Ass Cleaning 101

We are brothers from a different mother let me tell you. I dont touch a fucking door knob in a mens room without a papertowel. I will throw that nasty papertowel on the floor if there is no trash can. And if I think the sink is dirtier than my hands, I wont even touch the thing. I have been known to order a vodka straight up and pour it on my hands to sanitize at a bar if I dont like the mens room.

More wierdness about me, in 25 years of marriage my wife and I NEVER went into the bathroom together if the other was on the toilet. Furthermore, my daughters will tell you how gross their friends dad’s are because they “pass gas” in front of anyone and their dad doesnt do that at all, ever.

Okay I am exposing way too much of my freakiness. I need to go to bed.

supersizeit:
Have you ever used either Neet or Nair on your scrotum? I would think that the ass would be just as sensitive as the scrotum. I have never had the nerve to try to shave my ass since it is so difficult to get to or see. I shave my scrotum with my wet/dry shaver in the shower and then finish up with a razor if needed. I would imagine that a depilatory would delay the growth of hair longer than shaving.

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789:
I know what you mean about public restrooms! That is another reason why I also carry antibacterial wipes (separate ones in my wallet) and a small bottle of Purell Hand Sanitizer with me in my briefcase, or backpack. I also use the wipes for opening and closing doors, and if need be the hot & cold water handles in restrooms. I always finish off, after leaving the restroom, or after having to meet many large numbers of people at conferences, etc. with hand shakes, by sanitizing my hands with Purell (I go someplace private to do it, however). I have not been without Purell since it came on the market. By the way, I don’t have a phobia like Mr. Monk on TV! It is just a habit I have had since childhood and see no reason to stop.
I also think this is why I am not plagued with colds, the flu, etc. as many others are.

Super, this thread made my day; gave me a real good laugh inter-spaced with lots of “oh my Gods” and “eearch, you do what?”??

Well at the end of the day if one of your g/friends decides to give you a ‘foot up the arse’ (and surely you Super above all others would see the joy in that) she knows she’s gonna be able to slip back into her red high heels with absolutely no ‘jam’ in her toenails!

Thanks for this thread. It was perhaps the most absurd, ridiculous, hilarious and most of all informative thing I have read in a good long while.

But let’s face it, everyone does drop a deuce and it ain’t pretty. I am not a rimjob or anal fan, but the hygeine aspect of this information is valuable.

Here’s to cleaner, safer, stank-free assholes.

The first people to take anal hygiene seriously was, I imagine, the Romans. When I visited the Roman Baths in Bath, they had a trough of running water with a long wooden bench running over it, with holes cut in. Apparently, much business was done by the guys while all sat in a row, having a crap together. When they were finished, there was a sponge on a stick which they used to wipe.

1500 years later, things had gone down hill a bit. Henry VIII, in all his fine clothes, would just squat in the corridors of Hampton Court Palace and take a shit. Then pull up his togs and get on with the job of ruling England.

From Wikipedia: (knowledge to amaze your friends with)!

The first factory-made paper marketed exclusively for toilet use was produced by Marie Fagliano in the United States in 1857 . Fagliano’s name was printed on every sheet. Before this invention , wealthy people used wool , lace or hemp for their ablutions, while less wealthy people used their hand when defecating into rivers , or cleaned themselves with various materials such as rags, wood shavings, leaves , grass , hay , stone , sand , moss , water , snow , maize husks , fruit skins , or seashells , and cob of the corn depending upon the country and weather conditions or social customs. In Ancient Rome , a sponge on a stick was commonly used, and, after usage, placed back in a bucket of saltwater.

I never did work out how the ‘three seashells’ worked! :D (Film reference). Can you imagine having your name on every sheet of toilet paper someone else is going to use? Although I do like the little embossed Andrex Puppies on mine!

Every year more hygiene products come out and take our money. The advertisers make us believe we have to have them. Smothering yourself in man-made unnatural chemicals is normal now if we live in the West.

My immune system has never felt stronger than when I’ve been living in places where Western style hygiene does not exist (not just personal hygiene but food hygiene, environmental cleanliness etc.). Maybe we are moving way too far from nature and what is natural.

I imagine all this is a modern city-dwellers phenomenon; I can’t see many guys who are still closer to nature - farmers etc., shaving their butt holes and applying scents!

Great thread! :D I wondered if you were a virgo, and checked your profile, and yes- you are :thumbs:

I hate the idea of a shitty arse myself, too. And those shitmarks. Just water is enaugh, you’ve taken it to extreme limits. In Turkiye, we have a simple equipment in our toilets (see attachment). So after you shit, you just turn the valve, and clean your arse hole with water :) (and all the area as well) After it’s been cleaned, I use the toilet paper only to dry my ass.

I have a quite hairy ass, and I know I’d otherwise have problems. But if your ass is %99.9 clean, I can say that mine is easily %95 clean with this much simpler method :)

ps: I use about 1/8 inch of my finger to clean the asshole with water properly, if needed. Sometimes the shit it so perfect (thanks to fibers), I don’t need that! :D (and I noticed that exercise makes the shit better, as well :) )

super and myself are both Virgos. Go figure. ;)

I agree. Too much hygiene will make you weak. It’s like wearing heavy clothes, and avoiding cold all the time. In time, the body will start to weaken, because it gets no “challenge”.

Those zodiac signs are always insufficient, I think :) Although, they make some points. But have to say I way impressed by Chinese zodiac.

firegoat,

I cringe when I read some of the ass cleaning styles of earlier peoples!!! :fie: Cringe, I tell you! :D

Henry VIII just sh*tting in the hallways? I could not visit the man..

And I knew about the Roman method of a sponge on a stick. Still not exactly what I would prefer, but I am sure it was great technology for the time. Rome was very advanced in a most ways and the sack of Rome by Barbarians set history back a bit.

My ex, ex wife was Chinese and her grandmother was from mainland China and apparently they used to use corn cobs.

I always wondered if they used them before or after eating the corn.

Hahahahaha :D

I think corn cobs have been used world wide for centuries or longer as toilet aids. As recently as the mid 90’s I found them still being used in parts of very rural areas of Europe, India, Nepal, China, Brazil and Mexico where I have visited. They were used on farms and in rural areas here in the US until the mid 50’s. When the cobs have been soaked in water to soften them, they are quite soft and clean quite well. But, I can’t say they clean to my satisfaction. Thank goodness for Wet Ones and Purell!

Corn cobs were replaced by Sears Catalogs.

Yes, I heard that. Apparently anal bacteria love to shop by mail.

Great thread. I agree with Supersizieit.

I find it fucking amazing that they read better than I do.