Through all the pain and misfortune that followed from my injury, and the serious drug problem that I developed, I have missed this thread, and I am sorry that I did. In my darkest hours, when my pain peaked I would have intrusive thoughts of amputating my own penis or getting an operation to sever the dorsal nerve, and it was devastating. Not something you want to think about over and over again as if it were the only option. I almost committed suicide over my injury. I was saved by an extra dimensional text message. I still have a penis though and it is fully functional. The nerve pain is bearable now and most of the time I don’t notice it. If the pain never went away and remained as intense as it did, getting an operation to kill or modify the dorsal nerve would be the best option for me. I have no idea how, I hurt myself so badly from something that seemed like it will heal in a week. I don’t get it. All I know is I’ve been a train wreck since my mom died in 8/2014 and that I’ve been dealing with chronic pain issues since her diagnoses. I have a drug problem and I’m not the picture of mental health I guess. Life is crazy.
So, Numbness, I can empathize with your situation, as I know what it is like to not be able to relieve your balls that feel like they are about to explode. I had to completely abstain from sex and masturbation or the head of my penis would burn, ache and throb like a category 5 hurricane. Benzodiazepine, tolerance withdrawal just fueled my obsession with suicide. No body understands what we are going through. They can’t even touch it. I know my situation is no where near as bad as yours but it seems that I made it worse. Not sure what is worse: unbearable pain in your penis or not having a penis. I just perceived my situation to be more horrible than it was too, because of my battle with mental illness, since tapering benzodiazepines and experiencing tolerance withdrawal. I also thought about drugs to eliminate erections and lower testosterone because erections caused severe pain. I would do repeated Google searches, and chaste tree berry herb would keep popping up as my only non-drug solution, like some grotesque nightmare. I still need to abstain from masturbating but I am weak from drug withdrawal. Not masturbating for 10 days was rewarding. I felt like a different person. You can transform sexual energy into spiritual energy. Not sure if taking hormones is the way to go. It can make you sick.
I didn’t want to make this post about me but reading this thread from beginning to end, put me in some type of flash back mode where I am reliving trauma. Just reading about all the losses and the strap-on, to make your ex-girlfriend happy, which just made her think less of you was appalling and gut wrenching. Reading about the pain you experience from getting aroused hit a nerve, literally. I am thankful and grateful that I have healed up until this point. Thank you for posting this. I understand why you were suppressing your emotions. You went into survival mode to decrease your level of awareness. Not sure if you chose to take medications to cope. I did and it ruined my life but saved it probably. Now I’m coming off everything: benzos, opiates and other gabaergic drugs I took to stay alive after a devastating penis injury. Do not take your health for granted. It isn’t worth the suffering. I barely did anything to earn my injury. Anything can happen.