Yes, this is difficult to go through! I relied on porn for PE needs. I never did PE without porno on. But my EQ during PE and pumping was horrible. Now that I’ve quit porn my EQ is better than its ever been and PE is actually way more fun and easier now that I can do it without even looking at a picture of a pretty girl.
I basically gave up porn completely. No pictures, no videos, no pornhub and related sites, and finally no chatrooms. Near the end of March this year is when I quit. It was very weird for about two weeks. But I had to quit porn, I could not get hard without it; I couldn’t even get hard to have sex with my wife and she was really wanting it so so bad, begging me to give it to her, but I couldn’t get even a semi.
So, how do you get hard without porno? How is it possible!? You have to think about it all differently.
First, and most importantly, you have to really start to get into yourself. This is a time to really get into self-love of your body, and especially your penis. You have to pay more attention to your cock than ever before. Think about what you did with your cock while watching porn? Were you paying attention to your cock, or the porno? I bet you paid attention to the porno. I did. My cock was just something hard and wet in my hand while I watched the screen. Now that I don’t look at it at all, my cock in my hand is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing piece of ME. Its attached to me, it is a part of me, it does not define me but I want it to be better. To be sexier, bigger, more beautiful, stronger, harder, longer. I want to love myself more now than ever before. I need to love my cock more now than ever before. Especially now that there is no porn on.
So when you doing jelqs for girth, where are you? Are you in your bedroom? In the bathroom? Kitchen?! Do you have a mirror? When I started PE in 2003 I did jelqs and stretches in the bathroom at the sink in front of the mirror. That was the ONLY place I did PE. It was just me all alone, a bottle of lube, and a watch to keep track of my minute-long stretches and 1-second jelq stroke rhythm. I didn’t have a porno problem back then, but I looked at it when possible, not frequently, but every now and then. I like to look at the mirror because I can see my cock in the mirror and ask myself “what does it look like from a different angle?” and “how good does it look, how good do I look, how does it all look?” and these kinds of thoughts make me love my cock and I create a good body positive attitude.
That’s what we all need: a good, strong body-positive attitude and frame of mind. Porn takes that away from us 100%. It shows us women we don’t think we’ll ever be able to have sex with, even though they are “amateurs” or “girl next door”. It shows us men who have perfect fit strong bodies and enormous cocks that are always 100% EQ super hard. And we think “I wonder if I’m big enough for a girl like that…I wonder if I look good enough to get a girlfriend…I wonder if…I am scared I’m not…I don’t feel like…” and all the other negative things that porn makes us think, feel, and believe.
So how can you actually get a good strong erection, that you feel good about and that makes you feel good, if you’re looking at porn? Porn shows us what and who we are NOT, not what and who we actually are.
I started to get over it all and gain my erections again by masturbating alone with nothing on. It was very hard to do! But after a few tries I could get hard and cum. I just kept trying. I never went back to porn when it seemed like I couldn’t do it. I thought about looking at porn, to make it easier to get hard and cum, but I didn’t. I stayed true to myself and within maybe 3 weeks I was able to get hard much faster than when I used porn, and I could stay hard longer with less stimulation. Sex with my wife started back up and we’ve been going at it good and strong since early May this year.
The first time I did PE without porn I was scared. I didn’t think I’d get hard at all, even though I was getting hard pretty easy and having sex with my wife, and also getting hard and masturbating for about 10 minutes before I had to cum (I used to jerk off for almost an hour sitting watching porn, so 10 minutes without porn can feel like a LIFETIME and it takes forever, its such a weird feeling!). But, I imagined being in the bathroom back in 2003 and doing it fine no problem. And, as I quickly found, I could focus on my body and my cock and believe I was good and getting better, strong and willing, looking good and feeling better, and that I am hard and getting hard is like breathing its so easy. I made it happen. I just had to try and believe I could do it.
I know I might make it sound easy. I know it is not easy and it is actually hard. But I was there man, with a fucking wet noodle that felt like nothing in my hand with my sexy wife wiggling and begging for me to fuck her hard, pussy wet and dripping, gaping open for me, and I couldn’t do it. So if anyone knows how terrible porn is and what it can reduce a man to, its me. Yet, here I am, 8 months of no porn now, getting harder than I can remember, doing PE and pumping better than ever, and feeling better about myself and everything than ever before. And I’m 45 years old now, so I’m not letting my youth help me with all of this, if anything my age is fighting against my cock. But I’m winning because I want to win and believe I can win!
If you try to do PE and cannot get hard, you are feeling like its impossible. I know, I’ve been there! So instead of trying to do PE with no porn, relearn how to masturbate and spend sexual time with yourself. Instead of trying to find thoughts and fantasies to help you get erect, focus on only you and you alone, focus your mind and intention on you cock, your groin, your pelvis. Breathe and imagine the energy of the world circulating through you with every breathe. Relax and enjoy what you feel when you touch yourself. Really get into every tiny little detail of every little stimulation and sensation you experience. Love yourself and your body above all things. Appreciate your penis for what it is and really pay close attention to it and how it feels.
Quitting porn means the man has to start to focus and love himself again. Porn makes you love nothing. The longer you continue to try to masturbate and cum without porn the easier it is to get an erection in any situation. Try to get hard in other rooms of your house if you can. Or standing up. Or lying down, or on your knees, or sitting. Get hard and then move around the room, lay down then stand up, then sit down, then stand then on your knees, etc.. This helps your body move blood around quickly and also trains your penis to stay hard as you change your body position. I used to get flaccid when I went from my knees or standing to laying flat on my back. I couldn’t even get an erection anymore if lying on my back, that’s how bad my ED was from porn. But now I can get hard very fast on my back and it stays hard longer now in that position than ever before. It is possible!!
When you do your jelqs, it sounds like you probably get hard and then let it start to go soft so you can do your jelqs (if you are doing jelqs fully erect DON’T DO THAT IT CAN HURT YOU!!). So when you’re alone with no porn just focus on how awesome you are and how good it feels to stroke your cock. You are 18.5cm bone pressed? You are as big as me, and my wife says I have a “big cock” and anything that close to 19-20cm is a big cock don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!!! Tell yourself that you love your big cock and you want it to grow and get bigger and more powerful. Focus your energy down and through your cock as you stroke, make it feel even better to you. Tell yourself how much you love your erection, how good it looks, how big you are, and imagine getting harder and larger. If you can jerk off successfully without porn several times, then you can do PE without it too.
Sorry I wrote so much! I just want to let you know that you are not alone and that some of us go through this too. It is hard to figure out, and sometimes scary. I was scared, I used to cry my eyes out to my wife. I even told her I didn’t even want to ever try to have sex again because the stress was so terrible I didn’t want to feel that way anymore; I wanted to feel normal again. Porn is not normal!! They push incest porn now as the #1 kind of porn to watch. Fucking disgusting!! That’s not you! You are awesome and better than that!
Show your body who’s boss and let your cock get hard and love it with all your heart, mind and soul. We are here to help, please check in and let us know how you are doing!! You got this! Good luck!