Problems Having Sex

Hi all,

Just thought I would turn to you here for some advice. I’m 28 years old in reasonable health and not overweight.

So I haven’t been very sexually active at all, I have had sex before but only a handful of times. I used to masturbate in the prone position often and masturbated regularly too. Now I have a girlfriend I am unable to have sex with her because I cannot get hard enough. I’m not entirely sure if it is a mental or physical problem. I constantly precum and have a partial erection even when kissing and fondling her which means by the time I’d be ready to have sex I’m already so worked up I could literally blow my load in my pants and have done a couple of times. The whole experience is humiliating and makes me feel ashamed, I cannot describe how low it makes you feel and how much it plays on your mind.

What can I do? Would Viagra work to get over the mental issue? Even then if I’m hard the other issue is I wouldn’t be able to last anyway and would probably go in seconds regardless.

Currently I will pleasure her via oral or fingering and am very good at it, I will then get a handjob but it isn’t the same as being able to have proper sex. I need some help!

I think it may be mental, given that you are sexually inexperienced. You just need to relax and let go when you are together. Just total IMMERSION in being in bed together, no THINKING. You are probably thinking to much, and as soon as you start to worry about getting hard your brain is not gonna let you get hard.

I suspect there is something like this going on:

Does size matter? Yes and no, but mostly no.

<SNIP>

So then, why is penis size such a frequent insecurity among men? The reason is that it is a vicious cycle among guys who don’t get laid very much. Their only sexual outlet is internet porn, which almost always features guys with freakishly large cocks. Seeing that size is the measure of your worth in the porn world, they begin to think that size is the measure of your worth in the real world too. This causes them to become insecure about their “merely” average sized penis.

When they do have sex with a girl, their insecurities ruin their Immersion. That is, they start to think and worry in bed, instead of just enjoying the experience and being in the moment. This makes them perform poorly in bed.

But, they don’t recognize that the reason why they are performing poorly is because of their insecurities caused by this limiting belief. Instead, they take their sexual failure as evidence that their beliefs about penis size are true.

They then go back and masturbate to porn that stars guys with even bigger dicks, and the vicious cycle continues.

<MORE AT LINK>

cockrings.jpg

The one on the left I wear over my entire package, that is I put it on over both cock and balls. The one on the right is a lot tighter and can be used on shaft only.

I would agree that it is likely a mental issue. However, to be on the safe side, you should go talk to your doctor. Cialis is a much better product and the side effects are less troublesome. If you are in good health and the doctor can’t find anything wrong then Cialis will work wonders. It will also help your confidence. Once that is up, you won’t need Cialis. ED can be troublesome once you have had it. You have to break the vicious cycle in your mind. Anxiety-> loss of erection. Loss of erection -> anxiety.

yes it will be mental,take some Viagra with wine and see

Thanks guys, will it be pretty easy to just get some from the doctor to break the mental cycle or do I just buy it online or a similar herbal remedy?

In America, you have to get a prescription from the doctor. I don’t know about others countries.

I think best to talk to a doctor. I don’t trust the quality of the online places. In the U.S, the docs have samples that they will give you to see if it works. Generally around 4 pills. If you have good results then the doc will write you a prescription.

Hi,

I’m in the UK and recently got a prescription for SSRI induced ED.
I thought you might like to know what my trip to the GP was like:

It was a fairly simple process. I explained what had been happening: inability to achieve a sufficient erection and increase increased anxiety about penetrative sex.
We discussed whether it was physical or mental, and decided it might be a bit of both. There was no physical examination, and the GP suggested I try sildenafil (generic viagra) and gave me four pills.
Offered a repeat prescription if they were effective.

Hope you get some help soon,
ED is very unpleasant.

Best wishes

Winky

Hi Winky, did it work for you?

Hi regular dude.

It worked wonderfully. Within about 45 minutes of taking it, we engaged in sexual activity. I was immediately harder and more engorged then I had ever been before. My erection lasted until orgasm, and returned quickly after.
When I woke up the next day, I found it much easier to gain and maintain an erection.

It really is worth giving it a go. Couldn’t recommend it more strongly.

Hope that helps,

Winky

P.S. If you’re having premature ejaculation problems - they can prescribe drugs for that which will work too.

The best advice is to go to the GP and be honest, and they can start to help you.

Yes be honest, no need to be embarrassed. Those docs have heard it all.

Don’t settle into Viagra being your primary strategy at 28 unless it’s a last resort, but sure have some fun with it as a mental boost. See the GP yes but a lot of times it’s like trying to squeeze water from a rock, especially if you’re in America.

Do you smoke?
Have a lot of stress or anxiety?
Do you drink or use drugs and how often if so?
Do you exercise, how much and what?
Do you have any other symptoms or irregularities?

Do you smoke?

No I do not

Have a lot of stress or anxiety?

Yes I run a large and successful business which takes up a lot of my time

Do you drink or use drugs and how often if so?

Occasional drinking possibly once a week if that now

Do you exercise, how much and what?

I used to about three to four times a week, resistance training. Haven’t been for a while, which obviously won’t be helping.

Do you have any other symptoms or irregularities?

Nothing, I think it is a mental issue, I am a deep thinker with somewhat low confidence.

I am impressed to hear what some have said about the Viagra/Cialis thing even though I have never taken them. I do believe it is possible to get a “jump start” effect from medication which could feed into a more positive confidence cycle for you. Years ago I had a moderately debilitating problem with insomnia but was able to work my way out of it with some medication and lifestyle changes.

One thing is for sure, though: medications are a double-edged sword. I have heard of issues from Viagra, and I can tell you from personal experience that “sleep” medications are extremely dangerous substances. Just a kind word to the wise for you.

I think your lack of sexual experience could be a big part of this. If you truly feel close to your girlfriend and if you have trust and affection, it is amazing what more open discussion of these things could do for you.

But it’s not clear yet what the situation is here. If she understands your frustration and helps provide relief then that’s a great start. But a man can ejaculate even with a flaccid penis, and you want to have an erection that will burst your britches. If you and your girlfriend can relax and have open and even playful arousal you might find the stimulation that gets you fully erect.

Did you have full erections in the past during masturbation?

Also, are you circumcised? It is much less likely in the UK. Many men, even young men, have hammered at their circumcised penises for years before actual intercourse takes place. This can be caused by the extreme loss of sensation that results from circumcision. Then by the time actual intercourse is to occur the method and the vastly reduced intensity of stimulation is so much different that a soft erection and other sexual symptoms are very common. In this case, even just a few months of foreskin restoration can completely change your sexual performance for the better.

Don’t take any medicine to provide you erection! Stay completely out!

I had the same problem as you do. Look in the forum for “Edging”: it’s a practice of masturbating until you feel the urge to cum and then stop and then doing it again and again. You will get results fast.