My Wife Told A Urologist That My Pumping Is A Turn off!

Thanks for the great and useful response. Yes she is self conscious about her little weight gain and constantly trying to get back in the gym. I have tried your advice by talking about it and telling her that I support whatever she needs to make herself feel better. I have an idea. I am going to go out of my way to watch the kids and try to make time for her to go to the gym and see how that goes. Thanks

I remember some issues you were having months back with her, so not much has changed?

I think some of us gave you sound advice back then assuming your the OP I’m thinking of. Maybe it’s time for couples therapy? It’s not the most comfortable idea at first but it’s worth a try. IMO she’s got some deeper issues that she may be reflecting onto you, and now it’s making you insecure as a husband and a man. So why not go the couples therapy route?

My wife and I have 6 kids and have been together for 15 years, married 11, we have peaks and valleys but for the most part when we’re communicating things are running like a well greased machine. And trust me I personally have deep seeded issues but when I’m being open and honest and so is she those issues mean very little in our relationship.

I wish you the best in your journey with your wife, I hope you can work through this. Good luck

Btw we do PE for ourselves, not to neglect the people in our lives. Don’t be silly!

Why not use a condom rather than her take birth control?

— EDIT Golden rule of dating is never tell a woman ~anything~. EDIT —

- Saul

Hard for me to give advice on this, since I am in a situation much similar. No BJ since about the year 2010, and we’ve had sex two or three times this year. Last time was in May, I think. I forget. Before my circumcision, though, which was end of May.

And it’s always ~hurry-up-and-finish~ sex.

I tried all that shit with roses and notes, sex therapy, you name it. Nothing works. Women do what women do.

So I just stopped pestering her about it and have been gradually turning back on my groove. You know what I mean. When you get married, you flick some switch that turns off your attraction to every other woman on the planet. They all look like your sister or your mom. Like that.

I unflicked that switch. For a few months, now, I’ve been letting myself be attracted to the joggers and cart-pushers, to the waitresses and strippers — yes, strippers! I haven’t been to a titty bar since… hell… I don’t remember. Maybe 2010, about the same time my wife last gave me a blow job.

I’m letting my mind wander a bit more, because something happened to me I did not realize had happened. At some point, I lost my self-esteem. All that rejection destroyed my own self-image. I lost track of what it was like to be a FUCKING MAN.

I punched out my man-card, I suppose.

I figure that focusing on myself is the best course of action, logically speaking. First, it makes you more attractive. If I can attract other women, maybe I can attract my wife. And if I don’t attract my wife, but I attract other women, there’s my answer — chase other women, file for divorce.

Or if my wife comes back to life, swell. Or if my libido drops to her level, also swell.

Either way, I’ll feel better, because at least I’ll regain some much-missed confidence.

I don’t know the right answer, but I do know the ~WRONG~ answer. The wrong answer is that you can change your wife with your actions.

Nothing you can do, nothing you can say, no actions or words or notes or flowers or counselors are going to change you wife. My brother put a gun to his wife’s head, held her and the kids (one a toddler) at gunpoint during a police standoff, spent the night in a secure mental holding facility, and then his wife bailed him out and sucked his dick in the car all the way home. I’ve sat outside at the table while he fucked strippers in the back room. I’ve seen him flick numbers to the waitress and seen the texts and heard the calls. He and his wife are going on 15 years, and I’ve seen him yell and belittle her in ways I wouldn’t yell at a dog.

That dumb chick still chases him into bed, and says she doesn’t want a larger bed because she wants to cuddle him all night.

So women do what women do. No explaining it.

No explaining.

Your call, but I’m focusing more on myself these days, and less on trying to change anything about her. I’m nice to her, still do the things a husband should do, but the constant rejection takes its toll on a man. At some point, the cowboy rides away.

- Saul

Yes we are still having issues on and off I guess. But the things she keeps saying are not making me insecure at all! They just simply are not true.I know I have a 9 to 10 erection whenever we have sex. I am very secure about that. I know it is something that she is going through.

We used the condom before birth control and she didn’t like it. Everything was good when she had the IUD for a few years except I was getting poked at times and she didn’t like the spotting but it had no negative affects on her sensitivity.

Her comments are strange. It’s like she’s trying to fuck with your confidence. My buddy’s wife does that to him too. He bought all kinds of enlargement devices because she talks about her exes and they’re huge dicks and some other ex that’s a bodybuilder all steroided out and she does it just to make him insecure to keep him in control. He’s the same way, he’s turned off his sex appeal and walks around like a beaten dog and is starving for sex. All he ever gets is morning quickies and she rushes him too.

And Saul… you are exactly right about everything you said! I’m going through the exact same thing with my wife and I’m doing exactly what you said to solve the problem, paying attention to me! I’m back to working out and looking good, letting women know I’m interested and I eventually got a girl on the side because in 120 days she only wanted the fuck six times and she rushed me so she could go downstairs and watch the housewives and drink. Like you said the cowboy rides off. We deserve better than to be disrespected by someone not wanting you or letting you know that you are wanted and attractive to them, after so many years together they abandon you and take you for granted.

Maybe we should change the title of this to ‘The unhappily married’ thread!

Well damn!! Talk about what a man’s got to do to get some head these days!!! Lol

You guys are making marriage look like the worst decision in the world haha. I am not there yet, but…damn.

The problem is “Familiarity breeds contempt” is a true statement, no matter how much we wish it wasn’t. Everyone I know who has gotten married agrees and has a different story with the same exact resentment, pain and suffering as the characteristics.

These are observations and since I can barely keep a girlfriend happy, marriage seems like several bad decisions for someone like me. Additionally, all the advice I’ve ever gotten from married men is “don’t do it!” and it not be a joke. It’s really screwed up. The entire system is.

Its not all doom and gloom lads. I have been married for 21 years and can not complain to much really.

11 for me I feel the same way

Marriage can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be hard. You’ll go through seasons in any relationship.