Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

TG,

Great posts as always.

Can you describe what a V-Jelq is to you?

My searching turned up two versions.

Thanks

Shaunbaby.

As I learned a V-Jelq…

An OK grip at the base, then thumb and forefinger of the movement hand pressed down onto the top of the penis on either side pinching together in a loose but upside down V to put pressure on the sides of the penis as I perform the up stroke. Adjust that pressure as needed. I use a reverse grip as my wrist is funky but a forward grip for the V is fine also.

See, I wouldn’t even bother warming the bed anymore.

I wonder why men put up with this. I couldn’t possibly consider it any form of “manning up”, it’s not interesting anymore to have sex with somebody that crude and any future interaction is spoiled by that fact that a women opted to behave like a petulant child. Fuck if you want to fuck but have some ideals if you intend on being in a relationship with somebody.

The issue is complicated by feelings. Love, especially genuine care and concern makes severing connections with people difficult, even when they are toxic. Additionally, some women do this in an offhand manner and do not actually know how hurtful it is. Some of it is honest ignorance, some of it is manipulation and power games. All of it is hard to define because how you take the comments is everything.

I had one ex who relentlessly claimed a guy was as thick as a Campbells soup can. Same ex that pitted me against another alpha to watch us spark. She had Jekyll and Hyde going on. Lovely affectionate but twisted. Introduced me to true love (I thought) and other deviant things that I still do today. Cutting her loose took several more severe affronts to my pride. I can’t even remember what happened when we broke up, it was that traumatic. But I wanted to cut her loose before we exploded. I just could not do it.

Now, I don’t tolerate any bullshit. But I’m cutting women loose without giving them a chance. I’m crazy guarded and distant. I don’t have the ability to feel a deep connection, at least at this point, because I’ve been hurt and stepped on so much that I’ve shut down that part of me. It prevents pain but what insulates you from being burned or frozen also keeps gentle sensations away as well.

Just like we don’t walk around in waterproof winter coats all year, you have to take a chance to feel. Gotta risk being rained on to enjoy the sun. You can’t love at arms reach, ready to cut ties at the drop of a hat. I’ve tried. It simply isn’t love. So I am jaded and unforgiving. Not a path I recommend.

Trust and vulnerability shouldn’t be misused or wasted but the nature of them begs the benefit of a doubt. That’s why I speak of these things in a conciliatory tone. People have made it through worse and come out stronger. It’s a matter of who is in the situation and what they truly desire.

Or in shorter words… “It's not that simple…”

Hey there.

Again, superb post, quite detailed. I wish to have read this one and your others post in your signature, as well as the other members here at least 3 month ago.
I believe sharing one’s experiences helps a lots of people because we are all different. We may found someone or of some part of stories to be akin to what we are going through at the moment.

Thank you for sharing and have a nice rest of the day :)

I’ve been lucky on the dick front with women telling me I am large. And some telling their friends. Which will be interesting as I am seeing the girl that came up to me and said, so I hear you have a big dick, in a couple of weeks at a reunion. Another girl called it a whale, but she beat me up in other ways, which I now put down to her own insecurities. Another read an article that saids the average was 13cm and asked what I was, 17.5cm back then, 18cm now.

Even with all that I wasn’t convinced myself until recently. Just yesterday while clicking through to the site you buy your stuff from I came across a dildo modeled on some porn stars dick. It was 5.5 inch girth, and I’m 5.25. We are all to quick to not acknowledge how good we are already.

This…is the problem. We cut ourselves down first, best and always.

Today I was helping a user with his routine. He was expressing concern with "losing time that he could be making extra progress on the ruler" and after responding to his message I figured I needed to touch on this, as I was at that point myself early on.

If you are deadline oriented you will plateau and get hurt, guaranteed.

The race to the finish line never ends well in PE. For the few who can push their penises to the limit again and again safely and get gains indefinitely without any injuries…they are merely the fables we need to read about while we set ourselves up for the embarrassing ER visit and urologist appointment. Slow down. Turn the stopwatch off. There is no one to beat and nothing to win that isn’t there if you don’t take the long route anyway.

I was like that for probably the first half of my second year up to my 4th. Got hurt clamping, hanging and pumping, separate occasions, big layovers.

I remember the first. It was all after my first 1.5 years (18 months) and I was in the process of retiring my extender. I had gotten 1.3 inches in length and some of it was EQ I’m sure but…1.3" is 1.3" and I was…not happy. Why? No girth! I was 5" at best and this was closer to the base I think. I wasn’t aware that the skin tag and malformed CC on my left side were the main problems with gaining girth so…I was of course upset. I don’t remember what forum I was on…PE gym? Maybe they mentioned it at X4 but…clamping came up. And for a newbie, reading about clamping is like you’ve found the girth miracle you’ve been waiting for. Obviously, I had to get in on it. Had to.

Was I conditioned for clamping? No.
Did I have a proper cushion? Does a folded washcloth count? Answer to that, after trying it, is no.
Did I have any idea how clamping was done? Aside from clicking a hard object closed on my dorsal vein and nerve? NO.

The honest truth was I likely needed a smaller clamp. My EQ didn’t get above 60% and the girth was small enough that the 2" clamp I use now simply was too large no matter how I clamped it closed. So I smashed the top and bottom side of my penis and didn’t stress the sides at all. Which, if you haven’t clamped, is all the wrong things and will net you exactly zero benefit. This is why sizing a clamp properly matters. But I didn’t know that either.

As a result I got hurt. Clamped down to the last two teeth cuz it was too big. Pinched the life out of the top of my penis. Couldn’t get erect for most of a week. Numb for most of 3, depressed for probably 5 weeks. Because I just had to get girth, I had to! And what I got was hurt. Damage on top of already low sensitivity. Truly a poor decision. But…doesn’t end there. I won’t clamp again for probably 2 years and the next few attempts between my first time and 2 years later (when I find success) are not much better. I did not get girth from clamping so…what does a newbie turn to next?

If you guessed pumping you’d be right on the nose. Pumping! This was tricky. Cuz I bought a ton of pumps. Notably, and this is probably the second pump I got…I bought a Bathmate Goliath cuz I wanted to get big. Then had a serious debate with the eBay seller cuz that thing was [size+1]stupid fucking enormous[/size] and I thought a bigger pump would make me bigger like a dummy. Because guess who hasn’t studied pump theory? The nobody from X4 forums who actually was too scared to ask questions anywhere else! That pump was like $140 I want to say, or something close to $200. I may have even 2nd day Air’d the thing. I was in it deep but AS SOON AS I SAW THE SIZE OF THE BOX I knew I had made a mistake. Luckily, I didn’t actually remove the pump from the packaging. It was still wrapped when I sent it back and got like 70% minus shipping refunded.

I bought a regular Bathmate. And couldn’t get it to reliably seal on me. For the life of me how you put water in it and made it seal made no fucking sense! Probably had something to do with my girth being so small inside of it that water in the tube would actually make it fall off of me because the seal was so weak. Also, I was not able to fill the tube and get my penis inside. Because I did not understand how the damn thing worked! I had no freaking clue!

So…now to air pumps. Cuz the Bathmate was still hot and new, selling out most places so I hopped on that bandwagon and still have that dusty Hercules but…*shakes head* Ain’t ever do me no good. Ever. Had to "settle" for air pumps, which were said to only give temporary not permanent gains like the Bathmate. I can’t tell you the brand name, cuz the cheap pumps don’t etch, they use ink that rubs off with use and washing, but it was a cheap bulb or handle and hose pump. This is my 4th air pump by the way. The ones without the gasket that narrows the opening were too big for me and I was not going into tubes erect either. Cuz…no pump theory knowledge, at all. Now, I’m pumping flaccid. I’m seeing diddly squat for gains, temporary or permanent. I’m seeing diddly happening in the tube! So…I get frustrated. I find a way to get erect and I go into the tube (and have I mentioned I’m pumping DRY? Cuz it’s gonna get real relevant real soon)

I get into the pump hard (as I can manage) and slide it in. Friction on the seal is kinda uncomfortable but I actually was getting sort of snug on the seal. This seemed like it was good. So I start squeezing the pump, adding vacuum. I’m seeing expansion! Hell, I look harder than when I got in the tube! (with my EQ at the time this was no difficult task) and so I start adding more pressure. How much, who knows? 90% of the cheap pumps have no gauge. It feels good and looks good! I’m maybe 4 minutes in when I decide to see how much further I can go…and I pump till it almost hurts. Hold it for about 5 minutes, keeping it pressured. This…is a very poor choice.

When I get my penis out, it is reddish (a real trick since my penis is brown) and the glans is dry. Like, crazy dry. Like…hard dry. For the next few hours the glans is swollen and reddish. For the next week or two I have a ridge of dry skin around the edge of glans. And of course, I’m fucking numb. I think I may have broken some blood vessels…no idea. I had torn the cheap seal at the base of the pump getting in and and out of it. It’s all bad. And yet, pumping I didn’t give up on! So I tore up more seals, bought some, bought more pumps and pumped dry for months! Like an idiot. But never got hurt like that first time and did not see expansion like that again for years to come, as I stopped pumping after 7 months of pretty much penis abuse.

Of course, I got some girth from the pump…no idea how much. EQ changes and girth changes were happening too close together and my original numbers are already fluid because of the fact I can’t stablize EQ to measure at all, especially in the beginning but…I think I’m ready to start hanging! And what better hangar is there than the Bib?

Please note this is not sarcastic. I respect the Bib hanger, the Bib community and the methods and theories that Bib has brought to the PE community as a whole. Hanging as a science was demystified at great expense of time and personal physical effort by Bib himself, who has hung in excess of 60 pounds on his own penis with his hangar. Many have gained safely and very good gains with the Bib systems and there are methods and people with the knowledge who can guide anyone through this process now.

My idiotic, unsafe and pretty much ridiculous actions with the Bib Hangar do not reflect the effectiveness of the Bib system, the practices of the community at that time or any other time nor the safety of hanging as a practice as a whole. Do not confuse my idiocy as a newbie with no guidance for any approved practices by any person, even myself.

For the most cohesive approved hanging practices please start here at Hanging 101

I, at this point, of course have no idea how hanging works. First, there’s a ton of homemade stuff going on right now. Everyone’s chattering about how they either went Bib or homemade cuz it was expensive. I’m scared, cuz the homemades I’m hearing about I think were made with coat hangers? I know they sounded like more torture than the X4 and that was enough torture. So I opt for a Bib. Of course, I’ve grown in girth so I get the regular not the starter version.

The regular size on my flaccid penis is the equivalent of a white and gold vise with straps. It clamps on tight, hurts like the Dickens and slips RIGHT OFF no matter how much baby powder or theraband I use. And if you’ve ever held a Bib, they have a ton of wingnuts. These are to precisely fit it to your penis. I…pretty much just tightened them all and hoped it wouldn’t slip. Probably a bad idea…but I did it. And it fell right off when weight was added. So…I swallowed my pride, bought a starter Bib and marveled at the "No cushion starter" being sold at the time. The Bib ain’t feel like it had any cushion to me, felt like a damn rock with a hinge…but…I wasn’t dumb enough to try and learn the difference so I bought the cushioned starter.

This…is a shorter, slightly smaller in diameter…vise. I manage to get it on and attach a couple pounds with it without it falling off. I’ve been working on my hanging technique too, reading up suggests partial engorgement so I am doing that now. I’m not dumb enough to attach it erect, visions of snapping my penis like balsawood kept me from doing something that reckless. But…I’m hanging 3 pounds I think. It’s 3 or 4. And It was going good I thought. I’ve managed to do this for about 3 weeks, get up to 5 pounds. The fact that I’m pinching skin and nerves in the hinges, joints and closure area of the hanger each time is something I write off as part of the gaining process. Nevermind the shaft is gradually staying number longer after hanging. I’m only doing 10 minute sets or so. Two or 3 a day, trying to get up to 20 minutes at 20 pounds (numbers are approximate) like some guy had managed. I know in my heart it’ll never happen but he’s my inspiration. I’m aiming high. But I probably should aim for tree branches not the moon if I’m using a BB gun.

It’s the 5th or 6th week when I get up to 12 pounds, because who scales up 1 pound at a time? Dorks, that’s who! I think I’m doing great. I have had flaccid and erect gains. I’d say in the vicinity of .3" but who knows? I know a lot of my beginning flaccid size I did get at this time. Also, I’ve had less trouble getting the hanger on (because I’m ignoring and numb to a lot of the discomfort now of my inept fumbling attaching it) and I think I’m not experiencing enough strain. So I push it to 14 or 15 pounds. I ride this for a day one set. It’s fucking tough. I decline the next two. Same routine tomorrow. And something possesses me to go a 3rd day and this…this is where I find out where the camel would need a stretcher because it would walk the sands no more.

Affixing the starter that day went well, it was comfortable. But…my EQ was low. My engorgement was low and just high enough for me not to feel like attachment had failed as soon as I added the weight. So I went to stand in the living room, weight dangling from my penis like I’m pro at this hanging thing. I get a notification on my computer. I turn around…take one step…and it happens in slow motion. The hanger…starts to slip. I get to the computer and it feels like the strain is heavier. It’s weird but I attributed this to moving and the weight swinging. I feel the hangar shift and it does shift during a set but hasn’t fallen off since I’ve attached it better in the last month or so…but that was going to change. I feel it at my glans and I move to try and detach it. However the Bib does not detach quickly. It has a TON of screws…and loosening it with the weight still on it was my second mistake. If it wasn’t going to slip, after I loosened the first screw it sure as Hell did. Down it went. Over the shaft, the engorged glans and to the floor.

It did not seem like much but…that episode had made me numb for about 2 weeks. The pinched areas swelled a bit. My penis looked skinny and unhappy for who knows how long and masturbation was completely out of the question for at least 3 weeks. After that, my attempts at hanging were limited and years in the future. They never went as far south as that long standing routine but…since then I’ve pretty much threw in the towel on hanging and this is why whenever I get a hanging question I respectfully decline offering any advice. I simply don’t have the knowledge.

This was me, when I was dying to gain. When I wanted the fastest, most efficient route there was. When I wanted to be like Bib and the other PE heroes in current activity. I chased them…and damn near wound up in the hospital. I bought the hot gear, I did the research (so I thought) and I knew exactly what I wanted to use and why. And that…was what I got.

So when you see me telling someone I don’t recommend devices for the first 6 months…this is why. When you see me telling someone who is devoted and zealous to take a break and cut the routine in half or down to 1/4 this is why. Because running faster and faster will inevitably hit a knowledge and conditioning barrier that can tax and break your body.

There is no rush. You aren’t competing with anyone. The goal is safe gains not fast gains. Because…they all measure the same.

With pumping I shave my groin and don’t use a sleeve. A little bit of lube around the rim helps with the seal. I figure by removing the sleeve I get a vaccumm applied as low as possible on my Penis.

Thoughts?

Nothing wrong with it. Pump systems work 1 of 3 ways to seal.

1. A gasket or sleeve on the tube. Sleeves are common on cheaper pumps, thick gasket cushion types on the more expensive ones. Pumptoys Vel Seal is a great tube.

2. You can use a silicone sleeve to pad your girth to effect a seal. Not a great way to do it but works to some extent with oversize tubes. This is usable on gasket and bare tubes.

3. No seal, bare tube. Vacutech style.

Using number 3 is fine. I have a few tubes from Vacutech. I don’t like how bare tubes sit on my pubic bone, not comfortable for me. So I don’t use them anymore. But the system type is fine. You get slightly more base and ligament tug in my opinion. So, definitely a benefit to it. I don’t see any issue if you’re comfortable.

But it ain’t comfy for me so I had to bow out on it. Though my next session I may dust one off and try. It’s been over 1 year, nearly 2 since I used them.

I agree with this. Prior to my wife I experienced an extremely strong connection with a woman and while we passionately loved each other and had great sex, we just didn’t bring out the best in each other, which limited personal growth for one another. It was simply each others personal vices and differences that we focused on trying to change, which over shadowed our ability to truly nurture one another.

Now, both my wife and I have our differences, but we both coincidentally never focused on those differences, we rather focused on nurturing one another. So a large part of our compatibility was that the differences we had were not that important to either one of us, not deal breakers. Obviously we also had passion for one another. Accepting who we were from the start, along with passion were two key components to our relationship, because it allowed for unconditional love allowing us to be more trusting in each other.

If you simply cannot tolerate each others differences, it will be incredibly difficult to move forward and grow as a couple.

Some women will do things that I simply cannot tolerate. While with that same woman another man may just not like what I could not tolerate, but it really was not that significant to him. I do believe that this is a subtle, but important difference.

What I learned is that I can love and be passionate about many different women. We all have differences and it is in those differences that the relationship will forever struggle or accept those differences as insignificant and progress forward. Too often we hope to change what we don’t like and I do believe there is significant risk in this. However, I understand that the power of love is great and we hope we can overcome these intolerable differences that we might have.

So I think the question might be, I love this woman and if she never let’s me give her anal again, or nags me for dropping a towel on the floor (vice versa for anal and towel example, lol), can I accept that for the rest of my life without nagging her to insanity?

It’s a delicate balance. This much I can gather and imagine. I figure it’s based on your ability to cope with each other and a percieved inability to cope without each other.

That’s my guess, as I just can’t know. Ain’t a thing I’ve done.

TG, please explain “Perceived inability to cope without each other?” Interesting comment.

Yes, we are a strong team. I am stronger with her than without her. Not a bad set of circumstances. It’s a good marriage. I feel lucky and prior to, have had a few of those other relationships that could make one cynical, so I feel that I have some perspective of the other side. I don’t deny that my current circumstances are of luck, but none the less, they are real.

The most true love I’ve ever observed are the ones who love as though they would die if they were ever forced to be apart. Empirically, this is usually not the case but in the perspective of the couple it may in fact be true. I got that vibe from your description of her but perhaps it was hyperbole. No offense was meant.

I never said you lack perspective. I’m sure you took your licking before you found her. You rebounded from poor relationships better than I and your reward is proportional to your faith in her love for you. These are just things I can’t do for myself right now. So…I am the one who lacks perspective.

Appreciate the quick response, I can’t deny how we feel about each other. I would infact die for her and our children. It is an intense partnership. Like I said, I see it as miraculous. We have worked through some difficult situations together, but life certainly has not yet dealt it’s most difficult blows to us yet. So we still have much more to weather. We speak of life without each other and there is no choice, it must go on.