Join the challenge! Porn detox!

60…

57.

Ejaculated yesterday without meaning to. Amazingly didn’t feel too guilty like I would normally; and didn’t get the urge to do it again afterwards like used to always happen.

I researched that and found out it’s called a chaser. I’m also delighted that I didn’t use any fantasy at any point while I was cumming.

Great!! Keep going!!

At 100 days you have to celebrate!

Haha thanks buddy… Day 61…feel like I’m breaking Babe Ruth’s initial homerun record.

No full-blown relapse, but definitely some blips on the radar screen. I’m still considering my streak to be active because I exerted unprecedented control over myself and my urges during the blips (if this makes sense). Gotta stop playing with fire though or else I’m gonna get burned.

A rattled yet hopeful day 62…

Day 19. Feeling really good. Porn images are still stuck in my head though and randomly I will just be thinking about them at work or in summer school. If people could read my head I think they would be confused when the girl next to me in art class is trying to say something and I am sitting there watching a porno in my head haha. Do the images or video clips that seemed to be burned into my memory ever go away? Also I have noticed that my ability to imagine sex with a girl in my head is much weaker, I can see the porn images extremely vividly in my head but when I try to picture myself kissing, spanking, or plowing the girls that I come into contact with on a daily basis it is much harder to do so; does anyone know why? My sexual drive is probably at an all time high, I have been getting laid for the past couple days.

TheStallion that truly is inspiring! But like you said, Don’t Play With Fire!!

The images will be there for a very long time. Especially if you’ve had a long-standing porn habit. My habit is about 13-14 years old and if I wanted to, I could probably draw up 5000 images/clips in my head from everything I’ve watched. Over time you re-sensitize and these images start to get pushed back, but they’ll always be there. They’re burned into your memory- it’s part of your brain’s reward mechanism. It remembers the pleasure associated with those clips and that is a very powerful learning mechanism for the human brain. It sucks.

FYI, sorry for being vague about “playing with fire.” I’ll disclose what happened. I’m going on vacation this weekend with the fiancee and want to make sure my EQ and stamina will be maximal so I was edging last night. I had a great erection going, but wanted to really push the stimulation/erection so I could practice backing off from the point of no return. I had a strong glass of wine and within a few mins, I had a couple of videos up and edged to them for 5-10 mins maybe. I was able to stop after snapping out of it and I immediately closed everything down and continued to edge while fantasizing about the fiancee and what I would do to her this weekend.

To some of you fellas, I’m sure this qualifies as a relapse, but in my journey, I take this as a positive. I was about to fall completely into a downward spiral and I consciously chose to stop and shut it down. If anyone wants to discredit my streak, that’s fine. I’m gonna keep trying to push it further. I’m still down for the cause.

Update: After further contemplation throughout the course of the morning, I am formally ending my streak at 61 days. I can’t rationalize viewing porn and masturbating to it and not ending the streak, it would be crazy. Although I can take positives from 61 days of porn abstinence, I caved- RELAPSE, bottom line. Back to square-fucking-one.

I’m extremely disappointed but know I can do better. I thought I had all the answers, but vulnerabilities and susceptibilities still remain. I’m just not strong enough yet. 14 years of obsession is seemingly impossible to overturn. Hopefully I’ll find a way. What a fucking struggle.

Don’t let a relapse stop or discourage you. Try not looking at it as an all or nothing proposition. Over the last two months you have spent, what, a few minutes looking at porn? That is an amazing accomplishment. Life isn’t perfect and expecting it to be will fuck you up worse than just accepting failure and moving on. What is the saying ‘fall 8 times, get up 9’.

Too much melodrama. You’re talking about looking at people having sex, it’s not exactly like you picked up heroin again. To be sure, you broke your streak and have to re-start your count, but don’t get too rattled by it.

Yeah, definitely…

It’s not melodrama, I’m trying to permanently rewire my brain from 14 years of ridiculous shit that isn’t “real.” A relapse after 61 days is dramatic. I was miserable for a good many days trying to abstain and went to some decent measure to stay away from it. I worked hard. But my “demons” got the best of me and off it went. So excuse me if I’m sounding “melodramatic.”

Also, although porn isn’t a hard street drug like cocaine or heroin, it affects very similar reward centers in the brain. When these puppies get fired up, you crave. And apparently, the crave is relentless. I’ll get back to it though.

Sorry if I sound combative, I guess we just have differing opinions on what porn can do to someone.

I do however appreciate your encouragement Ray.

I believe in over indulgence, and bad habits, and even desensitization. I don’t believe in “addiction” without introducing a foreign substance. You ever seen anyone go through delirium tremens when they quit drinking? Or get dopesick when they quit or just can’t get a hold of any heroin? It is awful. Calling habitual overindulgence in porn an addiction is ridiculous, and hyperbolic from the word go. It almost strikes me as disrespectful to people who have actually conquered real addictions to tag porn, gambling, and even shopping as addictions. If you don’t want to look at it anymore, you just stop. I quit smoking cigarettes over ten years ago. That was an honest to god addiction. Porn? Please.

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. -Marcus Aurelius

I’m not here to measure dicks with you (well, maybe LOL), but I’ve quit cigarettes, smokeless tobacco, caffeine and have tackled alcoholism. I’ve been through physical withdrawal. You’re right, it’s a different beast when there is a foreign substance involved.

Porn is a different animal because it is not bound by over consumption or social stigmas. Furthermore, it’s so readily available because it’s free (after you pay your ISP) and because our culture is dependent on technology/computers/internet.

Whether or not you call it an addiction is up to you.

But I can tell you this: it’s every bit of a challenge as those other things I’ve dealt with. I plan to add porn to the list of victories.