The "No SEX" Ordeal In Long-term Relationships

I will have to agree with others, I don’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. You guys are young! No sex at 29 years old? There’s something that she’s not saying, or you’re not saying. It’s all good, it’s your business.

If you stay or if you go, is up to you. Sex might naturally become a challenge with age for both of you, so I wouldn’t trade in my prime years stubbornly pursuing something that just isn’t. Yes, marriage and stress can both impact your sex life, but man…a no sex declaration at 29 years old…that’s early.

I won’t digress, but if this is some voluntary, improve your bond type of thing, knock yourselves out. On the other hand, if the issue is no sexual attraction, I don’t know that you can come back from that.

It happened to me too and destroyed my marriage to one of the 2 big loves in my life.

She had a reason. We were in our mid-30s, were perfect for each other, so tried to make things perfect and have kids. We both wanted that perfect future. Alas, she had miscarriage after miscarriage. What should have been the best time of our lives became a miserable time. In vitro stuff. Miscarriage. Misery. After several such episodes, I went for a vasectomy. My mistake - I didn’t tell her. She found out. We didn’t have sex for nearly 2 years. we stayed together for another 7 years or so, but lead separate lives despite the fact we genuinely loves each other. Just when I was about to decide this wasn’t the life I wanted to live, loving someone, desiring her, just making love once every 2 months or so, and having women on the side… she found someone else.

I wish I’d had the tools to talk to her more effectively, but I didn’t (nor did she). We loved yet operated on hidden resentment. Instead of telling her how much I loved her and how much more I desired her than any other woman, I left out my phone laying around so she’d see how much other women wanted me. What an idiot. I do distinctly recall telling her, on one of the rare occasions we made love in our final year “you feel amazing, you are beautiful, I don’t want anyone else” while she was making her quarterly leg spreading sacrifice, it seemed.

I can’t give out advice - the only thing is to openly communicate how you feel, how hurt you are, and where you are with the relationship. I know often in such situations those discussions are very difficult and that even counseling doesn’t help (didn’t with my ex wife). But ignore the amateur advice in here and find out what’ right for *you*.

Sorry for the situation and hope that you find a way out of it if you both care enough to do so.

Hi dude.
I feel for you.
I have a couple of questions.

Are you still in the relationship? Or are you just reflecting for the conversation?

You mentioned that it’s been declining for 5 years. Did an event take place around 5 years ago that could be slowly festering? Like maybe something you did? Not saying that you need to announce it over the internet but something to reflect on. Or even something that didn’t have anything to do with you. A death of someone key to her? Auto crash? Just a thought.

She gets pleasure from oral, still? Does she ask for it or turn down an offer? Like if you walked in right now and threw her leg up and went at it would she stop you?

Could she give you oral without needing it to be full on intercourse? And if that was all you got for a while (maybe years) would you be ok with that?
I’ve been married for 10 years, I’m 37 and my need is every bit as great, sometimes greater now than when I was 20, but hers has been all over the place in those years. It’s been worth it to me to stick it out through the not ideal periods. But then we both know I could never be sexless by choice. When the will is low on her end I do my best to not be pushy and she keeps in mind how needy I am.
But then to get to that understanding you must present it as a “need” and not just a favored past time.

The parts about loving soul and not the body, and the problem is with me, make me nervous. Is that something coming directly from her or is that your composite of her signals?

I’m interested in your thoughts.

Guys, you are wonderful. I would elaborate on the topic later on, since my work days are a little nightmare now.

Still, thank you for your support.
*** News Flash
As I am sitting in the toilet, 10 minutes after some cock rubbing from her, I feel that the light in the tunnel, albeit dim, is still there.
I love you guys!

I know your getting a stream of responses, half of which I didnt bother reading as this problem is not mine own. And maybe you Flowsky wont read this either but Ill try and give you my prospective on the topic from the handful of experiences Ive had on both sides of the stream.

First off I would suggest you both look into, and discuss the concept of Love Languages. Most people are aware of the concept but, a legitimate discovery of them within yourself and your relationship can be of great use. Sometimes its hard for one or both partners in a relationship to understand what the other person values to feel whole. While, two people can still exists and even be happy in a relationship without much active consideration into Love Languages, the addition can help ease moments of miscommunication, and help strengthen a silent understanding of what each person needs in the relationship.

The unfortunate thing is, is when one persons needs are not met. It can be difficult to reciprocate the others needs as well, causing a sort of spiral of met expectation until neither person feels satisfied or secure. It can also be difficult to convey when certain needs are not being met at times, without the offending the other half, or feeling selfish for suggesting such things. Understanding your own needs, as well as hers (and vice-versa) can hopefully allow you both to put more effort into meeting each other at the center, and for her that might be understanding that a lack of physical connection is damaging to the health of your relationship. You may even find, that there is something she is missing, although she is happy, that will push her to try and meet your needs more often as well.

Secondly, aside from that. I would try, broaching the topic of tantric sex with her or variations of it. For some people, depending on how they were raised, sex is a deeply intimate interaction. Cuddling and embarrassing without intercourse can be enough for them to feel connected intimately, meaning there is no real excess of libido left over for concerns of full intercourse, since their intimate needs are already met . With some of your writings about her this might be the case. Tantic sex in all its forms is exactly this. Its about taking the intimate bond of physical contact between two people and heightening them. It could be a way for her to engage with you intimately and open up more to intercourse as a whole without ALL the focus or pressure being focused on intercourse itself.

As a last note, not all 2 people are compatible. Sometimes two people will naturally struggle to BOTH fulfill each other fully. No matter how hard they try. Discussing your love languages honestly with each other, may allow one or both of you to see that their will always be needs that will be unmet. Sometimes its better to understand whether or not both people can maintain each others needs properly. Its not always because there is no love, or respect, but simply because they dont have, and cannot have the emotional bandwidth to successfully do so.

Ok I’ll be honest, my advice will be contrary to what people say, some may even say it’s cold, but it’s about getting results.

A lot of things that truly work with women are counter intuitive to what we are taught or shown on TV. This isn’t no asshole “Alpha male” advice.

Just for your own mental insurance before you implement what I say have a genuine talk with her expressing how you feel, I’ll be honest it won’t work but at least you can do that for peace of mind.

She’s way to comfortable with your current situation but to be honest that’s because you’ve allowed it, she gets horny just like every other person but she’s use to being your “buddy” now. You need to tap into that raw sexual primal mind of hers. Reinvent yourself sexually with her, so do things like randomly say something real raw and sexual in her ear for 30-60 seconds, grab or smack on her butt then walk away, don’t escalate it, let her mind wonder. Do these occasionally till she desires you, master verbal seduction.

If that’s not working then tell her you’re considering leaving, as humans we work harder to not lose what we already have than to gain, example if I told most people, meet me everyday at 3.30am for 6 months straight or your arm will get chopped off they will do it over 6 months 3.30am to get 1 million. So tap into that nature.

Tbh honest there’s so much I could say so private message me if you want to know anything

Well at least thats something. If a girl dont feel like having sex with me but instead she offers to milk me with her hand, Im in. Thats all i need.

He already have done that, several times, his words “We have been going the thorny road of sporadic sex for around five years, in which, I tried all the tricks up my sleeve - without any success.”. Have you not read the first post?

Also trying to reinvent himself is too much effort and energy that this woman may not even like this “new version” of him. I’d say for him to leave her, he will find a suitable and lovely woman out there looking forward to satisfy his sexual desires and heart. Also she may be better with another man, that tricks that smooth itch in her clit, makes that pussy moist and makes her a slut behind 4 doors or she won’t, but one thing for sure I am: when she sees herself single and alone, she will adapt her behavior in order do to what the market of men does want so that she be desired and hold a man, because she takes OP for granted.

No sex sucks. IMO is the number one best body feeling you get out of ones life.

I’d fuck twice a day if my lady could keep up.

But for some people it just doesn’t matter at all

Indeed sex is the best drug in the world. It pleases most of your senses at the same time, with a surge of multiple neurotransmitters and hormones, all naturally produced without side effects.

When I was in that situation, and confronted it, I was trying to be fair. I also felt the need to fuck at least once a day, but that is already more than average. I was settling for 2-3 times a week. Not even that. Not even that I’ve got. Fuck that shit. Never again. Gladly that was man many years ago and never went through the same again. Knock on wood.

I would suggest you go and check out Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. Its a mans job to create a opportunity to have sex, by creating fun filled night time dates. Corey Says you should never stop dating and courting the woman. He also mentions that when a woman feels heard and understood the legs open and when she doesn’t they close. If not best of luck with it.

Ah my fellow 3%er, nice to meet you

So woman does not have any responsibility to the relationship?

I gave a fast look at this guy channel, dude is still talking about alpha and beta, this is XXI there is no such thing.

Here is an advice: check out Kevin Samuels.

OK, 15 minutes of free time before stretching

oMooseknuckle is maybe the closest to the current situation I’m in, but this is not a complaint thread, rather it is a way to deal with such a problem by brainstorming and genuine brotherly help.

So, one thing I forgot to mention - it all started several months before the thyroid gland removal, when we moved in with her parents, as we hand no other financial support at the time. We moved out quickly, as I found a job in her home town. The home town, however, pushed her down the rabbit hole into herself, encapsulating around fears that the same scenario that she ran away from is going to happen again.

The lack of a home of our own, since we live in a rental apartment, is maybe one of the biggest libido inhibitors for her. As I am a male, this doesn’t stop me from being overly sexual with her, her emotions seem to be suffering from the lack of own roof above her head. Yes, we talked about it. Yes, we came to the point of asking ourselves how to return to the big city with all of its charms and opportunities.

We are still in the small town. Nevertheless, the “No sex” tactic seems to be paying off, since I managed to stop myself from being overly sexual and confront her with understanding and care, despite wanting to fuck her brains out and repeat after 20 minutes.

c3ifador has a point, we may have taken our significant other as granted, which, in turn, pushes our pursuit of sexual contact down. Nevertheless, I am forever thankful for what she did to me and being sepаrated may not be the best option for both of us, since we are both wanting to keep this relationship going forward. Or at least this is what I think.

We are actually in the process of building a house for her father, which would leave his old house, which is more than fine, for ourselves. This may be the turning point into our relationship and help it become stronger through sexual appeal and intercourse.

***

News Flash - sexting the right way always leads to good results. I offered a butt massage with kisses and some spanking. She is not into spanking, I learned. However, a compliment on her butt seems to be breaking the ice barrier quite nicely.
Nevertheless, if anything happens, it would be only butt massage, no sex, I have a theory to prove and an “I want you to fuck me till your cum comes right from my ears” sentence to hear.

Again, guys, you do wonders. Thank you all. You are truly and deeply the best online community about sex and PE ever.

😂 Let us know if this happens, or not.