The "No SEX" Ordeal In Long-term Relationships

I forgot about her thyroid issues and removal as well, yah levels need to be checked regularly. My wife had thyroid damage from radiation to treat cancer and her levels were out of wack for about a year as her thyroid got back to normal. During that time she was kind of a mess, but she also started menopause shortly after that so cancer really did a number on my wife. But thyroid was investigated and her levels changed a lot within just a year. Your lady would probably do well to see a doctor for level checks soon.

At first I thought it was me. I thought I was the dud. So I found a Tantric instructor and showed my wife. She dismissed it as me wanting a happy ending despite the website explicitly saying this was not what it was about.

On my third lesson on how to give a Tantric Yoni massage my instructor came 5 times, had the drunk face, couldn’t speak and rolled back with a thumbs up. When she came around she asked how I was so confident. I did the same massage with a stripper who came 15 times. I called BS as I was paying her and she showed me the most engorged clit I have ever seen and said I can’t fake that. So it wasn’t me. On the rare occasions we did have sex she commented that I had improved to the point she accused me of having an affair as I was that much better.

Today’s women have been told their entire life that they can do anything, so they do and that comes at a cost to the man. I told my shrink I don’t know where I fit as a man.

I tried a few adult workshops which I invited her to come with me and was told stop asking me I’m not interested.

And now we are separated. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder, basically from her and the kids, both girls, bullying me for years. Nothing I could do was right. Shrink suggests it is probably permanent and nominated 2+ years on a deceleration form. My earning capacity is gone as I just can’t handle any stress and am now doing menial jobs where before I was a professional project manager.

And all this started from the no sex. One year I counted we had sex 3 times.

My advice, don’t waste your life. Leave.

The more I open up to male friends about this the more I find they are in the same predicament. Abused by their wifes and no sex.

Thanks feminism, your equality is working well! (Note sarcasm)

SB

Shaunbaby, I am sorry you went through this, but you sure know that you have the power to move forward, control your mind as it is your most powerful weapon, I recommend you this book from Tony Robbins “unlimited power” it is powerful and Jordan Peterson is great talking about us men in this world, those 2 things helped me a lot, also your story is very common here in Brazil. Those things about relationships you’d know through middle-aged men, 80% of divorce here are started through women being the majority of reasons “adultery and not earning enough”, the other 20% are started by men, and of those started by men almost 80% are lack of sex, even being cheated on majority of men continue the marriage, how do I know these things? My uncle is this kind of lawyer, the stories he tells about who’ll have the kids, house, car, money, the yellings, fights, murder because of that, destroy your life because of woman… it is tough. This 3rd wave of feminism is the one lying to young women to their political agenda, this nonsense you see in the social media and media.

flowsky, please forget this c3ifador - The “No SEX” Ordeal In Long-term Relationships post, I forgot to put the title as “your evil shoulder angel”. But always remember the lawyers.

Every opinion is welcomed, especially when it is anecdotally backed. Sometimes a little devil on your ahoulder is all you need for a wake up call.

Now, a bit of progress in the making - we started talking more openly about our relationship. Yes, we sometimes go into berserk mode, but we always find a way towards each other. I started hugging her more often, and learned what the “kiss the soul” means.
I am, however, hard on staying with the “NoSex” regime, as sex drive in her is still not evident.
Nevertheless, the “fight” still continues.
Thank you all!

News update
We once again had the “no sex” talk, but this time the other way around. I was interrogated about my sex denial practice and “why is sex so vital” to a 30-year-old constantly horny guy like me.

I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the time and effort my wife is putting into understanding my desires to bury myself in her as deep as humanly possible. I explained her that the fact that after a ten-year relationship she is still my queen in terms of sexual arousal is the key to solving the mystery about my sex drive.

She listened carefully as I delved deep into the reasons behind by horny mood, she tried to explain why she is feeling the exact opposite. Now, at the very moment I am writing, we are making dinner together, with a glass of fine rose wine. Which is nice. However, she is on her period, so I tend to believe this is the root cause of her current emotional state.

Nevertheless, we came to the conclusion that her problems are more psychosomatic and the answer hides deep within her mind. I think the NoSex attitude is helping, which is the primary reason i created this thread in the first place.

My approach seems to be yielding some fairly unexpected results. We made love. Not sex. The tantric mantra I read in the comments above seems to do the job nice.
We started off with me touching and kissing her on the back, while she still was semi-asleep. Gently, softly, without a hint for sex.
She woke up and told me she had a wet dream about us.
Continued to slowly work her body, sending all of my sexual energy towards her.
I ended up masturbating her with my hand, when she told me “your mouth has a perfect place and it is down there”
Well… This was a first. I followed orders. 10 minutes after i wend down on her she climaxed like never before, according to her statement.
And as I was already thinking about the work I have to do, following the NoSex principle, she offered to give me a hand job. I declined. And.. Drum roll…

She made a raise, offering a blowjob, which never happened without my push and never until the end. Well, this changed. I received the best, really &-the best blowjob possible. She started slow and scared, but then she relaxed and gave all her soul into sucking my dick. It was marvelous. I guided her through the process, learning her what and how to do it. Remember - a bit of teeth on the glans is OK.
We cuddled after I came so hard that my back still hurts a bit. We made breakfast and cuddled a bit more. It was fantastic.

That’s excellent flowsky!

OMG flowsky!!! That sounds amazing, its very hot, too. Whatever you two have been doing and deciding to do, something is working and working good! My god, what you both got to do sounds as good as, maybe even more hot than, intercourse.

Imagine how amazing intercourse will feel when it happens! Thank god my wife wants to get it on later today, you’ve got my mind racing and blood flowing big time right now!

I think that was the main idea behind the NoSex ordeal - to find a way around theshort-term, arousal-based animal fucking, and seek other ways of making contact.

To further elaborate. I am a pragmatic type of a person - I see, I like, I do. Ky girl is more on the sensibility side of things, which is already a dissonace of its own.

However, my recent findings suggest that the tantric experience can be more beneficial than counceling, abstaining, or other pragmatic effort.

A big part of the ordeal is me admitting that there is a problem worth solving. Sometimes a massage can work wonders in relaxing and remodeling the stress in our daily ordeals in life. It seems to be working.

Well, a bit of almond oil, infused with orange and lavender essential oils adds ip to the experience.

Time for a news flash
I enjoy going down on her. I love it. I feel addicted to licking her clitoris. However….

During a prolonged back massage, with the help of my almond oil mixture, I slowly worked my way to her ass, started kissing and rimming it.
I turned her on her back, and did a 30-minute slow and sensual oral session, with multiple edging cycles. She came, but not as hard as she is used to. This should have ringed the bell for me, really…

On the next day, I got accused of perceiving her only as a sexual object and my efforts to change for the better were sex-induced. So, back to square one.
This is becoming more and more frustrating, since I am almost 30, but we act like we are in our 50’s, with two college kids and a huge mortgage.

The subject of having kids made her cry, since I told her I have no time to waste with someone, who is still uncertain about himself, or the physical ability to have children. Leave the sex thing alone. Being psychosomatically castrating yourself is the worst thing a person can do. We see it often as members here report of ADHD-related ED, or porn-induced ED. Nothing to do with one’s physical state.

And since she had her thyroid glans removed, having a baby transforms into a Russian roulette type of a job.
…..
I still remember the blowjob she gave me. As simple task as it may seem, the blowjob she offered and executed was the best thing. Yes, I was given oral stimulation before. Yes, pretty intense blowjobs. Yes, I deepthroated, splashed all over. But that one blowjob was so unique, that it still gives me chills as I type my words into this thread. For my girl, to overcome herself without me begging her to do it, to slowly relax herself into the state of mind needed to take my dick in her mouth, to watch me orgasm because of her… like Mastercard ads used to say - “Priceless”.

Still, I have hope. Not much. But hope.

This is sad, flowsky. You did everything right. Everything. I was even hopeful while reading it, thinking that things had turned around for you. Then, “On the next day…”

You don’t want to give up. Admirable. Those accusations must hurt. But I think she doesn’t mean that. Obviously there’s a lot of confusion emotionally, but also hormonal may be. Talking helped last time. May be you’ll be able to pour out each others hearts again.

Well… if I say I didn’t expect such turn of events, I would be misleading both myself and the rest of you guys. I think this is much more than just abandoning sexual activities in order to flash a light at someone’s face. It is deeper.

I use myself and my experience as a prime example of how sometimes the problems, if not corrected, can cause real damage here and there. And the damage, believe it or not, can be crucial for someone close to my situation, as I believe I am not the only one, experiencing relationship problems.

Furthermore, the points of all members are on par, giving enough anecdotal insight about dealing with such problems.