Don't know what to do anymore about Premature Ejaculation!

Ok, I’ve tried overcoming this so many ways. Desensitizing creams, cock rings, letting one loose a few hours before, deep breathing during, kegels, distracting myself, different types of condoms… nothing helps! I can literally feel the ejaculation waiting to happen before my g/f comes into the bedroom and I’m not even hard yet. And when we starting going and she goes to massage my penis, I have to always pull back after like 2 seconds. And intercourse.. I’m lucky if I last the first penetration at times. It’s turning me off to sex in a major way where I am so bent out of shape about it. I have this feeling that most of this is in my mind and I have to overcome it some how but I just don’t know how to. Whenever me and my girlfriend start any passionate moment, my penis gets rock hard and super sensitive in mere seconds.. (I know E.D. people probably hate me for that one!) I’m at the point where I just don’t know how to get past this and be able to enjoy a sexual relationship without worrying about ejaculating as soon as my g/f’s hands come near my penis.

Any thoughts??

I’m not even going to try to sound like an expert on this subject, because I’m not. I have some difficulty with this as well, but not to your extent. I have learned how to manage it, but mostly what I have found is that sometimes its easier to just let it go. Whats really so bad about cumming early? Its not like you have to call it quits right then and there.

My suggestion is don’t worry about it. Let it happen as it happens. Don’t stress and freak out about it and just continue on with making love . Just continue doing other things that turn you and her on until you are excited again. It may take a little while to get it up again, but chances are that you will not be so sensitive and primed to shoot so quickly as before.

Most importantly, don’t worry about it. That can be the major cause of the problem.

Tmar,

I suggest that you begin by reading the other threads on this subject here at Thunder’s, if you haven’t already. In particular, have a look at the following three threads:

Premature Ejaculation Solutions

Dapoxetine HydroChloride significantly improves prem ejac

I feel sick with inadequacy. Prem ejac. Help me

Also, have a think about and answer if you could the same questions I asked Ziggaman. (If the context of these questions is not clear, have a look at discussion preceeding them in the third thread above.)

(1) What are things like when you’ve had a drink or two or three? Does this help you to last longer, or does it not affect endurance for you?

(2) You mentioned the racing heart in another thread. Does this regularly occur when you are having sex?

(3) Would you consider yourself an anxious person generally? In particular, do you tend to experience the physical aspects of anxiety (as opposed to having anxious thoughts)? For example, do you perspire easily? Do your hands get shaky in certain situations? Does your heart race or does your adrenaline get pumping in other “exciting” situations? Etc. In general, does your body get worked up fairly easily? You may appear as cool as a cucumber to others. That’s not what I’m asking about.

(4) What is the control issue like when you are masturbating: Do you still tend to ejaculate quickly, or can you last as long as you like? What about when you are watching porn (presuming you have done so)?

Best of luck. We are here to help.

Well, this morning I couldn’t even roll the condom down all the way without ejaculating. *sigh*

1- Drinking doesn’t affect endurance at all. I’ve also tried a glass or two or wine before and there were times I went out with my g/f to a bar/lounge, had a few drinks and still the same.

2- No, it really doesn’t. I just get easily excited.

3- I AM an anxious person. Just this year I was on different types of anxiety meds such as lexapro, effexor and even ativan for irritable bowel syndrome. I have been off of the for a few months now. I have both physical aspects and anxious thoughts. I don’t perspire easily but I do get the racing heart in certain situations that would trigger an IBS attack. But yes, my body gets worked up very easily.

4- Masturbation is probably my biggest culprit since I have always been in those "hide and get it done quickly" situations as a kid (and sometimes even now). It’s difficult to get away from that mentality because the second I get the thought or stimulus to masturbate, I WANT to ejaculate. I want that feeling now and the thought of prolonging it by myself feels like a waste of time to me (when obviously it isn’t). But I could last as long as I want, however its not at a comfortable level (say on a scale of 1-10, I am always a 8-9, never a 5 or so). So I have issues edging, which I’ve tried.

I’ve read a few of those books, such as the Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery and I really haven’t benefited much from them. It’s a whole different experience being with my g/f than just masturbating.

I haven’t checked, but I bet Amazon’s website, or Booksamillion’s or BarnesandNobles’ websites have books on this. If you have one of the major book stores near you, you could thumb through the books before buying.

Tmar,

I’m not a medical doctor, so please take everything I say here with a large grain of salt. However, I did struggle with much the same problem when I was younger, and I have tried to learn about what is going on with my body at least.

I have a strong suspicion that a good number of the men who suffer from premature ejaculation do so because their nervous system is basically more charged than is typical. You confirm this in your answer to my third question above. In effect, you are more excitable generally, and this greater excitability manifests itself in your sex life in this particular way that you are unhappy about. Kegels, edging, slowing down, etc., all work well for the average guy. And these techniques are still important for those who are “hardwired” to be more excitable. But other assistance or methods may be required as well.

First, I think that you should continue to practice the edging. As best as you can with this technique, you need to “recondition” yourself to expect and to want the stimulation to last a long time. But you need to increase the comfort level. Do whatever it is that will put you and keep you in a very aroused state when you edge. For example, watch porn, or think your wildest fantasy, or whatever. As best as you can, you want to simulate the physical and psychological condition of having sex with a girl. Try to increase the speed of your masterbation. You may even want to consider using some sort of device that will feel more like a vagina than your hand. The vagina encloses the length of the penis and the glans at once; your hand doesn’t. Of course, the vagina feels different in many other ways as well. I’m not talking about going out and buying a plastic pussy from the porn shop. Use your imagination.

If your girlfriend is understanding, practice the edging when you are with her. If you don’t think she would be into this, you might want to see if you can arrange something with another girl for this purpose. Yes, technically it’s cheating. But …

If kegels have helped you at all, continue with them too. But I suspect that you will need to get a bit further down the road of ejaculation control before they will be of any significant use to you.

Ditto with the slowing down. This is a very useful method. But if you are ejaculating very soon after entering a woman, it may not be of much use to you now.

One person here claims that acupuncture entirely cured him of his premature ejaculation. Do a search for “acupuncture” and you’ll find his thread. Hey, I’d try anything.

Okay, those are pretty much all the “natural” methods I can think of. So now let’s talk chemistry. As you probably know, Johnson and Johnson are coming out with a new drug for premature ejaculation soon. I’d try it as soon as it hits the shelf. However, from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t make one last very long. I believe that in most cases it doubles the period of coitus before ejaculation.

Have you ever been given SSRIs for your anxiety? (I don’t know whether the drugs you mention are part of the SSRI family.) I have heard that they can help with premature ejaculation. In the first post I directed you to above, SCfarmer talks about how clomipromine has allowed him to last as long as he wants.

Some men here at Thunders’ talk about using Viagra (and related drugs) for pure recreational use, not because they need it. According to many of them, Viagra gives you both a stronger and a longer lasting ejaculation. They also suggest not using the Viagra very often, because you might come to believe that sex without it is disappointing. However, Viagra is safe, as long as you don’t have diabetes or a heart condition.

I’ve taken beta blockers before to control anxiety in certain situations. I’ve never tried them during sex, but I’ve often thought that they might help with the matter we are discussing. Sometimes, beta blockers are given to people on a daily basis for anxiety. There are side effects. They tend to make me feel physically washed out, and strenuous exercise is more or less impossible on them. Avocet may jump in and warn you that they can lead to impotence. Just like SSRIs and related drugs, they can diminish your sex drive, but I’ve never heard of them leading to permanent impotence. I get erections with them with no problem.

In short, there are a variety of chemical avenues that you can explore, which may help significantly with your problem. Experiment. Try everything—natural, chemical, and otherwise—until you find something that works. But I recommend that you talk to a psychiatrist about this. Don’t just start popping pills on your own. Usually, they are very willing to despense medications for a fee. I also recommend that you cut out the caffeine and nicotine and other stimulants, if you use them. Remember, you have a supercharged nervous system. Stimulants are not your friend.

Best of luck.

Edging? This has helped some people. I don’t know if he used it for this purpose but Vincent Van Cock seems to know a lot about edging.

Why increase? Do you mean the manual stimulus or the overall session time?

I’ve tried one of those from xandria.com and they get me off in maybe 3 or 4 strokes of it.

I’ve gotten responses from RWG over a year ago, he is a good resource but I’m skeptical about acupuncture.

Yeah, I’ve read up on this and I’m curious. But I did also read its not the “cure”

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD. And my main response is with my digestive system. But this isn’t to say other parts of my body react the same (ie, point of this thread). I never did notice much of a difference when I was on those drugs however even if I did, the last thing I want is an addiction.

Thanks for the detailed response.

Been there done that with the books; no pun intended (on your nick ;) )

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Sorry, I guess that wasn’t very clear. I mean that you should increase the speed at which you stimulate yourself when you are edging. Basically, you want to increase the stimulation generally; you want to keep “raising the bar” of what you can tolerate. Of course, you’ll need to do this little by little.

Excellent! That’s exactly what you want to use for edging practice. Just keep at it, keep “raising the bar” little by little. Three or four strokes the first week, four to six the second week, etc.

Yea, I’m skeptical about it too. But I’m also willing to give almost anything a try. One of my favorite quotes is by the philosopher Nietzsche. He said, “Live life as an experiment.” I think that’s good advice. Experiment, explore. I don’t know when or how, but I feel as though I could guarantee that you’ll find something that helps you if you keep trying the various options. “Seek and ye shal find.” It’s basically a law of the universe!

I’d still give it a try when it comes out, unless you’ve found something else that works by then. The “solution” for you may not be one thing but a combination of things. This new medication may help some, then with edging and/or acupuncture, or whatever, you may get farther.

Nothing works the same for everybody. SSRIs have been great for some people with depression or anxiety, but they have been hell for others. The SSRIs will allow some men to last longer, without otherwise diminishing their sex drive; others pretty much lose all interest in sex on them. Once again, experiment! Of course, you want to avoid any addiction. But a lot of these medications are not addictive physically. If they produce results, you may become psychologically dependent on them. But if that is ultimately what you need to get you where you want to be sexually, then the idea of “psychological dependence” is really a moot point. However, you need to do this under a doctor’s supervision—a knowledgable psychaitrist, to be exact. Go to a psychaitrist to discuss this problem specifically. Of course, I’d lay the greater stress on the “natural” methods. But I would also explore the chemical avenues, if necessary.

You’re very welcome. Once again, best of luck.

Tmar,

Okay, here’s something else that I didn’t mention in my last post. I’ve discussed this here before at TP, but I think that very few men would be interested in it (and I understand why!). I have added the following to my edging practice: Sometimes when I am masturbating (or having sex), I do not allow myself to ejaculate at all. I will bring myself to the brink, slow down, bring myself back to the brink, slow down, again and again and again. Then, I will stop. No ejaculation. This is extremely difficult to do. The bottom line is that we are programmed to release that seed. Once you get into it, everything within you wants to rush to that point. It’s the way of nature! But I’m trying to override this natural programming.

Many cultures have employed this technique for a variety of reasons, in particular to enhance sexual enjoyment (for both the man and the woman) and to increase one’s overall vitality. The Taoists in particular stress the latter. They claim that as a man gets older, his “need” to ejaculate diminishes. If a man ejaculates more than is optimal for him, his general energy level will diminish. But he can have sex as much as he wants. He simply needs to avoid ejaculating on every sexual occasion. Of course, it is still important to ejaculate, and each man will have a different “optimal” level, which will change throughout his life. Once again, experiment.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: During the first fifteen to twenty minutes of masturbation or sex, the urge to ejaculate is strong. This is when I have to be most careful. But usually, after the first fifteen or twenty minutes, my Johnson seems to get the message that it’s not going to shoot its load, and the urge to ejaculate subsides considerably (but it doesn’t go away entirely). This is a great feeling, when it happens. My erection remains strong, but the intense desire to blow takes a back seat. After anywhere from ten to twenty minutes, the desire to ejaculate returns again, and I have to be careful. Often, this urge will subside again, and this cycle repeats itself. I have gone up to three hours doing this, without ejaculating at the end. (Sting says that he regularly has coitus for five hours!) Sometimes, after an hour or two or more, I will lose my sex drive. But other times my drive remains very strong. Once again, others may say that this is unhealthy. But I don’t do this very often (I’d imagine that few women would be interested in sex for that long!).

As I said, it is very difficult to do this. It takes great discipline to stop the stimulation before ejaculating. But when I do, I find that my energy level is very high. Conversely, I am usually low energy after ejaculating (I think that this is because I have very intense orgasms). If I masturbate/have sex without ejaculating too often, the increased energy becomes too much: I feel as though I’ve had several pots of strong coffee (which I don’t drink!), and I get very aggressive. For this reason, I suspect that the non-ejaculation practice increases one’s testosterone level.

I also stay horny all day after doing this. I feel like I’m eighteen again: I can’t get sex off my mind. Sometimes, it’s all I can do to keep from having an erection or from playing with myself. This is a great feeling: You just want to keep having sex! But again, if I withhold ejaculation too often, my sex drive will become too extreme. Then it’s time to shoot!

Over time, I’ve noticed that my body becomes accustomed to this practice. When this happens, maintaining stimulation for a half an hour to an hour becomes the norm. Fifteen to twenty minutes becomes a quickie! But I’ve also observed that if I stop this practice, it doesn’t take very long for my body to readjust back to its natural programming. Of course, it is easier to gain the discipline back. But it is a practice that has to be maintained.

Why do I do this? Primarily, as I said, because I’m trying to override my natural programming, which is typically to ejaculate after the first two to four minutes of intercourse, sometimes sooner. The increased vitality is an added benefit. This practice has been as important, if not more important, than edging itself for me.

There are two things that this practice hasn’t allowed me to achieve. One, I am still not able to screw a woman fast and aggressively for any length of time. The stimulation becomes too much, and no matter how much I try, I let go. There are windows during which I can go at it quickly and aggressively. But these windows are usually fairly short. In other words, I don’t have complete control yet. More importantly, two, my natural tendency to become easily excitable is still an issue. I believe that if this was not the case, I could last as long as I want under any sexual conditions (fast, slow, whatever). So I also do other things to address this excitability.

Once again, live life as an experiment!

Great advice, motivated. :up:

Interesting… and motivational!

Ok just to motivate you differently ,

I have now been P/e for like 3 weeks now (noticed minamal gains but I’m happy so far )anyways to the topic
After doing or since doing edging and kegals and p/e I’ve been with 3 females sexually and they all say why am I suddenly taking so long to ejaculate (I used to have a problem like 30 sec to a min max before I blow my load )now I’ve been going on for like 2 min of hard rough sex (and yet they complain ,id like to hold out for atleast another 3 min befor I do blow my load )but the ladies seem happier in the 2 mins that I last

Please remember this is not slow passionate sex it’s wild rough sex (humping my penis into the ladies fast and hard )