Overcoming ED depression

Hi guys.
I need your help.
I’m 38yo male, sporty and healthy.
I did a testo and hormones check, all normal.
I’m at 18nmol testo which should be normal .

I started to have a heavy depression since 3 years because of a lot of personal life challenges.
No sex during that time, only porn and some escorts ( which I had to take pills to be erected).

Since then, no boners, no morning wood, almost no sex and the pills started to stop working!

It makes me even more depressed and worthless.
I don’t feel like a man anymore.
I even considered a implant! What a sad reality.

I have a new partner and I don’t want to be humiliated in bed.

My question is , what would be the solution for psychological ED when pills stops to work?
I don’t want the injections.

Does something exist to overcome anxiety and boosting the libido before intercourse?

It seems that this depression affect my capacity of
Being excited, therefore I stay half soft during sex, Even on pills.
I’m desperate.
Please help
Thank you.

When you’re about to get down and dirty, what kind of things run through your head? We could be talking about masturbation, sex, whatever should get the sail hoisted. As soon as you think about sex, what are the things you see, hear, and feel in your mind?

Even masturbation doesn’t work. Can’t get a boner while masturbating and I stopped porn 3-4 months ago as I suspected it didn’t help at all.

When I think about sex, I think, ashamed, limp, fake, lies, weak.
Damn that’s so bad mate.

I used to be a sex king in my youth and here I am now at 38. So sad

You said it yourself, you’re depressed. It might help to talk to someone, a therapist maybe.

Hey brother. This is something I recently have been through and have experienced many times.

Psychological ED is terrible. It comes and goes as it pleases and becomes a vicious cycle.

I do not have a cure, but I do recommend working on yourself and your emotions and thinking first.

Take care of your mind and your body also.

For now you could try Horny Goat Weed or Daminana. Those help to get an erection going but the mind is the hardest obstacle.

We are all brothers here man. So if you need advice or need to talk. We got you.

I’ve been there. It started as anxiety over being good in bed or not. That produced enough tension to keep it from getting rock hard, and it just snowballed from there.

What meds are you on?

The best thing I did to help was talk to a woman about it before sex. Because I had a couple of livers who took it personally, and that made everything so much worse. So I’d tell them in advance that I had issues with performance anxiety because I worry about not being up to par, and reassured them that I was crazy excited about them. It took some work and some time. Another thing that helped is being dominant in the bedroom. The difference in mindset between being there to please them, and them being there to please you, is a powerful mental force. The big bonus there is that most women love that dominance and love to submit.

Depression is a serious disease.

May or may not be related to ED, but depression can damage one’s life permanently even if one can get an erection.

I am not a doctor, so this is not medical advice, but I have been there for friends, so consider me a concerned stranger with some knowledge.

The best approach I have seen combines the medical expertise of a psychiatrist and the psychological expertise of a counselor.

The psychiatrist is for the antidepressants if you need them (likely you do to break out of this multi-year affliction). Not all antidepressants cause ED; there are many types of chemistries that affect every individual differently. It will take time working with the psychiatrist to say which drug makes you feel better with the fewest undesired effects.

The counselor is someone you can talk to. Might be the psychiatrist, but can be a therapist, psychologist, psychotherapist, social worker, etc. You said you had personal life challenges and this person will help you sort them and your feelings out.

First fix the brain. It is the largest sex organ. Then you can fix the other things.

Good luck.

Get professional help.

Don’t let yourself be sunk by depression.

Hey Toughcock, as you can see you’re not alone, there are lots of men who struggle whit depression and ED. Me too, I have been there and I know how hard it I to deal whit anxiety.
Try first to put your mind in a better place, everything else will come second.
If you ever need someone to talk just PM me.

You’re strong man, you’re capable and you will get out of this.

Guys thank you so much for your messages and support.
This community is incredible and I really appreciate it.

I am looking actively for a therapist and see a sexotherapist in two days.
Sometimes I wish it would be physical problem rather than mind.

I remember in the past, when I was younger, a pill of levitra before sex would work even with anxiety, but not anymore and I wonder why?
I take nitric oxide everyday in my food, also citruline, arginine, aschwagandha, zinc and magnesium.
I even started Tongkat lately on a daily basis since 1 week ( so far nothing).

I’m afraid of medication for depression as I don’t want to make my Ed worse and I’m also afraid of the potential dependence.

I will try to talk first to this therapist and see.

I wish there would be a pill to ease psychological ED, because it’s a terrible thing as a men.

I started to use a vacuum device 10 min per day at 5ug as I don’t have any morning woods anymore.

I respect that courage a lot man.
It takes a lot of guts to admit that to a woman.
Did it totally “cured” that problem?

Therapy is probably the best first option, as others have already noted.

Look into potential dietary causes as well. I’m not saying all depression can be cured by diet changes, but you’d be surprised how often it works or helps.

How much exercise do you get? Any hobbies or interests? I know from personal experience that it’s hard to care about these things when depressed, but sometimes just taking the first steps back into those activities can start affecting your mood in a positive way.

I went through a 2 year depression when Covid hit and I didn’t really start coming out of it until I forced myself to take daily walks in the woods and started watching my diet.

In a manner of speaking. Women understand anxiety, and knowing that you’re just nervous about being good enough to please her gives her something to bond with you over because they feel the same anxiety going into an intimate situation.

One thing you have to get through your head, though: YOU DON’T HAVE ED! You have anxiety that gets in the way of having a good time. It’s performance anxiety, just like stage fright, and even pro musicians get that. Even porn stars have a hard time getting it up and keeping it up sometimes. Its caused by focusing on the situation instead of the pleasure. And that’s where being dominant helps. It’s the opposite of emasculating, and it keeps you in the moment.

Another behavioral tactic is to be playful instead of treating sex like its supposed to be some scripted movie sex scene. Being too serious about it makes it a performance instead of a sexy good time. Take the performance idea out of the equation and just have fun.