Need Some Support

Hi guys

I’m about to sound like a whiny twerp but I could use some advice/ emotional support:

So my FWB compared me to some guy that asked for her number; it’s totally fine as I’m kind of looking forward to her finding a bf as it’s been a bit overwhelming being FWB. However I felt something inside feel self conscious as she was saying she thinks he’s handsome and when I (unfortunately) said oh yeah I guess he is, and she said do you think you’re more handsome, I said hmm well to be honest I think yeah I feel like I’m at least as handsome. She said well I think you’re handsome but I’d probably say him, but your face is alright.

She truly didn’t mean it in a mean way, as she’s just the type of person that tells how she feels. However I did get a little upset and felt self conscious. She could tell it upset me and apologized but I said to not worry as saying she didn’t mean it isn’t true, and it’s totally ok for her to like another guy and be attracted to another guy. I really would like to support her with that as she’s my friend.

I guess I felt a little jealous being compared (which is a natural reaction) and then it got me thinking to wondering about the size of this guy’s dick and if I’ll be smaller. So all in all it took me to a bad place.

I’m 6.8” BPEL and about 5” EG so I know I’m not huge. She - I’ll call her Alison for privacy’s sake- Alison really enjoys my dick and she says she has had bigger in the past but she likes how I’m big enough to hurt her if I go deep, but I’m not too big where I can still slide all the way inside without sticking out so I can be nice and close to her. She says the sex is really great and she can’t keep her hands off. So I do know she like she my dick- she actually knows that I do PE as well and thinks it’s pretty cool but doesn’t want me bigger.

This being said there’s still that ego inside of me that feels self conscious knowing she’s had bigger cocks and has had one huge one. She’s also had a small one so I know I’m not the smallest. But still I feel off about my size which is stubborn as I really do believe her that she enjoys my size the best and it’s a perfect fit for her.

Why do I let my ego and head take over? I shouldn’t be jealous and I shouldn’t let my mind wonder about some guy’s dick that she may have in the future and compare it to myself to make myself feel like maybe I’m smaller. It’s unhealthy to have this mindset however I think that’s what drives me in doing PE. I want to be bigger because of ego to be honest. I feel selfish sometimes about it as I don’t think ego is good or healthy. Any advice or anyone ever have a similar scenario with coping with this when a girl talks about her ex or another guy? Any FWB experiences to relate to this out there? Should I feel shitty like I do? How can I control this?

Thanks so much guys- sorry to sound like a whiner- I appreciate the support!

Kurt

Penises are human male plumage. We show it as a value statement and feel threatened by the concept of other plumage. Peacocks fight to the death over it.

We worry and nettle ourselves to death over it.

It’s natural and you let your ego take over because no matter how you want her to find a new man and it be fulfilling for her it’s a personal affront that his total value to her could rival or eclipse yours. It just is.

Very great point Thoughtful.

I do get it in my head that whatever guy wants to talk to her is devaluing my own dick. So what you say makes complete sense! Argh! It’s such an annoying emotion!

You have a good sized penis, plain and simple. Even though you will want more and feel inadequate at times, that’s the fuel behind your drive towards PE, let it push you to a larger cock. Just know where you stand factually, that you do have a good size penis.

Know that you are doing at least something right in bed, this girl loves your dick man. She’s not lying, or else she wouldn’t be coming back for more and wouldn’t be a friends with benefits. She would have been gone a long time ago. So just know you are pleasing her.

Another thing, woman are more emotionally complex then us men, it’s just how we’re wired. She may actually like you more then you know, and she is playing a basic psychology tactic, where she is letting you know there are other “good looking” men willing and wanting of her. She may want you to fight for her, she may want more attention from you. Think about all of this carefully. Is she giving you herself because she wants more?

Whatever the case is, you are doing good dude. Be the confident man you were born to be. Be your best friend and remind yourself how much worth and value you have.

Thanks ‘makeher’

Very kind words! I appreciate the support!

Yeah I mean she does say that the sex is very intense and she likes my dick which is nice to hear. I think I come on here sometimes and see pics of members that are just larger so it gets in my mind. And porn dicks don’t really help, although I will say I really admire Danny D’s dick and aim for that aesthetic. I guess you’re right as naturally us guys will always want bigger. I just need to fight through this so I don’t feel upset or depressed with my ego comparison!

Some very good advice here buddy. I do have to question your attachment to this “fwb”. How involved are you? How far are you willing to go? Obviously you can imagine a life without her. But when you imagine a future with her, how does it taste?

Most women require a significant commitment. It makes them feel supported, protected, liberated, and most of all loved. I think she may be hinting to you that she wants more. She is telling you that others have invested interest and she is indeed curious. Perhaps she is offering you an out. I find it unlikely due to the continuous great sex. As mentioned above “most women are more emotional ” hence the need the need to be emotionally attached to maintain a productive sexual regimen.

As far as your own jealousy and ego.. Nothing more repulsive to a woman. Jealousy to a certain degree is natural. It shows that in fact you do care. But to be insanely jealous is unhealthy and not a good look. Also your ego may get you in trouble from time to time. Being a good man, a desired man is to maintain a specific confidence while effectively dealing with your emotions productively. Does that make sense to you? ? Any way, I hope this helps and I ask you to keep us posted. I find it an interesting situation.

In my past fwb situations inevitably the woman ended up wanting a relationship.

Does she? For that matter do you?

Thanks for the insightful reply decent-exposure!

You are correct when you say that women are definitely more emotional when it comes to sex. That emotional connection whether it’s a higher or lower level, definitely makes them feel protected. That’s a great assessment. This girl gets hit on a lot as she is very attractive, but a lot of guys come at her with sex on their mind first and foremost. They can tend to be pushy and she’s not really the type to just go out and do that stuff with guys so I think it has left her with the mindset of being cautious when guys are interested in her.

I’m not looking for more as I don’t necessarily enjoy the stress that sometimes comes with FWB. Sex is really awesome as she is pretty wild and adventurous and kinky and she is a very attractive girl. Sometimes I do wish we could have just stayed friends without the extra stuff, as I’m not the typical guy where sex is so important to me that I can just forget about how we can make for some stressful experiences with a FWB. So I actually do hope that she can find a good guy that treats her nicely and she can move on from me, although I know I will have to put my ego aside when that happens and not let any thoughts of another guy doing stuff with her Bring out any of that natural ego driven jealousy.

On another note, today I was with her and got pretty hard, although we didn’t do anything, and she asked if I was still doing my “exercises”. She knows that I do PE and today I kind of jokingly said, yeah if in another eight months I can be around 8 inches then maybe I will stop, and I kind of . She said, 8 inches? And I said yeah maybe I’ll just try and see if I can achieve it.

I was kind of testing her to see what her reaction would be as she mentioned not wanting it to be any bigger really in the past. Of course as guys we probably tend to think that the girl just being nice when she says something like this. So she said all right well that’s cool I guess. And I said, oh you think that would be cool? She said well I don’t need yours to be any bigger but if it was then it would be fine for it to just be there and it would be all right.
I laughed and said see you girls are funny because you say the size is really good but then say you wouldn’t mind if it did get bigger so it’s like us guys don’t know what to make of it. She said well no your size is really great for me and I don’t want it bigger but if it was then it’d be ok and wouldn’t be like something I would say would be an awful thing- I can’t ask you not to make it bigger because that might offend you. I laughed and said well wouldn’t it hurt? She said well maybe- to which I said but sometimes you like when I go deep and it hurts.

Now, as I mentioned earlier in this thread she’s had a very big dick before and has seen another guys dick pic that was really long so I’ve kind of asked her opinion if she likes that in the past (not in a jealous way). She said it can be painful and she doesn’t really like big ones. Again as a guy you wonder if they just say that, when like me, you know you’re a good size but not huge or thick.

So today she was like well yeah you’re right it probably would hurt so maybe don’t add more! If you do I couldn’t give you a hard time for it since it’s your choice lol but I don’t need that.

So it left me in a quandary (let’s all try to use this word quandary in this thread lol great word). Like she wouldn’t seem to mind if I was bigger but she doesn’t need it. Would she not mind because her first bf years ago was huge and maybe she was turned on by it even though she says it hurt and she doesn’t like huge? If I was huge would she like it better? Hmmm so many factors and with a FWB it’s so intriguing!

I’m gonna keep you guys posted about this “FWB & Me” experience and feel free to offer input or if you want me to ask her any questions, feel free to leave them as replies in this thread and I can relay you guys of “Alison’s” answers!

Kurt

In a few weeks, tell her “oh by the way, I’ve grown and I’m almost 8 inches” (she won’t be able to question that as it seems she is slightly naive to the whole PE thing, most woman are, as well as about size also). Unless you have seen her a day or two before that and had sex!

But tell her it’s pretty much 8 inches, and ask, “are you happy or excited to have sex with me now” “does that turn you on?”

Considering she will think your penis IS that big now, the truth will really come out. I would hope this is all fun and game though, being that no matter what she says you wouldn’t take it personally.

But there’s a good way to get some fun truth out of her, plus then you’ll know how much she really likes them big.

Lol that’s a great idea! And I will try not to take it personal! Lol

I as well have to question your emotional mindset to the FWB “status”. I understand your comments about being stressful and not really looking for a relationship. But, at the same time you state you would be in a state of jealousy if she was with someone knew. Jealousy is common with all relationships, however, I believe there may be more here. Things change in a relationship, undoubtedly. But, you say she is really hot, great sex life, and you seem to be able to talk about anything. You don’t necessarily want her with someone else and she doesn’t want your unit changing because it’s “perfect for her”. I think you’re missing an obvious connection that’s much deeper.

I understand because I’m married to almost this same exact situation right now! I come out of a 6 year relationship to my high school sweetheart and I turned into a whore that wanted no attachment! She came out of a 5 year relationship to her high school sweetheart and didn’t want any guy around at all. We were there any time the phone rang. She was in nursing school, I had a steady job. We both kind of began to want more after almost a year. I told her she needed to experience life and she decided to move across the state. I saw her out one night about 2 months later, I was drinking heavily and saw her leaving with another guy and long story short, I lost my shit to extreme proportions. I knew then, I wasn’t over her and had fallen hard. She ended up not moving. But, we distanced ourselves. Having mutual friends we never were at the same places at same times again. She met a guy and I met a girl. We both moved on, but shortly after we became in contact again and tried the whole friend thing. Talking now and then but nothing more. We were both miserable though and tried to hide it. Me and the girl ended up having a child. The girls parents flipped and we split during pregnancy even though I tried hard to stay together. My ex-FWB came one night that it got bad and I was alone and in a real bad place. She Hame as my friend to console me. This act ended up being a huge mistake for a long time. That night she cheated on her boyfriend and our old feelings were there. She told me I was the best sex she had ever had and missed me. I told her the same and informed her I had been in love since the day I met her. She said the same, but said she loved her BF and didn’t know what to do. I told her to go home and take time to figure it out. She called me about 3 Hours later and said when she got home he was there and proposed. She said yes!

I was broken, I tried to move on, but I couldn’t, she cheated throughout the engagement and about a month before she broke off our affair. The night before her wedding knowing he was out for bachelor party, I went to her apartment and waited outside until she got home from bachelorette party. I begged her to cancel and we had sex all night (it really is fantastic sex). She said she was sorry, but it was too late and she would miss me. I left, then about 3 months later she sent a simple “hi” text. I should’ve possibly ignored it. I asked how she was and she asked if I wanted the truth. I told her she could always y’all to me. She said she had made a mistake and felt stuck. I had just moved in with my sons mother and told her I couldn’t go through this again. This periodically went off and on for the next 1.5 years. Me and my sons mother had split again, I was out with friends, she was at the same place with her husband for his friends bday. When I walked in she asked to leave and apparently cried the whole way home. She told her husband everything. He begged her to stay and work things out. About 2 months later I had met her to talk since she still wasn’t happy, he showed up where we were. They filed divorce, her not having anywhere to go came to me. We’ve now been married almost 4 years and have a daughter of our own.

My point is, you can let her go and possibly realize it was a great decision, or, you could let her go and realize it was the biggest mistake of your life! I know life isn’t about sex, or dick size. But, when you find a friend that you can talk to about anything, you have an incredible sex life together (I was also told I was the perfect fit and was the best ever in bed, her ex husband was bigger also), and you get each other. Maybe you should take her to dinner and a movie and just act like more for one night and see how it feels to have her by your side.

Start slow, maybe one date a week, watch movies on the couch instead of sex one night. See if there is anything emotional there. I understand FWB to fulfill needs with no strings. But, you might double check that you haven’t accidentally found something worth fighting for in the process.

That was epic soonerbomb, your guys story could have been a love movie. Haha, but for real I really respect your story.

Dude, take his advice. It seems like there is definitely more to that girl then just a FWB to you. I can tell by how you talk about everything.

You can give it a go and if it doesn’t work, oh well, you tried.
Or you can possibly regret something for the rest of your life.
You can always move slow, remember this. Plus, moving slow is always the best choice.

I say give it a shot and do what sooner said.

It was beyond miserable living it, but I wouldn’t go back for anything in the world. I ended up with a great son before we got back together and we both learned a hell of a lot about life!

I agree though, I think bringing up a new guy and him being “handsome” is woman code for trying to insight jealousy to see how you felt. With that said, it worked and may of showed her and you both that there is more there worth looking into. Also, her saying your “dick” is “perfect for her” may be code for her saying you are what she wants. I definitely don’t think a couple dates would hurt to see if there is more to the relationship. I’ve learned brother that looking in the rear view is pretty lonesome. From experience, I’d drive down that road a little before you turn around or make her change lanes.

Some great feedback guys!

Yeah to be honest we are friends but she’s more like an annoying little sister lol there’s major differences that we have that I don’t really like and can only tolerate her so much even though we are good friends. We definitely have intense sex and a good friendship but she has a short temper and there’s some major personality differences that I feel I don’t work and can tend to irritate me. Nothing wrong with that but we are just different in ways that I don’t want a relationship. I actually would prefer to just be friends like in the past. It’s so tough not to do stuff because she’s just ridiculously sexy and entertains anything in bed no matter how dirty or kinky!

Are there any questions you want me to ask her for your own guys’ curiosities?

Ps as it pertains to PE she’s noticed me being thicker in the last couple weeks! I’ve been doing Bathmate for the past month and I feel like it’s actually gotten me thicker. Maybe it’s my imagination as I know it’s really more temporary expansion when you first start with the Bathmate. But there are days where I haven’t pumped for two days and I still feel thicker!

So fire away with any questions or comments!

That’s too bad to see. Unfortunately Mr. Gains, your quandary is a bit more perplex than you may assume. Haha, not to add chit to your account but it’s possible she is more attached than you know. If so buddy, it’s not going to end well and you may lose a good “friend”. Not a soul can or should blame you or judge you if you feel no connection. To me that is what life is all about. If the connection is not felt then it’s not going to last. I think you may want to cross her ears with this before you peruse. If she starts to drop the L word around you have to end it immediately. She will resent you. Just food for thought. Good luck man.