Sexual Identity / No Partner Advice

I need some help to give advice to a friend.

1. He had some penile medical issues as a teen so didn’t have sex or anything because he spent years in hospitals sorting himself out. He had other issues too e.g. high pitch voice for a while, life was miserable for him, but everything got sorted and he is a “normal guy” now and everything is good. He was all good at 22 years old. Honestly he is full of life and really cool acting so you wouldn’t ever think anything was ever wrong with him.
2. He was always tall (6 foot) but kinda slim and saw gay porn and muscled guys porn mainly. He thought he was gay but didn’t know how to find a guy and didn’t want sex with anyone for the sake of it. He got a hooker guy he liked, had sex with him. He liked it but said that he actually didn’t like dick at all. He was only really interested in fit body + ass.
3. He then slutted around with guys for a few years. Series of one night stands, he hit the gym hard got muscle, and even more guys. I was happy for him. He didn’t have many friends growing up and no dad either so I reckon this played a big part in his ‘curiosity’ for guys.

But then he came to talk to me yesterday.

1. He said he is not sure if he is gay actually. He never bottomed in his life nor does he ever want to. He doesn’t suck because he doesn’t want to. As he gains the ‘mens health’ shape he is loosing more and more interest in guys sexually. But he continues sleeping with them because he likes sex. lol He is watching more straight porn and he actually has a pussy fleshlight not an ass fleshlight and loves it. He still doesn’t understand why he brought a pussy still lol. He lives alone anyway so could have brought anything he wanted.
2. He said it is easy for him to hookup with a guy (he showed me some guys and they are very fit and good looking). But he said after 1-2 nights it doesn’t go anywhere and he is trying hard. He joined dating websites and everything but nothing worked out. Everyone just wants sex with him. He said he tried to hookup with females too via tinder but no one replies. Only guys reply.

There is no reason why he can’t be in a relationship - he lives alone, good job/pay, very good looking guy (often asked is he a model), fit, nice personality/no ego, smart as hell can talk about many topics at length etc so I don’t know what is not adding up for him here. I told him try to get someone to sleep overnight, chat to them instead of having sex immediately, make dinner/have drinks etc. He tried this.

He met a guy and they chatted for hours. They banged, the guy then went back to Australia, they remain in touch, my friend booked a Christmas trip to visit him, then the Aussie guy vanished. My friend was hurt but what could he do?

My friend then told me about a guy he met this year. They clicked, banged twice including sleeping overnight but also travelled London over the weekend together and my friend paid for all the dinners and everything. He flew to Portugal on his bday to visit the guy and ‘date him’ at which point he was told he was just a ‘fuck buddy’ and there guy had no feelings for him. They are still in touch via Facebook as friends but he told me wasn’t hurt that the guy wasn’t interested but the fact that he was just a slut/sugar daddy for him.

He had some more examples but I can leave them out.

My friend is now 26 (like me) and has never had a bf or gf in his life. He is not a slut and the most loving and loyal person ever and would make his partner very happy. But the world is making him a slut he says. :( He is getting sad because everyone he knows has at least been in 2 relationship by now and he is starting to feel like a left over.

I don’t really know what to say - can someone here help me help him? Despite everything doesn’t loose hope things will improve but I feel terrible because any advice I give him ends him up getting hurt more.

Is your friend left handed by chance?

The more comfortable a person is with themselves the less they need external validation by another. The more of a catch they could seem to the other person. Some would view this as a chicken and egg problem but it isn’t.

Are you 100% straight?

Nope he’s right handed.

I agree this is what I told him too. But I think he is more confident now so I am surprised he hasn’t actually found someone to date.

So far… yeah :D

I figured I would ask as he seems to be some form of AC/DC and I don’t mean the soon to be replacement singer AXL led band.

Handedness and sexual orientation - Wikipedia

All I can think of off my head:

1. Give him a chance.. with you. “So far” leaves the possibility of “near future, might change”.
You seem to know him quite well and you seem to like him, the way you describe him. I bet you know more about him than anyone he hooked up with.

2. Try to find someone in your friend circle who is also looking for something long-term
- Avoid online search as to me it seems like its mostly used for hookups and real long-term relationships are formed very rarely (at least in contrast to each other)

3. #2 fails, then, even though you describe him in such a good light, there must be something wrong with him,
something that drives everyone away. This can be superficial, little, barely consciously noticeable or something of fundamental nature. My guess - the latter because of hist past.
If combined with #1, you can perhaps afterwards explain to him why..

Im just talking out of my ass, don’t know whether this is useful.

lol the “so far” was a joke. He is a like a brother to me. I tell him issues I have and he tells me his. It’s nothing sexual. I can think someone is a good person and not want to sleep with them, no? :D
But yes - I know him more than anyone he hooked up with - hence he asks me for advice and not them. :)
But idk what to say anymore. I’m not good at this stuff.
It is hard because my (small) friend circle is straight and/or have their own relationships going on already (part of why he also feels he ‘should’ be in one at this point). Some are relationship-less but for reasons in their control e.g. they are not trying, they are busy at work all the time, they “want” one night stands only etc.

I thought about it and he often hooks up with foreigners. So they fly into the UK, bang him, leave. So even if he likes them nothing happens.
The few other’s he liked ended up getting bf’s or whatever so then of course he will not have a relationship with them, he is not like that.
One thing I suggested was some counseling as I know him so I am biased. He did go, the counsellor just said ‘it will happen when it does’ to him and that was all. Therefore he was more upset as he was hoping that there was something that he could ‘fix’.

I told him to get some counseling maybe it helps?

Hi have been reading everything. .Tell your friend that go to a christian church and talk to the pastor about his issue. Jesus Christ is the only one who can help him.. I can see he wants sex with guys because he never had his father’s love and he gets love from guys ,he said he does not like penis so I believe he can hook up with woman. Only he has to open his heart to JESUS and I am sure everything is going to change because Jesus do that through his SPIRIT. .He has his spirit and body got used to have sex with boys and receive love from them but JESUS can break that Pattern .because God create man and he saw that the man was alone and create woman for the man.. All that is the God nature .homosexuality does not come from god.. God bless you

Oh wow.. “Homosexuality does not come from god”…
Sure, so he is not the creator of all and everything.
I hate ppl like you! People like you are the reason why there is bad in this world!
Views like yours create conflict and turmoil.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being homosexual or lesbian.
If there was a good, he would love all his “children” equally.

Edit: Sorry. I should be more civil. Im still not gonna edit the tone of the post though!

I’m no expert on this stuff, but I think the gay/straight question is not binary - it is more of a continuum. There are people that are 100% attracted to the same sex, but there are also a lot of people in the middle. Ehlolol’s friend seems like one of those people in the middle.

And it seems to me that sex is complicating his efforts to have a relationship. Next person he meets, perhaps he could try staying out of their bed for awhile and just focus on being a good friend.

Hey Ernie, how you doing?

Rocki - the Forum Guidelines state that proselytising is not allowed on this forum and will result in revocation of your membership.
ehlolol - the Forum Guidelines state that directly attacking a member is not allowed on this forum - you may debate the idea but not attack the poster. Attacking the poster will also result in revocation of your membership here.

That’s just a heads up to both of you. Thanks for paying it attention.

His orientation isn’t unusual. I’m gay, and don’t do much with dick. It just isn’t something I’m good at. I eat ass, I get blown, I fuck. I also eat pussy. Which isn’t often gay, but usually that pussy is attached to a trans man who hasn’t had or doesn’t want bottom surgery. The point is, I might get really confused if labels mattered to me, but I just do what I think is hot, and let someone else worry about what to call it. In my book, once I’m fucking a guys ass, that’s gay enough to say I’m gay!

To his relationship problems, I have a sure fire answer to get him into one. Sadly, its one of the great ironies in life. Once he is really, really, REALLY fine being single, and having the time of his life all on his own, someone will come along to complicate things. The best thing he can do is just worry about himself and just do the things that make him happy on his own, and someone is going to find his happiness irresistible.