Deeppurple,
Sure. So I was very similar to you, happy, smiling all the time, always positive. A lot of bad things happened and I went into depression and became addicted to drugs. That made my depression even worse until I was suicidal.
Then I realized that I had a choice to make because I would rather kill myself then going on living the way that I was. I got a bus ticket and took off to a different city with no plan, no place to stay, and little money. I basically just wandered around homeless for a few weeks and tried to experience life at the bare minimum.
I returned home and went on a snow camping trip out in the mountains. I picked up this book my friend had told me about, called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and I started reading it. I became obsessed with playing and recording music and it was during this time that I started seriously working on what would become my first album. I cut out many of my old friends, who reminded me of my old lifestyle, and got a new group of friends. I meditated and wrote for at least an hour a day in this notebook about all my feelings that I had.
Then after a couple months things started to really turn around. I got myself off drugs and started bringing the album together, I started living the kind of life I wanted to. I did the things I always wanted to but never did. I went skydiving, climbed a mountain, and helped build a house for a poor family in another country.
Doing all of these things made me realize that life is about much more than myself. Honestly, we all get so caught up in our own problems that we tend to forget about other people and the world at large. Once you become involved in something greater than yourself, all of your individual problems become insignificant.
Life is short. Do you really want to spend the rest of it depressed because you can’t get an erection? I think that you’re depressed because you feel like because you can’t get an erection, a part of who you are has been lost. Now you feel like you are a different person. Who you are hasn’t changed, the only thing that has changed is how you see yourself. You are so worried about your own problem that you feel like you’re life no longer has any value.
Instead of worrying about yourself, try helping other people who have worse problems than you. Visit patients who have cancer and give them one last smile, help build a house for a family in need, and whenever you can, help other people.
The longer I live, the more I realize that life isn’t about me at all, it’s about how I can help others. This realization completely changed my life for the better.