female libido

Weed is fun time to time, but used often it just kills your libido in the long run.
When you’ve smoked since you were 12 and never quitted, that is a problem.
When you’ve never experienced anything other than orgasm with cannabis, that is a problem.
When you’ve never wanted sex without cannabis, that is a problem.

Well she told me she was going to quit so I trust her for that.
I just have a viceral hatred for cannabis because too many people compliment it and downplay the negative effects.

To me weed has lost a lot of it’s appeal, not sure why. In younger years I did weed and some cocaine. Never allowed it to remotely impact my life, be it professionally or especially libido wise.

I have very good weed in the house (white widow sativa). L and J (my wife and our joint fiancé) smoke a little on occasion, I think it’s because they never smoked before and it makes them feel “daring” now that they are going through their second teenage-hood and can do anything they want. But they only have a puff or two, I doubt it really has much effect (although white widow has a kick). I only join in to get a second hand hit when kissing them, but I have taught them to really inhale and keep it in, and I’ll prep them the water pipe and light it for them. They are orgasmic creatures and love sex anyhow, so the effect of weed in that department is negligible.

On the polyamorous side - I live in a throuple and am very happy in it. I have been married twice before (hence I am not retired yet :-D). I adored my second wife (we’re still like brother and sister), and her lack of desire was a major reason for us growing apart. I never wanted to really be with anyone else at the time, and she turned a blind eye to my activities, which I conducted discreetly. But it’s still a disjointed life to not be able to be totally honest with someone you love. To me, it’s fascinating that several of my friends now have open relationships - after being in their first marriage for 15+ years, they get divorced and approach life’s conventions very differently… and are happier.

My 2 live-in companions have a loving relationship with each other, in fact they sleep together most nights. I even gave them the master bedroom with the California King because it’s wasted on me :-) . They also sometimes have other girls and women join them. Not men. But while they have invited me to join on occasion when there is another woman around, I have never joined in, and don’t think I ever will. I treasure what I have. It’s not always easy though - just last Sunday morning, I am in the kitchen at 6.30am making myself a cappuccino, when in walks -in underwear- a very attractive bartender-model I have known for over 10 years from a trendy bar in the area, and she’s like “Hi P - can you please-please make me one of those? I’d offer something in exchange but I hear you’re out of bounds… are you?”. And I am “Where on earth did you come from, F? A hug and a brotherly kiss shall do…guess this means I never have to tip you 25% again?” And she laughs and tells me “Don’t you dare! I can’t believe you didn’t hear us last night.” To which I truthfully respond “I am a light sleeper and have been using earplugs all my life.”

Later on, as J joined us in the kitchen, gives F a kiss, then me - and she asks “Did you guys finally fuck? I know he’s attracted to you, F”. And F says “Yes, I have noticed the occasional stray look, but all in all he’s a true gentleman. I’d be curious about him if he wants to.” With an appreciative swelling starting to grow, I just excused myself and went to hit some weights…

So Three Is Enough indeed for me. :-) But I think we’re all much happier with the more open and mature boundaries we’ve found in our lives.

Damn ! it sounds like your are enjoying your life.

I always told myself that I was going to end up asking my wife to go and look elsewhere and that it was going to break her heart…

How did it go for you? do you have any advice on this?

This kind of thought haunts me day and night and honestly it’s very tiring.

I have a huge libido and i can have sex only once a week, in good weeks 2-3 times.

I guess I’m curious if you kept in contact with the online girl.

I am not in any way qualified to share life-changing advice, and I would mistrust anyone that claims they are. It’s an intensely personal journey.

I also don’t want anyone to go through all the pain I went through to get where I miraculously ended up, I shared some on that in other topics before. I went through the lowest of the lows and powerful drives to commit suicide before I saw the light that had burned inside me all along. Don’t ever travel that far down due to a misguided drive to hurt yourself before you disappoint someone you care about.

When you care about someone, the heartbreak is always mutual. In the case of my ex wife, it was for the better after too many wasted years. It went way beyond lack of sex, it went to really realizing why that happened and could not get fixed. But I’d never recommend anyone spend more than 4 sexless years thinking they’ll ever fix it. What I know is you can’t live short changing yourself out of fear of hurting someone else. There are only two ways out of a situation like that, and neither is great. Either they find out as they get better that you are with them for pity, in which case they’ll move on quickly… or you’ll end up spent and with nothing else to give, in which case you’ll be easy prey for anything else…

In a word, before I got where I am at, my life journey was painful. Mostly because of myself - I tried to fix anyone and everything except myself, and ended up totally spent in my 40s.

The libido was a side thing throughout it all. In fact I think I used sex to fix everything that was wrong with my life - I have fucked more women than I care to admit, and it never fixed anything in my life ever. It was a distraction.

These days, sex is a sacred ritual to me, which is an odd say to say given my life journey.

But again - that is MY journey. It is in no way advice.

I understand thank you for sharing.

what’s your zodiac sign if i may?

I was thinking about something…
I wonder why I never thought about it…
She loved rough sex before, maybe by reintegrating it into our sexual lovemaking she will regain her libido.
By dint of trying to teach her how her body felt and going slow for the orgasm I forgot that she liked it… it has been months since i did not fucked her hard.

I think I’ll try to bang her real hard next time and see what happens.
The problem is i cannot control my ejaculation easily when i am having rough sex.

Summerfag I am exploring something called slow sex that is the opposite of rough sex. The theory is the bonding is very strong and fulfilling and the author Diana Richardson talks about how high friction orgasmic sex can cause emotional disturbance for many people in the days afterward but it isn’t necessarily instant. There is another book called Cupid’s poisoned arrow that also talks about regular orgasmic sex unleashing a torrent of emotion in coming days despite the instant good sensation and the entire phenomenon is subtle in that it can be hard to link to the act.

I can say when I practise slow sex it seemed almost boring at the time but the bonding and peace afterward was pleasant. Those advanced in the practice say the body becomes highly sensitive over time with less friction required and infinitely more fulfilling.

Also with your partner I wonder if there is some anxiety or something that cannabis helps with and that there may be alternatives. Those in alternative health mention things like progesterone, hops extract (to increase estrogen), copper or iron can help improve female hormone balance and desire. Personally my health improved drastically on a low vitamin A/low beta carotene diet and many are seeing vitamin A overdose as complicit in many health disorders. Good luck to you guys.

I can’t stand TED talks anymore. I practically have a violent reaction to them now. But I might make an exception for this one. My previous wife and I sometimes did slow sex, or some version of it, and it was pretty amazing.

Interesting thank you for sharing.
Having practiced slow sex and seminal retention for a long time I just thought that my wife would prefer rough sex and that she was bored without telling me.
(there is very little chance because she tells me that she is super happy every time we have sex, but I wanted to try anyway)

The problem is also that I am the only one interested in improving our sexual relations, because she is young and does not yet know herself very well.
She has very short ideas about sex and finds it hard to explore new things.
I have to revive her libido before trying things on this side.
I am also trying to make her regain his health little by little, but I have to be patient for the moment.

You may want to look into pompoir - that sounds amazing. The woman is on top and motionless but uses her yoni muscles. For those interested in slow sex from a spiritual viewpoint an Aussie guy named Barry Long had some interesting insights and I guess was really the modern catalyst behind this movement. His audio is on YouTube and called Making Love - Sexual Love the Divine Way.

I think that is the key - once health/depression issues is sorted then the other things fall into place. It may take time to find the actual cause of what is going on in her. The Ray Peat forum and search bar is a good place to look for solutions, the vitamin A thread is very interesting and there is a poster called Sugarbabe who has good info for women. My experience is that conventional modern medicine is usually not of much help with the invisible illnesses such as depression, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, obsessions etc.

I know exactly the cause but it is hard to heal all in the same time.
It is all due to her heavy medical past all the drugs prescribed by doctors that ruined her health, childhood trauma etc …

There is a simple list of what to get rid of :
First tobacco/sport, cannabis/anxiety, and libido gonna find its way.
Tobacco, done.
Sport, done.
2 more to go.

I’ll just give my 2 cents here. If you perceive yourself as of high value, if you know you have options as does the original poster, you have a posture of knowing your worth. So when a woman is interested in identifying and meeting your needs she makes you feel that she values you.

I think feminism has confused women to the point that they think that giving of themselves, looking to fulfill the needs of their partner is somehow subservient and they feel as long as they let their partner take from them what they need they’re fine.

But there is a big contrast between a woman saying I want you to come over and fuck my ass, versus a woman responding positively to rough sex(particularly as a best case scenario), in terms of her validating your value.

If I am selecting a woman from an abundance of choices, I have high expectations, that we are both there to give.

Despite feminism, women inherently have a propensity to give, but because of the present fucked up social conventions, sometimes you have to help them navigate to the point that they feel free to give to you while remaining aligned with social conventions that they have integrated into their identity.

People will say that it is a matter of communicating your needs and it’s not enough. Women have really been mind fucked by society. You have to show them how their actions make you feel and the pathway so that they can remain congruent with their identity and so they are free to give.

Sorry brother but I dont understand your point, it’s way too complicated for my english and even with google traduction the translation is not very digestible.
I’m skipping my turn