly off to the otherside of the world and continue where I left off with Mrs Bear, but I’ve worked ten years to get to this point in my musical career that I would surely regret it. Believe me.. I have thought about it til I’ve been physically sick (and thats no joke.) I have said that IF this band doesnt take off after this album then I’m leaving. Simple as. I’m giving it til the end of this year.

On another note on day#7 I received the ESO book that you’ve been highly recommending and its really opened my eyes upto a few things. I can’t put the damn book down!!

I cut out wanking as a means to not turn to porn. Im at a point where I can’t do one without the other. I am hoping to change this of course. Back in the day before the internet, I remember just closing my eyes and visualising the hottest girl I knew. My imagination has been obscured somewhat!

But its all about to change! I really want it to. Ok, all this talk is making me hungry.
In a while….

BigBear,

I have written a huge amount about pe here at TPs just look at my old posts. As pe seems to be your core anxiety, just let me say that pe is the easiest thing in the world to overcome, trust me. Always happy to help.

I think saying its the easiest thing in the world is a generalisation. I’ve been battling this for about 18 months now! Although only sinced I joined Tp’s did I start understanding what was actually going on.

It certainly does seem to be easier for most guys to overcome this. I am determined though!!

How’s it going BB?

yeah its going ok. I’m starting again tomorrow with a newly found sense of motivation and spirit. I’m gonna beat this no matter what.
I’m incorporating exercises to help overcome premature ejaculation at the same time to make it harder to lapse into using porn.

So we’ll see how it goes.

I’m going to carry on this thread so keep watching this space.

BB

Hey slick!!
Wazzup?
In one of your earlier posts you said that if you weren’t so hung up on pe you wouldn’t think about porn. What I want to know is when you say “pe” do you mean penis enlargement or premature ejaculation? (Also pe could also stand for physical education since you just started going to the gym again).

By the way, my last bout with porn (I guess you can say it was a bout) was with amateur porn which I too find to be more relateable. I kind of liked the fact that I could see older people sometimes and fat people and basically sort of normal types doing mostly normal things.

Only thing is, is that I became fascinated with even that. I couldn’t stop watching it and it started interfering with other things. It lasted for about 3 months (this time). And part of the thing that helps me to stop is that I have to remind myself that porn is always going to be there and that I don’t have to be giving myself over to it and watching it like I need, need, NEED IT.

It is obvious to me that I do need something!! Porn however is just a distraction.something to keep me away from what it is I really need. And anything, I mean anything, that keeps you weak and needy is not good for you and is something that you “don’t” need.

Have you ever heard of Joel S. Goldsmith?
You should try and find some of his literature.
Can’t get more wholesome than this cat. He can definitely put your attention on other things. His stuff helped me to feel a lot cleaner on the inside.
It may help you too!!

Later

Check out powpow’s thread in the ‘Not Covered Anywhere Else’ forum about the porn detox challenge. I signed up. I used some as a jelqing aid this morning and like any junkie will tell you, it just wasn’t enough… Bit of an edging session…etc… Blam, all down the drain, but I have to get back onto the wagon.

Sorry guys I’m short of time but just to say “NO PORN for the bear today”

Did my first exercise towards fixing my premature ejaculation problem, but will fill in the details when I get a proper moment.

Catch you all tomorrow.

I’m just curious, with all these porn detox threads running around, what do you use to stay up while PEing? Just the feeling like back in the old days?

That’s my intention. Yesterday I used porn for jelqing. But now I am gonna use the old brain to play some scenario if need be. I think the old days are returning for me though ;) I guess it might be like going back to square one, but with the reduction in masturbation due to no porn, I hope it will become easy quite quickly.

Keep us posted on the PEing without porn. I try to watch NBC online while I jelq, with porn in the background, but I get too distracted by the shows. I’m on a 2 day off break, I think 4 days straight overworked me a bit. On Sunday I’ll try this no porn PE. I’m going to miss you Tory Lane…

You should try some nice meditation music! I haven’t done pe for over a year now but the last time I did I used a cd by David & Steve Gordon. They have a lot of ‘em. And also R. Carlos Nakai. He’s a native amerecan flutist (flautist). I find that doing pe is a perfect time to be with yourself and concentrate on you and what you’re doing. You should really strive not to rely on porn so much. That stuff is addictive and perverse and you’re really doing a disservice to yourself by relying on it so much. It’s going to wind up controlling you in ways you’re not even aware of. And it’s not easy to shake either.

I don’t know why you feel you need to have a television on while you’re pe-ing. You should try getting into yourself for a while and learn to concentrate on you and what you are doing!

(Just a suggestion)