Join the challenge! Porn detox!

I don’t know if this has been discussed before in this thread - but I’m stopping masturbation as well. I’ve been 6 years without sex, so have ‘trained’ myself to respond to self stimulation only. I just started a new relationship and she wants it all the time but initially I’m finding that I have unlearned response to outside stimulus. I’m slowly switching over, but in order to accelerate the process I’ve stopped masturbating entirely. We’ll see how that goes. Hard habit to break!

Fleshlight!

I don’t express myself well. I wasn’t talking about fantasizing. (expecially with your fianceé).
I was trying to understand what is porn. To eliminate porn from my life I have to understand what is it. I don’t think it could be only reduce to masturbate with explicit scenes.

But obviously it isn’t fantasizing about our girlfriend, or other women they we have met, or seen. In this point we think the same.

Gotcha. Well, although all of us could offer solutions for you and help you identify what porn is, ultimately the distinctions must be made by you if you want to succeed in your life. Keep us posted, use the thread as a diary and walk us through a bit. Should help all of us.

Another relapse, there’s a girl on MFC I fell in lust with. Cheeky, innocent white girl with a huge ass. I’m desperate to see her spread, but this has happened to me before. I know once I see her, there’ll just be another girl I’ll want to see just as badly. So I’m trying to draw the line here.

I got a new filter- OpenDNS. It’s a good one. Much harder to just change whenever I feel like it. I think it will work well.

I know how you feel, I used to do the same thing except with sleep deprived and drunk girls on a dating site. In the end it is cheaper but it’s not worth the testosterone crash and the risk of falling in love with some damaged girl.

Day 6…

Yataghan, good move with the web blocker. Lock it up and throw away the key, man. Hopefully you’ll get over the relapse quickly; just realize it’s a bump in a long road.

Day 25…. This is my last post for now ( maybe a couple of days ) I fear the urge to watch porn to strongly right now. This is the farthest I have ever gone in abstaining from porn. I honestly want to load up videos right now, but I know it will not do me any good. So I am going to go watch The Hangover 2 with some girls and a friend. Hopefully keep my mind off of porn. Also turning my computer off and unplugging it. I need as many barriers in my way to stop me from watching right now. Good luck guys, when the urge has subsided I will return to check up on the thread.

Day 6. As above start to need porn. Better turning the computer off.

PS Something to report: today I’m really fine. Talked a lot with a saleswoman, have a nice conversation an at the end she wanted to shake ends.
I know this is a silly things. But for me is important. It is the corroboration the people likes me when I’m myself. And I’m myself without porn.
Good sensation :)

Nice job man, keep it up.

I’ve noticed that this thread can be a huge help, as well as a trigger, depending on the post and my frame of mind. Sometimes when I’m craving porn, the posts which talk about all the porn people used to watch just trigger a relapse. Other times, when people are talking about all the benefits they’re seeing from not watching porn, it’s a huge help. I’ve been trying to remember quotes from this post by maddoginit, especially these two:

(That whole thread is a good read if you’re feeling like you need to watch porn.)

I haven’t read this whole thread, so forgive me if I am repeating anything.

The thing to remember scarsick is that porn causes an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. So, just look at it like you are just working toward a healthier brain state, which will improve your life.

So, with that concept in mind, you have to allow yourself to slowly progress which includes “slips”. Understand in all addictions, its rarely ” I’ve quit” and thats it. Some may do it, but most its a slow process that includes many “slips”. The slip is only important when you give it the judgment of “I’ve failed”. If you just say, “I slipped, so just pick back up and continue”, and don’t let it be more than that.

Which takes me to the next subject of “guilt and depression”. Guilt and depression just case more brain chemical “swings” which just make the problem worse. For many use porn as an “anti depressant” when they feel stress or down. So you can see this creates a “loop” of failure leads to depression which makes you reach for more porn for the depression…which leads back to more depression.

Don’t make this about “right and wrong” or “sin” or anything that makes you get down on yourself and condemn yourself. Make it just another aspect of life that can get out of balance, and you are working on it to correct it. Thats all. Make it just that simple in your mind.

When you quit judging yourself “good or bad” then you will minimize the chemical swings and find it easier to do better longer and more often.

Porn addiction like most addictions is not a “single event”. It is usually tied into other thought patterns and stresses in your life. Many guys find that they slip into porn during stressful times. Porn addiction is very much like drug addiction. It usually is an attempt at “self medication” for emotional or psychological stress.

So, many times people who fall into addictions, need to also look at how they deal with life stress, and work at improving in those areas. This will help reduce “triggers” for porn. This is part of why addictions are so hard to cure (at times) because you haven’t addressed the other aspects of your life that contribute.

One of the techniques you can use is to say to yourself when you find yourself strongly drawn to it, is “you can look at it if you really need to, but first you must go for a mile run, or do 100 push ups”, or something similar. AND mean it. So, go for the mile or 2 mile run. When you come back, turn within and see if you are truly still horny. Chances are you aren’t. Then say to yourself, “ok, not today then”.

When you “forbid” yourself from anything, whether its porn or chocolate cake, you can create a mental obsession with it, that will create the very problem you are trying to cure.

So, to summarize;

-get rid of self condemnation, its counter productive. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would treat a friend who had the same problem.

-Leave your mind with the understanding that you can look at porn if you really need to, but first do some strenuous physical exercise as the “price that must first be paid”. This removes the mental obsession of “forbidden”.

-multiple attempts and failures are part of the normal recovery process for most addictions, and “slips” are not failures. Failure is when you quit trying.

-porn addiction is brain chemical imbalance and its tied into other stresses in your life. You must learn to deal with stressful areas in your life in more productive ways at the same time trying to overcome porn addiction.

Final thought, is you are only defeated when you give up. Make up your mind that you can and will achieve this victory, its just a matter of when. Know that this is true, and no failure is the final word unless you give it that power.

Also, the more you look at it as “no big deal” the better you will do with it. Don’t make this a life and death issue, that will create a much greater tendancy to relapse. If you look at it like, ” I just feel better and my life is better, so I am going to cut down and eventually quit”, you have better and quicker success with it.

If you obsess with this day and nite, you will make it 1000X harder to succeed.

Good luck and you will be fine, just never accept a “slip” as defeat. Get up and begin again, no big deal.

Yeah, you really have to stay away from ANY triggers, at least until your brain gets back into balance. AND you have to be aware of that which triggers you. This can include “thoughts”. If thinking about your wife or girlfriend in a pornographic way “triggers” you, then you need to avoid it until your brain gets back in balance.

Its imbalance of chemicals in the brain, so it really doesn’t matter what “triggers” it, you need to avoid that until balance is achieved.

Wow, great post Sparkyx. Everybody that is having trouble with porn addiction should read his post twice. To add on to what he said, you guys need to take a deep breath and relax. You may be putting way to much stress on yourself, at the end of the day it’s just porn. Go hang out with friends, watch a movie, or just do something creative. Social interaction is a GREAT way to get through addictions.

Aside from stress, which sparky so ably talked about, the other major trigger is boredom. The same applies; use boredom as a trigger to do some vigorous exercise, or if you have already done plenty of exercise that day, have a ‘boredom filler’ in the form of a hobby - learn a musical instrument or a language, do some knitting :) , whatever engages you and uses your time in a worthwhile way.

One of the worst feelings of porn addiction is that, when you switch the porn off, you realise you just wasted a couple of hours of your life that you won’t ever get back, so doing something worthwhile with the time gives the opposite effect; you have something to show for the last couple of hours of your life.

Great stuff Sparky.

Day 7