Just would like to add: ejaculation and cumming are not the same thing. Men often get this confused.
An orgasm has nothing to do with ejaculation, really.
The suggestions of drugs, lidocaine creams, pot smoking, alcohol, etc., while well-intentioned only mask the problem and offer no lasting solution.
If you have serious problems go to a urologist (but not one who suggests that coital sex should last 3 minutes tops, fire that quack and get a second opinion).
What’s been described here sounds mostly like bad conditioning and poor sexual self-awareness. The kid with no doors, DaKine, was caught up in a process of conditioning himself to cum very quickly, so he wouldn’t get caught at it. This kind of thing is all too common in our society. It’s why that Surgeon General, whatever her name was, suggested masturbation be taught in schools. A lot of people grow up with the mind-set of a sexual thief, stealing sexual satisfaction as quickly as possible, trying not to be caught, feeling guilty about it. This causes us to train our bodies to fire quick and be out of touch with what sexuality actually is.
This thread on Having longer sex is a good one. The guy who started it, did, actually has quite a little routine for himself.
He’s going down the right road; I’m sure it’s very effective.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man
Male Multiple Orgasm: Step-by-Step
These are good beginning reference materials. The Multi-Orgasmic Man outlines a strategy that is derived from the Taoist’s that Motivated was talking about. By the way, Motivated, the Taoists actually teach ‘saving the seed’ is important at any age. It’s just becomes more vitally important for us as we age. If you really get into this way of approaching male sexuality and get skilled at it, you can have an orgasm anytime you want, and ejaculate when and if you want; as I said before, an orgasm is different from ejaculation, although you can have the two at once if you prefer - it would be up to you. 2 1/2 to 3 minutes my foot. A quickie for me is like 20 minutes to a half hour. If I'm motivated I can last and last and last.
The kegel, reverse kegel, belly-breathing exercise, and the ability to slow down, or stop if you need to, are all your friends in this venture.
Personally, I think these things, when used in a synergistic way are way better than the aforementioned solutions (drugs, lidocaine creams, pot smoking, alcohol, etc.) or wearing two condoms (a new one for me, I must admit) or even the squeeze technique - though that beats these others to be sure.
The worst suggestion was the use of SSRI’s - do not screw around with your brain chemistry in this way unless you absolutely must, and then under a doctor’s supervision. You will be giving up a lot otherwise. Ever heard of ‘brain plaque’? Sound like a good time? I rest my case.
Obviously in extreme cases you should consult your doctor, but try a number of things before reaching for the Prozac, or Wellbutrin (which is actually classified as an anti-psychotic FYI). The ‘take a pill to make it better’ strategy is really not the right way go, as a rule, only in the extreme cases as a last resort. Not to say you can’t have a drink or a smoke or whatnot, but when you are learning it’s best to have all your awareness about you. You’ll get better results initially.
If a given girlfriend likes it hard and fast, have faith: you will be able to do that for her eventually the way Big Griper accidentally did. But first you must slow down, tune in to yourself, relax, breathe deeply, and really get in touch with what the sensations are, so you can control them using the tools mentioned above. You’ll first need to de-condition yourself then re-condition yourself, that will take time. But my god, will it be worth it. You have no idea.
We’ve all felt the ‘rush’ of ejaculation. If we take the time to tune in that sensation in it’s earliest signs we are on the road to having the kind of sex that puts us in the driver’s seat.
And the women I’ve been with love that.
It may take some time to unlearn and then re-learn. And allow yourself the reality that you are not perfect and you will not get this right at the start. Took me six months before I really started to know what I was doing, and I’m still learning. But I saw benefits right away, within a couple of weeks. Steady as she goes and pretty soon you’ll be able to give Sting a run for his money. Big Griper seems to have had an event where he stumbled onto this kind of control, but accomplished it intuitively and so got kind of ‘stuck’ in it.
We all can have nights like that. Anytime we want. We just need to patiently and I should say kindly teach ourselves how.