Hard for me to give advice on this, since I am in a situation much similar. No BJ since about the year 2010, and we’ve had sex two or three times this year. Last time was in May, I think. I forget. Before my circumcision, though, which was end of May.And it’s always ~hurry-up-and-finish~ sex.
I tried all that shit with roses and notes, sex therapy, you name it. Nothing works. Women do what women do.
So I just stopped pestering her about it and have been gradually turning back on my groove. You know what I mean. When you get married, you flick some switch that turns off your attraction to every other woman on the planet. They all look like your sister or your mom. Like that.
I unflicked that switch. For a few months, now, I’ve been letting myself be attracted to the joggers and cart-pushers, to the waitresses and strippers — yes, strippers! I haven’t been to a titty bar since… hell… I don’t remember. Maybe 2010, about the same time my wife last gave me a blow job.
I’m letting my mind wander a bit more, because something happened to me I did not realize had happened. At some point, I lost my self-esteem. All that rejection destroyed my own self-image. I lost track of what it was like to be a FUCKING MAN.
I punched out my man-card, I suppose.
I figure that focusing on myself is the best course of action, logically speaking. First, it makes you more attractive. If I can attract other women, maybe I can attract my wife. And if I don’t attract my wife, but I attract other women, there’s my answer — chase other women, file for divorce.
Or if my wife comes back to life, swell. Or if my libido drops to her level, also swell.
Either way, I’ll feel better, because at least I’ll regain some much-missed confidence.
I don’t know the right answer, but I do know the ~WRONG~ answer. The wrong answer is that you can change your wife with your actions.
Nothing you can do, nothing you can say, no actions or words or notes or flowers or counselors are going to change you wife. My brother put a gun to his wife’s head, held her and the kids (one a toddler) at gunpoint during a police standoff, spent the night in a secure mental holding facility, and then his wife bailed him out and sucked his dick in the car all the way home. I’ve sat outside at the table while he fucked strippers in the back room. I’ve seen him flick numbers to the waitress and seen the texts and heard the calls. He and his wife are going on 15 years, and I’ve seen him yell and belittle her in ways I wouldn’t yell at a dog.
That dumb chick still chases him into bed, and says she doesn’t want a larger bed because she wants to cuddle him all night.
So women do what women do. No explaining it.
No explaining.
Your call, but I’m focusing more on myself these days, and less on trying to change anything about her. I’m nice to her, still do the things a husband should do, but the constant rejection takes its toll on a man. At some point, the cowboy rides away.
- Saul
