Unleashing her sexual appetite

I know, but I promised my wife that I wouldn’t do it, as a gesture of my intent to change my habits. Good grief. Well, got to start somewhere. I tell her how much it costs and see what she says!

OK I told her how much it costs, and she asked “so are you going to do it?”, and I said no, I’ll have the mechanic do it (which, by the way, is a first for me). And she didn’t have any comment at all, just went back to work. Well, we’ll see.

Walk in the living room & play with her tits. Tell her your taking a shower & ask is there anything she wanted & come back with a huge hard on which she sucks wildly. The rest is history. Did this after reading this post.

I’ve been married for 8 years now, going on 9 (wow time flies!)

We even dated off and on for 10 years prior, since my junior year in high school.

Needless to say, the passion has come and gone and come and gone and come again!

Things really spiced up earlier this year when I finally realized and faced the fact that yes - this is the last woman that I’ll probably ever sleep with again. Even though I am married, I always had that disallusion that I’d stumble upon a broken-down bus full of cheerleaders or sorority girls, primed and ready for me. *ugh*

So, when I realized this, I decided that I was the one that needed to put passion back into our relationship. I’d make sure to do all of the chores she wanted me to do, even without asking - including helping out extremely with the kids. She is a stay-at-home-mom now with our 2 kids who are 5 and younger. This seemed to make her “appreciate” me more and she was more in the mood. Women are strange to me that way. I’m horny as hell ALL THE TIME, but she needs to have a couple days of things going well for her to be passionate.

I also got her a new vibrator with a curl on the tip so she can get quite a bit of clitoral stimulation. And I worked on a technique with her and finally got her to become a “squirter”. She has never felt so much satisfaction from sex than she has in the past couple of months - and we’re both 35.

So, work with her and tell her your thoughts and “harmless” fantasies and have her tell ou hers - alot of times they may be the same. Of course, you don’t want to scare her off by telling her that you have a gangbang or a bukkake lined up for her, but tell her that by dressing a certain way, it really gets you excited - like wear pigtails when she’s giving you a blow job or something.

Be sincere about her and the passion will soar.

Good luck and keep us posted!

I think that the main reason that there are so many divorces and whatnot in this country are what you just described. Dimished desire. I for one always laugh at my friends when they tell me their wife or gf does not like sex. I then ask the question. How long does sex typically last?
Um…..5-7 minutes.

I think you can figure out the rest of it. But for me, sex has become lately, not about the actual orgasm, but the whole act. I have found that giving my wife repeated orgasms as I’ve said before can be more fullfilling than me actaully having my usual 2-3 second dull orgasm. So, when we are getting heated up. I forget about orgasm for myself and tell myself that it is not about the 2-3 seconds of joy for myself, but the whole experience. See, to me, the ability to make a womens eyeballs roll in back of her head, to be able to give her 10-15 orgasms over a period of 2-3 hours and sometimes more, can be much more fullfilling to me than my usual 3 second dribble.

So I’ve stopped beating off as well. Peoples sex lives become dull a lot in part due to the male side pleasuring himself too much. See with me, I finally realized how phucked up I was. I have a woman that has an insatiable sexual libido and I’m sitting here beating off alone in my office at home, while she’s in the other room watching tv? WTF? Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head. Something is wrong. A lot of men would give their left nut to have a woman like mine, who will have sex, anytime, anywhere and can be made complety wet and ready to go by a mere kiss on the neck, hot breathing in the ear or a rub of the crotch. When I met her, she had a hope chest full of double dongs, porno dvd’s and tapes, creams, oils and everything else you could imagine. Well, now she’s my wife.

To me, beating off is a rut, a habit if you will that once you get into, can be very hard to break. You are constantly depleating your body of vital energy daily and have little to no sexual hormones in you (for lack of a better description). So I’ve stoppped beating off nightly and the sex has improved about 90%, the remaining 10% being my lack to have multiple orgasms. However , my wife can have them, and I’m the one that gives them to her, and to me, if the excitement is raised to a certain level, that can be more exciting than me having an orgasm.

So, I am either blessed, or cursed with the fact that I can go about 2-4 hours of constant pounding without blowing a load. If I want to blow a load, I can. I have that part down. What pisses me off is the refractory period and how the feelings go away so quick after ejaculating.
So, my solution? Don’t do it. Now I know your thinking I’m nuts, but if you get out of the rut of habit, you’ll understand that there can be so much more than just orgasm. You’ll start to feel stuff such as I have. I’ve felt energy from my wifes orgasms, and this is coming from a person that is highly skeptical about any of the tantric stuff or any of the other energy stuff.

If you really open yourself up to experiencing new things, such as holding out, you’ll find some new doors open. Sex still does get stale now and again, but over it’s improved. We’re going to an all out orgy in a month. Not to swap, but to just be there and watch and have sex in front of a supposed 50 couples, LOL. That’ll be hot, I hope. I’ve had a black guy with a 10” unit over to “help out the wife” and her fantasy. Just the thought of seeing another mans dick inside her and her orgasming on his cock is exciting for us to relive. Just talking about it gets us going. People approach sex the wrong way too, I think. You have to give yourself time, time to ease into the mood, relax. You can’t just say “OK, LET’S HAVE SEX” and 2 minutes later start having intercourse. If you want exciting sex, you have to do other stuff. I’ve recently discovered that my wife can have an orgasm if I lick her anus. I’ve also discovered that I like to have my ass rubbed with oil and my butt licked too, LOL.

We do other stuff too. I bought her a cordless vibrator with a remote. I hold the remote. It was awesome when we went out to a bar and she had the vibrator in and I turned it on as we were talking with a couple. Last weekend we drove around town with her flashing her boobs out the window at other men.

There is a whole world to explore as partners and I’m psyched to have a wife that is willing to explore what is possible with me.

Kevin

Day off #2 Ask if she’d like anything. She says maybe. While I’m at the computer Thunders Place of course she’s shaving the pussy. I take a shower & then I eat her out until she comes in a huge orgasm. From then on a great lovemaking session.

Thanks for your encouraging cheers! This will be even more incoherent that the last report. I’ve been quite busy since it seems we have fallen in love again after this epiphany, or should I say metamorphosis in our love life. 2 1/2 weeks now. This is by far the most pervasive change I have ever experienced from a simple exchange of words that may have lasted for two hours or so, I still cannot believe it… we literally stepped into a parallel universe during our talk. Clearly, falling in love requires time, attention and a lot of work… my professional work suffers right now (but I hope it will improve a lot soon…or else?…). It is not very easy to arrive at a new identity “in bed” that is so different from the demanding “sex magician’s” I was used to(irony)… although the black-box behavioural training probably was necessary in this, it sometimes made me feel a little too mechanistic… but then again, we cannot escape the fact that we are cybernetic organisms. I am not complaining. “Mrs Unicorn” proved to be a very dedicated trainer, the new routines in previously “awkward situations” now feels awesome after less than two weeks of training. “I see her with new eyes” is the understatement of the year, she is an incredibly wise young woman and I respect her even more now, if possible. Today she surprised me again with a 20 min “slow quickie”, this time in the laundry room with the house full of people. Obviously she now loves to be in control, and no woman deserves it more. I have been a fool for a decade, and this is the price I have to pay? Life is beautiful!

Rita, I’m glad to hear you found “the man” for you, mutual respect in the true sense of the word is definitely a precondition for love and a happy relationship!

Sparkyx:
Very happy you found what you were looking for in your new wife! Nothing can be more frustrating than finding she has no interest in making love. There are many interesting perspectives in your story that I can relate to. You are definitely right about the difference between discussion and argument. Still, as I understand the term, ‘discussions’ have the goal of agreeing on an issue which is rather well understood by both parties. You have positions, viewpoints, that you attempt the other to understand. Often discussions end up in compromises. I had discussions with Mrs Unicorn but they never led anywhere, or ended in arguments. This is because we were lacking a common understanding of the issue/problem. My issue was to increase our frequency of having sex. It was not a discussion she would like to have: Mrs Unicorn did not want us to have more sex because this would make her feel more inadequate, and she thought that both would end up more unhappy with the compromise than without it. Our very infrequent sessions of having sex lately occurred under perfect circumstances where she knew that herself and I could deliver superb sexual performance, multiple orgasms and so forth.

A dialogue has no goal, no predetermined issue or problem to solve. It goes in circles, different issues are explored, listening, thinking, listening to yourself, thinking. A dialogue can end up in a situation where problems are solved, in that case as a side effect of exploring fundamental, underlying beliefs and assumptions that may turn out to be misunderstandings or in need of change. We were lucky to get to the problematic core within ten minutes. In our case the very idea of what it means to “have sex” had to be negotiated, none of us could possibly have known that before our talk.

Sparkyx: “… felt like I was slowly dying off. My loneliness was at times unbearable. I couldn’t stand to watch movies or see couples in love…way too painful.”

I recall my wife said almost exactly those words in the beginning of our talk that Wednesday. This was in response to a probe from me, I noticed that she quickly flipped channel or walked away to do something else whenever something about sex or people in love was on. I interpreted that behavior as she was not really interested in sex or having sex anymore. No judgment, just telling how I think and react to what I see.

Kawaiahe : good strategy. I hope you can take advantage of the quality time bought by that car repair. In future choices of that kind, I think it could be an advantage if you involve your wife in decisions about how to spend scarce resources of time and money. Please do not misunderstand me, but I get a sense that you intend to use your unilateral decision as a way of proving a point to her. If my feeling is correct, nothing will be accomplished.

Take care!

Unicorn- taking the truck to a shop was a mutual decision; she asked me not to spend time doing it the repairs myself, so I took it to a shop.

She, by the way, doesn’t care about the cost of the repairs, it only bothers me.

Kawaihae: sorry I jumped to conclusions. I’m glad to hear it was a joint decision! Then I can only say I symphathize with how you feel about the money, I like to do a lot of stuff with the cars and the house myself to save money and because I think it is quite fun. You definitely got me thinking now, sometimes I tend to underestimate the time it takes from family life. Quite often, actually… :-)

What was the work on the car, can I ask? I’d view that as a hobby almost, garages dont usually do as a good a job either.

what a timely thread. 3 1/2 weeks ago, the day after our 7th anniversary, I told my wife we’d done it her way for 7 years (more like 8, counting the whole time our sex life has been “off”), now it’s my turn. She laughed nervously as she tried to glean my intentions, but did not become upset. The good news is that over the next 2 weeks, we had 3 sexual encounters: 2 quickies in the shower, and fooling around on the couch while the kid took a nap. The bad news is that beginning with the half-a-handjob she grudgingly (almost) gave me the other night, everything is pretty much back to business as usual - I’m not expecting any more this year. We’ll see.

I should have thought to look here first; lot’s of guys of all ages, and though PE is our primary purpose for gathering, despite (or because of) our anonymity here, there’s a lot of fraternal empathy and help at Thunder’s.

My wife and I started having problems almost right away - after 3 glorious months of sex at least once a day, it all dried up. I swear, we haven’t had as much sex since, as in that first few months. So I married her. It didn’t get better for 3 years, so we had a child. That didn’t make it better either (we didn’t do it from the start of her 3rd trimester til the kid was 9 months old. That’s a whole year, but who’s counting?).

A few days ago, I finally confessed that for the first time in our marriage, I couldn’t envision us being together forever. I haven’t booked movers for the day after our daughter’s 21st birthday yet, but I can’t live the rest of my life like this.

Of course, my wife is still in shock from this statement, but it’s also the first time she’d really heard how unhappy I was… then again it’s not the 1st time she’s “really heard it for the first time” so I’m not holding my breath. A couple months ago, I sent her into a panic by telling her I’d been looking into chemical castration.

My thinking with the castration is that you don’t miss scratching if you don’t have an itch. I’ve become jealous of her indifference to sex. If only I could be like that, I think to myself, I’d be bulletproof. She’ll have no truck with the idea, from guilt of changing who I am. She really sells me on it, though: she doesn’t miss sex, doesn’t miss having a sex drive, never thinks about it, unless we’re having one of our regular arguments about it. I think she’s also (at least subconsciously) afraid it would really upset the balance of power. I have a pretty good idea it might affect my gung-ho attitude to PE as well.

I feel somewhat more hopeful reading the success stories in this thread. At the same time, seeing how long it can last (7 years is not even a long time compared to some here!) kind of dashes those same hopes. My wife has a lot of pain from her childhood, and isn’t in much of a changing mood. I’m very nearly despondent over this.

I sincerely hope we can all help each other further

This is tough I know. My wife has issues herself from her childhood years. I’ve accepted these completely and we slowly work on them together, BUT luckily for me they are not sexual !!

Have you talked about counseling with her?? Is this an option?? Also were any of these “signs” present when you first met??
I do find it a little weird that the sex would just fade away suddenly like that…. One thing I have learned over time is you cannot change someone, and emotional scars take a LONG time to heal !!

A word of advice to folks in relationships: Take the time to really know your partner before committing yourself to a long-term relationship. Too many people rush into things only to find out they never really knew that person to begin with..

tilhalfpast7,

I wonder if she’d be willing to read Dr. Laura’s book mentioned earlier? There’s an audio version too if that would be easier.

I stumbled on a thread when I frequented PEForums a couple years ago between Bib and (mostly) Vivace on one way to deal with an wife that was either uninterested in sex, or was using sex as a weapon.

Is a good read. Might have to register with PEForums to access it.

You say your wife doesn’t miss sex, sex drive, thinking about it, and that she’s afraid that changing things would affect power balance. Those are some of the things you think your wife thinks. She probably thinks you think a bunch of other things. Do you think it is possible to confront her with at least some of those assumptions to see if they are correct? What circumstances would be required for you to confront each other’s assumptions about sexual issues without having the conversation reverting to an argument about who is to blame?

Maybe you both would be surprised to know. Good luck with whatever strategy you choose!

PS: regarding my own little project: we had some setbacks lately, the changed habits seem to have come too sudden so she got quite severe pains from the quickies on a few occasions. Not very helpful for us right now, she cooled off considerably for this or some other reason. Maybe time to just leave the behavioral training strategy for now and try something else. Romance perhaps?