EQ Conundrum - Help Please

I’ve been (consistently) doing PE since the beginning of this year and fortunately have gained 1.0” in length & 0.25” in girth. This follows about a year of on/off starts/stops when I was figuring out what worked for me. Obviously I’m grateful for the gains (and to TP for the know-how) but along with gains have come EQ issues in the form of the inability to keep an erection much beyond 5 minutes during sex and even when I first get hard, boners aren’t more than 90% of pre-PE erections.

In reading threads on EQ, many say if you keep or improve your EQ, you have a favorable chance of gains but if your EQ diminishes, that’s generally a bad PI and your liklihood of gains is minimal. In my case however, my EQ went down somewhat AND I got consistent gains.

So what I’m doing works (in terms of getting gains with PE) but interferes with sex in terms of diminished EQ which defeats part of the point of PE for me (better sex for the wife & me courtesy of a bigger dick, improved self-esteem, yada, yada). My routine is already on the light side (see below) but advice on EQ problems tends to lean towards doing less PE or even taking off several weeks for deconditioning.

Thing is, I already had deconditioning weeks built-in to my program from the get-go as that seemed wise, so I’m not sure that’s the answer or that I’m even overly conditioned since I’ve steadily gotten gains since January.

I get this could be a psychological issue (but not sure how I’d be able to pinpoint that after all, I’ve got issues with my sexuality, BDD, inferiority, etc. or I wouldn’t be here). It also could be pointing to health problems in my body (i.e. heart issues & hormones come to mind) but short of stuff like that, I’m looking for your advice (especially from veterans) on if you’ve encountered this and regardless of if you have or haven’t, what would you advise? Suggestions on modifications to my program are welcomed as well.

- Mon, Wed, Fri (3 days a week)
During morning shower time:
5 minutes warm-up
10 minutes wet jelqing
5 minutes warm-down

- Mon thru Fri (5 days a week)
2 minutes manual stretching x 5 (total of 10 minutes of stretches with the 2 minute sessions spaced throughout my day)

Sat, Sun - no PE except 10 piss-pulls during restroom breaks

6 weeks on, 1 week off (during the week off, no PE except 10 piss-pulls during restroom breaks), rinse, repeat

Exercise: Occasional 15-20 minute walks thru the week - no weight training

Supps: Zinc, Fish Oil, HMB, Citrulline (with meals) & Arginine (before bed)

Porn: Usage when sex gets scarce

Thoughts gentlemen?

QL

Have you ever taken more than one week off?

Additionally, do you do sex and PE on the same days?

Also has your porn consumption increased to do PE?

Heya QL

Spontaneous remarks:

You do 5 days per week PE, 7 if piss-pulls count too and consider it light?

And then you occasionally do a 20 min walk. I honestly think it’s neither a PE or psycho but more a fitness issue.

My honest advice:

- Start doing Kegels for better EQ

- Buy a step-counter (or install an app, but usually it’s not that good as a belt-mounted device) and if at the end of a day you did not do your 10’000 steps get out and do them. Every single day!

Then, after the first month, look how your stamina and EQ have changed.

And then upgrade to 20”000 steps per day :-)

No - sometimes I hit it a few days late or early depending on life getting in the way or just feeling I need a break but the interval off is always just 7 days (and EQ doesn’t improve during the week off either).

Based on what I’ve read on TP I try not to do both on the same day (like aiming to get lucky on the weekend), but if the opportunity presents, I can’t exactly turn it down. If I know there’s a good chance for getting laid during the week, I try to get my manual stretches done by late afternoon to give myself some recovery time before sex that evening. Lately I even told the wife we should try doing the deed in the morning (like right after waking up and before any PE) but in the end had the same result: 5 minutes in, I had a limp biscuit.

It hasn’t increased to do PE, but when she gets out of the mood, I tend to break my sobriety and then instead of sex every 3-4 days (during which time I can easily handle living without porn because I’m getting the real deal), I tend to masturbate once or twice a day (I think because porn doesn’t satisfy like sex does) until she comes back into orbit again. Then I can stay completely away from porn for days, weeks or months as long as we’re having sex (or trying to), but the EQ issue is sticking around no matter which track I’m on and I have to either hurry up coitus or I’m not personally going to have fireworks.

Hadn’t really thought about it till now but when I started consistent PE in January, there were a lot more handjobs and/or masturbation, so the EQ issue wasn’t noticeable until she got more interested in sex in the last couple of months and so we’re running into this most every time we have sex now (unless it’s a quickie).

Thanks, QL

One week often isn’t enough to notice EQ changes. As someone who takes a month or two off to decon regularly now, I can say things change a lot more.

Also, if you haven’t had sex much and you got used to handjobs…then literally, her stimulating you manually and you stimulating yourself manually has become the primary method your penis understands to get hard. I mean we are habit driven, conditional creatures. One of the biggest things about masturbation and porn is getting hard in a chair, in front of a computer because the brain has to be retrained to get hard for your partner in the bedroom.

I’m pretty sure you don’t have anything physically wrong with you. None of it sounds like an injury related problem. It seems psychological, something I myself am slowly overcoming. As my EQ with my partners has typically been bad or nonexistent without pills but now is 70-80 and something I can better control now, after having quit porn. So…I think a few months without PE and only having sex may help your brain back into the groove, if I had to guess.

Well ya, comparatively. I see guys doing 5 days with 30, 60 or even more minutes/hours in a day so just comparing myself to knowing some dudes do a great deal more.

Yeah, you could be right - I’m at least 30-40 pounds overweight.

That’s some great advice whether my EQ improves or not and of course, nothing to lose but my gut. Thanks for the honest feedback - can give that a try starting tonight.

QL

I know it sounds like a light routine but have you looked at the linear routine?

I’m personally trying that. 2 on 1 off mainly but sometimes 1 on 1 off.

When sex is initiated do you find yourself dreading your loss of erection? Are you thinking about it whenever sexy time could be near?

That must’ve sucked but glad to know you found a path back. I agree it’s not solely a physical problem (although I’m creeping up on the half-century marker so I’m gonna take Richard65’s advice too - can’t hurt), but as a recovering sex addict, I know you’re right about what porn can do to rewiring sexual arousal responses.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear but I get what you’re saying. I’m going to try committing right away to no porn, no fap & accepting no wifey handjobs and then to no PE when I finish out my current six week cycle (cause I feel I’m on the edge of the elusive girth gain). Gotta admit it’s become somewhat of an obsession & may be messing with the barrell of monkeys up there as much as anything else. Really hate stepping away from what’s been working but it should continue working when I resume after a couple months hiatus if I’m hearing you right. I appreciate your two cents. Thanks!

QL

I didn’t initially because I hadn’t come across it at the time. However, I started out similarly with various combos of exercises & frequency, but until I reached 5 days on, 2 days off I got zero gains - that seems to be the magic for me and while playing with days of the week frequency, each time I’d scale up the minutes of jelqing and/or stretching, my PI’s would just go to hell (which is how I landed where I’ve been while enduring the decrease in EQ which would typically mean that I shouldn’t have been gaining, but then it could’ve all been newbie gains, whatever those really are, but I digress…). Looking forward to the break now that I’ve settled it in my mind and to moving my focus away from this for awhile.

Yes, exactly right on both counts. I try to get in the moment, make sure I’m breathing deeply, relax and get the negative thoughts cleared from my head as much as I can (while also trying to focus on none of it - the don’t think of pink elephant issue that forces you to think about pink elephants) and unfortunately while I know the tools well and they work in other situations, I can’t say to the wife, hold on - let me meditate for 10 minutes to clear my mind before we proceed. :) Any suggestions welcomed. Thanks!

QL

@thoughtfulgold - so when you do a decon that long (2 months) do you do piss pulls, anything else or just nothing at all? Just have concerns about not wanting to go backwards…

Let me ask a simple question or two like how old are you and when was the last time you had a good physical?

49 - annual physical was last year…

@Richard65, thought I could pull it off the day I started but took me a few days to get up to 10,000 steps in a single day as you suggested (and I’ll try to up it all the way to 20,000 as you also suggested but man, that’s a lot of time!), but finally got there today - now just to maintain it.

Obviously this is going to be an experiment over time but looking forward to it (and think I’ll start chronicling any weight loss as well at least as long as I’m in my decon phase).

If nothing else, feeling better already.

QL

Glad to hear it. Just my opinion buy I think it may be mostly performance anxiety.

How’s your nocturnal erection quality?

QL

Congratulations you made the 10’000. Yes, it is a lot of time, I know. Just as a side info: having 10’000 steps/day is a pretty widely recommended value which comes from physician’s world for preventing cardiac issues. I even know a health insurance company in Switzerland that gives you a rebate when you carry a step counter proving you are doing those 10k steps. Some clever guys then tried to attach it to their dogs or cats collar, but the cheat was discovered - animals have different step frequencies :-)

So now you know how it feels with 10k and some Richard65 guy on the web challenges you by doing 20k. :-) Well, the same guy now tells you NOT to progress for the moment! The 10k steps are perfect and the impact of it will start to show on the balance and on your feeling of fitness in the next months. It’s like in PE: good and sustainable gains are usually slow gains. It’s the moment to keep it steady and not progress further. And by “moment” I meam the next couple of months.

So keep just your 10k steps as daily measure. And think.about how to get more steps during daytime. You will start to integrate them in your lifestile by adding some tricks:
- Parking intentionally at the most distant place from the entrance
- Do any distance under half a mile by foot instead by car or public transport
- Elevators - what’s an elevator? I’ve got stairs! (and I live on the 13th floor, so it’s 256 steps and 45 meters of height).
- Easiest trick: walk a dog. But not everybody can have a dog. I would like to have one but I can’t guarantee enough time for the dog due to professional restrictions. And I don’t want a dog sitter. So: no dog for me at the moment for sake of the dog :-(

With these and similar little tricks, you start adding more steps into your daytime so that when you come home your step counter shows over 10k - and you’re done for that day :-)

But I know that 20k challenge remains. It’s as rule of thumb a 3 hours walk. No use to do challenge you in the beginning with a number that high. But maybe you find a weekend hike with family or friends the way to experience it. I for myself are mostly a lonely wolf when it comes to hiking, but most people I know enjoy to do it in company. And it is better because chatting a bit keeps you at the right (read: low) pace.