Ass Cleaning 101

Good question (I was hoping somebody would ask)
Ok class is in session so sit down and take notes my brothers.
This is important shit but rarely talked about because of its nasty nature.
Let’s face it though…everyone takes a shit!

First of all it helps if you have the proper diet i.e enough fiber so that your shit all comes out in one clean shot
and its not one of those messy jobs like after eating greasy tacos and or curry (I hate that kind of shit)

Second it helps if you know the proper way to take a shit; actually the best way is almost like martial arts or something because you have to focus and concentrate so that you get it all out in one clean shot i.e don’t clench your butt while the log is coming out or you will cut it in half and it will be difficult to get the rest of it out your system.

Third take the shit in the proper anatomical position so that it comes out with minimal effort.
Squatting on one those toilets that have the pegs on the side of the bowl ( to balance yourself) is actually the perfect anatomical position for taking a shit because it aligns the lower tracks of your intestines and allows your muscles that push it out to work more efficiently. If you have no pegs then just squat on your tippy toes a little and you will be surprised how much easier to do the deed.

If after you take a shit, you feel as if some is still trapped inside you then you obviously did not do it right.
Doing it right takes practice and mental discipline grasshoppers.
Its almost like chopping a block a wood. You focus and do it at just the right moment.
You should feel completely empty and en-“lightened”.

Ok you should be feeling like shit because there is shit all over your bottom now.
This is where the work begins…
The bulk of all the crap is cleaned by dry toilet paper.
It helps if you’ve shaved all the hairs down down there because it facilitates the cleanup process as the paper travels over smooth skin instead of the rough and uneven ride over the hairs (more prone to miss spots that way)

Shaving your hairs is also very hygienic as hairs harbor nasty odors and (as I said before) makes clean-up unnecessarily harder.
More toilet paper follows this procedure but this time you wet it and apply a dash of lotion or antibacterial soap
The soap or lotion allows the paper to slip into your asshole even further and clean the inside walls as far as you can reach in.
Your finger is surrounded by paper so you don’t have to worry about getting shit on your finger. (if you are careful)
You keep doing this over and over again until you dont see a single trace of shit on that paper.
That fuckin paper better be snow fucking white before you get up off that seat. Are you still with me? Good, now on to the next procedure…

Get in the shower because this is where you finish the job and make sure that your asshole is flawless, spotless and smelling clean.
Its imperative that you have a high pressure shower head ( THIS IS VITAL!) thats detachable so you can aim it wherever you wish.
It helps if you spread your ass cheeks apart just a little because it allows more water to penetrate deeper into your asshole.
Just pretend that you are getting fucked by a cock thats really a stream of water like those underwater entities in movie “The Abyss” where the water takes on all kinds of strange shapes. If you have done this properly for a minute or two then there will be no shit for at least a couple inches in and you never had to touch it with your finger yet. Clean from the rear and from the front since it approaches the crevices in your anus from different angles and is a much more thorough clean.

If you did that last bit correctly then its OK to lather up that butt with antibacterial soap and repeat the rinsing with high pressure at least 3 or 4 times. Now on the next cycles of rinsing dont be afraid to use your finger to go in just a little (since you’ve removed virtually all the shit with the powerful jet stream) your finger lathered with soap is just so you can make sure its thoroughly clean and there is not even a microscopic trace element of shit in there. If by chance you are not clean, smelling your finger will let you know that and it means you did something wrong in the preliminary steps. Rinse with the high pressure jet stream again and repeat this cycle at least 3 or 4 times or until you feel clean. Last but not least clean your finger thoroughly with antibacterial soap at least a few times over making sure its thoroughly clean and smells nice.

For the final touches put some Johnsons baby powder or lotion on your butt hole. If going out on a date then put a dab of cologne on your asshole; it never hurt anybody and will impress the girl that goes down on you.
I am generally much cleaner and hygienic than any girl that Ive ever dated so its not easy being me. :D
Some of you will laugh and scorn and think Im fanatically clean but fuck it man, I dont care; Im clean and I know there are some nasty ass people out there… literally NASTY ASS people!

Thanks supersizeit for teaching us the art of Kung Poo.

Your Welcome Phoenix. ;)

Im glad to see that somebody appreciates what Im saying around here.

Theres nothing like being clean and feeling clean.

That has to be the most detailed ass-cleaning post on the net. Bravo supersizeit!

Yeah, supersizeit good job. But won’t any soap do the job? And dude, how you shave down there? I would think it is hard cause you can’t see what your are doing. Thanks.

aom

I love ya man butt I couldn’t even read the post. (:

Prepare for a Supersizeit dissertation on the fine art of anal shaving.

Not that I am complaining! I always appreciate when someone takes the time to write a detailed response. All the more-so when it is on a niche subject not commonly expounded upon.

Thanks guys.

Soap will do but I prefer antibacterial after all we are talking about “shit” here. Antibacterial soap with melaluca oil ( natures most powerful anti-bacterial) is my favorite because a drop of melaluca oil in a gallon of water is powerful enough to kill any germ found in shit and in that dilution has been know to kill staph infection. Also if you wipe your ass too hard (as Ive done on rare occasions) you burst the microscopic blood vessels near the surface and that might lead to infection or who knows what. The anti bacterial is just a safe guard and precaution against infection.

I shave by using neet hair remover; I smear all over the crack of my ass and then I wait about 10 minutes and then take some heavy paper towels and go in the shower and wipe all the hair off… Ass is baby smooth after that. :)

I really am going to start that stuff. I mean being clean everywhere is supposed to be a plus for women right?

I’m traumatized.

:thumbs: IMHO Women adore men that go that extra step for hygiene; after-all women are generally the cleaner sex and really appreciate it when a man is into that kind of precision and detail.

Wow, just wow. I had no idea this was even a thing. I have never even heard of ass cleaning to this extent. I’ve heard of enema’s. I’m well acquainted with wiping. But Damn! I have never even dreamed about this, and I’ve had some twisted dreams. Anyway, Id like to thank Supersizeit for that well written post.

My eyes open wider every day to new wonders.

Wow supersizeit ! :D Thanks for your very nice and highly detailed way of keeping clean. LOL, funny but nevertheless informative. I personally like the one about removing ass hairs ;) Your way seems nice and easy. Will give it a shit.. I mean shot :) And I agree with you about women loving men who have very good hygiene.

This topic is gross. And for me even more since I never did anal, but I still want to do it.

M-Audio what is gross? Ass cleaning or anal sex? Either way it seems to me that you are contradicting yourself. You think it is gross but you want to do it? Makes no sense to me. I think that ass cleaning should be something that women should do before anal, unless you want to want to do a dirty butt.

aom